A couple of months ago I was contacted by Caitlin Dickson, a reporter for the Daily Beast blog (the online presence of Newsweek magazine). She was writing an article about the book Confessions of a Sociopath, by M.E. Thomas. She asked me what I thought of the book. I explained that I refused to buy it so I hadn’t read it, although I did read Thomas’ article in Psychology Today (which was online). Here’s my previous post about the book:
Confessions of a Sociopath: a book I don’t want to buy or read
I talked to Dickson about the millions of sociopaths who live among us, and how destructive they are. I explained Lovefraud’s work in helping people recognize, avoid or escape them. I recommended that she call Dr. Liane Leedom for an authoritative explanation of this complex personality disorder.
Dickson was not interested in my information, and included none of it in the story she wrote. She didn’t bother calling Dr. Leedom. Instead, this cub reporter (graduated from journalism school in 2010) wrote an article that struck me as being sympathetic to sociopaths. Read:
How to spot a sociopath (Hint: It could be you), on thedailybeast.com.
Point by point critique
Here are some points of the article, along with my comments
“Sociopathy is not simply a disorder of serial killers but one that exists on a spectrum, plaguing to varying degrees a large portion of successful, apparently well-adjusted people.”
Yes, sociopathy is not just for serial killers and it does exist on a spectrum. But “a large portion of successful, apparently well-adjusted people” are not sociopaths. Experts estimate that sociopaths make up 1% to 4% of the population—that doesn’t qualify as a “large portion.”
Of this small slice, many sociopaths are obvious criminals and substance abusers, and many more can’t seem to hold their lives together. Still, there probably are millions of sociopaths who do appear well-adjusted to everyone but their spouses. And the people who work most closely with them know that their success is built on bullying, intimidation and playing loose with the rules.
“Psychopathy, more or less, is the clinical term for sociopathy, and the two are often used interchangeably.”
Psychopathy is not a clinical term; it is the term that researchers use. Clinicians call it “antisocial personality disorder.”
“A September 2012 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology ranked U.S. presidents in order of their possession of a psychopathic trait called ‘fearless dominance.'”
“Fearless dominance” is not universally accepted as a trait of psychopathy. However, I can understand how Dickson could have been influenced by the idea, because several scientific papers have been published about the concept. In fact, it was the subject of a heated debate at the Society for the Scientific Study of Psychopathy conference that I attended in June.
One side argued that fearless dominance is part of psychopathy and is linked to success. The other side argued that fearless dominance is not a valid concept and reminded the group that there is nothing good about the psychopathic personality disorder. In my opinion, the researcher speaking against fearless dominance had a much stronger argument and won the debate hands down.
“In 1980, criminal psychologist Robert Hare developed the Psychopathy Checklist-Revised (PCL-R).”
The PCL-R was released in 1991.
“Thomas isn’t an actual killer—and she and other researchers emphasize that most sociopaths aren’t killers either. Instead, Thomas says her favorite preferred sociopathic pastime is ‘ruining people.’”
Dickson never says or implies that there’s anything wrong with “ruining people.” In fact, the article does not even hint at the true destruction that sociopaths cause.
“(John Edens, a psychology professor at Texas A&M) argues that ‘saying someone is a psychopath or not is drawing a bit of an arbitrary line in the sand,’ suggesting that all people likely possess a certain amount of sociopathic traits, some just more pronounced than others.”
This is an incredible oversimplification of two distinct concepts. First of all, Edens is right. Psychopathy syndrome a group of related traits. It is also a continuum individuals can have each of the traits to a different degree. The point at which someone qualifies to be “a psychopath” usually the cut score of 30 out of 40 on the PCL-R is somewhat arbitrary.
Secondly, although non-disordered people may have sociopathic traits, they score exceptionally low perhaps under 5 on the PCL-R. The behavior of people who score 5 or less is nothing like the exploitative behavior of those who score over 30.
“There’s virtually no known treatment for ruthless, manipulative, law-abiding citizens who lack empathy. And, really, should there be? These are traits that are often attributed to success.”
