Just Like His Father? Is nearly four years old now and my own son is nearly eight. At the time the book was released, scientists were still engaged in the genetics versus environment debate regarding the development of antisocial behavior. That debate is now over and every authority accepts that antisocial behavior and antisocial personality traits develop due to a gene-environment interaction. I am working on revising the book because now some specific genes have been identified.
Thankfully, I have not had to cope with the toxic environment a sociopath/psychopath creates for their offspring. Just Like His Father? doesn’t really grapple with that issue other than to encourage people to consider that the child may be better off with only one parent. At time the book was written, my thinking was based on two false premises. The first falsehood, I was taught in residency, “antisocial individuals abandon their young” has turned out to be perhaps the biggest problem at-risk children face. Antisocial individuals do not necessarily abandon their young, but they do abuse them and use them as pawns to damage other people and they also use them in their cons.
Four years ago, I naively believed that the family courts would naturally dictate that sociopaths/ psychopaths should be kept from harming their children. This second premise has also turned out to be false and is the basis for the nightmare many people I now count as friends are living.
It follows that in addition to teaching the material in the book and workbook, to save at-risk children we also have to take on the system-hopefully by working together. The system is composed of mental health professionals who really do not understand antisocial personality disorder let alone the meaning of psychopathic personality traits to parenting. It is also composed of Judges who want to make the tough decisions easy by giving themselves judicial sound bites to go by. Here is the official mantra of the state of New York Family Court:
“Visitation by a noncustodial parent is presumed to be in the child’s best interest and should be denied only in exceptional situations, such as where substantial evidence reveals that visitation would be detrimental to the welfare of the child.”
The important words there are “substantial evidence.” Just what constitutes substantial evidence? I am working on researching the answer to that question and have access to an extensive online law library through the university where I teach.
I am preparing a generic document that people can use as a resource regarding the harmful effects of parenting by antisocial individuals and emotional and verbal abuse on children. Some recent research shows that the developmental damage done by emotional and verbal abuse is as severe as that due to physical and sexual abuse.
But we really have to change the legal mantra. Given what we know of genetic risk, we have to not only protect at-risk children from abuse, we have to provide them with an enriching, nurturing environment to prevent the intergenerational spread of disorder. The new mantra should be:
“In cases where one parent has antisocial personality disorder (psychopathy) the child deserves the best upbringing the least disordered parent can provide.”
AND
“The least disordered parent has a right to live life free of the sociopath/psychopath they were conned by.”
Setting the least disordered parent free facilitates his/her mental health and contributes to the well-being of the child.
Here is what you can do to join this effort:
- If you went through a custody/visitation battle and your children are old enough for you to comment on how the battle and the sociopath affected them please write me. I am especially interested in talking with offspring over 18 about their perspectives.
- If you have an ongoing situation you are willing to share please write. Recently, people from Alabama and New York asked me for help so I compiled the case law for those states. The goal is to compile the case law for every state then make the info available on the web.
- If you want to volunteer to read the case law and help me organize it, I’ll put you to work right away.
- If you are an attorney or legal assistant who wants to help please let me know.
- If you have political connections, we need you.
I am looking to form a committee of workers committed to this cause.
Last but not least, I regret the title of my book because it suggests gender. The title merely reflects my own personal experience. This is NOT about gender or fatherhood versus motherhood. Normal men love and nurture their children and I do not dispute that children need that love and nurturing. This is about a psychiatric disorder for which there is no proven treatment, antisocial personality disorder/ psychopathy.
We are working to save the most vulnerable of all children from abuse, neglect and disorder. We are advocating for those children who carry genetic risk for antisocial personality disorder and who have a mother or father who is not capable of loving and nurturing them.
Contact Dr. Liane Leedom at drleedom@lovefraud.com.
Cat
Dr. Leedom,
A salute to you for the incredible work you are doing. I would be most happy to help you in any way possible. I am self-employed and can, for the most part, dictate my hours and how I spend them.
My son, who is now 11, is finally talking about what he saw his father do, the lies his father forced him to tell and the fear my son has carried for years. It is just lately that he is feeling safe enough to tell me things that make me want to cry.
I SO want to help you with this if possible. I will write to you.
Hugs,
Cat
redhead
back in court tomorrow with yet another motion brought about by my ex to stall trial….I am not much for religion but I do believe in the power of spirits and good intent through prayer….
Anyone up for saying a few words for me to the gods? I could use a little support, though I’ve never been a fan of blogs before or been much of a joiner, I feel so much kinship and recognize myself in so many of you here…..and my heart goes out to some of you whose stories are horrors, all the while thanking my stars that my situation is a little less bad……
One day I might post the whole story….but for now, here’s where we are and my time is thin right now, as I have so many documents to read to prepare for this motion….you know how this goes, I’m sure…no time for parenting my kid, reading a good book or unwinding from a long day….more ex stuff in the courts….and to think I left him in 2002!
Have a good night y’all…..this Canadian thanks you all for being there and supportive….
FightAnotherDay
Redhead.
