John Allen Muhammad, the D.C. Sniper, will die by lethal injection tomorrow.
John Allen Muhammad and his teenaged accomplice, Lee Boyd Malvo, terrorized the Washington, D.C. area for three weeks in October 2002. In the end, 10 people were dead and three were wounded. The victims, selected at random, were shot while doing mundane chores like pumping gas and loading Halloween decorations into a car.
I’m sure you remember the terror of the killings. But you may not realize that the killing spree was an escalation of a child custody battle.
Psychological abuse
Mildred Muhammad, the ex-wife of John Allen Muhammad, spoke at the Battered Mothers Custody Conference in Albany last January. Her story was compelling—and heartbreaking.
Mildred was married to Muhammad for 12 years, and they had three children together. Muhammad served in the Gulf War and when he returned, he became abusive.
“His behavior turned to possessiveness,” Mildred said. “I couldn’t do anything right. He was trained in psychological warfare—he was a combat engineer—and he used me as his guinea pig.”
Muhammad didn’t hit her, but inflicted psychological abuse. “Every emotion I displayed, he used against me,” Mildred said. Finally, in 1999, she asked for a divorce.
Kidnapped children
Before, during and after their divorce, Muhammad threatened to kill Mildred. He drained their bank account and kidnapped the children, taking them to Antigua for 18 months. Mildred was forced to hide in a women’s shelter for eight months in the Tacoma, Washington area.
She could not afford legal representation. So while in the women’s shelter, Mildred taught herself the law so she could represent herself. Eventually the children were located. Mildred went to court, won her case and was awarded full custody. Then she fled across the country to Maryland.
Muhammad found her. And, Mildred says, that’s why he went on the killing spree. Muhammad planned to kill her, and the rest of the murders were an elaborate ruse to cover up her murder. She would just be another of the random victims, and he could show up as the grieving ex-husband, and claim the children.
Want to win
When John Allen Muhammad was brought to trial, the prosecutor put forth Mildred’s contention that the killing spree was intended cover up the eventual death of his ex-wife. The court, however, ruled that there was insufficient evidence to support the argument.
But after all the stories I’ve heard from Lovefraud readers, I think it’s totally plausible. Sociopaths want to win. Nothing else matters to them. I believe John Allen Muhammad was willing to kill 10 innocent people, at random, just to get his way.
If ever there was a case that demonstrated the lengths a sociopath will go to in order to win, this is it.
No conscience
According to the Richmond Times-Dispatch, Muhammad’s lawyers filed an appeal with the U.S. Supreme Court last week, claiming that the killer is mentally ill and delusional.
But Paul Ebert, the Virginia prosecutor who won Muhammad’s death sentence, said, “This guy had absolutely no conscience. He killed people just like they were flies.”
Mildred also does not believe that her ex-husband is mentally ill.
Support for other victims
Mildred has written a book about her ordeal called Scared Silent. She has also founded an organization in Maryland to support survivors of domestic violence called After the Trauma.
“I started After the Trauma because of my own personal domestic violence experience and thought of all the other women in similar situations who need day-to-day assistance, as I did,” Mildred writes on her website. “After the Trauma is women who are transitioning from a domestic violence situation and are ready to take the next step into ”˜freedom.’”
Like many of us here at Lovefraud, Mildred Muhammad has been through an incredible ordeal. And like many of us, she emerged on the other side stronger, and willing to help others along the path to healing.
Kim, did you even try boinking the clouds? You say it doesn’t work, but I wonder if anyone has even tried. LOL!!!
Star, I never boinked a cloud, but then again, I never had a magic skillet, either. I did however, jump up and down in the puddles on the streets, hoping that the streaks of red and green neon would somehow dye my. jeans. Never happened. My tennis shoes got wet, and up to my knees in cold and wet Seattle rain I’d walk myself home as if defeated. And then again I’d descend into the streets, to try to harness the rain. I’d find myself soaked, cold and alone, the water beading up and running off my face in rivulets, all the time cursing, with my fist in the air, “damn you, I’d say. Damn the rain…….
Kim, when you said “It’s so sad, isn’t it?” it sounds to me like you are mad at yourself. Is this true?
If so, how else do you think you could have come out of your particular childhood? Was there some failure of character in the child you were? Was there something she neglected to do?
