John Allen Muhammad, the D.C. Sniper, will die by lethal injection tomorrow.
John Allen Muhammad and his teenaged accomplice, Lee Boyd Malvo, terrorized the Washington, D.C. area for three weeks in October 2002. In the end, 10 people were dead and three were wounded. The victims, selected at random, were shot while doing mundane chores like pumping gas and loading Halloween decorations into a car.
I’m sure you remember the terror of the killings. But you may not realize that the killing spree was an escalation of a child custody battle.
Psychological abuse
Mildred Muhammad, the ex-wife of John Allen Muhammad, spoke at the Battered Mothers Custody Conference in Albany last January. Her story was compelling—and heartbreaking.
Mildred was married to Muhammad for 12 years, and they had three children together. Muhammad served in the Gulf War and when he returned, he became abusive.
“His behavior turned to possessiveness,” Mildred said. “I couldn’t do anything right. He was trained in psychological warfare—he was a combat engineer—and he used me as his guinea pig.”
Muhammad didn’t hit her, but inflicted psychological abuse. “Every emotion I displayed, he used against me,” Mildred said. Finally, in 1999, she asked for a divorce.
Kidnapped children
Before, during and after their divorce, Muhammad threatened to kill Mildred. He drained their bank account and kidnapped the children, taking them to Antigua for 18 months. Mildred was forced to hide in a women’s shelter for eight months in the Tacoma, Washington area.
She could not afford legal representation. So while in the women’s shelter, Mildred taught herself the law so she could represent herself. Eventually the children were located. Mildred went to court, won her case and was awarded full custody. Then she fled across the country to Maryland.
Muhammad found her. And, Mildred says, that’s why he went on the killing spree. Muhammad planned to kill her, and the rest of the murders were an elaborate ruse to cover up her murder. She would just be another of the random victims, and he could show up as the grieving ex-husband, and claim the children.
Want to win
When John Allen Muhammad was brought to trial, the prosecutor put forth Mildred’s contention that the killing spree was intended cover up the eventual death of his ex-wife. The court, however, ruled that there was insufficient evidence to support the argument.
But after all the stories I’ve heard from Lovefraud readers, I think it’s totally plausible. Sociopaths want to win. Nothing else matters to them. I believe John Allen Muhammad was willing to kill 10 innocent people, at random, just to get his way.
If ever there was a case that demonstrated the lengths a sociopath will go to in order to win, this is it.
No conscience
According to the Richmond Times-Dispatch, Muhammad’s lawyers filed an appeal with the U.S. Supreme Court last week, claiming that the killer is mentally ill and delusional.
But Paul Ebert, the Virginia prosecutor who won Muhammad’s death sentence, said, “This guy had absolutely no conscience. He killed people just like they were flies.”
Mildred also does not believe that her ex-husband is mentally ill.
Support for other victims
Mildred has written a book about her ordeal called Scared Silent. She has also founded an organization in Maryland to support survivors of domestic violence called After the Trauma.
“I started After the Trauma because of my own personal domestic violence experience and thought of all the other women in similar situations who need day-to-day assistance, as I did,” Mildred writes on her website. “After the Trauma is women who are transitioning from a domestic violence situation and are ready to take the next step into ”˜freedom.’”
Like many of us here at Lovefraud, Mildred Muhammad has been through an incredible ordeal. And like many of us, she emerged on the other side stronger, and willing to help others along the path to healing.
Here’s an easier to read version of my above comment, that is more appropriately broken up into paragrahs. I realize the above comment is hard to read:
Oxy,
I am actually pretty shocked that no one else said anything about the post Kim made to me. Did read the language she used to me after I asked a simple quetion then stated that something made me sad. I specifically said it made me feel triggered. Then, Kim posted that comment, AFTER I said I was triggered. I was the only one who wasn’t hiding, playing passive-aggressive or outright games with the Evil Clown. I am the only one who just told him that I did not want to engage with him socially and I drew my boundary.
