John Allen Muhammad, the D.C. Sniper, will die by lethal injection tomorrow.
John Allen Muhammad and his teenaged accomplice, Lee Boyd Malvo, terrorized the Washington, D.C. area for three weeks in October 2002. In the end, 10 people were dead and three were wounded. The victims, selected at random, were shot while doing mundane chores like pumping gas and loading Halloween decorations into a car.
I’m sure you remember the terror of the killings. But you may not realize that the killing spree was an escalation of a child custody battle.
Psychological abuse
Mildred Muhammad, the ex-wife of John Allen Muhammad, spoke at the Battered Mothers Custody Conference in Albany last January. Her story was compelling—and heartbreaking.
Mildred was married to Muhammad for 12 years, and they had three children together. Muhammad served in the Gulf War and when he returned, he became abusive.
“His behavior turned to possessiveness,” Mildred said. “I couldn’t do anything right. He was trained in psychological warfare—he was a combat engineer—and he used me as his guinea pig.”
Muhammad didn’t hit her, but inflicted psychological abuse. “Every emotion I displayed, he used against me,” Mildred said. Finally, in 1999, she asked for a divorce.
Kidnapped children
Before, during and after their divorce, Muhammad threatened to kill Mildred. He drained their bank account and kidnapped the children, taking them to Antigua for 18 months. Mildred was forced to hide in a women’s shelter for eight months in the Tacoma, Washington area.
She could not afford legal representation. So while in the women’s shelter, Mildred taught herself the law so she could represent herself. Eventually the children were located. Mildred went to court, won her case and was awarded full custody. Then she fled across the country to Maryland.
Muhammad found her. And, Mildred says, that’s why he went on the killing spree. Muhammad planned to kill her, and the rest of the murders were an elaborate ruse to cover up her murder. She would just be another of the random victims, and he could show up as the grieving ex-husband, and claim the children.
Want to win
When John Allen Muhammad was brought to trial, the prosecutor put forth Mildred’s contention that the killing spree was intended cover up the eventual death of his ex-wife. The court, however, ruled that there was insufficient evidence to support the argument.
But after all the stories I’ve heard from Lovefraud readers, I think it’s totally plausible. Sociopaths want to win. Nothing else matters to them. I believe John Allen Muhammad was willing to kill 10 innocent people, at random, just to get his way.
If ever there was a case that demonstrated the lengths a sociopath will go to in order to win, this is it.
No conscience
According to the Richmond Times-Dispatch, Muhammad’s lawyers filed an appeal with the U.S. Supreme Court last week, claiming that the killer is mentally ill and delusional.
But Paul Ebert, the Virginia prosecutor who won Muhammad’s death sentence, said, “This guy had absolutely no conscience. He killed people just like they were flies.”
Mildred also does not believe that her ex-husband is mentally ill.
Support for other victims
Mildred has written a book about her ordeal called Scared Silent. She has also founded an organization in Maryland to support survivors of domestic violence called After the Trauma.
“I started After the Trauma because of my own personal domestic violence experience and thought of all the other women in similar situations who need day-to-day assistance, as I did,” Mildred writes on her website. “After the Trauma is women who are transitioning from a domestic violence situation and are ready to take the next step into ”˜freedom.’”
Like many of us here at Lovefraud, Mildred Muhammad has been through an incredible ordeal. And like many of us, she emerged on the other side stronger, and willing to help others along the path to healing.
Oxy,
Of course, How silly of me, duhhh
You are so right, she is his property. I clearly wasn’t thinking about the obvious.
Thanks
Dearest oxy, Thank you so much for your wise council. I know that you have been there, done that and have the Tshirt to prove it. Im printing all your helpful blogs, and others,such as heavenbound, Erin, etc. thank you all! You promised Id have bad days, and yes, it is like peeling a larg onion, one more stinkin layer after another,LOL!! One thing kind of baffles me. Why, when we did so much for them, kept forgiving them endlessly, WHY do they hate us so much? Is it their own self-hatred projected and mirrored onto us? Is that it?Are they full of consuming envy of us?And I keep asking this and no-one seems to know or care,What happens to them eventually when they run out of people to sucker punch and lie to and con?I still worry about her, at 45, she has thrown away everything that most people value, her home, her husband, her kids, her Mum, good jobs, good friends,her car, her credit rating,surely she is on a downward spiral? What happens when her looks fade, and they will!She sure as hell doesnt worry about me, but I still worry about what will become of her. Thanks again you wonderful peeps!!and {{HUGS}}}. Gem.XXX
heavenbound,
Forgive me if I am confused because I tried to read alot in a little bit of time. But I believe it was you that asked on another thread about the hate v/s indifference?