I spent most of my life with a vague belief that I should have done something to change my family and to change my circumstances in that family. I should have found some way to make my father stop behaving the way he did. Or to save my siblings. Or to convince my mother to leave him, so that even if we grew up in poverty, we wouldn’t grow up in fear.
This was embedded in me, just like the belief that I was responsible for not making him mad. But in my recovery process, I started taking long hard looks at these vague, self-hating beliefs.
Every step I took in my life looked like the right step at the time. Even the most awful mistakes were created by the best efforts of this very good brain of mine to figure out what was the best thing to do. And even when I fell madly in love, I thought that those powerful feelings were what I was supposed to be listening to. (And long after the fact, I realize they actually were. Because the most difficult and challenging relationships were also the ones that taught me the most important lessons for the future.)
There are a lot of things I’d do differently today, if the same situations arose. And I have regrets about some of the pain I caused other people. But I can’t regrets my decisions. They were the best I could do at the time, and that child, girl and woman became the person I am today.
You mentioned the third eye. It is also the sixth chakra, and my understanding of it is something like yours, but a little different. This is how I understand the chakras, and I’m mentioning it because it helps, I think, to understand our developmental path. They go from bottom to top:
1. Security — the grounded red chakra that is related to our brain stem function and pure survival issues. Food, shelter, sleep, physical safety. Associated feelings are Fear and safety/comfort.
2. Sensation — the orange chakra that is related to our limbic emotional system, what feels good and bad, our emotional learnings and addictions. Associated feelings are Discontent/boredom and happiness/delight.
3. Power — the yellow chakra that is related to our left cerebral cortex, reason, influence, categorizaiton, will. Particularly awareness of our individual ability to affect the world. Associated feelings are anger/frustration and satisfaction/triumph.
4. Love — the turquoise heart chakra related our right cerebral cortex and our ability to open ourselves up to connection, compassion and sense of belonging in the great network of life. The heart chakra is the pivotal chakra where we begin to perceive ourselves as more than individuals. Associated feelings are open-heartedness and resistance.
5. Expression — the blue throat chakra related to our forebrain functions of awareness of past and future time, the uniqueness of our experience, the great logic that pervades everything and, of course, our ability to feel all this and choose. Because while language in all its forms is the raw material of expression, what expression is really is choice and creation. Associated feelings are a sense of mobility/freedom and burden.
6 Cornucopia — the indigo third-eye chakra which intuitively grasps the the great web of destiny as a form of divine interest, in which we participate as embodiments of God’s attention. At this level we see beyond the personal, and in fact our egos fade as we sense our role in something that is designed perfectly and in which we can trust. Our “insight” becomes fine-tuned. The associated feelings are trust and distrust.
7. Cosmic Consciousness — the blue-tinged white crown chakra which is fully open to the great everything. It is where we are connected to the divine network and probably resides in scientific terms in the mitochondria, the racial memory of our DNA. I’m not sure there is language for the associated feelings for this chakra, but maybe it would be something like joyous awe with the counterpoint being the pull of karma, dragging us back into the material plane.
I mention these as keys to our progress, because we need to, more or less, develop our conscious awareness and use of each chakra level in our childhood development to move onto the next. If we have never known anything but physical hunger, it is very difficult to imagine progressing up through conscious knowledge and confidence in our own power.
Actually all the chakras are born into us, or develop in our first 20 years or so. They are all working right now in all of us. But our understanding of our experience is based on our consciousness of where we are. We can grow up through the chakra path at different rates in different aspects of our lives. Most of us known someone who was a gifted spiritual leader but who was emotionally retarded in other ways.
But that is also why we can meditate on the sixth chakra and find insight, even though at a conscious level we are still struggling with mastery of power and just getting our first whiffs of the consciousness of love. We are tapping what is already inside of us, but not consciously accessible unless we go looking for it. And if we haven’t truly made our way there yet, we’re going to interpret its aspect in terms of where our consciousness are now. If we are discontented or bored, and looking for a new lover to lift us out of it, the third eye may give us a flash of insight of where to look or who to choose, but it can’t change the experience we must go through to obtain the lessons to move up the ladder.
I’m not talking about this to recruit anyone to my way of thinking. This is not my religion, but one of the metaphors that supports my belief system. The chakras are a model for self-understanding and they are related to ideas of chi or the meridien points of acupuncture. They illustrate the same developmental path that is outlined in the tarot and the runes. All this wisdom is similar, which suggests, if not a common source, at least some kind of racial understanding of the nature of human development and our place in the universe.
