In his new book, Oliver James, a British psychologist and TV broadcaster, describes the worst of white-collar workers.
Why your boss could easily be a psychopath, on Telegraph.co.uk.
Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader.
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How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists
Good article. Sometimes I think it’s a curse to have a brain and the ability to listen to my intuition. Those less inclined to listen to intuition are the first to accuse me of being paranoid. It’s often so blatantly obvious when someone is “out to get me.” But I don’t think EVERYONE is out to get me, and tend to believe I am not paranoid for this simple fact.
I will not bury my head in the sand and discount the evidence I see, not ignore that gut feeling that tells me someone is bad news right up front. I could tell one of the two woman I am currently having to reside with was bad news and hated me or was envious of me from the moment we were introduced. I gave her a shot anyway, and this was another lesson in believing in myself and my intuition. Maybe I’m stuck around these types of people AGAIN because I need to develop trust for myself and my perceptions, and this has become the classroom. I’m staying open to these possibilities. I want to continue to grow and become healthier.
Previously, my self esteem was so shredded I never considered that people were jealous/envious toward me and my life. I would have friends suggest it and laugh it off, because it was so ridiculous to me. Now I know the lengths and depths that those of the Dark Triad will go to trying to destroy someone they envy.
Toward the end of my relationship with the spathy ex, I came to the conclusion that he was jealous of me and my professional success. I was returning to work after three month of maternity leave. He kept doing things to sabatoge me. I finally recoginized his behavior as sabatoge and realized he was jealous. I told him I thought he was jealous of me and the look he gave me could have melted the skin off my face.
As much as I continue to learn about the Cluster B types, I am still baffled by the behavior and ugliness of it all. I can “get it” in an intellectual sense, but never seem to understand it on an emotional level. Perhaps thankfully.
Marie, just because you are paranoid doesn’t mean someone isn’t out to get you. LOL
Those cluster Bs seem to be in every work place, especially hospitals I think.
In your situation living in a shelter, it is frequently found many are cluster Bs and wind up in a shelter because of the messes they get themselves into. It is not rare that 2 people BOTH high in P traits hook up and the loser in the battle presents themselves as a victim of abuse when in fact they are co-abusers. So the behavior you have described in your housemates sound very “cluster B” to me.
Since you are forced for the time being to live there, Gray Rock is about all you can do and try to fly under their radar.
Marie,
I agree with Oxy, try to stay off their radar. Especially, be very careful of triangulations. The situation sounds like it is ripe for triangulations, which can be so much worse than just your regular spath encounter.
I’ve been encountering spaths in the workplace my whole life and couldn’t understand why people were that way. Understanding spaths has been empowering. It’s too bad I had to meet the epitome of evil to finally understand wtf was wrong with all the “mean girls” at the office. In both cases, it’s just a matter of envy.
Ox, thank u for the continued support. 🙂 and skylar, ive already survived one triangulation and they habe both ganged up on me now. But one is trying to be nicer now. I think shes trying to butter me up bc I am the only one here with a car and she really hates the bus! Sometimes I wonder if leaving my life behind in hawaii was worth it. My ex is a murderer and had everyone convinced I was the abuser (and at the end, I was lashing out. Id had enough). I wanted to spare my now two year old the drama of growing up around him and his family. And I went temporarily insane and went back to my disordered family, thinking the devil u know is better than the one u dont know. That was a nightmarish situation. So, nearly 9 months after making the jump, im still living with and dealing with the personality disordered. Im working with a counselor who understands that im in a toxic environment. Shes trying to teach me more skills to cope with the stress of it all. Life is kinda “eh” but I remain hopeful. And im doing everything I can think of to keep making forward progress. Things will turn around eventually. At least my daughter and I are safe and away from his lies and games.
It doesn’t seem like the author bothered to discuss the distinctions between the original three types. That would have been helpful. I think someone else posted this news story in a thread, and the writer (a different one) had gone into that a little more.
Yes, the word “office” shouldn’t be taken too narrowly. I was pleased to see the author, Oliver James, made it clear that the “office” can be any kind of workplace—including banks, schools, hospitals, the entertainment industry, academe, government and “public sector jobs,” among others.
