The State of New York just passed a law allowing same sex-couples to marry. Opponents of same-sex marriage complain that the practice undermines the institution of marriage. Therefore, Congress enacted the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) in 1996, which bared federal recognition of same-sex marriages and allowed states to do the same. DOMA also created a federal definition of “marriage” and “spouse”. Marriage is defined as a “legal union between one man and one woman as husband and wife,” and spouse is defined as “a person of the opposite sex who is a husband or a wife.”
To all those who really want to defend marriage, I say that nothing undermines the institution of marriage more than sociopaths who use the institution to defraud others. I spoke with someone yesterday who is trying to protect a friend from just such a situation. The sad truth is that it is not a crime to lie your way into a marriage then use the marriage to prey upon an innocent spouse.
In most states when couples apply for a marriage license they have to raise their right hands and swear the information provided is true. Sociopaths have no problem honestly swearing to false information. As Sandra Phipps of Fight Bigamy says “Getting away with multiple, fraudulent marriages in our country is a snap.”
With the help of Sandra Phipps, I surveyed victims of bigamy about their experiences and asked them to complete the PSCAN an instrument developed by Robert Hare to allow non-clinicians to share information about another person’s psychopathic personality traits. I presented the results of this survey at the May SSSP meeting. It is no surprise that all of the bigamists score in the very high level of concern for psychopathy range.
I would go as far as to say that Marriage fraud other than for immigration is likely the only crime committed only by sociopaths. Furthermore, family members especially parents and spouses are the primary targets of sociopaths.
If we really want to “defend marriage” we have to enact laws that make marriage fraud a crime. Why shouldn’t it be illegal to lie your way into this social contract? Why shouldn’t those who commit bigamy get more than a “slap on the wrist”? Authorities routinely say to bigamy and marriage fraud victims “You should have been more careful.” These statements are based on a “blame the victim” mentality that could be applied to many crimes.
The true defenders of marriage need signatures for their petition to develop a National Marriage Database. I encourage you to sign the petition but also say we need to go further and make marriage fraud a crime.
Click here now to Sign the petition
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I have seen gay sociopaths-men and women. I have seen women turn gay (because they were abused by a man) only to find out that women can abuse as well. One of my best friends at an airline had just turned gay because his wife cheated on him and he never felt good about being gay.
Becoming gay because ‘opposite sex abuse’ happened, is not a, “get out of badness ticket”. In fact, if one turns gay to escape something that they are running from, disaster may be on the horizon 🙁
It is true, nothing undermines the institute of marriage more than deceit.
The punishment for the contract of marriage fraud needs to be so clear and severe that marriage is feared by those who plan to use it and would be avoided at all costs.
Dr. Leedom – you are so right. Lovefraud hears from people all the time who have been conned into marriage, and then stunned to find out that legal authorities could care less. It is a disgrace.
I don’t understand why everyone is so upset about gay people getting married. I am gay but I don’t even feel the need for it. I am just so sick of the discrimination that is given out for being gay in the first place. I am so nauseated over the fact that my parents would rather me be with a horrible spathy man who conned me and broke my heart, then to see me with a woman. It hurts so much.
Elizabeth,
Hugs.
I have to tell you, I just watched the movie THE MOTHER three times in the last week. I’ve mentioned it a few times on this blog.
It was such a great watch – seeing a narc parent’s impact on
a child……and to see somebody having an affair with somebody who has SPATHY traits. Eye opening when it isn’t YOU.
I really recommend it.
Superkid
While I agree about a national data base for marriage/divorce MIGHT BE a good thing….I am not of the opinion that SEVERE LEGAL PENALTIES for bigamy is going to do any more good in PREVENTION OF BIGAMY than the already legislated “SEVERE PENALTIES” for 1) Robbery, 2) theft 3) assault 4) murder 5) drug use/sales/manufacture 6) rape etc. etc.
