Yesterday I had a conversation with a woman who was married to a con artist for over 5 years and she didn’t know it. The man she met online, had married her representing himself as a “hedge fund manager.” She helped him entertain clients who invested in his company. He also had a business partner, someone who had known him for over 10 years. That business partner was also conned and lost a great deal of money. It turned out that everything about the man other than these two very real people was a sham. Every word out of his mouth was spoken as part of some pathological lie. The man is without doubt a sociopath/psychopath and con artist.
In the aftermath of being taken both personally and financially everyone who knew this con artist is asking why and how. It is in the spirit of these questions that I recommend to you a book, Crimes of Persuasion: Schemes, Scams, Frauds. How con artists will steal your savings and inheritance through telemarketing fraud, investment schemes and consumer scams. The book is written by Les Henderson a salesman and successful businessman who studied frauds and scams for 5 years before writing this book.
There are three aspects to this book that make it a resource for all victims of sociopaths. First, it provides a good list of the typical “occupations” that sociopaths work as con artists. In that regard it describes how con artists do what they do. If you are wondering whether someone is a sociopath AND that person happens to work one of these occupations, you can stop wondering and start assuming.
The book briefly discusses victim psychology. It is not only the wives and family members of sociopathic con artists who suffer trauma. The victims of the sociopath’s financial fraud also suffer trauma that can be severe and lead to suicide. Henderson says, “Fraud crime is a personal violation. Although there is no serious physical injury many victims of con-men speak of the betrayal as the psychological equivalent of rape.” If you have been the victim of fraud, we invite you to share your story and get support here.
Lastly but importantly, the book points out in many places that con artists use other people who become their unsuspecting accomplices. People who are used by con artists in this way carry that burden for life. Henderson says, “Family members and business associates may have been financially exploited at your urging, resulting in increased feelings of guilt and blame.” Recently, I spoke with a young man who had been used in this way by a con artist. It is his goal to pay back those who by his recommendation, lost money in the fraud, to the tune of $300,000.00. So far he has earned a third of that, and has saved other victims from foreclosure by helping them financially. I gathered from our conversation that the young man stayed sane with his goal of restoring his friends/ family and helping other victims. As Henderson says, “The dread becomes immeasurable, unrelated to specifics, just an all encompassing blanket of depression.” We have all felt that.
Here are links to fraud related web sites:
Crimes-of-persuasion.com
Fraudaid.comHow to deal with having been conned
MORE
NPR is discussing con artists today– A criminal is a criminal but a con man is an artist?
Thank you Dr. Leedom for sharing this important information. In the last few months I feel I’ve gained some very useful, and at times frightening knowledge about sociopaths. When I read here about those who have lost much to a sociopath, money, marriages, children and more, I am moved by how tragic these experiences can be. My own recent experience with a sociopath was also shocking, luckily though, I only had my heart conned and my time and good intentions ripped out from under me. What is interesting though is a story my S. told me about his own brother conning him by taking huge sums of “kick back” money from contractors while the S. had his big home constructed while his brother oversaw construction finances. He told this to me as a matter of fact, without any emotion attached to it. At the time, I was shocked to hear this and also a little curious why he seemed so calm about his own blood relative doing this. Only in retrospect can I see how the emotions just aren’t there to begin with in a sociopath, either when they are conning us, or when they have been conned themselves by others!
Presseject,
It’s strange isn’t it? The lack of emotion they have when they tell you the “horrors” they’ve experienced. No pain or sadness there. Just commentary. My ex said these things with a hint of sarcasm almost. I have often questioned if anything he said in these moments was even true. Afterall, everything he claimed I did was what he was doing. Everything he claimed I felt towards him was what he felt towards himself, etc. It was all about him so I take everything that was said to me with a grain of salt.
DEar Presseject,
From my personal experience with them, many psychopaths frequently prey on their own families, who are many times (at least for a while) vulnerable to them. They use others in the family net work to seek more victims. Sometimes it is as small as a petty con game and sometimes it is grand fraud, but we are only tools for them.
I hope this book is a bestseller. There are so many people in this world who need to read it.
The sterotype of a con man is usually a greasy haired Used Car Salesman or a slick Insurance Broker but sadly that is far from the truth – they come in all shapes, sizes and every culture.
Many people who know my story have said to me “you’re lucky, he only stole your money, you still have your husband and family”. Yes, that is absolutely true and I am so grateful for that but what an ‘outsider’ cannot see is the psychological devastation of being caught in the insane world of a P/Con Artist. For me, the cruellest part was having my emotions used to hurt and humiliate my husband. The irony, if I had not been married to him ( a very respected and successful doctor) I would not have been a target. The hardest part to deal with – I allowed it to happen.
