Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader whom we’ll call “Ethel.”
I too married a Sociopath although it took way to long for me to see through the lies ”¦
I found out he had been cheating with numerous women ”¦ One day as he kept hanging up on me, I dialed his cell repeatedly in anger. As I kept pushing the #’s, miraculously, for some reason, his voicemail started to play and a woman’s voice was saying what time he should pick her up, what restaurant reservations were made ”¦
Well, confused at who it may be, I never said anything, but continued to check the messages daily. The messages seemed a little like business but I went with my gut and went online to check the calls being made. Well, just about 15 to 20 a day to the same few numbers ”¦ When I finally called the #, the message was a woman’s name on the message, and then the other # was her business, which I was familiar with, as she was a family friend.
I was floored ”¦ I continued listening to the voicemails each day, as I was shocked and confused, til I encountered other messages at the same time”¦
Well, he had another woman calling who apparently just found out that HE was married with two kids, all the while he was dating her, for over three years telling her they were going to get married soon ”¦
This girl apparently had a nervous breakdown and even had someone else call and leave a message that he should give her $10,000 for her pain!!
I actually called the girl’s # and it was crazy that even after I explained I was going to leave him, I just wanted her to help me in court, to say that she knew the business he had was his, because he put it under someone else’s name, as sneaky as always, for whatever monetary reason ”¦
She wouldn’t help me and she wouldn’t even admit her affair to me, even though her message to him clearly stated it ”¦I couldn’t believe the hold he had on her after betraying her…
Juggled multiple women
Well that wasn’t the end. At the same time there was also the 2 girls in his office ”¦ one he just messed around with sexually once in a while, and the other he actually had an apartment with in another area, even though she was married a older tough guy ”¦ Who after a while just moved her stuff out of his love nest, which led him to have insomnia ”¦ I believe he actually fell in love with her …
It was crazy and hard to believe he juggled all this in at least 4 years or more and it never made him twitch”¦ When I confronted him he denied everything, never apologiised ”¦
I knew I couldn’t go on with this man. In therapy he lied and never admitted to cheating ”¦ He told people I was bipolar, which was a complete lie. I have never even been to doctors except for a once in a while flu symptom.
He was verbally abusive and never spent time with our kids ”¦ His excuse was always work. Never took us on vacations ”¦ kept with excuses until the time passed ”¦ everything had a delay or and excuse.
After months of investigating who he really was, I had to decide … do I want to be married and unhappy or happy and unmarried ”¦ Well, I chose to divorce him and waited til my kids finished the end of that school year ”¦
That day he left our apartment at his usual time. I had the server serve him the papers to start the divorce and I changed the locks and had all his bank accounts frozen ”¦ He came home that night calling me from the front door, saying his key didn’t work ”¦I told him he can’t come in; it’s over ”¦
Fast forward to after the divorce ”¦ He chose to stay with the family friend who he cheated with and was dating throughout ( she was obsessed with him). Then one day, a few months later, someone said to me, I heard your ex got married ”¦ I said that he never mentioned that to me or the kids ”¦ so I asked him ”¦
He denied it until he came clean and said he did ”¦ I couldn’t believe he never even told his kids or invited them to the wedding ”¦ only to find out she was also 5 months pregnant ”¦ Needless to say my kids have gone through a lot of pain ”¦
He now has 3 children with her under 5 and he is over 50 ”¦ He is still a pathological liar. He always had an excuse for my children that he never made a room for our kids in his home because of space even after he had one child ”¦ He still makes excuses of why he can’t take them on vacations. He sees them only a few hours a week by his choice, using work as an excuse… It is very sad ”¦
I worked very hard to keep all this from them so they could have a good relationship with him despite what I feel about him and who he is … a child needs and wants their father ”¦ They ended up finding out what happened as they grew up and it was hard for them but I always encouraged them to accept him and their extended family … He hasn’t changed… although my kids now know his methods and they speak up and call him out on his excuses ”¦
If you ask how did I not see it earlier in the 13 years that I was married? Busy with work, kids and trying to make a husband happy, you tend not to see what is right in front of you ”¦ It was hard to see he had no heart and soul because a sociopath hides it well ”¦
Throughout my divorce I kept my dignity and composure. My payback to his new wife was letting her have him because people like him don’t change ”¦
Thank you for hearing my story”¦Believe it or not there is more to this story. I tried to put it in a nutshell but it makes my head spin to even relive the story