Do sociopaths return?

I recently received an email from a Lovefraud reader who had only one question. It’s a question I hear frequently: Do sociopaths return?

The answer: Some of them don’t, but some of them do.

Many people who have been romantically involved with sociopaths experienced the sudden “devalue and discard.” One day the sociopath loves you. The next day the sociopath tosses you aside like a used tissue and walks away, without ever looking back.

As the person left behind, you may be in shock. You may have had no idea that your partner was unhappy. You may ask yourself, did I do something wrong? Why didn’t he or she say something? Can’t we work this out?

You are also astounded at the callousness of your partner’s behavior. All those statements of “I love you” and “we’re soul mates” did they mean nothing? After all the time you spent together, and everything you’ve been through, how can this person just leave?

The answer may be that your former partner has drained all your resources, and there’s nothing left to take. Or your former partner has simply found a juicier target. Or your partner simply decides that he or she is bored. For whatever reason, you are no longer of any use, and the sociopath is gone.

If this person doesn’t return, consider yourself lucky.

The return

Sometimes the sociopath does return. They often have a sixth sense of when you may be receptive to hear from them. They just seem to know when your anger has subsided, or when you’re feeling lonely, or when you feel strong enough to be “just friends.”

Then, because they’ve spent so much time studying you, they know exactly what approach to use to hook you again.

They may proclaim their love, confessing that they never knew how much they truly loved you until you were gone.

They may apologize profusely, seeming to take responsibility for their heartless actions, while conveniently blaming something else, such as work stress or alcohol.

They may promise to go to counseling, or church, or rehab. Or, they say they’ve already been to counseling, church or rehab, and they’ve changed.

Or, they seduce you sexually.

Why do they return? Perhaps the “juicier target” has thrown them out and they have no place to go. Whatever the reason, they were able to manipulate you before, so they assume they’ll be able to manipulate you again.

Maintain No Contact

In numerous articles on Lovefraud, I’ve explained that to end an involvement with a sociopath, you must have No Contact with him or her.

If the sociopath returns after a period of time, your response should be the same: Maintain No Contact.

They may catch you off-guard by contacting you from a new phone number or e-mail address that you haven’t blocked. They may show up unannounced at your home or place of employment.

Do not fall for their apologies, excuses or professions of love.

Never forget: Once they are adults, sociopaths do not change. Sooner or later, the old games will start again, except they’ll be worse.

If a sociopath returns, do not let him or her back into your life.


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159 Comments on "Do sociopaths return?"

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My ex has been texting me all last night and today. The messages don’t even make any sense. It has been 4 years since I last talked to him (when he tried to destroy my life) and I am ignoring him now. It’s unsettling to have him break no contact.

Stay strong. Block his phone number so you don’t even have to get the messages. He will nag and pick at you until he gets a response, ANY response. If you still work at the same place or live at the same place, you should let the people around you know what’s going on just in case he shows up. I know it’s unnerving to have them pop back up. Mine just showed up again this morning after 5 years. Under NO circumstance will I allow him access to me in any way.

furixx some do. maintain no contact.

After 5 years, mine has decided to make contact. Sent me a message via Facebook. A bunch of “I understand if you block me”, “you’re still one of my favorite people”, “it took a lot of courage on my part to reach out to you”. Did you catch that? COURAGE on HIS part. Still…all about him. Reaching out to me “scares the $hit out of [him]”. It scares HIM. No regard for how much it scares me being contacted by the person who said they’d strip me of my personal effects (even my clothes), beat me until you’re unconscious, and leave me in the country somewhere. Of course this all comes within days of his breakup with his most current girlfriend. I’m only posting so that you are aware that there is no time limit for these people. You are not safe after 6 months or a year.

redpeach- Good for you!!

Hi everyone…
When I started dating my now husband 8 years ago he was going through hell with his ex…She broke up with him one day just like that…No warning signs…After 3 years together some splits in between she coldly said that she does not want to be with him anymore and maybe one day in years time when he grows up she might consider taking him back ( he was in shock…confused…what the hell is going on…what happened…did he do something wrong…)
The story starts like this:
They meet online and he has not attracted towards her right away but she was persistent and she got what she wanted…A soft-spoken man with a Big Heart ( that was a first thing I notice in him when )

My husband is a very gentle man and he does not like arguing…
When he loves, he really loves and he will do anything for that person…I can be fiery but his calmness always calms me down…

She was married twice…The first husband left her ( I call him a lucky one ) With the second one she had a child ( daughter )
When this marriage ends up in divorce because he starts noticing strange things about her he asked for divorce and got his daughter full time ( apparently she was happy with that arrangement because she wanted to go furder up in her career ) the daughter then was very young and she was seeing her every fortnight ( my husband accepted her like his own daughter )
When it comes to lies she was good in that but he found out about things she was lying to him and confronted her…expecialy when he found letter from Gynecologist about time to come and change her pregnancy protection ( sorry don’t know exactly how they call that, but they inject something in your arm and you are protected and every year or something they change it )
He was in absolute shock because all this time they were trying she was lying to him going to Gynocologist and protecting herself…
When he confronted her with those lies and other lies she lost it…The relationship was going up and down…
One day they where in the garage and she started in front of him cutting her wrists and saying how nobody loves her and how every man in her life was cheating on her ( which was not true at least my husband did not he is not that type of man )Then she suddenly jumped towards her car with knife still in her hand and start screaming and scratching her car…He was in shock just imagine how he felt a woman who he loved behaving like this…He helped her out and stayed with her all night comforting her and at the same time being confused about what has just happened…
When she broke up with him he tried to get her back but she did not want to and she put a restraining order on him for no reason…
One day he comes home and notices strange things in his house…on his bed were spread DVD’s that they watched…His coffee cup is not there some other cup was…she broke into his computer and done shit…
That is when he really realize how crazy this woman is…He went and he put a restraining order on her and in a matter of a couple of weeks, she called him and there they go again…He meets with her and them was back together…She said to him to go and take off a restraining order that he had on her and she will do the same…
One day argument happened and she kicked him out of the house and called the police on him…The police showed on his door at 12 am and arrested him because he broke the restraining order she put on him which she never took off…He was in shock and had to spend a couple of days locked because of that and that’s when she went to his house to move things around so she can play with his mind…
In that time we meet and it was a love at first site…
We had to go through courts because of her…she was just lying and lying and lying…We won at the end she did not manage to destroy his life…Her exact words in one of the emails she sends to him:
” I will make sure that you have a shit life ”
She knows that we got married 2013, 3 years after we meet and that his life is full of happiness and fun ( Facebook is the best revenge ) after 7 and half years she find out where he works and showed up with her boyfriend ( poor thing I fill sorry for him ) and her daughter in his store to shop on this Christmas Day…The store is totally out of their way to shop…and I don’t think that her partner knows that my husband works there…
Then after a couple of weeks while my hubby was on his morning break passing a coffee shop which is just next to his work he saw her with her daughter who is now 15 or 16 years old…
Like I said the store is totally out of her way to shop there and there are 3 stores which are close to her home and where she shops…
So it is obvious that she thinks that he is still in love with her and that she has a chance to destroy him because she did not succeed before in that…
Women Sociopaths can be scarier than man…

Donna Andersen, what do you think

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