I’m sure he’s right about “the rise of workplaces where there are no objective criteria for success or failure.” Sad to say, that does not augur well for the future. It can happen anywhere, particularly where certain individuals are permitted to profit irrespective of how their actions have affected the wellbeing and prosperity of the organizations they were supposed to be managing. An obvious example is those banking executives who still walked away with huge bonuses while the institutions they were responsible for were left financially crippled under their “leadership.”
However, I will say for the private sector that by and large a company has to succeed in providing useful products or services or it goes under, so there is a real incentive for those running it to do the job they’re paid to do. Too often that’s not so true of government and public sector jobs, where there can be far too little accountability. That can give even more scope for psychopathic types and other power-seekers to succeed in such an environment, rather than those who are effective at doing the job required of them.
As for “office politics,” for some years I worked for an excellent woman director. This woman majored originally in electrical engineering, and about the time she graduated she spoke with a careers counselor who asked her what line of work she’d like to go into. She answered that she had her eye on an academic career. Her reason for saying so was that wanted to focus on the technical aspects of the job and “didn’t want to deal with all the office politics to be found in most companies.”
The counselor’s response was to stifle a hollow laugh. He told her the sheer viciousness of the political infighting that goes on in academic institutions has to be seen to be believed! (He must have known this from personal experience!) Anyway she started a career in the private sector instead, and did very well at it. She was very well respected, and I’m happy to report that she was effective at dealing with “office politics” in general. But not everyone can cope so well.
Redwald, the counselor gave the woman good advice, plenty of nasty infighting and harassment and bullying in higher education. The egos can be colossal. Academia is like politics it attracks the same type of drama loving attention seeking power mongers.
TeaLight, any environment that presents opportunities to exert power, control, and manipulations is a hotbed for NPD and sociopathy to thrive. The worst environments that I’ve observed were (in order of magnitude):
* Law Enforcement, corrections, all things “legally” associated (judges, attorneys, etc.)
* Medical environments
* Educational environments (particularly college/university)
* Organized religion
Sports also factors into these environments and, given any particular day, could be anywhere in between.
My belief is that strong boundaries and zero tolerance for toxicity are primary protections from being drawn in the ego-generated drama/trauma of the disordered. Maintaining those boundaries is no easy task, either! In those environments, those who are vulnerable are caused to feel that they need to make alliances with toxic people to avoid being targeted by them. NO easy task to avoid that!
Brightest blessings
Very true Truthy, tough to maintain boundaries and resist toxic alliances. Someone once said the feuds in academia are so intense because there is so little at stake. Which is kind of a stoopid aphorism but makes me laugh. The idealists who tend to be the good guys and not bullies and feuders are “workhorses” who actually teach and tutor and support and the paths and bullies tend to be the cynical “race horses” who want to make names for themselves, be on TV, have grad student groupies. They are rewarded because their publications bring in kudos and dough. So they get to act like legends in their own minds although in fact their work only (usually) reaches a comparatively tiny number of specialists. And then there are the types who create fake IDs on amazon and review their own work as a “masterpiece” .
Incidentally … British historian Orlando Figes wife was revealed as being the ”reviewer” on amazon who went about rubbishing the books of his peers – in really crude , childish ways. Odd.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1266860/I-blame-wife-Top-historian-accused-rubbishing-rivals-Amazon-reviews–wife-says-SHE-did-it.html
TeaLight, I’ve seen so much disorder in academia that it’s the ideal study environment for sociological/psychological pathology.
In the U.S., there is a GREAT deal “at stake” and tenure is the main one. Once a teacher/professor earns tenure, they have to really, really WANT to be fired before they ever are! The scramble for Administrative positions is a breeding ground for the disordered mainly because tenure isn’t possible in Administrative positions, so the machinations and disorder manifests in the most underhanded manners.
My dream (snort, guffaw) was to simply TEACH. I just wanted to bring the joy and wonder of creativity into the lives of people who insisted that they couldn’t draw a straight line and had no creativity. For me, there is nothing more satisfying than watching the “I CAN’T” student move into “I always could!”
Now, my path is going in a different direction and that’s okay – in fact, it’s probably a better direction for me, eventually.
Yeah….academia….pfffffffft! (waving hand in dismissal) I don’t want ANY part of that particular gladiator arena!
Brightest blessings