Now, each time I am not on here for a while, Skylar has said something about me or tried to put words in my mouth and speak FOR me. She did this the other day by planting that seed and making me look pathetic in the comment she made to you about my apology to you for continuing a topic you wanted to end. I feel it was rude to use me to try to make you look bad and then she ended up slamming me unfairly. Couple with Tilly’s constant following me around the board before, it was easy for Skylar to plant little seeds, then voila! You get people like Kim who just want to jump on the bandwagon of picking on someone. Were they mad I came onto the board saying I was celebrating because of the hugest victory of my life? Why would they do that? What is going on there? By the way, my version of celebrating is to go for 2 for 1 personal pizza special around the corner and have chocolate ice-cream, not pop pills and get drunk, like others. I am actually TRYING to recover, so to deal with Skylar is difficult. I don’t deal well with drunk people. I shouldn’t have to have patience with drunk people. This isn’t a frat house. It was a weeknight, for heaven’s sake.
You know that my stance has NEVER been to leave for good and take my toys and go. Remember the post I posted a few days ago about how I didn’t think this was a good idea? I also stated that I noticed there is a lot of contention on the board and that I needed to take that into account when deciding if it is healthy for me to be here or not. I have taken a lot of time and care with this decision, because I learn so much and appreciate people like you on this board.
As I aws thinking about it all, I started noting how many times I was in a perfectly good mood and even happy for the first time in a long time. I then would come to the board and immediately get triggered and rightfully so when I come back on here and read comments that were written behind my back and using my name. Even Skylar’s post attacking EVERYONE the other night had my name. She brought me into all of this unfairly while I was gone for a whole month. I came on to read she said claimed I felt the same way about the board as her. She also said the comment to you about my apology to make me look pathetic and spinelesss, which Kim bought into perfectly, not even seeing what was going on. Skylar has played a very destructive game and I am not the only person she has hurt through this. It was so much gaslighting and undercurrent meanness covered with nice compliments, that it took me a very long time to figure out last night. When I saw her post about how she only has a few years left and wants to enjoy them, I noticed it is the EXACT same language her supposed P said to her in those supposed emails and phone conversations where she supposedly wrote down everything from an answering machine. The language she used is in her voice. As someone with a background in linguistics, it was not difficult for me to pick up on this, once I saw it. I have never been anything but nice and supportive of Skylar and I was not fake about it. I did not deserve any of this.
The good news is that I have been recovering enough to KNOW that I do not deserve it and to not hang around somewere that feels abusive right while I’m trying to heal from serious abuse. Taking all of this into consideration and coming on here again and again to find the same thing, I would be a stupid human being to continue behavior that is so obviously not working for me. It was time to reframe and start some new, healthy habits to put in the place.
I’ll be fine. I have a great therapist. Additionally, I go to a exmormon recovery support board. There are an average of 100,000 hits a day on that recovery site, so recovering from cult programming is a bit deal. As I have proceeded with therapy over the years, I have had great therapists who have helped me get to the root of my “problem”. At the root of BOTH cases of physical and sexual abuse in my life, were mormon men who are direct descendents of Joseph Smith (so am I). I
was a mormon with ancestors who were pioneers who walked across the country to Utah.. My family is the real deal mormon family, dating back to Joe himself. It’s nto hard to be related to him though when he had dozens of wives and fathered so many kids. ALL mormon men practiced this gross sexual deviant practice. Joseph even married 13 year olds and no, this was not a common age to marry back then, as many mormons will say to defend him. The average age of marriage then was 18-19. Historical documents and census records prove this to be true. He STOLE people’s wives. He told them that God told him that they were supposed to go on a mission to Europe for sometimes 5 to 10 years. Since he had convinced them all that he had private conversations with God all of the time and that if you disobey him (he claimed to be a prophet), that you would never see your family again in the after-life and that it was a sin worse than murder. So, then the men would go, and Joseph would marry their wives AND daughters. He married children of women he married. He fathered many children to very young girls who had just gone through puberty.
Joseph then taught a whole group of people that this is how men are supposed to treat women and that women are “their possessions” Mormons still say that women are their husband’s possessions (literally) and they can only go to heaven if they do exactly what their leader/owner/husband tells them to do. Period. That is why my family got mad when I left my P. They think that I condemning my child to a life in hell because they claim that only my ex-husband can “save” me when Jesus comes. This is honestly and truly how they view the world.