If you are interested, I started studying all this seriously after I had a metaphysical experience that lasted a few weeks while I was recuperating from my breakdown in my mid-twenties. It threw me right into the sixth chakra awareness, and if I told you what I saw in those weeks, you’d probably think I was crazy. It not uncommon for people to have these experiences associated with emotional breaks, because the hold of consensus reality (or the veil of Maya) can loosen or thin at times like this. There’s a very good book about the psychology of these experiences call “Spiritual Emergencies” by the Drs. Stanilov and Christina Grof, if anyone here is going through something like it. And for more information about the chakras, I highly recommend “The Handbook to Higher Consciousness” by Ken Keyes.
I’m afraid this may be a bit off topic, but hopefully it’s useful to someone.
Kahy
Good night, all. I’m heading for the jar of peanut butter cookies and a glass of soy milk for dessert, and then off to bed. Sweet dreams.
Dear Skylar and Kathy and Kim, thank you so much for your insights!
The shame was always a big issue for me as my whole family was so shameless, albeit always telling me to be ashamed of something (I know this is maybe not making any sense, and in fact it was like this).
Sky, I think the little child in yourself is very much expressing herself, through the tummy! I was very glad that I finally got a physical reaction last year when I was going through my first big fugue state. I was then realizing that it was not about the X but it was about my parents who were absolutely so self absorbed with each other and completely neglecting us that I could FEEL the pain of sitting at the cold stairs with a full bladder and an empty stomach and tired and not knowing when they return, at the age of 6 with two little siblings to care for.
When I felt this feeling in the stomach last year I knew that it is now really “work in progress”, not just “thinking about”, but “working through”, putting the soul into “deep clensing”, “digesting”, even what is unpalatable. I think when I have to “digest” something, it is incorporating the good things and let go of the rest, and I can look at it as “shit” or “manure”, depending where I put it to further fertilize other things or being a constant nuisance (shit and manure were by the way my first words I learned in English besides the bare necessities to be able to talk in a foreign language 😉 ).
I have had to learn to cherish my “gut feeling” a lot last year, and it has become my foremost counsel in any aspect of life, be it buying new clothing, getting a new job, even at present at work when I get this strange feeling in my stomach I pay close attention to it and I know I have been triggered and have to do some work or pay attention to something bad going on. I think that the gut is underrated and the neocortex is WAY overrated in that respect! I read somewhere that the gut contains as much synapses as the “real” brain!
The X will numb your stomach again, maybe, when you head back to him. It will impede you from listening to your gut.
You also mentioned: “Throughout my life, I’ve noticed that sometimes the close bonds between some people will make others feel left out because they are new or haven’t made friends within a group yet. So, I’m trying to refrain from making anyone feel that way in whatever situation I find myself. I want everyone, old and new, to feel equal, if at all possible. ”
In my working situation I am now facing that I am left out on purpose by some supposed to be close coworkers. I have learned the hard way that it is the responsibility of everybody to “make friends” or get into a group, everyone on her/his own pace. I am kind to newbies but do not engage in “group bonding” anymore. The ones who desire to know me will approach me anyway and the others are followers of the bullies and that is OK with me too.
Unfortunately the evil ones have brought some of the newbies not to talk to me either. But I cannot force them to talk to me either. The good thing is I discovered the blessings of silence. It is not my obligation to entertain and keep everybody happy, or fill in some emptiness. Very relieving! I used to be a very good entertainer keeping everybody laughing with humorous stories about my dysfunctional family and my own mishaps. Until I discovered that they used it to ridicule me.
Whenever I feel my stomach then I know that there is more assertive training on my part necessary, and that I must and will not be dependable on the rare random niceness of evil bigot people.
Last year I also got triggered by some people here on LF, and I felt even insulted. After a while I decided to not read their entries any more, as also the entries here a an offer to communicate I can accept or not, and as nobody is watching me on my computer it is not even embarrassing the writer.