Here’s where Caitlin Dickson shows how clueless she really is. Let me be blunt: Sociopaths are evil. Sociopaths view the world as predators and prey they are the predators, and everyone else is prey. Even those who appear to be successful leave a wake of destruction: ruined lives, abused children, financial wrongdoing and corporate collapse. Sociopaths are not ruthless and manipulative in business only that’s also how they treat their spouses and kids. The human toll for this “success” is unbelievably steep, so it is a crying shame that there is no treatment for this disorder.
“In lieu of therapy, Thomas has discovered some alternatives to treatment. For one, she credits Mormonism, specifically its doctrine that anyone can change and its required social engagements, with keeping her on track.”
Sociopaths are not religious. They join churches to find easy prey. I wonder how many people Thomas targeted at the church? And if Thomas considers herself to be on track while ruining people for fun, what would she be like while “off track”?
“Sociopaths are mostly ‘problematic in terms of the stress they cause other people.’”
Stress? Stress is being late for work. Sociopaths are so abusive that many of their targets —including 21% of romantic partners consider suicide. Some, tragically, go through with it, a phenomenon I’ve heard called “murder by suicide.”
“Said Lauren (friend of M.E. Thomas), ‘Her ultimate goal is to be out as a sociopath, accepted by society and not vilified.’”
M.E. Thomas wants to be accepted and not vilified, even though her favorite pastime is ruining people?
Keep in mind that sociopaths are not delusional they always know exactly what they are doing. So when they engage in exploitative behavior, it is by their own choice. They can refrain from exploiting people. They do it all the time in the beginning of relationships, romantic or otherwise. They’re fun, helpful, caring, attentive until the person is hooked. Then the knives come out.
Sociopaths are vilified for their behavior, which they freely choose. Society should do a better job of not accepting them, and holding them accountable for their actions.
“With regard to whether Thomas could legally be fired for coming clean, employment attorney Jessica Kastin explained that Thomas would probably have a very hard time making the case that she was being discriminated against because of her disorder.”
Sociopaths make lousy employees. They lie, cheat, back stab, steal from the company, swindle customers and create a hostile working environment. Is Dickson really suggesting that employers should not be allowed to get rid of them?
Skipping over the abuse
What really bothered me about this article is how the reporter failed to acknowledge, in fact, minimized, the harm sociopaths inflict on others. Sociopaths abuse people physically, emotionally, psychologically, sexually and/or financially. They are social predators. One researcher estimates that national cost of psychopathy is $460 billion per year. Hello? I’d say that’s a problem.
So why would Dickson write an article that was essentially sympathetic to M.E. Thomas and other sociopaths? I’d guess that Dickson is one of those lucky people who never had a run-in with a sociopath (so far). She may still believe that all people are basically good, and all people just want to be loved. She doesn’t understand that there are people in the world who are intrinsically abusive.
I was like that when I was a young journalist. Then I married a sociopath.
It also seems to me that when Dickson interviewed Thomas, the sociopath presented herself as a woman who was simply misunderstood, and was doing her best to cope with her disorder. Dickson didn’t understand how good sociopaths are at playing the victim, so she bought the story.
“I am naturally manipulative,” Thomas told Dickson. Guess what. Dickson was manipulated.
Uninformed editors
I can understand this young reporter not fully grasping the topic she was dealing with as I said, I’ve been there. I remember some of the magazine articles I wrote when I was her age, and I now grimace at how naive they were. So my question is, where were her editors?
The Daily Beast is a sophisticated publication, edited by Tina Brown former editor of Vanity Fair and The New Yorker. It claims to be dedicated to “breaking news and sharp commentary.”
So either the Daily Beast editors don’t understand this personality disorder which is likely, because most people in the media, like the general population, don’t get it. Or, the Daily Beast is so intrigued by “sharp commentary” that they’re willing to say that sociopaths aren’t all that bad.
What’s scary is that the Daily Beast gets 18 million unique online visitors a month. So millions of people may have read this article and come away with the impression that sociopaths are just misunderstood people who play manipulative games not that these people can ruin their lives.