Luckily, I used my brain after years of being brainwashed and knew I smelled a poopy diaper, so after years of trying to deprogram this cult from my brain, I don’t buy this junk at all. Mormonism is a whole culture though, not just a religion. When people leave it, they often lose all their friends and family, much like with a P. I have lost it all twice now.
They even told me what underwear I had to wear, people! I went through their temple when I was 21 and had to wear their silly underwear they claim is magic. That’s SHORTS to my knew and an undershirt with sleeves made of polyester under all of my clothes, all the time, even when home alone in my own home with my husband. You have to wear your undershirt OVER your bra, which is gross and weird. You even have to do it in Arizona’s 115 degree temperatures, or you won’t go to heaven. A
dditionally, Joseph Smith was nothing but a conman. What exmoromons are recovering from specifically is a great con. They even say JS was a Sociopath in my other recovery forum and talk about and educate themselves about sociopaths all the time. He was a 14 year-old magician and treasure hunter. That’s what he did for fun. He was hunting for gold and treasures in the woods when he claimed he found the gold Book of Mormon and Jesus and Heavenly Father came down (with glowing, physical bodies) and told him to start this cult.
He then forced all members to pay 10% of their income and often everything they own. I was taught that anything I own is really not mine, but the mormon church’s. This is what I was taught growing up. I spent 20-30 hours of unpaid work in that cult, starting with assignments and jobs when I was only 16 years old. Now, Mormons are being told to double their tithing and receive more rewards and no, tithing is not really a choice when you are told that they only way you can be saved and go to heaven is to pay it, since you were a child. I had to pay birthday card money from my tithing and my babysitting. It doesn’t go to charity, like they claim. 1% of this money goes to tithing. The mormon church is not shy in saying their goal is to convert the whole world. That is why they do what is called “baptisms for the dead” when they baptize people who have died by proxy. Kids can do this part of temple work, so at 12 I had to get dunked over and over again in a pool of water for 30 minutes straight for all these dead people. Then, I had to do it again and again in between breaks. This how I spent my Saturdays growing up. Then, not to mention seminary at 5:00 in the morning every morning in Jr. High and High School. All to be told what was wrong with me because I was a woman and that abuse is okay kept within families. You may wonder where their other 99% of billions of dollars go? Well, for one, they are building a MALL in Salt Lake City that they just announced will now cost 3 Billion dollars. Yes, you read right. Research it. Two clicks on google and you can read all of this stuff for yourself. They only claim to give lots of money to charity. They are using stories about mothers going without heat and water to pay their tithing and promise that these women will be blessed. The leaders still take jets all over and have salaries of 500,000 plus limos and the list of their vacation spots around the world and their million dollar condos in Salt Lake. The list of their sicknesses goes on and on. They tell starving members in Argentina to pay this too. Why? So that the rich mormons can shop and give the mormon cult even more money.
My ex even looks like Joseph Smith, which makes sense since it’s his relative. Most mormons look very similar because of all of the inbreeding for years. My psychological problems could have something to do with years of this rape and inbreeding. That effects genetics, you know.
I have explained all of this because a few times my experiences as a mormon have all been brushed aside on this board and I was told all religions are like this. I wish people would do research before making statements like this. Mormons seem nice and normal because they put great effort into doing so. It’s ALL about appearances. They specifically don’t tell people about all of this weird stuff (if ever) until AFTER they are baptized and sucked in. It’s very hush-hush and you have no idea about mormons. It is not a religion. It is a destructive cult where millions of members are taught to do everything ONE man says, no matter what.
I even was forced to take a something called a “blood oath” in their secret temple where I had to do a gesture with all of the other people there, acting out disembowling myself and killing myself or letting someone kill me if I tell about the temple. I did a slitting throat hand motion and disembowlment re-enactment motion to “symbolize” my oath before God that I would kill myself if I told anything about the temple. Now I say HOGWASH. I’ll tell anyone anything I want to about any of the experiences of my life. I won’t keep their secrets anymore. By the way, they did actually killed mormons who told these things only 150 year ago. They were called Danites. It’s historical. Please, look it up if you are curious or doubting.
