Today, July 4th, is Independence Day in the United States of America. On this day 235 years ago, the country’s forefathers declared independence from the tyranny of a distant king. Today, let us all declare independence from the tyranny of sociopaths.
Declaring independence, of course, is only the beginning of the struggle. In 1776, the tyrant did not want to lose a prized possession—the Colonies—and retaliated by sending an army. The Colonists who believed in independence had no choice but to fight, even though most had little experience—they were farmers, tradesmen and laborers. But they learned how to fight. It took five years, many battles and many hardships, but in the end, the United States of America emerged victorious.
What can we learn from those Colonists that we can use in our own battles? The early Americans believed in themselves, believed in their cause, and did not give up. Oh, they suffered defeats, but they retreated, regrouped, and fought again. They learned from their mistakes, found allies and kept going.
If you’re doing battle with a sociopath—and make no mistake, any interaction is a battle—here are some strategies that will help you:
1. Know your enemy. Be brutally honest in evaluating the sociopath in your life. Remember: The sociopath never loved you. All you ever were to him or her was a source of supply. Once you get over the shock of their soullessness, you’ll begin to see the patterns of their actions. This will enable you to predict what they will do, and plan accordingly.
2. Never underestimate the sociopath. Do not anticipate that the sociopath will act as you, a person capable of love and empathy, would act. The sociopath has no concern for your emotions, your feelings and your welfare. Without empathy or a conscience, the sociopath is capable of doing anything, even the unthinkable, to get what he or she wants, which is to win.
3. Conserve your own resources. You can’t fight if you are sick or injured, so do your best to take care of yourself. Eat right; avoid drugs and alcohol; get enough rest. If you are suffering from anxiety or depression, a good way to relieve them is through exercise. Be gentle with yourself as you recover from trauma.
4. Plan strategically. Figure out what you really want and need, and figure out a way to get them. Never let the sociopath know your plans. If you are living with the person and need to escape, prepare a getaway bag and leave when he or she is not around. If you are going to court, keep careful records and document everything that happens. Keep in mind that you may need to use subterfuge and diversion to execute your plans.
5. Pick your battles. Determine what is really important to you, and what you can let go of. Your life and health are important; you may need to give up on recovering your money, saving your reputation or seeing justice done—at least for the time being. Only take on the battles that are vitally important at the moment.
6. Use overwhelming force. If you do have an opportunity to serve justice, go after the sociopath with everything you’ve got. Do not play nice; do not hold back. The harder you hit, the more likely your chances of success.
7. Seek peace. Remember, the only life you absolutely, positively can influence is your own. Your ultimate objective should be your peace of mind and peace of heart. Achieving it may mean letting go of material goods, people and past traumas. You may need to redefine yourself and how you relate to the world. If you can get to a place of tranquility, you are victorious.
farwronged,
I’m not actually in the right frame of mind to answer you BUT, I want to.
There is a mother connection no doubt about it. They use us as subsitutes for the hate they have for their mom’s. They all have madonna/whore syndrome. but they split that between the wives and the whores. Their mother’s are actually both – in their eyes. It’s a sickness, you don’t actually have to understand them. Justknow that there is nothing right about them. You are a good person, they are not. We are taken in by parasites, just as parasites in the wild latch on to a host. It was a decision on their part, to continue to be infantile and therefore, parasites. That’s where the choice lies. Move away from the sickness.
Mine didn’t get along with his mum either. I didn’t know a whole lot about their relationship, but I heard it was not that great. I see a definite common trait here.
I also think that all men (spath or not) tend to marry women like their mothers. I have seen that over and over again.
It’s so bizarre but I think I get it. There’s still no excuse for their behavior regardless of what childhood issues transpired. You can’t make good people suffer for the wrong others have done. Sometimes spath would want to be babied and would always say how he was deprived of affection as a child. The woman hating monster remained hidden until he raged or was accused. He blamed the lack of respect on his mother over and over again. His mother is aware that he’s disordered but he manipulates her into feeling guilty for her shortcomings as a mother so he in turn gets away with murder. He’s maxed her credit cards, pawned her title, wrecked cars, sold her property. She even inconveniences herself and allowed him to keep her only car so that he can do NOTHING. she’s sent him to counseling for drugs and he wasted her money not attending. I just don’t get it, a mother’s love us unconditional but dies she not realize he really gives a fark about her. is she in denial? She helps him find jobs which he only works short periods of time. I just wish he’d get caught! He’s such a horrible person.
farwronged: yes, mom is in denial. complete denial.
but there really isn’t much mom can do about it; is there? mom is trapped in that same hole we have been trapped in. the struggle between good conscious and reality. the struggle between right and wrong. mom is an enabler and probably has been her whole life. Who knows? She may have manufactured “IT” in the process of growing up. “Feeling sorry” for IT only fuels the monster within. That is one of the ways they trap you.
