How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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  2. Tea Light

    Truthy, I’m pretty desperate to get out!! But hey, it’s the economy stupid etc and jobs aren’t growing on trees.

    Here’s a thing you might be able to help me shed light on. Last time I took a vacation with the abuser , in November, I was already desperate to get out – my body was in a constant state of chronic stress – but his manipulations and lying made it very hard to see the wood. He never left me alone for more than 5 minutes, when I was in the toilet, that’s all.

    His main way of manipulating me into continuing and to try and convionce me he was on the level and separated was to wax lyrical constantly about our ”future” together in France. So on this vacation, although I had clearly stated many times – I don’t want to stay in academia, I’m burnt out, one day he began bombarding me – for well over an hour – with a monologue about how I could get a job at the local university . I could not get a word in. It was like being told, that ‘s what you are going to do. You are going to teach there. Write to them, ask for a meeting, on and on. By the end of it, I found myself brain washed into thinking, OK, I’ll do it.

    So I said, OK, I’ll have a look on their website and see who the best person to write to would be. Quick as a flash, I nearly did a double take, he said smoothly, without looking at me, ”No darling, you don’t want to teach. It doesn’t make you happy. You are very tired, you need a year off, you need to stay at home”.

    From basically ORDERING me to carry on teaching, and mapping it all out, for an hour, till my head span, he dropped it, as soon as I agreed.

    I thought I was losing my mind with this freak. Well, I did. I was. x

  4. Tea Light

    The Figes story is so bizarre. I can’t work out if she’s a narcissist overinvested in hubby’s status ( although she has plenty in her own right) or if they were both in on it. Anyway they looked a right couple of planks ( idiots). x

  5. Truthspeak

    TeaLight, that was passive/aggressive manipulation in a textbook setting!!! The exspath was pretty good at the passive/aggressive game, as well. Crazy-making stuff!

  6. Tea Light

    Truthy what the hell was going on?! Envy? But I told him – I don’t like the job? So what is there to envy? It’s going to take me years to process all the madness.

  8. Truthspeak

    TeaLight, he was setting up the crazy-making. Causing you to sacrifice for HIS illusion, and beat you down for any objection that you might have. Once you agreed to consider it, he pulled the rug out from under your feet to make you INVALID, on every level. You were NOT allowed to have your own personal goals, and you were PUNISHED for failing to submit to his demands.

    In a nutshell, it was a poor attempt at reverse psychology. Google-search the term, “Crazy making behaviors” and you’ll probably identify with the examples that you can find. I experienced the same things, and it is called “crazy-making” for a REASON.

    Brightest blessings

  9. Tea Light

    Brr. Thanks Truthy. I’ll google. It worked, I felt….like nothing. Like I had no identity or mind of my own. These people are dangerous. Really really really dangerous. But I am NC and I’m going to get through.

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