Mormons committed the biggest act of terrorism since 911. It is the largest act of terrorism with the most deaths of Americans against other Americans. They also killed many Dutch immigrants who came to Utah from Arkansas. They came to meet their death and have their children kidnapped. This horrific event occurred at Mountain Meadows in Utah and is called the Mountain Meadow Massacre. I have been there, to the memorial. The mormons dressed up as Native Americans and murdered women and men and some children, with axes. This is true and historical. PBS even did a special on it 2 years ago, finally! I was working on a documentary too, categorizing the vioence of this cultish organization. After slaughtering these men, women and children, they took all of the remaining kids they did not murder and adopted them. This was only a couple hundred year ago. Can you imagine being one of those kids? The crazy mormons were so paranoid that the Dutch immigrants were sent by the government to stop the polygamy that they escaped across the country to still practice, illegally in Utah. This was just a normal, nice group of Dutch pioneers who were not violent and who were NOT sent by the goverment. The mormon leader ordered these murders in the name of being able to have sex and rape multiple women and children, forcing them to marry and be one of dozens of wives. It’s sick. The mormons followed their prophet and did as he told them to do so, thinking that he (this prophet who ordered this was the second mormon prophet, Brigham Young) talked to God about it and that they would not go to heaven unless they followed these orders to murder. What about this does not sound Sociopathic? That isn’t even Joseph Smith. Many of these abusive control-freak leaders were Ps, in my opinion.
Now do you think the mormon cult is so innocent and the same as other relgions? You can look all of this stuff up because there it’s true and there are many historical documents backing it up. Mormons cannot produce ONE SINGLE document to back up any of their ridiculous claims. Now you know the damage that one Sociopath can do. The pain that Joseph Smith has caused is beyond understanding. It will be with this country for hundreds of years until people wise up and stop letting Sociopaths run the show.
So, I am still going to learn about and stay away from Sociopaths through my other, much more healthy for me, recovery group. Anyway, sorry to leave like this, but I have felt very misunderstood and attacked here and I’m trying to make emotional decisions that are healthy. And no, this is NOT like real life on this board. I understand why all of this goes on because there are so many unhealthy people on here playing off of each other, but it’s not for me anymore. Please take good care of yourselves. I do care about you and wish you the best.
Darling Jill,
I know you feel you have been attacked. I validate what you are saying about your FEELINGS. Whether you were attacked is not something I can not say yea or nay on. What I am saying is that even if you feel perfectly justified in feeling that way, basic bottom line, is that sometimes we are RAW and feel the slightest “tinyest” thing in a BIG TIME WAY. I am saying that from my own experience.
Step back kfor a second, and JUST LOOK AT what you have been through.
1) a hyper religious upbringing that you now believe is a cult
2) parents who did not validate your feelings but instead persecuted you for your beliefs
3) a brother who was abusive & no one validated your abuse.
4) a man who is dangerous and threatening to your and your son’s safety,
5) living in a shelter
6) this has been going on for over two years
Now, who on God’s green earth would not be hypervigilent, stressed to the max, and so on? What would NOT trigger you?
Honey, you have been through enough to strangle a camel! I personally think you are doing well, and wonderfully considering what you have been through and are just now starting to relax a tiny bit. YOU ARE DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT! You are taking care of yourself and your son, going to therapy, taking medication….being good to yourself!
BTW TOWANDA that your X is finally not such a legal threat to your baby and you!
If someone here on LF WAS *(I’m not sayiing IS, or accusing anyone, but just maybe) rude to you, all I am asking of YOU is that you just put it to rest now and not stew over it. In the BIG scheme of things, it is a tiny thing.
When others don’t validate us (anywhere, any time) it can hurt, but also WE CAN control our feelings about it. There are people here from time to time who OPENLY attack me, I guess because I am a mouthy old witch and I do write articles here so they think maybe I’m judging or criticizing them, but you know what…I’m at a place NOW where I can just blow it off and say “well, old suzzie has her panties in a wad today” and not let it “get to me.” It took me a WHILE to get there.
