John Allen Muhammad, the D.C. Sniper, will die by lethal injection tomorrow.
John Allen Muhammad and his teenaged accomplice, Lee Boyd Malvo, terrorized the Washington, D.C. area for three weeks in October 2002. In the end, 10 people were dead and three were wounded. The victims, selected at random, were shot while doing mundane chores like pumping gas and loading Halloween decorations into a car.
I’m sure you remember the terror of the killings. But you may not realize that the killing spree was an escalation of a child custody battle.
Psychological abuse
Mildred Muhammad, the ex-wife of John Allen Muhammad, spoke at the Battered Mothers Custody Conference in Albany last January. Her story was compelling—and heartbreaking.
Mildred was married to Muhammad for 12 years, and they had three children together. Muhammad served in the Gulf War and when he returned, he became abusive.
“His behavior turned to possessiveness,” Mildred said. “I couldn’t do anything right. He was trained in psychological warfare—he was a combat engineer—and he used me as his guinea pig.”
Muhammad didn’t hit her, but inflicted psychological abuse. “Every emotion I displayed, he used against me,” Mildred said. Finally, in 1999, she asked for a divorce.
Kidnapped children
Before, during and after their divorce, Muhammad threatened to kill Mildred. He drained their bank account and kidnapped the children, taking them to Antigua for 18 months. Mildred was forced to hide in a women’s shelter for eight months in the Tacoma, Washington area.
She could not afford legal representation. So while in the women’s shelter, Mildred taught herself the law so she could represent herself. Eventually the children were located. Mildred went to court, won her case and was awarded full custody. Then she fled across the country to Maryland.
Muhammad found her. And, Mildred says, that’s why he went on the killing spree. Muhammad planned to kill her, and the rest of the murders were an elaborate ruse to cover up her murder. She would just be another of the random victims, and he could show up as the grieving ex-husband, and claim the children.
Want to win
When John Allen Muhammad was brought to trial, the prosecutor put forth Mildred’s contention that the killing spree was intended cover up the eventual death of his ex-wife. The court, however, ruled that there was insufficient evidence to support the argument.
But after all the stories I’ve heard from Lovefraud readers, I think it’s totally plausible. Sociopaths want to win. Nothing else matters to them. I believe John Allen Muhammad was willing to kill 10 innocent people, at random, just to get his way.
If ever there was a case that demonstrated the lengths a sociopath will go to in order to win, this is it.
No conscience
According to the Richmond Times-Dispatch, Muhammad’s lawyers filed an appeal with the U.S. Supreme Court last week, claiming that the killer is mentally ill and delusional.
But Paul Ebert, the Virginia prosecutor who won Muhammad’s death sentence, said, “This guy had absolutely no conscience. He killed people just like they were flies.”
Mildred also does not believe that her ex-husband is mentally ill.
Support for other victims
Mildred has written a book about her ordeal called Scared Silent. She has also founded an organization in Maryland to support survivors of domestic violence called After the Trauma.
“I started After the Trauma because of my own personal domestic violence experience and thought of all the other women in similar situations who need day-to-day assistance, as I did,” Mildred writes on her website. “After the Trauma is women who are transitioning from a domestic violence situation and are ready to take the next step into ”˜freedom.’”
Like many of us here at Lovefraud, Mildred Muhammad has been through an incredible ordeal. And like many of us, she emerged on the other side stronger, and willing to help others along the path to healing.
Dear Jill,
WONDERFUL insight and I would neeeeeever say “I told you so!” months ago that you just neede to relax and treat your baby like a baby and not be so anxious! LOL ROTFLMAO I don’t get a chance to say “I told you so” very often, but then I restrain my self and would neeeevvvverr do it! (((hugs)))
I know what you mean about the “feelings on your sleeve” kind of thing, and that is a NORMAL STAGE in all of this healing sweetie! Believe me it is NORMAL. So quit hitting yourself on the head about it, it WILL PASS—I promise you.
You’ve had some hard “licks” and scares and ANYONE who is “normal” would be having some REACTIONS to all this trauma so you don’t be so hard on yourself and don’t worry about that lovely little boy, he will do just fine if you just love him and give him plenty of your time and love, and so oyou are OBVIOUSLY DOING THAT NOW, so quit’yer’worrying! Don’t make me get the skillet! ((((hugs))) and as always, you are in my prayers sweetie. Love Oxy
Oxy,
I’ll say it then. You told me so. 😉 Yes, relaxing helps a lot. I had a strange dream in a land where trees could talk. I went up to HUGE tree and asked it what wisdom it has learned about life in all of its years. The tree said, “Be. Just be.” I woke up and really thought about it, as silly as talking trees might seem. I think it was my subconscious mind’s way of saying, “CHILL OUT!” Anyway, I think that will be my new mantra. Be. Just be.
