The State of New York just passed a law allowing same sex-couples to marry. Opponents of same-sex marriage complain that the practice undermines the institution of marriage. Therefore, Congress enacted the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) in 1996, which bared federal recognition of same-sex marriages and allowed states to do the same. DOMA also created a federal definition of “marriage” and “spouse”. Marriage is defined as a “legal union between one man and one woman as husband and wife,” and spouse is defined as “a person of the opposite sex who is a husband or a wife.”
To all those who really want to defend marriage, I say that nothing undermines the institution of marriage more than sociopaths who use the institution to defraud others. I spoke with someone yesterday who is trying to protect a friend from just such a situation. The sad truth is that it is not a crime to lie your way into a marriage then use the marriage to prey upon an innocent spouse.
In most states when couples apply for a marriage license they have to raise their right hands and swear the information provided is true. Sociopaths have no problem honestly swearing to false information. As Sandra Phipps of Fight Bigamy says “Getting away with multiple, fraudulent marriages in our country is a snap.”
With the help of Sandra Phipps, I surveyed victims of bigamy about their experiences and asked them to complete the PSCAN an instrument developed by Robert Hare to allow non-clinicians to share information about another person’s psychopathic personality traits. I presented the results of this survey at the May SSSP meeting. It is no surprise that all of the bigamists score in the very high level of concern for psychopathy range.
I would go as far as to say that Marriage fraud other than for immigration is likely the only crime committed only by sociopaths. Furthermore, family members especially parents and spouses are the primary targets of sociopaths.
If we really want to “defend marriage” we have to enact laws that make marriage fraud a crime. Why shouldn’t it be illegal to lie your way into this social contract? Why shouldn’t those who commit bigamy get more than a “slap on the wrist”? Authorities routinely say to bigamy and marriage fraud victims “You should have been more careful.” These statements are based on a “blame the victim” mentality that could be applied to many crimes.
The true defenders of marriage need signatures for their petition to develop a National Marriage Database. I encourage you to sign the petition but also say we need to go further and make marriage fraud a crime.
Click here now to Sign the petition
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hens: very funny. thanks for my first smile of the day! xxoo
right back at ya!
I was married to my children’s father for 13 years and he was a ‘silent, quiet, calm, nurd’. I was not happy the whole time I was married. He was a drinker; a cheater; a beater…
I took my four children and LEFT that marriage and have refused to do it again because I prefer to stand up on my own and not be dominated by anyone. I like my quiet and my peace.
I don’t want to wash no one else’s dirty underwear; live by someone else’s rules…I just think that marriage should be looked at seriously before it is acted upon.
Working in family law, for a great many years, I have firmly developed the belief that the ‘government’ should not be meddling nor involved in our personal affairs for that is the beginning of tyranny again. Personal issues that affect each of us, daily, the government has no place legislating social conscious nor moral. That is definitive to each of us, individually. And, rightfully so. It’s what keeps America strong.
If the government wants to be pro active and actually do something that would BENEFIT the masses, they would make marriage more difficult to GET INTO and easier to GET OUT OF. They have it backwards. 🙂
Have an awesome day hens, I think you rock! xxoo
Love, DUPED
DUPED:
Ha, it is backwards! So true…it should be the opposite! Thanks for that!
Once I found out my x sp was MARRIED, he used to say: “If I could, I would marry all of you, my women…” And he played it just like that…one against the other. I have my suspicions as to how many women he has actually married. Truly.
His divorce wasn’t even final yet and he was asking ME to marry him once it was finished and I flat out refused. I am not living with a SP around me 24/7 who has MULTIPLE personality disorders and I am NOT getting married ever again, either. I do quite fine on my own without all the agitation and inconvenience.
Nobody can define or say ‘where’ a person finds love.
That is not the purpose nor business of the government.
They are OUR EMPLOYEES not our MASTER. I believe that a union of any two people needs to be respected. Primarily, by themselves, but yes, government as well.
Love is in the eye of the beholder and heart, not in the letter of the law.
I honestly believe that an sp will do, say, commit, ANYTHING, to get what they want, whenever they want it, as long as it suits their means and needs. I believe that with all my heart because I have experienced it firsthand. Imagine being LOVED to death, literally. That is what had almost happened to me.
No, I don’t put much faith nor stock in ‘love’. It’s a double edged sword and one, at this late stage of my life, I am ready to forgo in order to maintain what is left for myself.
I think a fine place to begin, as far as government involvement, over this whole sp buffalo program goes, should be to tighten up the internet laws so that phishing for opportunities has been drastically reduced. Social media leaves too many open doors for these people to abuse and victimize others. There needs to be strengthened laws and especially when it become interstate over the internet. I think we will see new laws becoming reality over this in the near future. I certainly do hope so anyways.
While not all social media brings about horrible consequences, I am sure it has caused a lot more damage than it has good. Except for, of course, LF and all of YOU wonderful people! 😉
This is WONDERFUL WEDNESDAY and BE GOOD TO YOURSELF DAY! Promise yourself to get moving and DO just ONE happy thing for yourself today. Absorb yourself in it and let it feel good. You earned it and deserve it. It’s okay to use AVOIDANCE BEHAVIORS…that is called: LIVING! xxoo
DUPED
DUPED:
Thank you, once again! I don’t ever want to marry again either. I have been divorced 19 years; long time. I am not the marrying kind. It’s really not for me and I think that’s OK. I don’t fit society’s mold that’s for sure. I also never had children…another no no in society’s eyes. What can I say…I am just different!
