It’s a juicy media story, featuring a former prosecutor turned football executive, a roller derby queen, a jilted fiancé and a fire-breathing feminist attorney. But beneath it all is a lawsuit filed in Manhattan federal court that may have serious implications for many Lovefraud readers.
Cast of characters:
Matthew C. Couloute: Attorney, former prosecutor, affiliated with the NFL, former VP and counsel of the United Football League.
Stacey Blitsch: Roller derby queen for the Bay City Bombers. She had a relationship with Couloute, and they have a son together.
Amanda Ryncarz: Another woman who had a relationship with Couloute—she thought she was his fiancé.
Gloria Allred: Celebrity feminist attorney now representing the two women.
The Lawsuit
Matthew Couloute filed a lawsuit in federal court in Manhattan against Blitsch and Ryncarz, accusing both of them of making defamatory statements about him on LiarsCheatersRUs.com, a website that allows people to post comments about their exes. Here’s the post:
Matthew C. Couloute Jr. on LiarsCheatersRUs.com
The two women retained an attorney to represent them in New York, but Gloria Allred also jumped into the fray and held a press conference last week to announce the women’s response to the lawsuit.
Stacey Blitsch, in her statement, denied posting anything on LiarsCheatersRUs.com, and says she told Couloute that before he filed suit. But she says Couloute has forced her into court repeatedly over issues regarding their son.
Amanda Ryncarz, in her statement, admitted posting comments about Couloute on LiarsCheatersRUs.com. She said:
Matthew led me to believe that we were going to get married. I was shocked when he called me on the telephone on October 3, 2010 to tell me that our relationship was not working, and I was even more shocked to learn that twelve days later, he married another woman.
Ryncarz also said, “I do believe that women should have a legal right to share information with each other if they feel that they have been betrayed in a relationship.”
According to Allred’s statement in the press conference, Couloute is suing the women for “”˜tortious interference with prospective business relations’ because he alleges that the posting has resulted in his losing prospective clients who read or became aware of these allegations.”
By the way, one definition of defamation per se is making false allegations that injure a person’s trade, profession or business. By claiming that the Internet posting is interfering with his business, Couloute does not have to prove that the statements are defamatory. (For more on defamation lawsuits, my previous post on Exposing the sociopath.)
In the meantime, Couloute told the New York Post why he’s suing:
The point is you should not be able to anonymously defame people on a Web site set up in Panama outside the laws of the United States and get away with it. I’ve had a successful career my whole life, am good at what I do, and have absolutely no recourse against this company. And neither do you. I can sign on to the site and post your name and write anything I want about you. So my voice is the only thing I have, and that’s why I’m speaking out.
Read Fighting Internet insults on NYPost.com
The Argument
In the press conference, Gloria Allred announced that she and her clients have filed a motion asking for the lawsuit to be dismissed. She said in her statement:
We believe that lawsuits of this kind should not be allowed. The public policy of this nation should be that women have the right to exercise their free speech, and should not be silenced and afraid to speak out if they have experiences with men who have lied to them or cheated on them.
Unfortunately, the courts in this country do not protect women against liars and cheaters. In fact, the laws protect men who lie and cheat on their girlfriends.
Every state in this country has enacted laws, typically called Anti-Heart Balm Statutes, which protect men when they tell lies to their lovers even when these lies are fraudulent and even when they cause not only a broken heart but financial ruin to women who believe these lies. They also allow men to cheat on their girlfriends and break promises to them
Indeed, in New York the Legislature has abolished the right to sue for alienation of affection or breaching a promise to marry.
Women have to protect themselves because the Legislatures and the courts certainly won’t and don’t.
For example, in California the law states “A fraudulent promise to marry or to cohabit after marriage does not give rise to a cause of action for damages.” False representations, even fraudulent representations, is not enough to escape California’s anti-heart-balm statutes.
It is bad enough that male Legislators throughout the country have given blanket protection to men who lie and cheat but lawsuits similar to this one seem to be designed to ensure that women are afraid to even warn each other.
Enough is enough! Women must have a voice and be able to at least speak to each other on matters of common interest without fear of being dragged into court. It is ironic that men can look to the courts to shield and protect them when they lie or cheat on their girlfriends and then can resort to the courts once again if a woman tells anyone about those lies.
An important point is at stake in this case—whether someone can expose the actions of a lying, cheating lover on the Internet. This is critical to us here at Lovefraud, because almost all of us were involved with lying, cheating lovers. Sociopaths exploit people because that’s what they do, and they will continue to exploit all the unfortunate people who will become their lovers in the future. Many, many people have contacted me, wanting to expose the sociopath in their lives so that other people don’t have to suffer what they suffered.