This article is truly a disservice to all Daily Beast readers. But hey, at least it conveyed the point that sociopaths aren’t all serial killers.
Donna,
Thank you for fact checking!!! I really despise articles like this one in the Daily Beast, it is the same old invalidation that we had plenty of when we were with the sociopath. It’s just like a friend of mine saying “None of us are perfect, you won’t find anyone who has no faults”. HELLO? What? I just want someone who isn’t flipping disordered. These people don’t get it!!!!
Thanks Hopeforjoy – I was very disappointed in the story. As we well know, it seems that unless someone has personally experienced the betrayal, they just don’t get it. At least the article could have conveyed that sociopaths are a problem. Instead, it said sociopathic traits lead to success.
Donna (and All),
Your dissection is great. Too bad for this writer, she is a obviously not tuned in to any red flags, and is a sitting duck for an entanglement with one of these kinds, despite her ‘research’ into the topic. Too bad. It could have been an eye opener for her…instead she may have gone more deeply to sleep on this subject. I did when I first heard about personality disorders. I was SO hell bent on being a Good Person, I just went into a deeper denial, so I could play my over helpful, save-the-world role.
As for sympathizing. After the 5+ years out I have from any personal entanglement with a disordered person, heck, I have some sympathy (or compassion, whatever you might call it) for these people. I actually feel sorry for them. They are a sick, sorry, rotten bunch.
I am thankful I am not one of them.
And I don’ want a single solitary thing to do with them.
The Daily Beast really missed this one…by a loooooong shot.
And, again, thanks Donna for all your hard work and for this site.
Slim
Slim,
Yes, they are pathetic and that is one of their best weapons…”poor me, feel sorry for me, love me”…then WHAM!
I used to feel sorry for the one who target me once I got away. Problem is, you never really get away from one if you have children with them.
No pity here anymore, they are not just pathetic, they are evil.
Delores,
Don’t misinterpret me. I don’t feel ‘sorry’ for any of them. But from a deeper place, maybe spiritual?, I feel compassion. It does not compel me to engage any of them, to try and see them differently from who they are, or to fix them.
It does not require that I DO anything for any harmful person. It is simply a deep feeling I have.
I have had those feelings in the past, but no longer do. I think it was akin to wanting to forgive and let go of the harsh reality. Reality is that I am a target for life because I had his children. Forty-seven years and counting…
Something is bothring me here about the difference in the “feeling sorry for them” that you mean here which I think I understand as opposed to the “feeling sorry for them” that they illicit in their victims.
I guess it is just the fact that he is targeting my adult children now with his “poor me” tactics and planting distortions about me in their heads. They are believing his lies and denying my truth and reality. So much like the insanity of this article.
Delores,
I sure don’t want to confuse this thread with my own experience. Or to expect anyone else to have to be having the same experience I am.
I have no children with any of these demons. I have no connection whatsoever. I see that you do, and so your experience, and some of your feelings and needs would of course differ from mine. We each walk our healing paths with some unique twists and turns.
I support you in that. Completely. Without question.
You understand what I am saying. I don’t feel sorry for them, and I understand the pity ploy…been through it many times. To me compassion is not feeling sorry for someone. It is not pity. I feel it is a visceral understanding of the pain and suffering that other beings experience. Even evil psychopaths. Even evil psychopaths that cannot consciously experience their own pain and suffering.
To me compassion has nothing to do with forgiveness, forgetting, or condoning. And it does not mean, in every situation, that we ‘help’ the person we feel compassion for.
So, let’s just say this is my experience. It does not place me in jeopardy of being suckered into a relationship with an evil doer.
Slim
Anyone who tries to attribute Teddy Roosevelt’s achievements as President to his imagined “sociopathic” traits has GOT to be missing something!
Exactly WHAT they’re missing could be seen from more than one viewpoint. For instance, if anyone subscribes to the triarchic conceptualization of psychopathy, they will agree that Teddy had ONE of the three traits referred to, namely boldness. But the other two traits—meanness and disinhibition—don’t describe him at all. Far from lacking impulse control, he was renowned for his self-discipline. And while he was fond of referring to the Presidency as a “bully pulpit,” it was decidedly in a good cause. He was emphatically not a “mean” man.
