Just Like His Father? Is nearly four years old now and my own son is nearly eight. At the time the book was released, scientists were still engaged in the genetics versus environment debate regarding the development of antisocial behavior. That debate is now over and every authority accepts that antisocial behavior and antisocial personality traits develop due to a gene-environment interaction. I am working on revising the book because now some specific genes have been identified.
Thankfully, I have not had to cope with the toxic environment a sociopath/psychopath creates for their offspring. Just Like His Father? doesn’t really grapple with that issue other than to encourage people to consider that the child may be better off with only one parent. At time the book was written, my thinking was based on two false premises. The first falsehood, I was taught in residency, “antisocial individuals abandon their young” has turned out to be perhaps the biggest problem at-risk children face. Antisocial individuals do not necessarily abandon their young, but they do abuse them and use them as pawns to damage other people and they also use them in their cons.
Four years ago, I naively believed that the family courts would naturally dictate that sociopaths/ psychopaths should be kept from harming their children. This second premise has also turned out to be false and is the basis for the nightmare many people I now count as friends are living.
It follows that in addition to teaching the material in the book and workbook, to save at-risk children we also have to take on the system-hopefully by working together. The system is composed of mental health professionals who really do not understand antisocial personality disorder let alone the meaning of psychopathic personality traits to parenting. It is also composed of Judges who want to make the tough decisions easy by giving themselves judicial sound bites to go by. Here is the official mantra of the state of New York Family Court:
“Visitation by a noncustodial parent is presumed to be in the child’s best interest and should be denied only in exceptional situations, such as where substantial evidence reveals that visitation would be detrimental to the welfare of the child.”
The important words there are “substantial evidence.” Just what constitutes substantial evidence? I am working on researching the answer to that question and have access to an extensive online law library through the university where I teach.
I am preparing a generic document that people can use as a resource regarding the harmful effects of parenting by antisocial individuals and emotional and verbal abuse on children. Some recent research shows that the developmental damage done by emotional and verbal abuse is as severe as that due to physical and sexual abuse.
But we really have to change the legal mantra. Given what we know of genetic risk, we have to not only protect at-risk children from abuse, we have to provide them with an enriching, nurturing environment to prevent the intergenerational spread of disorder. The new mantra should be:
“In cases where one parent has antisocial personality disorder (psychopathy) the child deserves the best upbringing the least disordered parent can provide.”
AND
“The least disordered parent has a right to live life free of the sociopath/psychopath they were conned by.”
Setting the least disordered parent free facilitates his/her mental health and contributes to the well-being of the child.
Here is what you can do to join this effort:
- If you went through a custody/visitation battle and your children are old enough for you to comment on how the battle and the sociopath affected them please write me. I am especially interested in talking with offspring over 18 about their perspectives.
- If you have an ongoing situation you are willing to share please write. Recently, people from Alabama and New York asked me for help so I compiled the case law for those states. The goal is to compile the case law for every state then make the info available on the web.
- If you want to volunteer to read the case law and help me organize it, I’ll put you to work right away.
- If you are an attorney or legal assistant who wants to help please let me know.
- If you have political connections, we need you.
I am looking to form a committee of workers committed to this cause.
Last but not least, I regret the title of my book because it suggests gender. The title merely reflects my own personal experience. This is NOT about gender or fatherhood versus motherhood. Normal men love and nurture their children and I do not dispute that children need that love and nurturing. This is about a psychiatric disorder for which there is no proven treatment, antisocial personality disorder/ psychopathy.
We are working to save the most vulnerable of all children from abuse, neglect and disorder. We are advocating for those children who carry genetic risk for antisocial personality disorder and who have a mother or father who is not capable of loving and nurturing them.
Contact Dr. Liane Leedom at drleedom@lovefraud.com.
Oxy,
It is a TOTAL mess….spath took some random business records. I found some behind the wall unit at my rental he was staying in. I’m on my lassstttt file! 3 friggen years of MESS! I am also operating off my recon work…..digi pics of some invoices he stole…and receipts…..it’s like a damn puzzle……
I'm cross referencing each business invoice to the bank statements to see which account it was deposited into…..when I was sick, he bulldozed past me in the billing…collecting cash from clients and opened up his seperate account.
THANK GOD I set up an online access to his account when he opened it…..so I printed all those statements which makes it easier than guessing.
I suspect an audit in coming down the tracks so I wanted to be as accurate as can be…..with what I have to work with.
I made some really good moves without realizing it…..I paid all quarterlies out of MY account. So I get the credit.
I also put all bills on MY cc. So I get the deductions for those that are deductable. 🙂
I think i'm gonna hit hard when he goes to the pretrial hearing next month. I'm gonna send a package to a service office who do notaries….get him to sign that deed, and have this cluster fu8($ presented to him prior to his hearing….also served with the Stalking order final copy.
Going through the court docs….he sent my attorny another cluster fu@.......# of paperwork…..so BACK ATCHA babe!
Heres your tax shiat…..if your interested.
One thing was…..I did have him trained to keep receipts! I hounded him on that! I keep EVERY receipt.