I really don’t really think that AS OUR LAWS ARE ENFORCED that there is any factor to deter crime by how severe the laws are. If that were the case, our jails would be empty. Our country already has more people per capata incarcerated than any other nation in the world I think (unless the stats have recently changed) and yet, we still have a very high crime rate of violent crimes (the vast majority of which are committed by psychopaths)
Yes, it is FRUSTRATING to those people who have married a psychopath who was already married!!!! It is unfair that the LAWS ALREADY ON THE BOOKS are NOT enforced by the DA’s office which is pleading DOWN much more “significant” crimes (in his/her opinions) and due to financial considerations people with HORRIBLE VIOLENT CRIMES are being paroled (let out with virtually no supervisions, and which the vast majority commit new crimes before their parole time is completed)
A national data base may be a good thing….there may be some problems with that though. If your “intended” is named John Paul Jones—and you search the data base and find all 4,580 John Paul Joneses that are married, HOW ARE YOU GOING TO KNOW WHICH ONE OF THESE MEN, IF ANY IS YOURS? You’re going to of course need a date of birth, but that still only eliminates most of the men named John Paul Jones, because 26 have your intended’s same date of birth…so now you are going use the SS# as the final proof about YOUR John Paul Jones being the right one….? Now we have a problem with identity theft by making all these data easily available public record, available on the internet. Some Nigerian scammer can get on there and get a picture of John and his SS# and DOB and now he is equipped to BECOME John Paul….or ONE OF THE JOHN PAUL’S by taking a different SS#.
How about people who were married and/or divorced in another country?
Then there is the HUGE COST aspect of trying to keep such a huge data base updated and accurate….
I honestly don’t think that a national data base would solve many, if any, problems and while I do think that “white collar crime” (such as bigamy and fraud) should be prosecuted at least by the laws on the books we have now, realistically, I don’t think that is going to actually happen.
The problem is with psychopaths, that they are going to break laws, no matter what the laws are, and they are going to do little or no time for breaking those laws, even if they get caught because our country’s jails are full now, and over flowing and there is a big recession/depression going on and people are not very willing to keep murderers in prison, much less con men and fraudsters.
It is down to the “whose ox is gored?” question. If it is NOT mt Ox that is gored, I’m not going to care one way or the other if “You” are “dumb enough” to marry a bigamist. (that is not my opinion but the opinion I think held my most people about the crime of bigamy.)
It’s kind of like if a 16 year old girl is having sex with a 40 year old man it is rape and pedophilia and a CRIME, but if a 16 year old boy is sleeping with a 40 year old woman, “he just got lucky.” Whether there is even a “crime” or not depends on a lot of things.
I do WISH that a national marriage database would solve the problem of psychopaths marrying when they are already married, but I truly do not believe it would.
I also wish that a lot of the FRAUD crimes that are done by psychopaths would be prosecuted CRIMINALLY rather than being a “civil” case—theft is theft, marrying when you are married is a crime now—but I am not going to hold my breath on either of these things actually being implemented in a way that WORKS.
Superkid-thanks. I never heard of that movie-how do I get a hold of it? It sounds like it describes my life. That’s what happened to me. I have both N parents and it has left me so messed up with the lowest self esteem and too much drama and trouble with relationships-picking the wrong people.
I am a gay woman who was conned into an affair with a married man and due to my low self esteem, I let it happen and then had to suffer the extreme guilt for letting it happen. I can’t believe how stupid I was. Even though I want a relationship with a good solid woman, I am afraid. I am not ready. I don’t feel like a whole woman since I don’t have a full time job and I’m losing everything. Who would want someone like me?
Elizabeth
I never heard of the movie THE MOTHER either.
It’s from 2003.
Somehow it ended up in my Netflix queue when I ordered the movie BROTHERS BLOOM as recommended by SKYLAR. The BROTHERS BLOOM is about con men.
Both were eye openers.
I highly recommend both.
Superkid
Superkid-thanks, once I get some cash flow again I’ll have to look them up.
Super Kid,
I’m glad you enjoyed the movie. Isn’t it strange?
The part where the woman is asked how to avoid feeling cheated was interesting because that’s what the spaths leave us with: a feeling of being cheated.
Very nice article talking about same sex marriage. I was interested reading because it was a very popular topic around the world.
Developing Healthy Relationship