Today, July 4th, is Independence Day in the United States of America. On this day 235 years ago, the country’s forefathers declared independence from the tyranny of a distant king. Today, let us all declare independence from the tyranny of sociopaths.
Declaring independence, of course, is only the beginning of the struggle. In 1776, the tyrant did not want to lose a prized possession—the Colonies—and retaliated by sending an army. The Colonists who believed in independence had no choice but to fight, even though most had little experience—they were farmers, tradesmen and laborers. But they learned how to fight. It took five years, many battles and many hardships, but in the end, the United States of America emerged victorious.
What can we learn from those Colonists that we can use in our own battles? The early Americans believed in themselves, believed in their cause, and did not give up. Oh, they suffered defeats, but they retreated, regrouped, and fought again. They learned from their mistakes, found allies and kept going.
If you’re doing battle with a sociopath—and make no mistake, any interaction is a battle—here are some strategies that will help you:
1. Know your enemy. Be brutally honest in evaluating the sociopath in your life. Remember: The sociopath never loved you. All you ever were to him or her was a source of supply. Once you get over the shock of their soullessness, you’ll begin to see the patterns of their actions. This will enable you to predict what they will do, and plan accordingly.
2. Never underestimate the sociopath. Do not anticipate that the sociopath will act as you, a person capable of love and empathy, would act. The sociopath has no concern for your emotions, your feelings and your welfare. Without empathy or a conscience, the sociopath is capable of doing anything, even the unthinkable, to get what he or she wants, which is to win.
3. Conserve your own resources. You can’t fight if you are sick or injured, so do your best to take care of yourself. Eat right; avoid drugs and alcohol; get enough rest. If you are suffering from anxiety or depression, a good way to relieve them is through exercise. Be gentle with yourself as you recover from trauma.
4. Plan strategically. Figure out what you really want and need, and figure out a way to get them. Never let the sociopath know your plans. If you are living with the person and need to escape, prepare a getaway bag and leave when he or she is not around. If you are going to court, keep careful records and document everything that happens. Keep in mind that you may need to use subterfuge and diversion to execute your plans.
5. Pick your battles. Determine what is really important to you, and what you can let go of. Your life and health are important; you may need to give up on recovering your money, saving your reputation or seeing justice done—at least for the time being. Only take on the battles that are vitally important at the moment.
6. Use overwhelming force. If you do have an opportunity to serve justice, go after the sociopath with everything you’ve got. Do not play nice; do not hold back. The harder you hit, the more likely your chances of success.
7. Seek peace. Remember, the only life you absolutely, positively can influence is your own. Your ultimate objective should be your peace of mind and peace of heart. Achieving it may mean letting go of material goods, people and past traumas. You may need to redefine yourself and how you relate to the world. If you can get to a place of tranquility, you are victorious.
no farwronged, there is NO FAULT to it at all.
We were duped by the masters. That isn’t a fault of our’s but a fault of theirs. They aren’t like us; they have no social or moral compass about themselves.
I hear you, because people have pinned that ‘guilt trip’ and ‘shame trip’ on me too; that somehow this was all due to my own shortcomings; my bad childhood, etc., these things I can accept but I never think there is fault in this situation that doesn’t rest with the PREDATOR and that is exactly what they are.
Because of the person we are or were when spath found us, they exploited that and used that to their own welfare. That wasn’t US doing that. Our weaknesses and kindnesses were exploited and disgraced and for some reason we allowed that to happen through our good graces. There is no fault in offering good graces; the fault rests in the receiver turning evilness from kindness. THAT IS WHERE THE FAULT IS.
Supposedly, they ‘can’t help themselves’; HOWEVER “we” can; right? We are just to understand that they are sick people who have no control and I find that explanation insufficient, just like you do, I am sure. If I can face the hardships and things in MY LIFE and still be sitting here doing more than mumbling and drooling, then I would expect the same from others.
Nobody ever said that life would be ‘fair’, just that we would have a shot at it. Nobody gets out of here alive; that’s the one good point. If you realize that, it kind of puts a little perspective on what you will tolerate to waste your time and what you don’t.
Personally, I think criminal behavior and personalities belong behind bars. That’s where I think they should be. I think that when predators do the kinds of things to people…good, virtuous people, it should be considered a crime. If crimes of mental persuasion, etc., are permissible in a court of law, why is not ‘crimes of the heart’ as is what has happened in my case? I mean, it does bring physical and emotional harm. That is exactly my point.