Unfortunately, Allred has issued an inflammatory statement to cast this as a sexist issue. The problem is not men who cheat on women, it is sociopaths who cheat on whomever they are with. But because Allred is a “feminist” lawyer, she is painting this as a “feminist” cause. She did, in the press conference, admit that some women cheat, but she said men cheat more.
The importance of exposing liars and cheaters is not a feminist issue, and I worry that Allred’s characterization will do more harm than good.
Heart balm laws
The truly fascinating aspect of this case, however, is the discussion of heart balm laws, or anti-heart balm laws. To confuse matters, both terms refer to the same thing. According to The ”˜Lectric Law Library:
Heart balm laws are state laws that abolish the rights of action for monetary damages as solace for the emotional trauma caused by a loss of love and relationship.
I’d never heard of heart balm laws, so I looked into them further. The history of these laws is fascinating. The laws were enacted centuries ago when women were considered to be the property first of their fathers, then of their husbands. The idea was that if a man’s wife became involved with another lover, he had lost the affections of his wife, which were his property, and he was entitled to file suit against the lover.
Later, women could file lawsuits against former fiancés. If a man proposed marriage, the woman accepted the proposal, and the man reneged on the proposal—well, there was a time when society considered this to be very bad.
Then the laws started being abused. Imagine that! Women would entice rich men to propose marriage, the men would have second thoughts, and the women would sue. Apparently there were some nasty cases of breaking off engagements that invovled blackmail and extortion.
So back in the 1930s, many state legislatures passed new laws—called either heart balm laws or anti-heart balm laws—wiping the old laws that permitted lawsuits off the books. People could no longer sue for broken engagements.
By the way, not all states made these changes. “Alienation of affection” and other laws are still on the books in the following states: North Carolina, Hawaii, Illinois, Mississippi, New Hampshire, New Mexico, South Dakota and Utah.
Read more here:
An explanation of heart balm laws on Lectlaw.com.
Tort basics, on IllinoisDivorce.com.
Inflammatory
This is what Gloria Allred is referring to in her statement—New York was one of the states back in the 1930s that abolished the right to sue for broken engagements and other marital issues. At the time, it probably made sense.
But back to Couloute suing his ex-lovers. There are important issues at stake in this case: The First Amendment issue of being able to expose the truth about liars and cheaters. The issue of individuals who promise affection in order to exploit others. It’s too bad that Allred is going to the media with this dumb story about women’s rights.
Men or women who knowingly exploit their romantic interests should be subject to penalty. And men or women who have been exploited should be able to warn others—because it’s highly likely that the exploiter will try to pull the same scam on someone else.
This case involves ‘women’ victims……yet the ruling, regardless of ‘who’ the victims are (men/women) will affect all genders.
Rulings are not gender specific.
I think do to the fact Gloria Allred is involved…..turns it into the femenist issues……but in the end…..I am not sure it will matter if the ruling goes in favor of the ladies.
Case law is not gender specific either……
I think this is the pure reason why we need to go ‘snake under rock’……when doing the backspath.
Why shout from the rooftops and look crazy…..as much as we are drawn to the ‘I wanna get him back’….of the moment.
It’s important to wait until the meal is cold to serve it!
And leave no traces! 🙂
It keeps it much cleaner……but with the same effects.
Just sayin…..
Having posted an on-line, factual statement about my ex which was later brought up in court, the court stated, “THE COURT: She has the right to have a web-site.” This was the ONLY time the Judge actually supported me. Not sure why but I have an idea —-
My ex has a lifetime STD; one which is which is not fatal nor curable. Of course he graciously shared his gift with me yet denied it until admitting to his STD four+ years later in his divorce interrogs. Silly me, I believed the medical community when I was told HSV II can remain latent. Eventually an infectious disease doc at the U of Michigan informed me this is true. However, he added the caveat the probability of HSV II remaining latent for 20 years is slim to none.
I considered my Internet post a public service announcement. Heck, if he didn’t tell his wife of 20 years he had Herpes, (and as such I was never tested for HIV/AIDS etc.) do you think he was going to tell his one-night stands? HSV II is the only STD our Public Health System does not require a carrier disclose to partners or the public health system. Why; because it is incurable and not fatal — makes sense to me — LOL.
Gloria Allred has vigorously supported many victims of s/p/paths, as well as victims of legal abuse and institutionalized domestic violence. Yes, she takes cases for PR — but at least she TAKES CASES.
The gentleman in this case is acting out of fear as did my ex; a public officer of a city in Michigan. When these individuals bad behaviors are made public, life isn’t nearly as much fun — which gets back to — the rest of my story. Later.
Peace and Justice
Some serious issues raised here as a revolution in raising awareness and exposing psychopaths is erupting in the here & now, with some important concerns and valid points mentioned.