More generally, one cannot just start cherry-picking isolated traits that psychopaths are known to have—qualities widely regarded as “virtues,” such as fearlessness (or “charm” for that matter)—and use that to argue that there are merits in psychopathy after all. The whole point is that traits like these do not come isolated in psychopathy, but are part of a package that necessarily brings with it the “bad” traits as well. “Lack of fear” in the psychopath for instance is not really a matter of having courage, a quality we all admire, but instead is part of a far broader lack of emotional response in general—including of course a notorious lack of empathy, of “caring” for others. Teddy Roosevelt in contrast was a man whose caring for people at large was one hallmark of his Presidency. The Square Deal was never the creation of a sociopath! “Fairness” is not one of their values.
Ah, you hit so many of the wrongheaded points that people use to confuse sociopaths with good people. They haven’t a clue what sociopathy is about. Well put, Redwald.
Hi Donna,
For all the educating and supporting some of us do and seeing survivors who are ripped to shreds on so many levels, this article was more than frustrating for me. What was even more so is that this journalist was not willing to see the ‘other side’ of things in taking the time to hear the victim’s side of the story. It’s a shame she did not bother to call and have yourself or Dr. Leedom fill her in.
Right now, I’m working on an article about the Rolling Stone cover that everyone is up in arms about. I know people might not agree, but the Boston Bomber’s face on the cover, was brilliantly symbolic, and the article itself was good, in which I’m dissecting at the moment….looking at that cover photo, would you have believed that kid was a psychopath? I believe that was the point of the cover photo.
We have to start looking beneath the images to understand that these people hide extremely well. It’s ridiculous to think that they’re going to unmask publicly as a terrorist or as a killer of spirits, they won’t. Unfortunately, it articles like this young journalist’s that we spend many MORE hours trying to debunk this garbage with people who will now accept it as truth.
Sociopaths are a small part of the population, however, I wonder how realistic that is statistically as I believe there are a lot more than that.
I’m really glad to see you call this one out. Maybe she will write another article that is more factually based when she has a run in with her own sociopath. The article itself may well make her a target.
Is it really possible to educate those who have never had this experience? I’m beginning to wonder…
“Is it really possible to educate those who have never had this experience? I’m beginning to wonder”” Great comments, especially this one. These creatures work with “rules”. They know the rules and that is how they often know how to squeek by looking good while destroying lives.
Obama knows the rules and flagrantly bends and breaks them in front of the whole world. How does he do it? He is “one of them” but no one sees it. He is not just passing for black when he isn’t, he is passing for a “good guy” when he is not.
What I am wondering is…How do we that understand keep our sanity with those who will not get it?
Hey, Delores!
I think the key to keeping our sanity is not to worry about convincing every skeptic and devil’s advocate (bahaha!) to understand. People debate global warming and whether or not rape is really rape. Heck, we’ll never be able to convince everyone that sociopaths/psychopaths are real and are much more than your typical asshole or convict.
If we can spread information with tempered passion, we’ve succeeded. Good and open-minded people interested in learning and understanding will hear us. The others will have to experience this nightmare for themselves before any of our efforts will begin to sink in.
🙂
Gosh, this is why I don’t come by and comment very often. I see aspersions cast on good people doing difficult work for our country only to be called “sociopaths” just because one doesn’t believe in their policies.
President Obama is not a sociopath.
For several years after my engagement with a sociopath, I ‘saw’ them everywhere. I was pretty paranoid that everyone around me might possibly be one. It’s part of the emotional damage they do–crippling our judgment for awhile, longer if we let it.
I’m also the daughter of a sociopath. And, believe me, the work to heal is lifelong. However, I don’t label politicians ‘sociopaths’ just because I don’t believe in their policies.
Of course, to me, Dick Cheney, Dubya, John McCain (his VP running mate, Palin) are all sociopaths.
See?
I’m really glad this site is here for discussion and enlightenment. We need more people talking about this problem so that we can ostracize the sociopaths instead of rewarding them with praise for their pseudo-courage and pseudo-brilliance.
