Just Like His Father? Is nearly four years old now and my own son is nearly eight. At the time the book was released, scientists were still engaged in the genetics versus environment debate regarding the development of antisocial behavior. That debate is now over and every authority accepts that antisocial behavior and antisocial personality traits develop due to a gene-environment interaction. I am working on revising the book because now some specific genes have been identified.
Thankfully, I have not had to cope with the toxic environment a sociopath/psychopath creates for their offspring. Just Like His Father? doesn’t really grapple with that issue other than to encourage people to consider that the child may be better off with only one parent. At time the book was written, my thinking was based on two false premises. The first falsehood, I was taught in residency, “antisocial individuals abandon their young” has turned out to be perhaps the biggest problem at-risk children face. Antisocial individuals do not necessarily abandon their young, but they do abuse them and use them as pawns to damage other people and they also use them in their cons.
Four years ago, I naively believed that the family courts would naturally dictate that sociopaths/ psychopaths should be kept from harming their children. This second premise has also turned out to be false and is the basis for the nightmare many people I now count as friends are living.
It follows that in addition to teaching the material in the book and workbook, to save at-risk children we also have to take on the system-hopefully by working together. The system is composed of mental health professionals who really do not understand antisocial personality disorder let alone the meaning of psychopathic personality traits to parenting. It is also composed of Judges who want to make the tough decisions easy by giving themselves judicial sound bites to go by. Here is the official mantra of the state of New York Family Court:
“Visitation by a noncustodial parent is presumed to be in the child’s best interest and should be denied only in exceptional situations, such as where substantial evidence reveals that visitation would be detrimental to the welfare of the child.”
The important words there are “substantial evidence.” Just what constitutes substantial evidence? I am working on researching the answer to that question and have access to an extensive online law library through the university where I teach.
I am preparing a generic document that people can use as a resource regarding the harmful effects of parenting by antisocial individuals and emotional and verbal abuse on children. Some recent research shows that the developmental damage done by emotional and verbal abuse is as severe as that due to physical and sexual abuse.
But we really have to change the legal mantra. Given what we know of genetic risk, we have to not only protect at-risk children from abuse, we have to provide them with an enriching, nurturing environment to prevent the intergenerational spread of disorder. The new mantra should be:
“In cases where one parent has antisocial personality disorder (psychopathy) the child deserves the best upbringing the least disordered parent can provide.”
AND
“The least disordered parent has a right to live life free of the sociopath/psychopath they were conned by.”
Setting the least disordered parent free facilitates his/her mental health and contributes to the well-being of the child.
Here is what you can do to join this effort:
- If you went through a custody/visitation battle and your children are old enough for you to comment on how the battle and the sociopath affected them please write me. I am especially interested in talking with offspring over 18 about their perspectives.
- If you have an ongoing situation you are willing to share please write. Recently, people from Alabama and New York asked me for help so I compiled the case law for those states. The goal is to compile the case law for every state then make the info available on the web.
- If you want to volunteer to read the case law and help me organize it, I’ll put you to work right away.
- If you are an attorney or legal assistant who wants to help please let me know.
- If you have political connections, we need you.
I am looking to form a committee of workers committed to this cause.
Last but not least, I regret the title of my book because it suggests gender. The title merely reflects my own personal experience. This is NOT about gender or fatherhood versus motherhood. Normal men love and nurture their children and I do not dispute that children need that love and nurturing. This is about a psychiatric disorder for which there is no proven treatment, antisocial personality disorder/ psychopathy.
We are working to save the most vulnerable of all children from abuse, neglect and disorder. We are advocating for those children who carry genetic risk for antisocial personality disorder and who have a mother or father who is not capable of loving and nurturing them.
Contact Dr. Liane Leedom at drleedom@lovefraud.com.
I think it is the reincarnation of Hitler overseeing the tests. LOL
There is also the problem of “definitions” of psychopaths, the darned professional community still can’t “define” it and it is kind of like defining pornography, you can’t define it, but you can sure recognize it when you SEE IT.
There are some things that are just too difficult to define or catagorize so I guess we are back at the start of the debate. Define “is” or “be” LOL and the way Bill Clinton defined “sex” he did NOT have “sex” with that woman….but she had sex with him. DUH! LOL
What are you doing up so late Wini? I took a nap today and it turned my sleep pattern on its head, so I woke up in the middle of the night, “bright eyed and bushy tailed” like it was morning. Well, think I will turn the computer off and see if I can’t go back to sleep. Nitey nite!~
Bloggert, we posted over each other, and I didn’t see your post til I posted mine.
As USUAL, you bring FACTS into the debate! That really isn’t fair you know! LOL
When I was 18 I thought I had the answer to all the world’s problems, but now that I am 63 I know that I not only don’t have the answers but don’t even know all the questions.
You are right, the world is run by money, or the lack of it. All resources are not divided equally, some have too much and some too little. Life isn’t fair in the least way!
In fact, life is NOT a black or white issue in any way either. I just read where NY is going to re-do their “fault” divorces, but the divorces have always moved ahead with the people lying to get them, so this brings us back to YOU CANNOT LEGISLATE MORALITY! No matter how hard you try, it just can’t be done.