Oh. Girl! There IS a GOD. He has healed me, guided me, revealed so much to me. He IS my strength and HE is why I can continue to live with JOY every day, even in the face of my Spath.
It is because of my confidence in the LORD.
It is also because of this confidence in the LORD that I can TELL my attorney “Bring it on!” “We are going to Trial”.
Just got a proposal from Spath’s attorney which just pithed me off to the Nth degree.
She comes off sounding like it’s so much like what my attorney proposed then sneaks in a bunch of NEW “crap”.
He takes our son where ever he wants and doesn’t tell me where, but wants to require written consent to take our son out of state for vacations. the POS knows my family has invested in Disney properties and will go to Florida or Hilton head once a year….ARGH.
I still say, give me my son and you don’t owe me a dime; the Lord is my shepherd I shall not want.
To Trial and TOWANDA!
redhead
Thanks FightAnotherDay
funny, on the books for tomorrow, among much more baloney is…..
my ex wants a ‘blanket consent form for him to travel anywhere in the world’ with my daughter for his 2 weeks holiday with her a year and ‘demands that I ask his permission’ to go on holiday with her myself…..and I have sole custody! I did laugh out loud on that one! Let’s hope sanity prevails and a judge agrees with me on my refusal….
He has asked for summary judgment on the case and my countersue yet has not provided court ordered documents and his arguments are weak in the face of my hard facts….he essentially stole my house from me and I countersued….until he hit me with a litigation some scant 4 months after our consent was signed, he then wanted more money from me from my last house…..he was to have put in money in it and I only found out preparing for my defense that he never made any contribution to it whatsoever!!! I fell over with shock ….He made this claim for equalization for an extra 13,000 out of me and must have spent over 10,000 in deposit fees alone to do so….and this, some 5 years after the hosue was sold….and I brought forward retroactive child support of over 4 years in my countersue as well….this man makes over $200,000 and I am an artist, with roughly $30,000 a year pre-tax and did well for a while with my houses….
it’s all gone now but I’ve got my kid, my dignity and some of my sanity back….
must go now (isn’t it awful the way we can ramble on about this crap!!!)
geminigirl
Dearest Redhead,
I had just finished reading your post, asking for prayer, from “the Gods” . First off, there is only ONE God, and His Son, Jesus Christ.He has promised to intercede for us, if we ask Him. I got a message for you STRAIGHT AWAY!!
here it is.
“NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST YOU SHALL PROSPER,
and everyone who plots a gainst you, I shall CONDEMN!”
{Wini will know the rest of the quote , for sure!}
I am also praying that St. Michael, the warrior angel, will intercede on your behalf!
The message came so FAST that I knew it had to be from God.
Ill keep praying, and let you know if any more messages from God come through! Much Love, Mama Gem.XX
one/joy_step_at_a_time
GEM, et al –
in an open forum where many people are NOT christian, to state categorically that theism is THE truth is offensive to me. people come here for support, not for religion lessons. i find the above post stating there is only ONE god steps over the line.
I know my perspective will draw ire, as discussion of the primacy of Christianity on this blog often does. There is a basic lack of respect or understanding of the diversity of religious beliefs represented here.
Religion has been used as a weapon on many occasions, as any handy tool can be. i will no longer remain quiet about this.
redhead
Ah Mama Gemini, how I love your passion and help! Whatever our beliefs, there is a God in all of us, no matter how it’s worded and I feel your support here. Thank you!
I’m off to court now, with papers in hand and faith in my heart…let’s hope I remember to breathe….the last motion saw a costs order that finished off the last of my savings…this judge was unbelievably incompetent, it ripped the rug out from under my feet with regard to the whole justice system. Perhaps this time, I will find a reasonable and compassionate judge on the stand….
I will take your words with me Fight and Gemini…..and all of us here, who band together from some sense of fighting for justice.
Bises a tous et àbientôt, (french…the other national language here, as I am french Canadian!)
Redhead
bulletproof
I tend to agree with redhead…call it buddha, krishna, wah wah, God Ganesh, earth spirit, universe, higher power, its just another lens that the same light comes through…just receieve the light into your heart from wherever it wants to come from, whatever name you want to call it…at the end of the day we will be compairing camera lenses but the light will shine regardless….
you are saying I shall not agree with your camera lens!! it’s as futile as saying there is only ONE TRUE camera lens….light is light…let it through!!
flowerpower
This article caught my attention this week. I dont post frequently but my goal- after raising my children- is to promote education and change in the judicial system or at least our society about the devastion left from sp interaction and relationships.
At present my ex is continuing very destructive behavior to the community..not just his personal life. It isnt just about what I have experienced, it is community; innocent lives and families.
Please allow me to read case law and contribute in any way possible. The more I can learn, the more I can teach. Thank you for this opportunity!
Ox Drover
Flower power, please contacct Dr. Liane Leedcom directly, she is getting a committe/work group together to work on some issues and help with an education project. Her e mail is ljleedom@aol.com it is listed on the left side of the “about the authors” list on LF.