“By their works you shall know them.”
Lesson learned – please send your article to Lovefraud!
Dear Lesson Learned,
I think it’s very hard to educate those who have never had this experience. But I think it can be done, at least to those who have empathy and a conscience. However, I believe it will take those words/phrases that are so stark in contrast to what people are used to reading. Sociopaths hide within appearances. Society has excused so much because they don’t want to judge. But not judging, not using our discernment and intuition is what makes us vulnerable to predators such as sociopaths. I read what people write on this site and certain words/phrases pop out at me, phrases or excuses that don’t make sense, most are oxymorons. An example is in Quinn’s article, “Leaving the sociopath, applying for foodstamps.” She writes using that duality, the ability to be ‘self-reliant and in need of assistance at the same time’. Or the example of the person who wrote about a “well adjusted sociopath” when we know there is no such thing, a duplicious image conscious sociopath yes, but no sociopath is well adjusted or else they would not be a sociopath!
I do encourage you to write articles, to expose. But I also think the general public will tend to pass over articles that they decide don’t apply to themselves. I think to get the info to the general public, the damage that a few sociopaths wreak on multitudes, it will have to be in a medium that they will chose to engage, on the same lines as the series of books by Steig Larsson. I am not a writer, but I want to encourage those who are. I think you, and other writers like you, are the key to changing the open field of potential victims that sociopaths currently exploit.
I look forward to your article. You hit on an excellent point, don’t judge a cover based on it’s look.
All I can do is laugh at this DB journalist: she was duped!
I participated in a HuffPost Live show a few weeks ago titled “Learning to Love the Sociopath” with 3 other participants: 1) M.E. Thomas, 2) the psychiatrist who diagnosed her and 3) James Fallon, another self-described psychopath.
In the private chat after the live show, Fallon and I were talking. Suddenly, M.E. Thomas chimes in, “I don’t want to seem like I am eavesdropping…” I laughed under my breath. I knew she was listening, her participation icon (not her face) was on the screen.
I tuned out everything she had to say. Her voice is smooth, monotone and void of any character. Like my ex sociopath’s voice, I can see how the journalist who interviewed her could be lulled into a state of hypnosis, of sorts, and left feeling sorry for her, pitying her even as she plays out her victim role:
“Poor M.E. Thomas. She can’t find a job or a husband or friends. I’m going to help her. She needs my help.”
During this chat, I mentioned to her that I had also read the excerpt from her book on Psychology Today and stepped away adamant that I would not be buying it or reading it only because I had ridden that rodeo and I wasn’t interested in reliving it. I told her that she is a carbon-copy of my ex. The only difference: she’s a woman. M.E. Thomas just laughed. She could not come up with a rebuttal simply because she KNEW my awareness is no match for her lies and slick talk. I’ve been there. All of us who have been there laugh at their attempts to persuade us into thinking like they think. It’s not going to happen again.
As you mention, the best thing to come of her search for validation and acceptance in writing this book (that could have been written by any survivor of a sociopath, too) is the awareness that the majority of sociopaths are not serial killers or even murderers. They are the fools hiding in plain sight who use the empathy of people like the DB reporter to manipulate others into feeling sorry for them when they get caught “destroying people” on purpose.
Garbage journalism like this makes me even more determined to continue writing and bringing awareness.
Thank you, Donna!
Duped is right…isn’t that what spaths are best at??
R
Excellent point-by-point refutation of the article and (indirectly) the book. The article just goes to show that a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing.
It never ceases to amaze me when individuals who “out” themselves as sociopaths (or as psychopaths, or as having antisocial pd) then go on to write books about sociopathy from the “expert’s” point of view… and their word is taken as The Truth, because, after all, its from “the horse’s mouth.”
To me, that entire concept has that disorienting “mirror-reflecting-a-mirror-reflecting-a-mirror-into-infinity” quality about it. The deceiver is openly admitting to being deceptive, but every word out of their mouth is a lie (salted with some truth, for flavor) so its just one gigantic mind-f**k, really.