Aside from the comment about it being a gender-specific issue – which it is not and the contention is preposterous and self-defeating – on the one hand it is crucial to remain able to expose psychopaths and the like, while on the other it is equally critical for accusations to be defensible, that is, substantiated by documentation of evidence to support the claims. Without that, it’ll always be he said – she said, et al, which reduces or eliminates credibility, brings the debate down to the gutter, and defeats the purpose of warning anyone, much less raising awareness.
I have not and would not post on those sites where anyone can write anything about anyone. If & when I write anything publicly about the main psychopath in my life, specifically identifying her, it will be backed by the enormous stack of evidence I’ve assembled, as Donna & Oxy and others have done here at the Lovefraud site. That right to freedom of speech must be protected.
Dear Socio-sibs
Good point—the “he said/she said” aspect of this “exposing” of this man and his alleged “bad behavior” by his x wife and his x girl friend may be nothing more than a “smear campaign” against an innocent man, or it may be 100% true and there is no way to tell which it is.
Documenting someone’s bad behavior, arrest record, etc. is very important in exposing anyone.
There are lots of things that psychopaths do that are reprehensible that are NOT ILLEGAL or actionable.
Joanie123,
You’ve mentioned your ex mother-in-law in your posts – I’m sure that this woman is well aware that her son is a rebel (without a cause). My ex-spath’s older sister (who was the substitute mother) has had personal experiences with the spath, witnessing his bad behaviors (for herself) and has heard from others (family and non-family members) about him, knowing full well that he is a low-level criminal. Hopefully, people who know your ex-husband have told his mother all about her son’s true character, sharing their negative experiences (courtesy of him) with her. In the end, she may not really care though (what he’s actually like), defending him (excusing his misconduct) to the end.
Joanie, mothers of psychopath who are enablers cover up for their psychopathic children over and over and over….I didn’t totally enable mine, I did call the cops when he was a juvenile and had stolen from our friends’ business and I caught himn with the goods. It would have been a slap on the wrist and no adult record…in stead he became so enraged at me that he got out and went right back to B&E until he got caught and sentenced to 5 years in the big boys prison. He did two, got out and went right back in to B&E and credit card fraud. Got caught….turned in by his partner…then he killed her. The way I am sure he would like to kill me for “ratting him out.”
I finally gave up on him, quit sending him commissary money shortly after my husband died, quit writing to him. I had seen he had NO remorse, just more conning…I was done. So my egg donor took up where I left off, enabling him to live better in prison, sending him money and support and letters.
Most of the time enablers don’t give up that “job” or “role” but continue to take the consequences for the “bad boy” whether it is their husband, father, or child. The bad boys come to expect this as their right. Some how they get the idea that we OWE them whatever it is that they want.
Statistics are that physically abused women go back to the man 85% oif the time….so we are among the 15% club if we don’t go back to the abusive husband. I’m not sure what the percentage of enabling parents are, probably that High I would think. I know I tossed out and took back tossed out and took back my psychopathic son Patrick repeatedly over his adult life. Wanting so badly to believe he had reformed, found Jesus, and repented of his crimes. But I finally relaized what he was, got out of denial and accepted it and acted.
I have been repeatedly told by others that “you can’t give up hope, he is your soooooooon” Well, yea, I gave birth to a baby boy, but the man he grew up to be is not my son. My little boy is gone. The same as dead. The man is a STRANGER, an evil, toxic and dangerous stranger to me. NC is the only option. Not many parents are willing to make that choice. It is a hard one when you love that child you loved and nurtured.
Oxy,
After I began to talk to my parents about how wrong it was to enable my brother, I couldn’t believe how my words were not getting through. It was because I was anthropomorphizing them.
they don’t enable him out of compassion, if they did, they would show compassion to me as well. No, they enable him because they are spaths too. In fact, I believe that my mother specifically likes to keep him in their basement so that I and my sister won’t live there. She has said many times, “we like having him here because it keeps Trojan Horse and spath sis from trying to move in.”
Enablers are not always innocent dupes, sometimes they are spaths with excellent masks.
Sky, I agree that enablers can act as dupes and punishers, Doing the work of the psychopaths they enable, or enabling the psychopaths to continue to do their damage. Without my egg donor’s help, my son would essentially be unable to harm me, with her help, he’s got a shot at killing me. (no pun intended there).
Of course the enabler also demands to CONTROL the enabled, to run their life as the “cost” of letting them live in the basement etc. So your brother is not being benefitted by being allowed to live there…and you’d be better off living in a tent than in your parents’ basement. LOL
my ex sopath, cheated on me with women off sex sites before he found me and broke into my home to steatl, when he did this i served a restraining order on him, i hired a private detective to find him , and to my surprise, after 10 years with him, his past criminal record showed him to have been arrested for battery (pleading insanity and got off) and arrested twice for child molestation and illicit behaviour (got away with it too), lets see if he gets away with the burglary of my home . I see the District attorney on Friday. Keep ur fingers crossed for me
It goes to show I never knew him did I??