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Children of sociopaths are twice cursed

Many have declared that the lack of a conscience is the defect that defines sociopathy. Therefore, understanding how the conscience forms will lead us to better understand this disorder. Researchers currently discuss two basic pathways to conscience formation. The first and most common path to conscience is through guilt. Conscience through guilt develops from fear of punishment. Children who are genetically at risk for sociopathy are often fearless and so have little or no guilt, as discussed last week.

The second path to conscience

The second path to conscience is through empathy. A fearless child can have a conscience if he develops empathy. Conscience through empathy is called the “second pathway” or “alternative pathway” by researchers because empathy provides a conscience to fearless, relatively guiltless, people. Most humans have a two part conscience and experience both guilt and empathy.

Just what is empathy?

Empathy is our understanding of the feelings of others, AND a compulsion to treat others kindly based on this understanding. A compulsion is a strong urge— something a person feels he has to do. The compulsion to treat others kindly happens in part because an empathetic person actually feels another’s feelings as if they were his own. Thus the adage, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” describes a neural reflex.

If you have spent time with a sociopath, you can probably attest to the fact that although sociopaths have some understanding of other’s feelings, they lack the compulsion to treat others kindly. Brain imaging studies reveal that the parts of the brain responsible for empathy are smaller and poorly developed in sociopaths. Thus, sociopaths have failed to develop BOTH guilt and empathy. As a child, the sociopath did not travel down either path toward a conscience.

Fearless at-risk children can develop a conscience through empathy

To develop a conscience through empathy, at risk children need large amounts of nurturing attention. An especially close, loving relationship with at least one caregiver is required for empathy to develop. Because at-risk children are also impulsive and very difficult to be with, it is hard to provide them with the nurturing attention they need. Parents who succeed with at risk kids do so because they strike a balance between training impulse control and paying loving positive attention. An excessive focus on “discipline” prevents a parent from providing enough of the nurturing attention needed for empathy to develop.

At risk children are twice cursed twice!

Children of sociopaths are therefore twice cursed. They are at risk to fail to develop both guilt and empathy, one double curse. They are twice cursed again when the same genes that put them at risk, also give them unfit parents. Sociopaths are not capable of providing the nurturing attention at-risk children require. They also model aggressive behavior. In an at-risk child, unchecked aggressive impulses further squelch the development of empathy.

Are you the only healthy parent of an at-risk child?

If you are the only healthy parent of an-risk child, you have the challenge of dealing with your child’s genetics while minimizing the harmful environmental influences caused by the sociopathic parent. The legal system has failed to protect many at-risk kids from the harm done by parents who are sociopaths. This is especially tragic when there is a relatively healthy parent who is willing and able to provide the love and nurturance the at-risk child needs. The legal system should formally recognize that a child does not need both of his parents if one is a sociopath.


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ErinBrock

Myboys:

I became mentally ill too…..this is what he told the kids….
We all contract a mental illness when the S’s don’t get their way with us…..it’s an anomoly all ‘victims’ get when we’ve had enough…..and the S’s have been ‘exposed’.
What turned me mentally ill was finding out about the S’s drug selling and involving the kids……funny how one turns mentally ill at that point.
Then it ‘graduated’ to I have always been mentally ill……and I was in a mental hospital for years……..
Ask her parents…… (this is what he TOLD A JUDGE)….who btw….didn’t buy it!
The ‘good news’ is…..this viral-mental illness has only one cure…..
Axing the S FROM OUR LIFE!

It’s funny how we don’t need pills or drinks to cure it…..just time away from a Cluster B!!!
An amazing Cure!! And much cheaper too, than pills.
🙂

myboysmattermost

He is almost 13 (Thursday:).

I told him about it but did not let him see it. I do not say anything about the spath, just listen and my son says plenty and he does *see* it.