I actually bought my son a little boy baby doll after I was told it helps with nurturing skills. She said that more little boys should have dolls to learn this skill. She said it’s the easiest way for kids to learn empathy and friendship when they’re this tiny. I thought that was great and cool to give him a doll. He loves his little friend! It’s so cute and makes me smile to see him hug and kiss his little baby. He likes to feed it a lot too. A funny thing is that he lifted his shirt and holds the doll close. Could he have an emotional memory of breast feeding? I thought it was funny.
Thanks for saying that about reactions to trauma. I do need to be less hard on myself. I’m incredibly hard on myself and ironically, it makes things worse for myself, not better. It’s not a good motivator for change and healthy improvement. Easier said than done. That’s my other weakness: Being able to analyze a situation and come up with a logical solution and though process, but having a difficult time applying it and putting it to action, as far as my P recovery goes. Well, there’s always room for improvement, right? I guess I need to remind myself of things I’m doing right now and again.
Thanks for the prayers.
By the way, how are you? How did things turn out with that minister? Or is that a bad topic? How’s the farm? Anything new?
Edit: thought process, not “though process”
Jill:
Good to see you here…..and I am so glad you continue to explore yourself and your baby.
Sometimes we gotta just let it happen huh!!!!
Keep on keepen on girly!!
XXOO
EB
Dear Jill,
“Emotional memory” my arse!? Of course he REMEMBERS! He may eventually “forget” it, but who knows he may not. Believe it or not I have memories from about 12 months, they are visual memories, (not verbal ones) but I described them to my egg donor (who did not believe me) and I said, “do you remember where I was when X happened?” she said “yes” and I said “on the end of the couch when it was on the North wall of my grandmother’s living room and I was on the East end of the couch. She couldn’t believe it, but I DID remember and the incident happened before I was a year old.
I have other memories from age 2 and 3 that are as vivid today as they were then. They are sort of like little 10 second “snippets” of video without sound, so they are essentially preverbal, but yes, memory goes a LONG way back.
My P-son was operated on at age 5 months and until he was 6 years old you could not sit him on a table without him being afraid (people put him on a table to do things that hurt him) and also people in white shirts (back in those days all medical and nursing personnel wore white) In those days they wouldn’t let the parents stay there all the time like now, and also even if they had, I wouldn’t have known that he would “know” or remember at that age. He eventually “forgot” these memories (or repressed them) but the thing is being nursed is a good memory that your son remembers now.
I think many (if not all) of us expect MORE OUT OF OURSELVES than we would EVER expect from someone else. I know that I am sure that way.It is also natural for a new mother to be anxious about their baby, but in moderation. I know that you have had so many VALID FEARS about your baby, but just relax, let the kid be a kid, it sounds like he is growing and maturing at a great rate and sounds very sharp as well. Lots of loving, attention and consistency is what a kid needs and outside of him getting enough to eat and his butt washed, that is about all they do need for quite some time. He is getting that!
Looking back on it I was probably the most ignorant new mother you can imagine, ,and looking back I can also say I was one of the best! I stayed at home, nursed my kids, played with them (they are great new toys and play things!) and read to them from the time they came home from the hospital and talked to them. If ignorance would kill a kid mine would have been dead at birth! But I ENJOYED seeing them grow and learn and that is the best thing that any mother can do. You are doing that and much more!!!! So you give yourself a pat on the back! You are doing just great and he sounds like a great kid! Just ENJOY him while a band aid will fix his worst problems! (((hugs))))
PS: To answer your questions:
The minister thing was a BUST, the guy is such a narcissist and frankly I don’t think he believed half of what we said, even with the fact I had a man who was a non-family member and was also known to him as a witness. He sent me a letter along with the papers I left with him to read proving my son was involved in trying to have me killed, and telling me that “anger and bitterness” were sins. Well, I don’t think anger is a sin since jesus was ANGRY and I figure if it is good enough for jesus it is okay for me too if it is justified. Not that I conotinue to hold on to it forever, but you know what I mean I think. He also told me it was a sin to not go to church, but the funny thing is he doesn’t know if I go to church or not, only that I don’t attend where my egg donor goes. LOL but he assured me he is NOT JUDGING ME. LOL Pithed me off for a little while but I am over it now and can laugh about it.
I didn’t have much hope it would work in the first place, but realize now that it had NO chance of working. Never did much like this minister any way, he always appeared to much “holier than thou” but thought he MIGHT BE SINCERE. Oh, well….we’ve all thought that about a lot of folks, haven’t we.
We’ve had wonderful weather here lately (more than 8 days without rain—the first since mid june! So have been outside enjoying the weather!