(There was an original Star Trek episode that covered this concept; I believe its Spock who says to an android character, “Everything I say to you is a lie. Now, listen very carefully: I am lying.” This unresolvable illogical paradox made the android’s head explode.)
So, thank you for carefully dissecting the article and refuting the false or incorrect statements made there; I hope your rebuttal will also be printed at that blog, if that article has a comments section. Your rebuttal would serve the public’s best interests.
OMG, if this is a book your article needs to be put on Amazon as a book review. Excellent job, Donna.
Well, that’s just great! Charles Manson apparently never actually killed anyone either, but wouldn’t want him married into my family! How can the words psychopath/sociopath and well adjusted be said about the same person…that’s like saying they are intelligent but have a very low IQ! Let’s hope this journalist has her turn with a spath…she’ll surely get egg on her face!
R
I don’t mean to sound like a supreme egotist…but my sociopath did not know who she was dealing with in me. Yes, she ruined my reputation and even got my family thinking ill of me. Of course, that is an understatement with my family because they are very sick and screwed up, naturally allowing sociopathic behavior to happen as they were easily blinded.
Back to my spath…she got me in 4th grade…hook, line, sinker. All the way up to high school…and even after telling her off that last year of school, I turned to her when she was lonely the first summer after college. Bad news.
So it took another two years but I geared up for another verbal attack and really gave it to her…hook, line, sinker. Of course she was calm and rational during my tirade until I told her my psychiatrist called her ‘diabolical’…then she was infuriated.
Eight months later a heavy rock went crashing through my parents’ window (where I lived). It took many years but I am convinced it was one of her (or her sister’s) boyfriends. She always had a cowardly side (getting others to do her dirty work, including me) and there was no other logical explanation for that act of violence.
I still can’t bump into anyone from high school without being overtly/or subvertly accused of being the ‘dirtbag’ in that relationship. This is what galls me…first of all it is none of their business, and secondly who are they to call someone out when their lives are far from perfect?
One guy sympathized with me and took me out to lunch. He acknowledged that the spath was into a ‘beauty trip’ and was very competitive with me. He said, in true earnest, that I was ‘far too beautiful of a woman’ to have anyone misuse me…and that as hard as she tried, in his opinion, I was still far more attractive than her. Not that this is of importance, but it is in the sense that there were at least one or two people from the class…including my best friend, Betty, who knew the truth. Betty lived two houses down from the spath so she would know her fairly well.
But the other classmates (scumbags) are not worth my time, and I usually ‘spin their heads’ if they bring her up in conversation with me.
Same thing at work: a very clever spath starting working at a medical center where I worked. Before long, trouble started…at first the other women saw into her and gave me limited, but at least some, support. Until she used her mental devices and it went downhill for me. They stopped talking to me or even acknowledged my existence. I ended up alone and isolated…and they would all tense up if I approached them. A stronger personality would have entered their room, closed the door, and at least have asked, “Why are you guys down on me? Why aren’t you talking to me? And why aren’t we friends anymore?”
I need work in that regard…but maybe I did not care and I am not that ‘type’ of female. To me, these women are like the girls from sixth and seventh grade. Mindless/spineless.
I managed to get a state job and got out of that environment. The spath left a few months later…and if that didn’t indicate something to these women than nothing would.
My point being…no spath has been able to destroy me and none will. In fact, they had better not mess with me. These two women have nothing on me…they saw my integrity and courage. They know that I live and thrive.
Develop a backbone…acknowledge you were victimized…draw strength in your inner essence…and live like there is no tomorrow.
In the past I have not had trouble with what others think of me, knowing that those that know the real me would stick by me. However it is hard when it is family. Just recently I lost the other half of my family to my oldest daughters lies and deceit. Her thing is to pretend she is sick and dying and once she has their sympathy and has them back in her life she discredits and lies about the one person she knows has her figured out – me! She came sweeping back into my life when her half brother died in March and I am still licking my wounds and accepting that I have lost my family and I must pick up the pieces and live my life. I can only sit back and wait and pray that my family sees the truth.