But I must say you all at LF are blessings, the mix of old and new, different stages of healing, and especially the weekends give me lots and lots of food for thought to make personal progress. Blessings to you all in foggy cold but hopefully snugly november ((((((Hugs)))))
Kathleen, whew!
so much wisdom in your post, I’ll have to print that one out too. Thanks for bringing me back to the concept of AUTHORITY. I think it’s a key concept to get a handle on with so much “freudian” connotation, that you could write a whole book just on that. Authority is one of the things that N’s envy and become parasitical on. If you don’t get your book out soon, I’ll have enough material to publish my own, titled: The Teachings of Kathleen, how I learned to grow up. I agree that the Chakras can help, so I got some Chakra music. Now I just need time to listen to it.
Libelle,
sometimes I think I’m the only one with the feelings you describe. The feeling that evil people can “smell” that I’m vulnerable and quickly make me the target. Laughter can help, putting your ego aside can also help. But you are right, combining the two, will backfire. Evil people are predictable, you just have to be able to discern what their favorite target is and diffuse it the best you can.
JaneSmith,
No! please don’t stop being yourself, that’s not what I meant at all! See? How easy it is to say the wrong thing because everyone interprets things thru their own prism? Obviously, I complement everyone too. What I meant is that I just want to be extra aware of how everyone in the “room” is percieving the conversation. It’s hard and I ended up (in this case) making you feel like you needed to explain your compliments. I didn’t mean to do that. I’m glad you will always be generous with your compliments.
Star, I can’t tell anyone how I found out because I’m worried for the safety of everyone and I have no evidence. The evidence is spread out over 25 years in different peoples’ memories. But now I know where and to what kind of person he is targeting. It’s so sick.
The universe gave me an unbelievable, soul-shaking, earth-rattling weekend. I met someone, got a job offer, discovered all this pedaphile stuff and I’m still reeling. I had only went out to run errands on Friday and the coincidences and bizarreness just started happening completely out of my control or direction. And they still haven’t stopped. My mind is overloaded but I’m not scared.
Skylar,
When I wrote the above post, I wasn’t referring to anything that was said on this thread. It goes back to a dialogue I had with Kathleen. She said that compliments aren’t necessary any longer for her, as she is quite comfortable with her own realistic perspective of herself (slight variation of the conversation, but the meaning is apparent).
Sweetheart, I do understand how sensitive and vigilant many of the folks are on here. I was the same way when I jumped in on my first post over a year ago. I was still realing from confusion and heartache from a recent involvement with a truly messed up dude.
I was uber sensitive, deeply concerned with not being accepted, believed, and offending or being offended. I was super careful with my responses, hopefully treating others with the respect and concern they deserve as I fundamentally realized how cruel words directed to me are like needle sharp daggers prodding at my heart. I did not wish to inflict any harm on people who were on my side. Who were not the sick, evil humanoids preying on the vulnerable.
I’m no longer in that sensitive, easily hurt place. I am healed from that pain and all past pains and misery. It took time to work on the past and to work on strengthening myself. I couldn’t have done it alone. The Triune God has been with me through it all, and I pleaded for help, for the strength to overcome my own inner demons because I very much wanted sublime joy, happiness and tranquility in my life.
I knew that this was possible as I slowly, over time with many prayers, became the woman I really was. That happy, determined, kind, gentle and generous woman who I am now. Today.
I guess I viewed it in simplistic terms: I could be happy or I could be miserable. Make a choice. Choose. And I chose happiness.
I think my confidence came about during my healing process as I became aware I don’t NEED any one person. That I don’t need their approval, their acceptance, their love and concern. I can give myself all these things and more.
Of course, I appreciate kind words, respect and admiration from the people I am super close to or even strangers. The special ones I dearly love and care for. But it’s become more of a mutual admiration society. Goodness and light is always shared and it is quite beneficial for each other.
So, there it is. I am not personally hurt or irritated by any words written on here. What bothers me, what confounds me is the hurt, whether it is misinterpreted, imagined or real, between one or more of you lovely folks.
You are all wonderful and sweet and loving and compassionate so I will admit to being confused with there is conflict. But, seriously, it’s none of my business and you all are mature adults and have been through much worse than having to read a few words on a website. Much worse.
You can work it out and learn, heal as you do.
Peace
🙂
I got my Jane Smith fix for the day —:)
Aww, you’re such an earth angel, Henry.
Why don’t you come on over to my casa and I’ll make you my terrific homemade vegetable soup? So warm and tasty!
And that maniac Jack Frost has made his presence known by slinging some snow showers up here in Idaho. But, it’s cozy and toasty here, in my sanctuary, so no problem.
🙂