Well, I personally do not want to get married again. I am actually quite happy being single. I just don’t want to deal with some jerk and his crap. There is a big difference between being lonely and alone. I am pretty good at being alone and happy with my kids.
Idk. Maybe, if someday, by chance, I meet a sane, nice, and decent person then my tune might change. For now, I am very happy never getting married again.
But if people want to marry, really, who are we to judge? Who are we to say who can and cannot love each other? And who are we to judge someone who doesn’t want to be married?
We all deserve to be happy!
Louise: Hope you are doing well this evening.
No, I won’t ever marry again. I don’t know ‘who’ made up that ‘fairy tale’ but they can just keep it for themselves! I would much rather be under the bridge roasting toads with hens! I mean, at least THAT sounds more fun!!!!!
I was not and am not impressed with any relationships anymore except the family ones. I won’t give “IT” THAT much credit by saying “IT” was what has destroyed my life I will just continue to ‘battle’ it I suppose until I become NUMB and indifferent to “IT” and all the memories of “IT”….like I am heavily starting to.
Eradication from my life is the only befitting action, I am sorry to say. I am happy it was “I” who pulled the plug and didn’t leave it up to him. I wasn’t going to give “IT” the pleasure.
I just signed the petition against bigamy and the national marriage and divorce data base. I think that is so awesome!
YES: It NEEDS to be done. DEFINITELY. Not for intrusion of any privacy but to ensure protection for the unsuspecting and the innocent. Yes. I hope you will all take a minute, if you have not done so already, to locate it here, read it and then that you will sign it. I applaud the Author and the Sponsor. Thank you for ‘stepping up’!
I had a very eventful day. I babysat my 9 year old Grand Daughter today, out of school for the summer, and we went on a little road trip, saw Judy Moody and the Not so Bummer Summer and shopped at the DELIGHTFUL dollar store! 🙂 She went home with more than I did. 🙂 hehehehe
Hey, what’s Grammy’s for anyways? 🙂
“IT” is quickly becoming a very distant memory to me.
I am becoming numb to “IT” and everything about “IT”.
It is just fading farther and farther away from my memories now. When I recall “IT” it is like a living nightmare to me.
I have tried for so very long to make some sense out of all of this and there just really isn’t any. How does a person make sense out of something there is no sense to?
It’s like trying to figure out the wolf of the wild….
so unpredictable and you can never really come to know it.
It is a creature all of it’s own, one of a kind; only considering the amount of us who come here, I would say certainly NOT one of a kind but multiplying quickly within our society.
Louise: You nor I ‘fit societies mold’. And that is not necessarily a ‘bad’ thing, you know. Some of us have to stick around so we can tell those ‘when I was young’ stories, the same way WE heard them; ahahahahaha
Love of Self is the greatest love of all.
If you have no love for yourself, how can you possibly express it to anyone else? A person definitely needs to be ‘right’ and ‘grounded’ and ‘settled’ within themselves before they can ever be that way in a loving relationship. But, then, what do “I” know. I seem to have not been very lucky with ‘love’ in my lifetime. That isn’t a ‘whine’, just a statement.
I am learning how to be myself again after five years of having lost myself because of a SPATH I allowed to overtake my mind and which almost destroyed me. I was trapped into a dark hole for a very long time; years…always trying to please but “IT” was never pleased with anything…only how much devastation and havoc he could create because he found it amusing.
I am and have been ‘grabbing hold of’ that ‘big picture’, here, and the more I do, the more ‘chilling’ I truly find it to be. He used to leave little things at my doorway just to let me know he could get that close to me without any repercussion.
I have gotten telephone calls from people threatening my life.
I have been stalked and they don’t like letting go of what they feel is THEIRS or what belongs to THEM. If they can’t have you, NOBODY CAN. At least that is what MY nightmare is like.
It has gotten quieter about me, almost a month of silence,completely, now….FINALLY I am able to relax and heal, from everything and try meeting myself again. If that makes any sense.
You hang in there Louise. I think you are doing wonderful and I am so proud of you! I can hear the change and the determination in your voice and that is a wonderful sound. You are sounding stronger and I applaud you. 😉
Jen: you got the spirit! 🙂
*Blessings to you and your children*
Have a good evening everyone…
LF probably has helped saved my life and you all can count yourselves in the kudos, some, too, ya know… xxoo
Thank you to all of you.
Donna you are an amazing person I admire your strength so much. Just KNOW you are helping more people in this world than you will ever realize. And it just gets passed on and on. Thank you does not say it somehow.
BE GOOD TO YOURSELVES EVERYONE!
DUPED
Jen:
I agree!
by Robert Weiss..[ Many of us think that finding the right partner will complete a missing part of ourselves, finally making us feel whole. We also believe that this ideal lover will reveal the meaning of life to us. But each one of us has the potential to feel whole and fufilled from within ourselves to the extent that we can develop our competence in self love, self protection, self care, and self containment. In addition, each one of us searches for and eventually finds the meaning of life for ourselves, rather than looking at our partner to reveal it to us. Our lives are ours; our partner’s life is his or hers. No one can give us the ultimate answers for our own lives.]
DUPED:
I am doing well tonight.
Marriage is a fairy tale alright…no doubt about that. I don’t believe in it anymore.
The older I get the closer I am getting to feeling OK about not being married or not having children. By the time I die, I should be golden…haha!!! 🙂
Hens,
thanks for the quote. So right on. Time for us to fulfill our obligation to ourSELVES. WAY overdue.