There was a time here when when someone said something “tacky” to me I would be hurt and/or angry and feel like going away. Or worse, If someone thought I had attacked them, I would feel GUILT and FEAR that I might have driven someone away from LF.
Over all, I have really had VERY few problems on LF with people who “got offended” with me and those people for the most part ended up leaving in a huff or they got banned by Donna for abusive stuff to me AND/OR others.
So I have made the STEP forward in not letting things “get to me” like I used to when I was so RAW from all the BIG ABUSE.
It’s kind of like when you are sick, the “sound” of a fly crawling across the ceiling is HORRIBLE, but when you are well, you don’t even notice the fly. LOL When someone says something you think is “tacky” just “blow it off” and say to yourself “Wow, Old Suzzie has a problem today.” And, that is generally what it is, that or just poor wording (I do that a lot)
“Should I say sorry for saying sorry?” LOL Nah, just be your sweet self and keep on doing what you are doing. You are taking care of yourself and I can SEE MARKED PROGRESS in the steps you have made since you have been here, Jill! (((Hugs))) and my prayers for ALL OF US here at LF.
jillsmith, I will miss you… I thought I made it clear last night that I did not agree with Kim’s post, if I did not reply strongly enough, I apologize (for real!) I was not hiding from Evil Clown, Donna has asked us 10,000 times not to engage with predators… so I was just ignoring him, but Clown and the people who were talking to him changed the vibe of the board into a negative place, and when I saw you post… such exciting news about your custody issues, I didn’t want to NOT respond because I was so happy for you.
Thank you for the information on the Mormon’s, I know they are a cult, but I did not know 95% of the info you wrote about.
I have only good feelings about you and respect you a great deal. You are a beautiful person, I think your one tough little cookie!!!
Thanks Oxy and shabbychic,
I will miss you guys. I don’t think you owe me any kind of an apology at all, shabby. I adore you and was grateful for your words last night. I should have taken the time to tell you that. I was caught up in that nasty whirlwind last night and was too distracted. Thanks for both of your love and support. I wish you all the best.
Love,
Jill
Jill,
I hear that you are feeling unhappy about the things that were said last night. I assure you for myself and – I think I can speak for Kim – none of it was meant in a mean spirited way toward you. Not last night or ever before. People thought they were making helpful comments but maybe they just chose the wrong words.
I like you and respect what you have survived, Jill. I’ve never said anything derogatory toward you. My post a while back which mentioned you was only that I remember you asked about “cliques” on LF. Do you remember that? I thought it was unfortunate that anyone could come on this board and think that there are cliques and I hoped people would think about how we had created that kind of appearance and maybe try not to do that anymore. I WAS NOT BLAMING YOU FOR THAT APPEARANCE, I was asking the members to think about how WE create that appearance. I also said that it might be better if people felt more comfortable disagreeing about topics of discussion. Because it seems to me that there is some peer pressure here to agree with each other. I just don’t see that as a learning environment when dissenting opinions are doused. The fact is, that I had observed this but never said anything until I felt like I had been attacked repeatedly for choosing to have contact with my xP. Then someone was apologizing for posting in my defence and others apologized just for having posted after Oxy’s suggested we drop the subject. I thought, how ironic…who decides what information is good and what isn’t?
I don’t know how to convince you that we all like you. I can hear how hurt you are. Kim did apologize to you, she took full blame for her choice of words. I don’t know what else she could do. Please don’t be angry at her, she is very sensitive too.
BTW, I wasn’t drunk, I did take half a lunesta, and you took an AMBIEN, so we were on (almost) the same page (my doctor doesn’t approve of ambien he says its too harsh). I like to joke around with people on this board in the evening. I like to have a laugh and encourage others to make comic retorts, I thought everyone enjoyed these cyber-parties where we PRETEND to be waving skillets and drinks. That’s why I was elusive when EC asked what I was drinking. I didn’t want to admit it was apple juice. OK?
On another subject, that guy, EC, was actually very informative for me. He mentioned Frame Control and I had never heard of it. I have been using the word “stories” to explain why the P’s can lie and stick to their lies no matter how you present the truth to them.
