Dad’s troubles with a sociopathic ex-wife

A Lovefraud reader, whom we’ll call Joe, recently sent the following e-mail. Joe’s ex-wife has custody of their daughter, whom we’ll call Suzie. The ex-wife is clearly using the child to sponge off of Joe.

My daughter’s mother always wants to control me and our daughter. I’m sure you’ve heard of these types of cases before. My daughter’s mother is constantly trying to use my daughter against me to control me like a puppet. I was with my ex for a period of years before our daughter was born, so I blame myself for seeing some of the signs, but not leaving.

I see some change in my daughter’s behavior as of late, so I’m a bit concerned. When I have her, she doesn’t want to go home and every time I drop her off after my custody days, she clings on to me for dear life. My daughter and I do so much together, but when she’s with mom, she sits around the house and does nothing. Would this affect her behavior?

Suzie is starting to say things like, “Mommy says that she doesn’t like you, Dad,” and “Daddy, Mommy says that we’re not family.” My daughter used to call me all the time and now the phone calls have stopped and when I do talk to Suzie, she says “Daddy, I have to talk to you later.”

I’ve done the attorney thing time and time again, but just when I think things are going well, my ex somehow cons the attorneys into believing her stories. It’s amazing! My ex is never wrong and always blames others for her downfalls. My ex has a four-year college degree, but continues to live off of my child support and use the system. She won’t go out and get a real job, and whenever I try to inquire about anything pertaining to Suzie, she’s always two steps ahead of me. I feel as if I’m the bad guy when I check up on Suzie’s welfare at school, the doctor’s offices, the dentist office. I pay almost one hundred percent of my daughter’s care, so what rights do I have?

I keep pretty good notes, but feel like I should just hire a private investigator to cover me just in case. I’m a peace officer, so I have everything to lose. My ex has already filed false police reports and a false restraining order in the past, in efforts to prevent me from seeing Suzie. My ex has burned so many people that recently someone vandalized her new car. I’m worried about Suzie’s safety, so what do you think I should do to put myself in a better position? My ex already has my social security number etc., so how can I change some things?

Sociopathic parasite

This letter is so typical of what Lovefraud hears about sociopathic women who are essentially parasites. They get pregnant—with or without marriage—and use the child to sponge off of the father for as long as possible.

Sadly, children are nothing more than meal tickets for these women—and those are the best cases. Some situations are worse. The sociopath may emotionally damage the child, trying to turn him or her into a manipulative mini-me. In the most despicable cases, the children are exploited.

I don’t know what Joe’s ex-wife might do, but he is right to be concerned about his daughter. The fact that Suzie doesn’t want to go back to her mother is a big clue that, at the very least, the mother is creating an unhealthy emotional environment.

Love and documentation

But what can Joe do? Courts are unlikely to take the child away from the mother, unless she does something terrible and it can be proven. That may not happen. Sociopaths are skilled at going up to the legal limit but not crossing it. They know just when to stop so they can keep the gravy train chugging.

Here’s what I wrote to Joe:

You may want to try to get more time with your daughter. This, of course, will be extremely difficult, because your ex will lie, file more false reports, etc., to keep her meal ticket. You are right to keep notes. In fact, you should document everything that happens in case you ever want to try to get custody. You should also continue to get your information directly from the schools, etc. Do not let the woman cut you out of your information.

Hopefully, providing Suzie with as much love and affection as he can will help Joe counteract the negative influence of the sociopathic mother. And if the woman really starts to become dangerous, his documentation will help him save his daughter.

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17 Comments on "Dad’s troubles with a sociopathic ex-wife"

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Hi everyone,
I have been doing alot of research and am sick!!! she was pregnant 5 times while married to me and 4 different fathers. she claims to be the worlds biggest christian and yet she is did ectasy, crack etc…she talked me into buying animals and then never took care of them. Once when a horse died mysteriously she chopped off the legs and tail and buried it in front of my then 5 yr old daughter. In the 10 yrs I was married to her I lived 8 months with her that is it. I ran like a little girl away from her. She is EVIL. Now am not sure my 13 yr old daughter is even mine. I am scared. Any suggestions?

This is all too confusing for me on who to believe.
My ex would get drunk on Christmas morning (that was my present) and slam my body into a door, then record my reaction in front of my kids, call the police and say I attacked him and the bruises on me were in self defense or self inflicted to get him in trouble. He would want to talk with me (always drunk or on drugs) in the back yard to have neighbors for witnesses. When he did not talk I went and pulled weeds. Out of the blue he would scream “put the knife down – are you doing to kill me? – help – help” all the time recording the setup to use against me.
He did this with his first wife as well. It’s all documented, but who cares? The police saw through it. The counselor did not for the 4 sessions he had with her. There are documents from attorneys and police that he habitually perjured himself ”“ nobody cared. That he tried to molest my 17 year old son in front of me and his brother made me a “evil gossip”. He told his family and co-workers that even my kids don’t want to be around me. Hmmmm, I wonder why?

@ glenn – After I married the “love of my life” and got him a job after 10 years of using, we lived together for 3 months. As soon as he moved me into his “project” away from my kids, a beautiful home, friends, job security.. he went to Iraq as a private contractor to make money to keep from filing bancrupcy (surprise) for 4 years!!! (surprise) three of the 4 anniversaries we had were not spent with me but with his sister, mom, and former girl friends and exes (surprise) When the house was remodled with my retirement money, he divorced me on our anniversary. (surprise?)

WOW…this is my husband to a T…but we are 74k out of pocket to lawyers,and his 17 yr old daughter and 22 yr old son haven’t spoken to him or been active in his life(unless they want $ or gifts) for 4years plus. They are pawns, and have been since they were born. They have been used to defraud her church of 24k, claiming my husband was a” deadbeat dad” and they were penniless. (we were paying and giving them $4400.00 a month). When the church got our proof 2 yrs later they excommunicated her. The kids are screwed up for life…seriously. The sad thing is that they will multiply and this is genetic. My husband is partially responsible because he made huge errors in this relationship. Everyone please remember…YOU DON’T HEAL A BAD MARRIAGE WITH CHILDREN”!!!! There are way too many true victims here…..but only one predator!
Beth V

The part about her being one step ahead of you sounds very familiar. I know that feeling of trying to tell people within the system that something is not right and have nobody believe you. It’s good that you got a divorce before she drove you mad or poisened you! I stayed in my relationship for the kids until I could not think straight anymore! Now I’m sitting here with GAD and depression and look like the problem.

Don’t be like that guy you know, get out fast! LOL!

The horror of co parenting with a sociopath never ends. The sociopathic female will never leave you alone. It’s best in our situation to cut off all contact with the sociopath. Now that the kids are older. We communicate with the kids only. Communicating with the sociopath is crazy. She will just mess everything up for any plans we make with the kids – which hurts the kids. But she doesn’t care. As long as we are suffering she is happy. She is pure evil. Uses the kids against us, she seems to only want kids so she can use them as her pawns to get what she wants. As if $3500 a month isn’t enough in child support, and paying all their doctor, dentist and other bills. There is always more. But no matter how much you give her, she wants more.

So at some point when do you stop giving giving giving. Because we know that no matter how much given to her she is going to turn around and ask for more. Right now we have no contact with her. And it seems to be the best way to handle such a twisted woman. We worry about the kids when they are with her. But they have cell phones and know they can call us anytime they need us. Having children with a sociopath is a life long sentence of hell

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