Usually….I put all 'closed' year files in individual envelopes and write on each envelope what/how and amount of expense…..and put them all filed in a file box and keep forever.
I wrestle with throwing any paperwork out……it saved my ass during the divorce! I had EVERYTHING from birth to current!
I'm exhausted…..the kids wanted to go jetskiing today and I just can't I have to get this last one DONE! It is necessary for my modification on my house.
So…..maybe if I can get some sleep tonight…..it'll be jet skiing tomorrow!?
I've pulled 3 all nighters this week, with a 2 hour nap in the morning……i'm actually surprised I am not more punchdrunk…and foggy…..but I am operating strictly on adrenalin…..and when i get this all done…..
WHOPPEE….I'm feeling better already! I'ts been a ball and chain around my neck for 3 years. RELEASE IT BABY!!!!
Howdy y’all!
Well, as promised it’s midnight here and you promised you’d be spending it writing in this exciting blog.
I know….I could be doing so many other things with my time like explaining to somebody what the diff is bt past-perfect and future-perfect tenses are.
Hello, here from present time, moving to simple past, then to past-perfect,
as I am…..Leo!
Liane,
The Diagnosis D’jour!
I enjoyed your article, but found myself getting caught-up in the many seeds of doubt you had about your own research.
My first career was as a social worker; my specialty was abnormal psychology. That’s what we called it back then. Of course we were doing “I’m Okay, You’re OKay!” too.
As we are nearing the publication of the DSM V, it reminds me how the field of Psychology is based upon the definitions-of-the-day.
It’s a ‘diagnosis d’jour! The soup of the day is: environment vs. hereditary. And, just as they concluded 30 years ago, it’s a mixture of both in this thick soup!
As for the gene that specifically relates to psychopathy/sociopathy (another thing that the experts keep re-naming) : the more important part is this:
it doesn’t matter which gene it is.
Reason being, even though they’ve “mapped-out” the human genome, they still don’t know what it means. Maybe there are more genes that are related, as well.
But my biggest gripe with the DSM and the field of psychology is that nobody can really decide what the definition of a psychopath/sociopath really is.
And, your thoughts seem to speak to cause/effect as if by having a specific gene it would mean that they are less responsible for their own actions.
Oh well, just rambling at midnight here. I think I’m falling asleep…
fpt
Delta1, I so much appreciate your insight from the standpoint of a case-worker. There is very little reward in that field and it’s mainly frought with misery, abuse, and human horrors. I echo OxD in saying that your words are NOT harsh – they are truthful, and those of us who are in the throes of a custody battle with a spath NEED TO KNOW how difficult it is for people involved in making these assessments. I would be interested to know if altering the definition of spathy would make it easier for SWers to identify those who “fit the profile.”
Documentation is so vital to support the “claim” of spathy, but without clear definitions of how socipathy is defined, it’s nearly impossible to “prove” that someone is, indeed, a spath. What would be substantial “proof?’ Well, as soon as the psych community comes up with a precise and reasonable definition, this might empower all of the agencies and Courts into wise decision-making where the welfare of a child is concerned.
EmberHalo and Dearjohn, the biggest attribute that Survivors of spaths can grab onto is to not react. Easily said, but very hard work to accomplish. Having said that, not reacting IS possible, and this clears the way to making sound decisions based upon the needs of our children.
Dearjohn, whatever you choose to do, I will offer one suggestion: leave your son out of any, and ALL discussions of his mother. If, at any time, son begins to repeat anything that the spath mother has taught him, the best (and, IMHO, the ONLY) response is: “I’m not going to discuss this with you – this is between your mother, and me. You have nothing to do with our divorce.” Period. John, your son doesn’t “hate” you – he’s 12 years old, approaching puberty, is confused, and has been wrangled by the ex spath as a TOOL. Your calm and reasonable response will witness the craziness of the ex spath – I guarantee that indulging conversation about divorce issues will NOT make your case with your son. I explained to both of my sons that the issues of my divorce from their father were OFF LIMITS, so pick another topic!
So, EmberHalo and Dearjohn, keep reading and post back – I’m sorry that you’re on this site, at all, but it’s a good place to be with members who are wise, savvy about legal matters, and very supportive to our healing processes.
Brightest healing blessings to everyone.
I found this yesterday. Chilling and familiar. I haven’t read ‘Why Does He Do That?’ but I know it’s considered to be a good one.
http://www.lundybancroft.com/?page_id=289
verity – i found the ‘lack of mental health diagnosis’ section to be particularly interesting.
she (?) uses the term entitlement a lot, but never once ‘narcissism.’ i wonder if s/p/n were part of the assessment paradigm in her analysis re ‘mental health’ diagnosis.
one_step, my friend is here with the dog, but I will get back later (if I can find it. I have trouble finding things later on here sometimes. There must be a trick to it.)
I’m done, I’m done, I’m done, I’m done!!!!
Dancing around and heading off to bed!!!!
YES……I’m DONE!!!!!!!!! (with my 3 years of back tax’s!)
WHAT A RELIEF!!!!
YAY EB!!
(i did 2 years this year. and it was a huge relief for me too.)
EB…….omigawd! BLESS yer HEART!!!! WHEEEE!