Dad’s troubles with a sociopathic ex-wife

A Lovefraud reader, whom we’ll call Joe, recently sent the following e-mail. Joe’s ex-wife has custody of their daughter, whom we’ll call Suzie. The ex-wife is clearly using the child to sponge off of Joe.

My daughter’s mother always wants to control me and our daughter. I’m sure you’ve heard of these types of cases before. My daughter’s mother is constantly trying to use my daughter against me to control me like a puppet. I was with my ex for a period of years before our daughter was born, so I blame myself for seeing some of the signs, but not leaving.

I see some change in my daughter’s behavior as of late, so I’m a bit concerned. When I have her, she doesn’t want to go home and every time I drop her off after my custody days, she clings on to me for dear life. My daughter and I do so much together, but when she’s with mom, she sits around the house and does nothing. Would this affect her behavior?

Suzie is starting to say things like, “Mommy says that she doesn’t like you, Dad,” and “Daddy, Mommy says that we’re not family.” My daughter used to call me all the time and now the phone calls have stopped and when I do talk to Suzie, she says “Daddy, I have to talk to you later.”

I’ve done the attorney thing time and time again, but just when I think things are going well, my ex somehow cons the attorneys into believing her stories. It’s amazing! My ex is never wrong and always blames others for her downfalls. My ex has a four-year college degree, but continues to live off of my child support and use the system. She won’t go out and get a real job, and whenever I try to inquire about anything pertaining to Suzie, she’s always two steps ahead of me. I feel as if I’m the bad guy when I check up on Suzie’s welfare at school, the doctor’s offices, the dentist office. I pay almost one hundred percent of my daughter’s care, so what rights do I have?

I keep pretty good notes, but feel like I should just hire a private investigator to cover me just in case. I’m a peace officer, so I have everything to lose. My ex has already filed false police reports and a false restraining order in the past, in efforts to prevent me from seeing Suzie. My ex has burned so many people that recently someone vandalized her new car. I’m worried about Suzie’s safety, so what do you think I should do to put myself in a better position? My ex already has my social security number etc., so how can I change some things?

Sociopathic parasite

This letter is so typical of what Lovefraud hears about sociopathic women who are essentially parasites. They get pregnant—with or without marriage—and use the child to sponge off of the father for as long as possible.

Sadly, children are nothing more than meal tickets for these women—and those are the best cases. Some situations are worse. The sociopath may emotionally damage the child, trying to turn him or her into a manipulative mini-me. In the most despicable cases, the children are exploited.

I don’t know what Joe’s ex-wife might do, but he is right to be concerned about his daughter. The fact that Suzie doesn’t want to go back to her mother is a big clue that, at the very least, the mother is creating an unhealthy emotional environment.

Love and documentation

But what can Joe do? Courts are unlikely to take the child away from the mother, unless she does something terrible and it can be proven. That may not happen. Sociopaths are skilled at going up to the legal limit but not crossing it. They know just when to stop so they can keep the gravy train chugging.

Here’s what I wrote to Joe:

You may want to try to get more time with your daughter. This, of course, will be extremely difficult, because your ex will lie, file more false reports, etc., to keep her meal ticket. You are right to keep notes. In fact, you should document everything that happens in case you ever want to try to get custody. You should also continue to get your information directly from the schools, etc. Do not let the woman cut you out of your information.

Hopefully, providing Suzie with as much love and affection as he can will help Joe counteract the negative influence of the sociopathic mother. And if the woman really starts to become dangerous, his documentation will help him save his daughter.