A con, no matter how large or small is so traumatic because it attacks one of our fundamental values – trust in others. It twists the knife by using that against us and those close to us and afterwards we wake up emotionally and financially shipwrecked.
Swallow
Dear Dr. Leedom,
Everything you mention is your articles is true and the con artist does leave you with NO funds to pursue them … also, the issue of the victims as being is also true … My question is, why isn’t law enforcement and the courts looking at them as the RAPISTS that they are, since that indeed is also what they do to a victim (who survived by the way)? If the courts and law officials looked at them as the rapists of society, then couldn’t the law and courts go after them in that fashion?
Peace.
P.S. I just viewed an excellent site regarding “Givers” and “Takers” at http://www.abusefacts.com/articles/Givers-Takers.php
if anyone is interested in taking a good look at what the churches now about anti-socials … they call them TMs for Trouble Makers.
This is my story, the first paragraph.
I had an opportunity to speak to Dr Leedom, what an incredible woman you are we are so lucky to have you here on this site.
Well as a result of this story of the CON I am off to court tomorrow for my X’s wrong doings FRAUD, EBEZZLEMENT, you all know in one way or the other.
It has only been 7 short months or very long months crawling out to the gutter of pain and humiliation. Seems we can’t all get a breath then comes a knock at the door with a subpoena and the pain and anger seem to surface. Tonight I am feeling anger of how in the world did I miss this was I asleep? I am not being charged with anything but I still have to testify and my answer is I am pleading the 5th unless they give me immunity. My heart goes out to the others that he affected financially some had to sell there houses.
He left one morning to go to close down the small Hedge Fund and wire the money to all the investors and wire me money for a home we were buying, he never came home that night, the next morning I logged into his online internet bill, I haven’t used it for years I have no idea how I remembered the code but I printed out the bill and found there were no numbers to TX so I started calling people on the bill. The first number I called was a woman and I said hi I am looking for him and I asked how she knew him and she said I am his girlfriend and I said I AM HIS WIFE! He never went to TX he was only going down the street to her house. I had to move out the house immediately and I was left homeless, jobless and penniless, what is funny is it was easy for me to move on from him as he was a figment of my imagination he was not real so how can you miss someone that wasn’t real? But the situation he left me in was beyond imaginable to come out of I was in the worst living conditions ever in my life.
People say why did you stay why didn’t you know why why why?
I am just a loving trusting woman and if I have to endure this kind of pain for being a good women then so be it as I am proud of whom I am I will not change but I will be a lot more careful. These guys are good because they are charming, loving and they communicate well all the while planning there next move I never saw it coming.
are you kidding me? crazy!
Dear Areyoukiddingme,
I’m so sorry you are still going through this and now are having to go to court as well. I do not doubt that you feel that you are being “persecuted” for HIS CRIMES, in addition to all the things you have already suffered. (((hug)))
I remember your story from your previous postings and you are right, it is unbelieveable how coniving they can be. “Beyond imaginable” (your phrase) is so true. I hope all goes well for you tomorrow, you will be in my thoughts and prayers. Hang tough! You are stronger than you know, you’ve come so far already!
Dear Areyoukidding,
I’m sorry you got taken in by this evil person, but I’m also very glad to hear you have been able to move on emotionally. I have a feeling more emotions may surface as this legal stuff becomes resolved.
Areyoukiddingme,
I hear you loud and clear … they are beyond our wildest imagination.
I couldn’t breath when I found out what my EX was truly all about. I knew these personalities like the back of my hand, I worked with an office full of them for over 24 years… always getting set up, insulted, put down, demoted, stepped over for promotions … to finding the jobs coming back to me while they got the titles, promotions, paychecks … Hey, someone had to work in that place … I was proud of what I did for the taxpayers in our state.
I remember my legs buckled under me when I saw written facts versus living his lies for 8 years. 8 years, the man lied from beginning to end.
Just wanted to write and tell you that all of us on this site are praying for you … HOLD your head high … tell the truth … And, look straight in the eyes of his attorney (any attorney that represents dirtbags like your EX should be put in prison along with their client). Oh, wouldn’t that be a nice wish to come true.
Peace sweety, you’ll get through this like the rest of us will.
Stay humble, that’s the way God intended us to live.
Kat_o_nine_tale
Yes the emotions they are soooo tricky you think you have it down and bang! I just dont know if the bang will hit me in court or not I having been praying and meditating for strength and guidance. I knew the court date would be coming and I think you are right it will help with one more closer.
OxDrover
Thanks for the hug it did make me smile.