We all went to the beach for a get away a few weeks before he snapped (he was stressed and I was trying to help) and I HAD to call the police – he beat himself up and went to the police to tell them I did it and then returned to the house to taunt me – 4:00 am – he had been up on drugs for days and refused to let me sleep and I couldn’t take it anymore – my sons 18 and 13, saw it ALL and frankly, he scared us all to death – the police took him away and committed him and when he was released five days later, he fled with all our money and not a word to any of us. We didn’t hear from him again until January 20th. He didn’t even call his son for Christmas or Valentines Day for that matter…

I see this as just plain abusive and have forwarded it to my attorney. I am sure a judge will not be happy with a man who ADMITS he has been trash talking his son’s mother “all this time”…

I did tell the attorney he can have visitation but I would prefer it be supervised and this is why.

Ox Drover

Yea,, EB, I always KNEW you were CRAAAAZZZZY! I never doubted it and I am glad to see you admit that you were/are CRAZY!

I laugh every time I read one of P-son’s letters “diagnosing” that I have a BRAIN TUMOR and that explains why I have “Changed” so much and am acting weird and (Get THIS) UNPREDICTABLE!!!!! Then P-son says “I’m not a doctor, but I think this is what is going on.”

NOT A DOCTOR!!!!!! Not a High School grad either, BTW, but because his “beloved mother” has a “brain tumor” instead of reaching out to HELP HER like a “good son” wouuld do if mommie had brain cancer, he decided that the answer was to run her off the farm! Get rid of her! LOL ROTFLMAO

Ah, yes, “the CURE” for this crazy is to GET AWAY from THEM because being around them WILL MAKE YOU CRAZY, will WARP YOUR THINKING, WILL GIVE YOU STRESS OVER LOAD and ruin your freaking life!

Now that I am NC I am sooo much better, better, better, better, (but I digress) At not repeating myself, myself, myself….

myboysmattermost

What I told him is that his father believes that I am keeping him away from him and asked him if he felt that way and he replied that no, he isn’t interested in seeing him.

He wants to reply or call his dad and tell him “to screw” but I told him that it is best to just ignore this and let the courts handle it, that they will know best what to do. He says he is afraid they will “make him” see him but I assured him that he is almost 13 and will have a say in the matter.

I just don’t deserve this and neither does our son…

And he still has not hired an attorney…I think he thinks I haven’t either as he has not received the papers due to a glitch in the courthouse computers…I expect that will set him off when he does…

one/joy_step_at_a_time

myboys – i hope you have a lovely party. 🙂 13 is such a magical age, a cusp age. so much change and movement.

If you are going to delete email, print the header also – so that the IP address shows. Some jurisdictions do not admit printed emails as evidence.

In Outlook Express the path is: right click from inbox>properties>details>messagesource>print), in Yahoo webmail it is: open email> ‘full headers’ (bottom right of page)>print

best,
one step

myboysmattermost

I don’t delete anything, I have a folder just for the stuff he sends – really abusive emails and then this one today. My son’s email comes to my account first as I don’t think he is old enough for unsupervised computer access yet.

I, like EB, save and file everything. I have so much evidence of his financial “negligence” and cash withdrawals and prescriptions (he would pick them up before the insurance company would cover them and pay full price)…wish I could go after the doctor and pharmacy!! he always called me a “pack rat” but it looks now like it will help me!!

ErinBrock

Myboys:

Please DO not ever feel you need to ‘clarify’ any reason for calling the police…..
If you felt scared…..you called the police…No explanation required…..I did the same thing….and got ‘blamed’overandover and over…..
WHO CARES….fuckem!

At 13….your son is out of the woods….as far as visitation with daddyo.
A court will listen to him…..and they CANT enforce visitation….as long as YOU don’t interfere.

This is what I was told my a judge….
My kids were terrified of the visitation judgement….I told them Ididn’t have the money to fight for years over custody of them…..by the time a jdugement was handed down…theyd’d by 18 and redundant!
I told them….IF the judge order visitation…..it was up to them to fullfil THAT obligation .

