Today, July 4th, is Independence Day in the United States of America. On this day 235 years ago, the country’s forefathers declared independence from the tyranny of a distant king. Today, let us all declare independence from the tyranny of sociopaths.
Declaring independence, of course, is only the beginning of the struggle. In 1776, the tyrant did not want to lose a prized possession—the Colonies—and retaliated by sending an army. The Colonists who believed in independence had no choice but to fight, even though most had little experience—they were farmers, tradesmen and laborers. But they learned how to fight. It took five years, many battles and many hardships, but in the end, the United States of America emerged victorious.
What can we learn from those Colonists that we can use in our own battles? The early Americans believed in themselves, believed in their cause, and did not give up. Oh, they suffered defeats, but they retreated, regrouped, and fought again. They learned from their mistakes, found allies and kept going.
If you’re doing battle with a sociopath—and make no mistake, any interaction is a battle—here are some strategies that will help you:
1. Know your enemy. Be brutally honest in evaluating the sociopath in your life. Remember: The sociopath never loved you. All you ever were to him or her was a source of supply. Once you get over the shock of their soullessness, you’ll begin to see the patterns of their actions. This will enable you to predict what they will do, and plan accordingly.
2. Never underestimate the sociopath. Do not anticipate that the sociopath will act as you, a person capable of love and empathy, would act. The sociopath has no concern for your emotions, your feelings and your welfare. Without empathy or a conscience, the sociopath is capable of doing anything, even the unthinkable, to get what he or she wants, which is to win.
3. Conserve your own resources. You can’t fight if you are sick or injured, so do your best to take care of yourself. Eat right; avoid drugs and alcohol; get enough rest. If you are suffering from anxiety or depression, a good way to relieve them is through exercise. Be gentle with yourself as you recover from trauma.
4. Plan strategically. Figure out what you really want and need, and figure out a way to get them. Never let the sociopath know your plans. If you are living with the person and need to escape, prepare a getaway bag and leave when he or she is not around. If you are going to court, keep careful records and document everything that happens. Keep in mind that you may need to use subterfuge and diversion to execute your plans.
5. Pick your battles. Determine what is really important to you, and what you can let go of. Your life and health are important; you may need to give up on recovering your money, saving your reputation or seeing justice done—at least for the time being. Only take on the battles that are vitally important at the moment.
6. Use overwhelming force. If you do have an opportunity to serve justice, go after the sociopath with everything you’ve got. Do not play nice; do not hold back. The harder you hit, the more likely your chances of success.
7. Seek peace. Remember, the only life you absolutely, positively can influence is your own. Your ultimate objective should be your peace of mind and peace of heart. Achieving it may mean letting go of material goods, people and past traumas. You may need to redefine yourself and how you relate to the world. If you can get to a place of tranquility, you are victorious.
Back_from_the_edge
candy: you are leaving? what?
are you alright?
duped
Ana
Duped,
Happy three months! That’s great 🙂 glad you are feeling better too. I like your posts…go get ’em girl.
Louise
Ana:
I know…the site has been acting up again…UGGHH.
Back_from_the_edge
((Ana)) Thanks for the wishes!
Come to Cali and I’ll buy you a margarita! 😉
Yes, I AM feeling better and getting stronger, moment to moment, now. I still have a ways to go but I am coming out of this haze I have been in for such a long time. I really can’t say any one particular thing that has helped me so much, but rather a combination of things: counseling, emdr and hypnotherapy, meditation, NC (my favorite!) :)…AND COMING HERE.
This will ALWAYS be a special place for me now.
How could I ever not remember? xxoo
THIS is what the internet was made for.
Not for spaths to abuse….
THIS, right here, is the BEST of the internet…
coping
Duped-
Once again.. Good for you. Keep up that strength. I am sending you a big old hug! You go!
Back_from_the_edge
aw, thanks coping…
I am excited. This is the first time I have been in touch with my life in five years. It’s kind of like being ‘re-born’. There is so much I have forgotten. Time has passed so quickly.
I remember the first instance I had of knowing things were going to be alright when I noticed the birds singing in the morning. I never heard them before. “Poetic”; isn’t it? But, oh so true….
Thank you all so much for your encouragement and lending a shoulder and your strength.
Big hugs right back at ya! 🙂
DUPED
sadme
Duped,
I just got caught up with all the posts from yesterday. As I read yours, I had a big smile on my face and a sense of peace within me. I have not cried today! Yeah! I am soooooo proud of you, 3 months NC! I can’t wait till that happens. I know that I have to go to court in September for a lawsuit that I have against “it”. But what I have learned about sociopaths, I am so much stronger. I will be strong and hold my ground. If he calls again, I will just hang up on him…. I won’t even ask him what he wants… he will know that I am done with him. What a weasel!
I wish I could come out to Cali and celebrate with you! I will be thinking about you. Stay strong!
This site has been great therapy for me as well.
What does emdr mean?
I agree that this is a great way to use the internet! The internet… ” the information highway” I believe that I have read sooooo much great information from this site that is helping me heal and deal with sociopaths!
sadme
I thought about you all today at work! We had a record day at the restaurant! We got outside seating last week, it has been to hot for folks to sit outside, but today the weather was a bit cooler and we had a waiting list at lunch time for the outside sitting and the dining room was full! Crazy busy and I loved it! I thank you all for your kind words of encouragement. I believe that the universe has responded to a the positive energy sent my way.
I would like to send back that positive energy to all of you 100 fold!!!!
Peace out!
Back_from_the_edge
Oh hi sadme: happy to see you! 🙂
YAY!!! Not cried today! I have been ‘sob free’ (no pun intended) for just about 3 months now. WITH the exception of watching that Jaycee Dugard interview. It was too much like my story and wow, I think I sobbed most of that week. AND I ONLY WATCHED 15 mins of it! I couldn’t stand one more moment!
“I” am proud of YOU sadme! 🙂
Yah, the big 3 months. This is make it or break it time. “IT” has always had a pattern of getting ‘in touch’ after the NC 3 month period before. WHY should this time be any different? Except THIS TIME I have the law on my side and I mean every word.
Your question, sadme, about EMDR: It is a therapy process used for treating severe cases of PTSD. Here is a link that explains it: http://emdr-therapy.com/emdr.html it is done without drugs and just absolutely amazing how well it has worked for me. I notice an improvement in myself on a daily basis now. The only drugs I am taking are the ones for my heart. The ones keeping my heart alive.
Oh yes, this site is PRICELESS, like everyone here…
including YOU sadme. Hope you had an awesome day!
(HUGS)
Dupedster
Louise
sadme:
That is fantastic!!! How great to hear!!! 🙂