We as a society have a responsibility to set down levels of acceptability and unacceptability. Without them what do we have?
It’s a mind stretching journey we are on and somehow I believe karma has lead us all here for a more important journey than the reason we came. 😉
*BLESSINGS & PEACE*
DUPED
DUPED:
I LOVED this:
Nobody gets out of here alive; that’s the one good point. If you realize that, it kind of puts a little perspective on what you will tolerate to waste your time and what you don’t.
Thank you!
Far – you were targeted. You were in his sites. You had no real knowledge of spaths. You were in the wrong place at the wrong time – that’s all. YOU were not to blame.
Thanks sometimes I need that validation. Friends don’t understand what it’s like. You guys are right, I had no knowledge of sociopaths before this. Well, I did, but moreso from the media and I studied personality disorders in school. Text books don’t even get down to the nit and grit of these creatures. Their capabilities are limitless. I wish people would wake up! It’s a lit to swallow and darn right unbelievable at times but fact is, it’s real! They’re every Villon on Lifetime, why couldn’t I identify him when the story has been told over and over. Because that’s fantasy and We expected everyone to have some good in them even if it’s deep in the core. WRONG! EVIL does exist. Most women won’t even know what hit them. He will just be labeled a jerk, dog, womanizer, player, dead beat, loser etc…. but never aS or a N. A jerk can change, mature, settle down. Most jerks will even want to be straight good men After they’re done playing around general the whole male in this twenties thing. A spath on the other hand will never change and I wish I could share mine/ our experiences with the world so that women would know the difference. Duped: you are right! They do belong behind bars. I actually pray for mine to return to prison to keep him from hurting others.
Far – text books are ok but it’s like learning to cook.
We can read and read about HOW to cook. It’s not until we dip our hands into the flour and margarine, in the bowl, that we learn how messy it REALLY gets.
Now we can TRY to tell others about cooking (spaths) but they will not ‘get it’ unless they experience it. Unfortunately, by then, it’s too late for the majority.
The only people that I have found who REALLY understand are the people on LF. So hang in there Far, you are doing ok.
Good analogy Candy. You’re right!
I just hate how they have everyone fooled. It’s sickening. My spath would even have this sick little grin on his face while conning someone or telling a story about the bad he had done to people. He even lied about vehicular homicide. He never committed it but who on earth lies about foing so? O yeah, an evil spath!
Farwronged;
I wish now I had played the x-spath a bit when I found his online profiles, but that made be decide to stop contact and I have had none since.
It would have be fun to call him a bit on his photo, knowing that the ones he uses online look about 10 years younger than his actual appearance
I would have said something like this:
“Wow, you look very, very young for your age. Is that a recent picture? Do you have any others?”
God I wish it was the other way around, that I saw his profile before I met him. Would have saved me much grief.
Far – yep, we were fooled. But remember they are tricksters, con men/women, fraudsters and so on.
And yes, sometimes we might feel like taking out a full page ad in a newspaper, shouting out, ‘DANGER SPATH ALERT’.
And yes, it’s galling to know that most of the time they get away with it.
The GOOD NEWS (and there is some) is that we saw the light.
We do not have to spend what time we have left on this earth, walking in their shadow.
yes, farwronged, they have fooled the best of us at times so don’t be so hard on yourself. it is more than sickening. it is inexcusable and unforgivable. Your spath had that little ‘gleam’ like mine did. “IT” loved hearing the hurt it caused because that made “IT” feel all powerful. They lie about everything. It is almost impossible to discern a truth from a lie. At the time I was being brainwashed and dominated, I would have been hard pressed to distrust it and NOT believe the things it would say. Until I started seeing signs that it was going ‘askew’; a little ‘haywire’; not computing clearly.
The more I paid attention, the scarier it got. I am not going to subject myself to this torture anymore. It is not going to even have my thoughts before too much longer, after I dump all that GARBAGE out of there and that is what it is: GARBAGE; all of it. The whole past nine years. It didn’t ruin my life because I won’t give “IT” that much recognition. It helped INSPIRE my life and to make me the strongest I am ever going to get in this life.
And “IT” can just sit there and steam and burn in “IT’s” own self-manufactured HELL. There is nothing nice about it at all. It is EVIL in the purest sense. Evil manifest.