I was also told in the event he was ordered visitation….
To set up a neutral….not involving ME place for father and kids to meet to be picked up……
Like Starbucks by the school etc…..
Then when the kids don’t show up…..you had NOTHING to do with it!
You can’t pick up a 13 year old and drag him over to dads house in handcuffs and ropes…..
SEE THE POINT!
If you mention this to your son….it gives him an out and keeps it HIS choice.
They also feel validation and worth, that THEY have a choice.

I always (andstill do) tell my kids…..they can have any relationship with ANYONE they want…..my only request is…..I am left out of any discussions. This means their father….anyone…..
If they said they wanted to see dad at this point….I’d bite my tongue and make arrangements and remind them to keep their eyes wide open and leave any discussions of ME out of conversation.
I’d hate that…..but it IS their father….
I do fully expect the kids at some point to want to reconnect or get pulled back in with daddy o…..and then get hammered again….
As their mother and parent….I would LOVE it if they could have a healthy relationship with their father (we all would choose this I think)….AS his wife and co parent for 28 years…..I know him, Iknow how he operates….and I know a healthy relationship with him is not in anyones cards…..whether it is his kids or a girlfriend/wife or anyone…..
But….if they want to see and give it another try…..go for it!
We all must learn on our own!
They have lived it, seen it and breathed it……HE won’t change!
That is the KEY…
THEY DON”T CHANGE!!!!

Once I realized this….and grasped it…..I was out! It was finally over!

Good luck…..your doing JUST FINE!

ErinBrock

Oxy….
Ya crazy ol biatch!

I took the crazy deeeelllleeeetttteeee pill…..self prescribed…..

The Bottle read….

EB… 1-18-08
1 superpack-wisdom

Take this RX immediately for instant releif of symtoms.

No contact…..100,000,000,000 miligrams
Refills available, if necessary.

Ox Drover

Dear EB, well, I am “still on MEDICATION” LOL and I’m not always sure it has cured my “crazy” but at least most of the time it keeps the worst of the symptoms under CONTROL! ROTFLMAO (sigh)

Sometimes the “wisdom” is hard to swallow and sticks in my craw! Or, Worse yet, I FORGET TO TAKE IT or forget where I left it (is there a pill for memory?)!!!!

Just like this thing with my egg donor e mailing me part of the business information about the natural gas pipe line going across the farm (they really did a lot of damage last time they put one in) and refusing to give me the phone number of the supervisor, but you know, that refusal at least let me know that she was “up to something” even if it was only to try to make me call her. OH how I WANTED to call her!

I figure with the upcoming parole hearing (she should have hired him an attorney by now) she is either trying to get me to “lose it” and get angry (it worked in the past) or she is trying to weasel back into contact so I will NOT hire an attorney (TOOOOO LATE!!!)

I’m not sure what she is up to exactly, but at least I realized that HOOK was in the bait she threw out there. I’m going to an attorney Tuesday and talk to him about all this stuff (local) and see what he recommends. he’s a pretty bright guy and I know him enough to trust him, so I think I will get what I need from him.

GOSH I WISH THAT DOWN POUR would stop! I think I should be out in the barn building an ARK, I have at least two of about every critter all gathered up already! (((hugs)))

myboysmattermost

I didn’t realize until after he was gone and I found LF that he is most likely a sociopath/narcissist. I always thought his problem was drugs and immaturity and he would “grow out of it” and with a lot of love and counseling and rehab, it would change. But it never did. He had the counselors believing that I was making his life miserable. Well all but one, and after that first session, he went off and we never went back to him. The spath said the counselor only wanted to sleep with me.

Boy was I wrong! And when I started reading and was actually seeing MY story spelled out again and again – and my epiphany that I was NOT in normal marriage and it would NEVER change…and now since I have ended it, his response tells me for sure. As does the validation I get here at LF…from you EB, and Oxy and One_Step (glad to see you back!:)

The drugs were a symptom, not the problem. I am so glad I am out but wish it was just “done”. Looks like it may not be for some time as he feels justified in doling out punishment and he has his mom validating him.

I do feel bad for his son and you are right…I would LOVE it if he could have a healthy relationship with his father but it just is not gonna happen.

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