Dear oxy and all of you. I really could use a cyber group hug right now.I have to admit Ive laid low for a while as I was upset and a bit confused re the comings and goings about skylar,I still think Oxy is 100% correct, NC is the only way to go, but I did get mentally thrown by all the ifs and buts. You warned me, oxy,[and others} that I would “teeter totter” as you say in the us,-we say ‘see saw” but its the same thing, re my older daughter. Im in a bad place right now,-my problem is that Ive squelched down so much pain, anger, rage, hurt and down right confusion for so long, re both my adult girls. Now that Ive been NC with D by phone since end of June, this year,{when I wrote to her setting my 2 boundaries, the main one being an apology,only one ,for ll the truly terrible stuff shes put me through}. Of course, I know I have to accept its very unlikely short of a miracle that an apology will be forth coming, so I now have to accept I may never see her again. Sometimes the FOG overtakes me, and I think, “Im still her Mother, how can I do this?” Other days like today, the rage, humiliation and hurt at what shes done in the past seems to stick in my craw. I was gaslighted for so long by both my ex husband and both my girls, {all 3 are ps], I see that now.Ive damped down all the rage for so long just to get to see my 3 grandkids. And she used to be furious with me! Even tho I hadnt done any thing to her. I had to meet her husband after Holly was born, to find out if I was going to be allowed to even SEE the new baby.{This was nearly 15 years ago.} She finally relented and let David and I come to visit her in hospital, when Holly was 3 days old. I took lovely baby things, also a beauty case filled with all sorts of nice smelly things for her, soaps, creams, shampoos, bubble bath, etc.
All she said was”Put it at the end of the bed.” She lay and glared at me, and wouldnt even speak to me, and was even reluctant to let me hold the baby.Ill never forget the hatred in her eyes. What for? I couldnt work it out, as David and I had showere d her with love and kindness.I was still hurting from her banning me from her wedding the previous october, when she was7 months pregnant with Holly.And sending an invite to David. {Who naturally didnt go!]Im still no nearer to understanding these sub humans and when its your own flesh and blood, its even harder.I keep getting terrible flashbacks of her beating me with that bamboo pole, throwing that red hot steam iron at my head, destroying my art studio, and paintings. I havent been able to paint since that day, despite having had my work exhibited in the Royal Scottish Academy in Edinburgh, at only 21 years of age. Do you think its jealousy?She was very good at art at school, before falling in with the punks. All her folio of work in her last school year were parodys of my mythological paintings, poking fun at them. I said nothing at the time but it did hurt me.She could be so nice on the phone, but I realise now, it was all to butter me up before touching me for more money. No More!I guess Im just having a bad day. hel, I used to have bad years!!I have so much to be thankful for.Love, and {{HUGS!!}}} Gem.XXX
Mama Bear Gem!!!
Huge ((((((((((hugs))))))))))
I’m praying for you
I’m so sorry for your pain, anger and confusion
I have missed you. I love you and so does God!!
Love,hugs, and prayers, daughter heavenbound
Dear Gem –
You’ve lived through pain with your family I can’t even imagine. Someone
here will know your whole story much better than I but as an artist, I hope
you can find your way back to painting or some kind of artistic expression
if you have the wonderful gift you must. I know I must use art as my own salvation, it has gotten me through so much – I just had to write you to say
yes, it could be jealousy on your daughter’s part, and just the fact that
she sees your goodness AND your talent, aside from the fact that young
people just want to forge their own way no matter what.
I’m not expressing this well but I hope you can see your way to being able
to be a grandmother as well, it is the saving grace of my life right now
when I see my first grandson. I’ll be thinking of you, you have good reason to have laid low and glad you posted now. Again, I hope you can
start to draw and paint again, it seems that that could bring you some
comfort and release. Pick a new myth that would inspire you and have
some connection with what’s going on in your heart.
Gem~
Days like this we must remind ourselves of BALANCE!
Keep the lows at medium and keep the highs on medium….
WE do have days when we are angry at WHY are we here…..with this situation in our laps…..WE didn’t choose this…..
These are the days we gotta “Shake it up”…..try and get out, do somethng nice for ourselves, reminding ouselves that we are in a good place TODAY!
I’m sorry Gem…..I’m so sorry!!!
I’m sending you an EB love…..OOOhhhh, did I squeeze you too tight?
🙂
XXOO
EN
Thank you SO much, heavenbound, Persephone, and Erin! Your love and support mean so much to me.I know we all have good and bad days. Today, i did a lot! I cleaned the entire house, {including our 2 bathrooms,}, washed all the floors, made a chicken curry for the weekend, when our lovely Iranian “kids” are coming for lunch. I washed and cut my own hair, and it looks great! did a washing ,folded towels, cleaned the kitchen, wrote my emails.I feel so much better. Tomorrow is my other day at the dementia support centre, where I work 2 days a week as a volunteer. I love this.I know that if I continue to give to the world, with no strings, the world will support me.
We also have a menagerie of native birds that we feed, Kookaburras, magbies, herons, Lorikeets{parrots], butcher birds, and galahs. As well as our black miniature poodle, Bobby. So life is good, just now and then I feel unbelievably sad and swamped by the past. All I can do is move forward, and live my best life. I cant help my girls any more, except by praying for them. Thanks again, you are ll AWESOME!!!{{{HUGS!!}}}, and Love, Gem.XXX