I began researching Frame Control today and it’s amazing the information I found. It’s a term pickup artists are using for manipulating women. P’s do this naturally from childhood, but there are entire books written about the techniques, for people who don’t have this natural ability but want to be like a P. (pathetic?)
I think this is really important information for us to have so we know when we are being targetted by a PUA (pick up artist) This is some of what I found.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seduction_community
For me, having this information gives me a big boost in identifying RED FLAGS. If someone needs to use “techniques” to get to know me, I don’t think I want to know them.
Skylar,
Thanks for taking the time to post this to me. I’m still confused about all of the gas lighting (is that the phrase?) that I have seen the last couple of times it has been on here. I don’t know where or who it’s coming from. I have my theories, but they are just that and not fact. The only thing I DO know is what I feel and I have to honor my feelings and heal. Yes, Oxy is right that we have a choice to how we react to other people. No one MAKES us feel a certain way. I’ve always had this view. We also have a right to speak up for ourselves and leave unhealthy environments. This is part of being emotionally healthy.
I’m not mad at you. I’m not mad or angry at Kim. I felt very hurt and confused by Kim last night, but she explained things. The more I think about it, the more I believe her intentions, but her words still hurt me. She didn’t intend to do so though. I’m not going to waste my time on any silly grudges and wish you all the best. Take good care of yourselves. I’m not leaving because I’m mad or want someone to feel guilty. I woud never want someone to feel a negative emotion because of me. Especially not any of you who have been hurt. I just have to do what is right for me.
I’ll admit I was mad last night and hurt and confused. Today I am being empowered and taking controll back of my life. I felt like I gave that control away last night and let a handful of people hijack my recovery. I’m the one that allowed that and I need to be stronger. I’m working on it.
Take care. I’m sorry for being so suspect of you. I just don’t really know what to make of all of this, but I’m just going to let it all go. I am very hurt, so I’m going to go heal. I don’t need this in my life right now. I’m in control of who I let in and don’t in my life. I have not exercised this basic right and need enough in my life in the past, so I honor myself by doing so now. I know that not all of you agree with this personal approach and philosophy that I have chosen to apply to my own life. I’m me though and I’m the one in charge of my life, so I’m doing it anyway. Please take good care of yourselves and thanks for sharing your friendship and support.
EC, I’m not allowed to talk to you. sorry, it isn’t fair, but I don’t own this blog, Donna does and those are her rules. You will have to ask her for permission or something.
I do appreciate the FC info.
Jill, gas-lighting is when you tell people that the sky is falling or there will be breadlines, the aliens are coming, you should worry about this or that.
I thought I was very keen to gas-lighting but I didn’t notice any. I would ask you to give me an example but I’m afraid someone might take offense if you point out their behavior.
Oh, I have an idea. Use me as an example, maybe I did something that you consider gaslighting? I won’t be offended if you tell me. If I don’t think I did it, I will simply explain why it was a misunderstanding.
Jill Smith,
On behalf of Lovefraud, I want to apologize for any statements posted in these comments that were hurtful to you.
I also want to thank you for the information you posted about the Mormons. It was very enlightening. It must have been awful to grow up under those conditions.
Congratulations on your victory about your child. That is the best news ever!
Thank you, Donna. I think that my over-sensitivity is also one factor. At least I made it out of mormonism.
LF: Did any of you hear about the 6 men in MO who sexually abused family members for years? They are from a branch of the Mormon church. Actually, the sect they happen to be in is the exact same as the original mormon religion, but without the polygamy because it’s illegal. The main sect has changed a lot of the earlier mormon doctrine, but this sect is the very original mormon church. This kind of thing is very common in mormon families. It was not just happening in my mormon family. Here’s a link: http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/11/12/missouri.child.sexual.abuse/index.html?eref=igoogle_cnn
Okay. Now I’ll give it a rest because I know this is not a mormon recovery forum. I just thought the story of these guys had a similar ring to it as other major sex abuse sociopathic crimes we have talked about on here. Thank you for caring and being interested in what I posted about mormonism. I have have been dealing with the scars they left since I first left their organization in 2000. I have begun to think I may never get past it. Thanks for your kind message though. I sound very negative because I’m having a very hard day after last night. This is the hardest day I have had since being with my abuser.