Well just imagine (its REALLY impossible I think to imagine this) what it would be like knowing that your child hates you?
I know that if this wasn’t within my ACTUAL experience IT would be one of those things that would be SO beyond my comprehension that I couldn’t EVEN imagine it. So I don’t really expect you to be able to do it either……
I denied it for awile.
I believe the FIRST moment I knew that it was “true” was one of those times in your life that you feel the hairs on the back of your neck and goose bumps and that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach. For me it was an actual physical reaction. I saw it in his eyes. I felt it.
Indifference right now would be a welcomed relief. (compared to)
It goes against my nature, by BEING, to believe this. But I do know it is there, and it is real. To dismiss it for something else (anything ELSE) would be easier to accept.
But as hard as it is to accept, it is what it is. And if I could dismiss this part of it easily, I could also live in denial about the rest of it.
And at some point I have got to find a way to detach from him. (not normal parent/child detaching) But real detachment.
I don’t want any of this to be my reality. But it is my reality. I would believe that Gemini and Oxy went through much of this as well…..But are further along in the process.
Witty, I’m still praying that the new counselor can help. Maybe it’s not too late. I’m hoping.
Dear Gemini,
I think that when looking at this from a perspective in a much younger child it is something that continues to manifest. the hatred you asked about.
Right now I could describe my experience as “watching it grow” for the past two years. (the disorder) This has grown right in front of my eyes. Like a fast growing cancer eating away at the child I once knew. I have said this before but I will say it again. It is hard to know if the disorder is grooming him or he grooms the disorder…..
Your daughter being an adult has had alot of time for this to keep manifesting within her. It keeps growing. Thats what I believe. Each “conquest” becomes another part of “their story”. Of course their story is always how they were “wronged” by that person. (You, her X husband, jobs, friends) the disorder grows right along with the victim list.
Thanks Kim 🙂 I believe it would take Gods hand. And I am having trouble praying right now. But please keep praying.
Dear Gem,
Sugar it is nothing that you did. It is all about CONTROL and she wants control, even if she must sacrifice everything she has to get what SHE perceives as “winning” and CONTROL.
The frustration of every time you put her in the corner to punish her when she was 6 up until now makes her hate you. You “Win” and somehow that makes her lose! So she has to hate you. Everything bad that has ever happened to her is your fault, or the x husband’s or someone’s, but NOT her.
Life would be wonderful for her except YOU ruined it. so she must hate you.
My P son hates me for turning him in to the cops for theft at age 17—I betrayed him. If he can’t control me, then I deserve to die.
It isn’t all the tings we have done FOR them that they remember, and BTW they were ENTITLED for you to do that anyway. It is the things we stood up for and said NO! I won’t do that.
I used to worry because my son is in a prison that is a tough one and inmates get hurt there every day. My son is a white man of small stlature and he has been beaten severely on many occasions, had bones broken, shoulders ripped out of socket, teeth knocked out, and God alone knows what else has been done to him. I worried night and day for nearly 20 years, but you know what…I don’t any more. It was hard. yes it was difficult, but my “son” is dead and the “man” in prison in texas DESERVES To be there, he killed a 17 year old girl in cold blood and left her body in a place it was 2 weeks before it was found. he did it because he was mad at her for turning him in to the cops for crimes they had committed together. she was just an out of control teenager but he was a hardened criminal and she didn’t realize what she was dealing with and it cost her her life. She didn’t deserve to die.
I didn’t deserve to have a son who is a monster either. But as Witty says IT IS WHAT IT IS.
I symbolicly “buried” my little boy and had my own private memorial service for him. I put all the photos of him after about age 12-ish away or threw them out. My CHILD is gone, my son is gone, and if the Texas prisons call me tomorrow and say he got killed and do I want his body, I will tell them to bury him with the rest of the criminals in their cemetary—no name, just a number. Neither of my other sons want his body brought home either. He is NO MORE to us. He is as my son C says “My X-brother”
I am fortunate that my son C’s P X-wife is gone and my relationship with him is great (again) and my adopted son D is God’s gift to me for the son I lost, and I firmly believe that. Without him by my side I would have died I know it. You have your wonderful David and I am glad for you, and you have your new adult children.