But my point is this: I was the daughter of a heroin addict. I am not a dysfunctional type person; have raised a wonderful family; held down jobs MY ENTIRE LIFETIME: DO I HAVE NEEDLE MARKS ON MY ARMS??? NO. I do not. I have always said that we can blame our actions on our poor childhoods, HOWEVER, there comes a point in our lives that we grow up and become an adult; where we make decisions and choices for OURSELVES and stop laying the blame on everything else around us and accept it for OURSELVES. We make the necessary changes.
With THEM: the body grows but the mind does not. It is stuck in that moment and that ‘hardship’ they were feeling at the time. That is what is driving them in all they do, think, feel –
Their wholes lives are about ‘taking what comes’ instead of ‘taking what is mine’. Yes, they are horrid people. Just absolutely horrid. I know we will be forgiven for not wanting to be a part of their ugly lives anymore. I really don’t think that it’s necessary for us to give up our lives and sanity for someone who is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT WORTH IT!
Their intent was to capture our souls and to suck and feed off of our strengths and weaknesses until there was NOTHING left of us. No conscious is required to get away from evil.
Duped
Yeah, it’s unfortunate but the trail of confused and broken hearts leave me to hate them.
I have hated so much that my hate became off the hook, something like IT is off the hook. That kind of hate will chew you up and spit you back out if you let it. I made myself resolutions, with or without it’s involvement. I put myself in a different spot, inside my head, and have been reprocessing all of the details and experience, grueling inch by inch, trying to discipline myself into thinking all of the CORRECT thoughts instead of the emotions.
The emotions involved in all of this will torture you if you allow them to. That was part of the plan. You have to discipline yourself into NOT THINKING ABOUT IT and moving forward with your life. THAT is the true victory and the TRUE justification with them: when you dry your tears; blow your nose; stand up on your strong two feet and say: NO MORE. THEN they become worried. They don’t want to have to work so hard to manipulate. They want the easy mark; the one vulnerable; ill; psychologically down trodden. They want to always look like that ‘savior’ when in reality they are the devil itself.
Yes, very unfortunate all the broken lives and hearts….
THEY DO NOT CARE. All they care about is THEMSELVES.
They will suck your last breath if you ALLOW THEM TO.
(((farwronged))) Cheer up; find something wonderful to do for yourself today away from all of this. Take a mental vacation!
Sometimes, it is the only way to make it a decent day: just getting away from it. They do not have the right to ruin us. Dig down into that basis and grab a hold of it: WHO DO THEY THINK THEY ARE? 🙂 xxoo
Duped some days are better than others. I think I’ll go to the zoo and see the animals. I’ll do well a few weeks then I’ll have a couple really bad days that seem like months. I want to forget but it’s so hard! I do not love the fantasy anymore, I’ve accepted him to be unchanging, I just want him to pay! I know he’s in the midst of a crime, preparing another devaluation, or worse robbing someone blond cashing fraudulent checks. It’s not fair!!!!!
Sometimes all we can do is save ourselves.
If I EVER see another soul in need: that looks and acts like THAT, TRUST ME: I will be putting the blinders on and walking right past it. That is a horrid thing to say but that is exactly WHERE they ‘get us’….no, I agree, farwronged, IT IS NOT FAIR but they will pay…believe it: Karma lives, walks, talks and breathes.
Say hello to the animals for me too!
I am jealous, haven’t been to a zoo since a child.
Yes, Dearest, I know: do good for a few weeks and then a few bad days. If you notice, though, they are getting fewer and fewer. I thought I had sobbed my eyeballs out of my head, I sobbed so much. I couldn’t even go out into public because it was so bad and so embarrassing, I just sobbed constantly. For YEARS, farwronged.
It almost took my life in more ways than one and did not even care and still doesn’t and never will. I accept that. NOW. I couldn’t believe my best friend betrayed me the way “IT” did: by trying to purposely kill me. I mean, right in the midst of our relationship…it lied and put me in that position to be harmed.
IT threw me off the ledge, literally but I am climbing back UP the side of that mountain it threw me off of and IT better stay far away because I MEAN every single word I have ever said to it.
AND I AM GOING ON WITH MY LIFE and MY THOUGHTS are MY THOUGHTS! 🙂
Cop a smile someplace, farwronged – you are on the road to recovery and doing WONDERFULLLLLY!!!!! Hey – have you noticed the birds, yet, chirping in the morning? When you do THAT, you KNOW you are on the way.
*HUGS*
Today has been a good one so far. I am moving in the right direction with respect to what needs to be done to “make my move”. My son starts daycare tomorrow (I’m sad but he needs the social interaction as well as I need time to make plans and do the work required on my end), I have an attorney appointment schduled to cover my bases…I’m on a roll.
However there are many important decsions that to be made on my end to move forward correctly. This not only involves location ect., but “blood money” from a toxic relative. I have written a couple blogs about my mother over the past 2 months. I don’t believe she is a spath but she definately has major disorders…ones that have traumatized me over my childhood and her presence back into my life 5 years ago.
I’de like to find these blogs to reread them. Is there a way to do this?
My mother is a very sensitive subject for me…due to immense childhood trama…I do not want to admit (or accept) a family member is a N or P…but after so much sickness I must examine this emotionally before accepting anything from her. I do have other options