Navy veteran Sean Patrick Banks, 37, of Del Mar, California, was charged with raping a woman he met on the Christian Mingle dating site. Police are looking for other victims.
Calif. man accused of raping woman met on Christian site, on USAToday.com.
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Soothsayers are never popular with the maddening crowd. Just sayin’.
I agree with what you said Truthspeak. I just wanted to clarify about what I meant about smug couples. I didn’t mean couples that are together and are happy. I was speaking of couples that feel superior to people that are single and feel they know everything about relationships because theirs is a successful one. Or they have a belief that what they want in life is what everyone else should want too.
I can also relate to what you said about revealing so much. That is what happened with my ex sociopath. I told him my deepest and darkest secrets. I was in a bad place in my life I was physically and mentally sick and the doctors didn’t know what was wrong. Of course he acted like the knight in shining armor.
To Louise and Kim, I’m glad to hear others feel the way I do about dating when most people my age are married or are in a serious relationship. I just feel so liberated not to be attached. I think I was personally worn out trying to make him happy. Mine was also a sex addict. A big time sex addict! That is what he wanted to gain from or should I say take. There was no way to keep him satisfied. I always ask myself if other people who know him realize he is a sociopath. He would compartmentalize his life and accuse me of doing that. He claimed he felt like the woman in the relationship in terms of feelings. This particular post also really touches me because he would ask me over to his place to meet him for the first time. I never went because it wasn’t a smart idea to put myself in that circumstance. I was afraid what if he wasn’t the person I thought he was. In a way I was right, he wasn’t the person I thought he was. I was also afraid of what happened to the woman in this story happening to me. That being said, when I explained this as an in general thing that I don’t do that on first dates and why. Initially the sociopath was furious at me for not trusting him and made me feel guilty instead of realizing that I’m a young woman and should take care of being in those circumstances. As for why I ultimately met him… he worse me down. He took “no” as just persisting more. I took his persistance in a different way and I was also feeling desperate at the time. Of course they are experts and taking advantage of that. He played me on the line that he accepted my values that are traditionally more christian. I think that was the challenge of what he wanted and throw me away like a wrapper from a chocolate bar. I’m still dealing with the anger from all of this. When we broke up he said he was with someone else. I’m not sure if it is true because he is A) a pathological liar and B) he still spent a lot of time talking to me. He then had the nerve to tell me how to move forward and how I should date a nice christian guy and he was so obnoxious about telling me the stages of how I would get over the break up and ultimately forget about him. If anyone has advice getting over the anger and humiliation I would love to hear it. It is a little over 3 yrs now and while I don’t feel the same pain as when it just happened. I still feel the deep seed of anger about how he duped me, how he got away with it, and how he had the nerve to tell me what I should and should not feel and to give me a time line about calling him back if I wanted to remain friends. I will say this I did not call him again. I was too furious. I felt if I did call him, I would be losing my self respect. I didn’t want him to think he could treat me like dirt and keep me as a friend. At this point I didn’t realize he was a sociopath. A friend said the word when I spoke of him and the more I read the more I realize how sick and evil he is. I did pray that everyone would see his scarlet letter of “S” on his forehead. Ironically, in pictures I’ve seen of him since he does have a sinister smile compared to the “sweet” one he used to have plastered on his face. It isn’t that I’m seeing something new. I’ve had friends that didn’t know him look at the picture and say how he looked like he thought his you know what didn’t stink.
Well, Phoenix, just remind yourself that you are a beautiful bird, flying up…out of the hot mess of his you know what, that didn’t stink.
Thanks Kim… there are days though that I wonder when karma will kick in and happen. I know I shouldn’t focus on that aspect. Ok, I do know why at the time I was a target, but I wonder why I had to have someone like him come into my life.
I LOVE THIS POEM by Rumi….it says it all, to me. It’s all about growing and learning, and sometimes, it isn’t pleasant…but, it should always be honored. I know. How do we honor the guest that trashed our house, and shit on our furniture? We just realize that it was God’s plan to teach us something…..
http://www.panhala.net/archive/the_guest_house.html
Oxy, what is the name of your mimdfulness meditation guy? I know itt’s Zin something. I visited a web-site the other day, and he concluded a practice session with a poem, but I can’t seem to access it now. I don’t remember the poets name, and I don’t remember the mindfulness Dr.s. name either….guess I have CRSS…LOL
Nice Kim, very nice poem. I also enjoyed reading the Notre Dame article. Thanks. I don’t think I’ve ever read the book. Most of my life I avoided anything dark –lol, at least I THOUGHT I was avoiding anything dark… As they say, “What we fear in the night, in the day comes to call anyway.”
I’ve been thinking about renting the Hannibal Lector series. But I’m too chicken. ROTFLMAO. It seems funny to say that since I lived with him for 25 years.
Phoenix,
my subconscious must’ve known what I was with because I tended to hide my hurt from him. One time, I broke up with him and wrote him a long, long letter telling him exactly why. Then panic took over and I burnt it. In my mind, I thought it was too risky to be that honest and vulnerable with him. Before that, I had burned my diary from my teen years. So, yes, my subconscious – my right brain- was screaming at me to hide, but I didn’t understand what any of that meant.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that your anger is probably coming from having revealed yourself to him and letting yourself be vulnerable, only to find out that he used your vulnerability against you. It is this betrayal that wounds us so much.
This is why the spaths lies so much and about everything. They have every intention of using your honesty against you, so they aren’t going to give you the chance to do the same to them. Toward this end, they’ll lie about everything from the most important thing to the minutia of his day. Lies, lies, lies of self-protection.
So now you know what he is and they are ALL THE SAME. They live the same deceitful, paranoid lives while wearing the 180° mask. Could anything be more pathetic than to live that way? In his attempts to harm you, LOOK at what he had to do to himself!! Look at the perversion of a human being he has become.
That’s why, when I left my spath and he called me and asked, “Tell me what I did to hurt you.”
I said, “Nothing, Spath. You didn’t do anything to me, compared to what you did to yourself.”
So anyway, when you are angry at him for what he did to you, remember that he did so much worse to himself. It would be funny if it wasn’t so pathetic.
Kim it is Jon Kabat-Zinn, the name of his book I bought is Mindfulness for Beginners and iit comes with a CD in the back. I also bought a guided mindfulness meditation 4 disc CD collection.
I like discs 1 and 3 the best but you might like the others better, I really think it helps me to “unlax” and take some of the tension out of my mind and body.
All of the following quotes really got to me. I now have three new issues, phrased for me, that I will be using EFT to tap on. Thanks for writing them. They will help with my healing because they express the opposites of all the fear-based beliefs I have about myself.
It’s NEVER going to be about who likes me, approves of me, or accepts me, ever again. I provide my OWN validation and I’ll never need to seek it from another man, woman, or child….quote from Truthspeak.
Yep. I am happily single. For the first time, I can be all about me, with no apology, and I gotta say, I like it. A lot…quote from Kim Frederick
I told him my deepest and darkest secrets. I was in a bad place in my life I was physically and mentally sick and the doctors didn’t know what was wrong. Of course he acted like the knight in shining armor…quote from Phoenix
It’s true there are no qualifications to be on Christian Mingle! I am also a Christian Mingle member but not too interested in anyone. It’s just like going to church doesn’t make you any more Christian than sitting in the garage makes you a car. We assume a lot about people claiming to be Christian, but church lets anyone in ! And someone may believe in God but that does not mean they live like a Christian. Some black churches are used for pimps looking for girls. We need to look further into the character for any sign of a conscience. The Bible says “WE KNOW THEM BY THEIR FRUIT” a nice way of saying don’t believe what they say, only what you see.