We have all kinds of laws about “do not kill” and “do not rape” and “do not steal” and “do not speed in your car” and “do not drink and drive” and NONE OF THESE LAWS STOP PEOPLE FROM DOING THE PROHIBITED BEHAVIOR. The laws ONLY punish (or not) people for doing the behavior AFTER they have done the behavior.
The law itself does not even slow down the person who wants to do any of these things….people do not generally NOT do something because there is a law that says “do not do it” but because they believe it is wrong to do it. People who either don’t think it is wrong or DON’T CARE THAT IT IS WRONG do it any way.
Alcohol prohibition should have shown us that prohabition of drugs wouldn’t work, and it isn’t working, in fact, it is doing the same thing that alcohol prohibition did—turn people who want to do drugs into criminals but it doesn’t stop them or slow them down, only raise the price and the risk.
Oh, but if you make it illegal people will stop doing it. Yea, RIGHT! NOT! A person cannot legally buy cigarettes if they are under 18, but how many kids get cigarettes? The stats are that most kiids have tried alcohol by the age of 13 now, and that’s illegal too, but doesn’t stop them.
So what’s the answer? NO LAWS? No punishment/rehabilitation for offenders? No, but I do think we need to make the laws more realistic, and base them on HARM produced, chances of reforming the offender, and for those who have shown a violent pattern of behavior and harm to others should be locked away from society for the protection of society.
Community sentencing needs to be real, as well as education etc. but how can you “educate” a kid that if he gets his GED he can get a job at McDonald’s for $6 an hour, when he knows forsure he can make $200 an hour selling dope on the streets? What is his motivation to get an education? Not any I can see.
I don’t see much difference in society now and in the society of England in the 1700s and 1800s when they were transporting their felons to American and Australia. The story of the society and transportation and prison system where people could be transported for stealing a loaf of bread when they were hungry–where there were hundreds of laws for execution for not more than stealing a sheep, but the laws were not generally enforced, and crime continued.
Unfortunately, the distances between the haves vs the have-nots is increasing not only in the world but in the US as well with the chiefs of Enron and politics increasing in wealth while the “working class” can’t get a job.
People who CAN pay their mortgages (according to news reports) are walking away from houses that are “upside down” without any qualms about not paying their just debts. I saw some of those people interviewed and they had no qualms about skipping out on their debts, and really, “why should they?” The political and business leaders of our country continually break faith with investors and “get away with it.” There’s no longer any shame in cheating apparently.
I wish I did have an “answer” to how to fix our country, our world, our society; how to encourage people to have a moral compass above “do unto others before they do unto you” or how to encourage them to treat others as they would be treated.
I don’t have those answers. I wish I did. The only thing I know to do is to be honest myself. To vote for people who appear to be honest, and to distance myself from people who are dishonest.
Oxy, I’m up because I’m being a good citizen paying my bills (LOL). My mailman is po’d at me because of Oski Laposki … barks all the time. So first of the month, he delivers the mail early in the a.m. just to stick it to me. I do the bills the night before and ensure they are waiting for him to pick up.
I keep telling him my dog barks at him because he wants the mailman to play with him.
BloggerT:
You raise some very valid points.
I think the best way to ‘overcome’ this issue is to start at NOT allowing ourselves to be victimized…..and teaching others about the disorders.
If we got 10 random people in a group, very few would agree on anything.
We will not have world peace…..because we are free thinkers and can express.
Even though we have passion to change things….there is always gonna be a buzz kill with ‘power’ in the group.
So…..raising the education and empowering people to ‘see for themselves’ and how avoiding these personality disordered is our ‘best’ bet.
If we look at our own lives…..we were abused and victimized…..but there are always those in a spaths life that love and adore them. Think they are the best……
Since spaths master the muddy waters and hit with premptive strikes…..victims will always face the ‘he said-she said’ and doubt of those around them….it’s only AFTER the damage is done and they expose themselves…do people step in/up to aid a victim…..otherwise….we are just a jilted lover/parent/child/employee etc….
It’s a guessing game and i do think if the judiciary had continuing education on these disorders and were trained to spot em in the limited time they appear in front of a judge…..it would open up doors for the victims.
With training…..I think this could be done…
The catch is…..the willingness to step outside the ‘box’…..and the easy street the judges take when it comes to continuing education…..
It has to be enticing, or they stick with the ‘usual’ DV classes online…..a topic they are well aware of….and no one is really ‘policing’ the judiciary anyways….so if they don’t complete the required annual continuing education…..no one cares.
I had several conversations with a judge who had been shot by one party to a divorce case he presided over……he agreed….What we are taught about DV doesn’t go ‘deep’ enough. If we knew ‘why’ DV is committed…..it would make the rulings go a different direction.
WE DO KNOW WHY……but no one looks deeper, because it’s not demanded or expected of the judiciary.
Thanks for the post Blogger….food for thought.
And Oxy…..darlen……all politicals “appear to be honest”
What does ‘that’ look like?