Gem, I know this sounds trite, but work on disconnecting from her, stop the worrying about her, stop thinkign about her! When you find yourself worrying about her, “change the subject” think about how blessed you are! COUNT your blessings instead of dwelling on the things you have LOST. She is GONE Gem, and I know I sound like a broken record, but we can force our selves to think of other things rather than obscess.
Sit down tonight and write a list of your BLESSINGS….start with, (Oh, I love this one) I do NOT have a toothache.
I have a warm clean bed, and clean water, and food to eat.
I have a roof over my head. I have a reasonable amount of health.
I have a husband who loves me.
and go on from there. I am sure you can fill up pages and pages of things to count as your blessings. Add to that list every day. When you are blue, READ IT. and THANK God for each of those things.
Many prayers and hugs sweetie, Gem
Witsend, darling, no, it never gets any easier. To know and believe that you once loving and cherished child hates you like poison, uses you without a trace of conscience or scruples,will drop you like a used kneenex the minute you stop giving and giving in to them,— none of this gets much easier to bear. But as OXy has said so often,”The truth will set you free, but first it will pith you off!” I was in denial for so long, and thats why I could never heal. You keep on thinking,”Maybe if id been a bit more loving, forgiving, understanding, yada yada, fill in the blanks,NO!! Whatever we do, it will never be enough for them! They secretly despise us, and I think they are consumed with hate and envy of us.
They are NOT NORMAL. When she was a teenager,up to the age of 19 was when she was most violent ot me and to my belongings, and I was genuinely scared of her. When my ex husband was sober, hed never have allowed her to treat me this way, but once he started drinking again, all 3 of them, he and my 2 girls, used to jeerand sneer at me and gang up on me. I had literally nowhere to turn, the only time I rang the cops, when they came to the house, he convinced them tha I was the problem.”Youve got it all wrong, officer, he said, “she abuses my daughter, shes on the game,{ie, a prostitute} and shes mentally unstable. “We understand, sir!” they said, and left.{!!!}}
5 minutes before they had arrived, my daughter had been throwing large encyclopedias at my head as if they were confetti.I couldnt win, and I told my old parents back in UK NOTHING of all this , as I didnt want to worry them. I knew our mutual friends would not have believed me, as in public, he wasSUCH a nice, friendly guy! This is NOT normal teenage behaviour, I know that now, teenagers eventually become human beings with empathy, whereas these creatures NEVER change.Love, hugs, and prayers, Gem.XXX
Witsend,
I know what yiou mean. Even though he is not my son, for 25 years I had MEMORIES OF HIM LOVING ME. Then my P-parents told me, “oh, we knew he was only with you for your money”. They overheard him tell someone. It took all my MEMORIES, my REALITY, of the last 25 years and threw it out the window. I know exactly how RipVanWinkle felt when he woke up after his long sleep.
Add to that, the realization that my parents WANTED him to make me miserable. I’m pretty sure they thought he would be a wife beater, keep me barefoot and pregnant. They “misunderestimated” him too, just in a different way.
When I realized that P’s are envious at the core, then it all made sense. They are all P’s and they all envied the settlement I received. When I demanded an explanation they finally just laughed and dad said, “well how much of your money did you give to your mother, huh?” and mom laughed and said, “oh about $500.00”. Never mind that I helped my dad invest in realestate and we both made good profits off that. Never mind that I handle all of their business transactions and taxes and bookkeeping. Never mind that without me they wouldn’t know the first thing about eating well and taking supplements or virtually anything outside of their narrow little workaholic lives.
All the people I’ve loved the most turned out to be P’s. Its a bitter pill to swallow but I’m accepting it and I’m living with it.
Witsend,
You said…
“Well just imagine (its REALLY impossible I think to imagine this) what it would be like knowing that your child hates you?
I know that if this wasn’t within my ACTUAL experience IT would be one of those things that would be SO beyond my comprehension that I couldn’t EVEN imagine it. So I don’t really expect you to be able to do it either—”
I could be wrong but it seems somewhat insulting….I was not trying to hurt you or anger you.
I have thought about the possibility of my child hating me….
I’m looking the possibility of it in the eyes daily….
I am capable of imagining,,,,
I by no means meant to upset you
I was just thinking and tried to offer an idea,,,
I DON’T know as much as oxy, gem, or you about the topic,,,I don’t believe I said I did….just cared about you all
I am sorry if I offended you. I really never intended to.