Lovefraud frequently receives e-mails and phone calls from people who are divorcing a sociopath and are afraid they’re going to get trashed in court. They know the sociopaths will lie—smoothly and convincingly—and are terrified that the manipulator will end up winning the money, the house, and custody of the kids.
If you’re facing family court battles with a sociopath, I recommend that you buy and read Splitting—Protecting Yourself While Divorcing a Borderline or Narcissist, by William A. Eddy. It may be the best $25 you ever spend.
Eddy, the author, is both a therapist (Licensed Clinical Social Worker) and an attorney. He understands the law, the courts and how people with personality disorders can manipulate them. You need to understand all of this as well.
The book explains the court process; the roles of attorneys, evaluators and other professionals; how to gather evidence; and generally what to expect.
Tactics and strategies
As the subtitle suggests, Splitting refers to people with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders, whom Eddy calls “persuasive blamers.” References to sociopaths are limited. Still, the tactics and strategies he suggests would be helpful in dealing with a sociopath as well.
One of Eddy’s main points is that you must be assertive right from the beginning of your case. The blamer may accuse you of infidelity, mental instability, child abuse or sexual misconduct—accusations which the court will take seriously. You must be prepared to respond to the accusations immediately. Once the court issues judgments and rulings—even if they are based on lies—it is very difficult to get them undone later.
Eddy discusses the importance of documentation, and how it can bolster your case. In fact, the book includes an interview with a man who aggressively gathered documentation to prove his wife’s pattern of behavior to the court evaluator. Four former husbands gave statements indicating that she had done the same things to them that she was doing to him.
Should you mention the disorder?
Eddy also has a chapter devoted to whether or not you should have an expert testify about the personality disorder. He recognizes the dilemma:
If you are too aggressive about raising this subject, the judge may be angry with you for seeming to attack someone’s personality.
Yet if the judge does not fully understand the personality dynamics beneath the surface, the court may misunderstand your case and get it backwards.
From my experience and the input of others, it appears best to gently present this information to the court, but not rely on it being accepted.
Eddy then outlines ways in which psychological information may be presented, and how it may affect the outcome of the case, even if it is not explicit in court rulings.
Splitting is available online from BPDCentral.com. If you’re going to family court against a sociopath, read this book.
Ox Drover
Dear Harmonyman,
I agree with the postings above! Keep coming here and blogging, let your anger rage here, but KEEP YOUR COOL, it is important to keep our cool heads. I got so emotionally involved in it all, so angry that it blinded me so much Ii came off sounding like a NUT CASE!
It is important that we not let them “crazy make” us and they will do everything and use everyone they can to make us look like the nut job. They stand there like “Joe cool” and we end up slobbering like a sick dog.
Keep your anger, but cool it down to a COLD ANGER, and keep your head about you! I won’t tell you it was easy, but I learned the HARD WAY so hopefully my “losing it” will forewarn you and give you an advantage! God bless you!!!! My prayers!
one/joy_step_at_a_time
…and slowly we turn into stealy creatures, in protection of our honest loving hearts and those of others.
ErinBrock
Buttons:
I only hope my experience and information I learned through my journey can help others…..
Trial and error…..just the school of hard knocks……
I studied the laws and pressed ahead in the courts and was successful.
I believe dealing with a spath in court is a VERY DIFFERENT GAME…..
My first attorney’s secretary looked at me early on and said….EB…THIS IS NOT A CHESS GAME…..
I fired them shortly after…..
Contrair my dear…..IT IS A CHESS GAME…..and every move counts!!!!!
I beleive success CAN be achieved……with the right moves.
Keep on plugging along…..we ALL do it for different reasons.
I’m glad my input is helpful to some…..
I want EVERY SPATH to be exposed and every dupe to be successful…..
It’s not an easy road….we all know this.
silvermoon
harmony-
You are angry. Good. That means you have energy. Now conserve it and USE it for result. Forge the heat of it into something as cold and hard as steel and use it as the weapon to defeat this monster in court.
What she is doing to that child is WRONG. And that is what you are fighting for.
Until you are soveriegn, you may not fight for the little one. Get cool and clear and go to court like Ike went to Normandy!
Fight for it!
And we will be here to support you.
silvermoon
I can’t stand it! Another day has gone by and that means I have waited three whole weeks for my filing to be served to the SPATH in JAIL.
I don’t understand why this isn’t getting done and nobody seems to know who has the ball or how to get it downfield.
I could just scream. They got their money and now nothing.
The legal system is a pain in the ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In the meantime, the small town in Colorado where I have a house that I rented has decided they don’t like my tenant so they are going to leverage me to run him out and then the drunk next door gets to harass the next one and the next one.
I am so tired of the tire treads over me.
I can’t fight all these battles by getting angry but I can’t help feeling really stressed.
The system doesn’t work for people – just the crazies and drunks that have time to play it.
I could just scream! Just!
Remind me it was my idea to quit smoking today.
One hell of a day for it.
hgg522
That is just what these s/p’s expect for us to be is ANGRY..then they can go tell their little “hate army” crew what angry people we are. We have a right to be angry. The bible even says”be angry and sin not”. Anger is an emotion that is for our protection. I get angry but am not an angry person. They try to tell my kids..”ohhh, your mom is an angry person”. That is what they are pushing us to be. The best thing we can do is to take care of ourselves, eat right, exercise and retain our peace. Not giving them the response they are looking for is the best way to fight back. My ex s/p and his wife certainly do not live right. He is in a rock band, up all night, they both drink heavily, possibly doing drugs (his wife’s son OD’d recently). They eat out at restaurants all the time..,you better believe this type of lifestyle will eventually catch up to them. They are not as young as they think or as resiliant. I just found out they actually left the 7 y/o child (my ex’s step child)behind when they went to the restaurant. They got there and realized she had been forgotten. I guess they have a lot on their minds..ya think? It is somewhat survival of the fittest as well as making the right moves. When we treat our selves right, our minds are sharper and we can stay one step ahead. Get angry rightfully, but dont stay angry, keep your power and dont give them your emotions. I want to make a bumper sticker “EXPOSE SOCIOPATHS”! What do you think…
ErinBrock
hgg:
GREAT IDEA…..got a spot on my car for it!
“It is somewhat survival of the fittest as well as making the right moves. When we treat our selves right, our minds are sharper and we can stay one step ahead. Get angry rightfully, but dont stay angry, keep your power and dont give them your emotions. ”
Couldn’t be more accurate a statement!
it’s part of the recipe to success in dealing with a spath through the courts and in life afterwards…
GOOD CALL!
Ya know….Vistaprint.com makes up all sorts of stickers/stationary, and CAR MAGNETS…..
Wouldn’t a car magnet be perfect….big and removable for inappropriate places…..that you don’t want to appear ‘angry’….
You could do a series of sociopath stickers….
the circle with line through it…NO sociopaths…
Sociopaths suck
Do you Know where your CLUSTER B is?
My ex was sociopath of the year in XX town.
Google CLUSTER B.
Do you know what a personality disorder is???
Cluster B’s and Domestic Violence go hand in hand.
I see a home business here girl…..
silvermoon
Eb-
We need a t shirt for you that says Spath buster!
Who ya gonna call???
ErinBrock
LOVE IT!
ErinBrock
Silver:
Remind me what docs your serving in jail?
And in Ca?