Appear honest……kinda like John Kerry…..or my ex spath?
🙂
a freaking mail man should BE USED TO DOGS BARKING at him for goodness sakes. They bark at any person in uniform that comes to the house, and when they bark the person leaves, so they get the idea they have run the person off and so just keep on barking. Sheesh, the guy must be a moron!
Oh, well, next time get a huge dog! Yea, I need to sit down and pay my bills too. I dread the next month’s electric bill, it is 103 for today and 105 for tomorrow. I can’t believe how hot it is! Son D’s Boy Scout group had a kid from Wales this year that worked at camp, and he got off the plane in the evening into 80 degree weather. He had NEVER been in a higher temp than 74 degrees, so was PANTING it was so “hot” when they told him how hot the days would be, he almost had a STROKE after he translated from F degrees to C degrees which he was used to. D said he made it okay. I think Wales is going to be my new SUMMER HOME. 74 degrees tops! Sounds great to me, anyone want to go with me! I’m getting on the donks and starting that direction tomorrow night! That is if it cools down below 80 degrees at night….didn’t make it last night though! Ouch!~
What would happen if ALL victims of DV reported it?
EVERY TIME.
Would it open the eyes to the courts?
This is what they want for validation…..yet so many of us are scared to report violence.
We hold the secret.
I don’t know how you do it in that heat….really.
We are avg. 80-85 in the summer…and it cools down at night to about 50.
Last night was 48 and it was chilly willy.
shut the windows.
I’m off to bed….
I went to bed exhausted at 8pm….and my girl Holly barked at 9:30…..I would of sworn it was 2am. was shocked at the time……and I was up like it was a good nap!
So….back to round two sleep.
I saw a shooting star tonight…..i’ll keep it in my dreams!
XXOO
EB
Dear EB you and I posted over each other—you are up late too! Wini’s paying bills, Blogger is at work on night shift and I know you are an hour earlier than I am (or is it 2) and it is 3:30 a.m. here though the posts say 4:30 I guess that is NJ time.
Actually the “appears honest” was more than a LITTLE tongue in cheek, because yes they all try to “appear honest”—-LOL but few do if you look very close.
The thing is and I DO NOT under stand this, is WHY do people continue to vote for people who have PROVEN THEY ARE DISHONEST IN OFFICE? Dang! What do you have to do to get VOTED out of office? Kill a baby on camera or rape a nun and have a video of it on U-tube? Sheesh, it just doesn’t make any sense to me. You know me, I think ALL politicos are psychopaths and I think Thomas Jefferson was the last semi-honest president we had, or politician for that matter, and he was no saint.
The statistics are, if I am correct, that 75% of DV abusers are psychopaths. I can’t remember where I got that stat, or what eh definition of “abuser” is as it refers to DV but it sounds about right to me. So if that is the case, then 3/4 of the men who beat up their wives are ps. Okay, now, like Blogger brought up and I know as well, there is a fairly large number of co-abusers, where you have one bully bullying another one and the loser becomes the “victim”—then you have the situation where the psychopath drives the abused person to “crazy making” and they start fighting back and at least LOOK crazy and LOOK like a co-abuser so now we have all these doggone shades of GRAY and NO BLACK AND WHITE. All we have are kiddies in bad situations. Women and men in bad situations and WHO is the bad guy? Then we have the people who are trauma bonded to the abuser who stay and stay and STAY.
I just wish I had a program that told who was the bad guy and the bad guys would wear black hats and the good guys would wear white ones.
Oxy, we had our heat waves up here too. This is the first summer in years that I had to turn my AC on in my bedroom more than 1 night to ensure I got some sleep. I just paid my electric bill. That company is going to own me this summer (FROWN).
Yes, the mailman is being a big weiner. He’s already stopped delivering my mail on certain days … ties a rubber band around it with a BIG SCRIBBLE OF DOG! on the mail when he delivers it days later. I tie my dog to the side of the house … that his leash doesn’t reach the front yard and this guy is clueless about that fact … and he still refuses to deliver my mail on time. I then wrote him notes telling him if my dog bothers him just drop off my mail to either neighbor’s houses on either side of me … and I’ll pick up my mail from them! NO! He won’t do this … even though I had both neighbor’s write him notes that it was OK for him to do so. Then he left me a big orange warning about a vicious dog Oski Laposki is. I called his supervisor and told her my dog is as big as your pocketbook. That he barks and doesn’t bite. I also wrote the mailman a note explaining this.
I believe the guy is really off the wall or he’s bucking for early retirement. I would love to have him pull me and Oski in for a hearing or something. When little Oski (who’s about 4″ inches in height) comes walking in with me to the hearing … I can hear all the laughter now as they throw this guys complaints in the trash.
It takes all kinds.
EB, well fortunately, every summer is not like this, it is an unusual one. I’m thinking about moving to your neighborhood though, or Wales or ANYWHERE it is cooler! LOL But at least we are not buried by snow in the winter time either, so there are some trade offs, but last year we WERE buried by snow, so crazy weather all over the nation. Guess I will just shut up, it COULD GET WORSE!