Today, July 4th, is Independence Day in the United States of America. On this day 235 years ago, the country’s forefathers declared independence from the tyranny of a distant king. Today, let us all declare independence from the tyranny of sociopaths.
Declaring independence, of course, is only the beginning of the struggle. In 1776, the tyrant did not want to lose a prized possession—the Colonies—and retaliated by sending an army. The Colonists who believed in independence had no choice but to fight, even though most had little experience—they were farmers, tradesmen and laborers. But they learned how to fight. It took five years, many battles and many hardships, but in the end, the United States of America emerged victorious.
What can we learn from those Colonists that we can use in our own battles? The early Americans believed in themselves, believed in their cause, and did not give up. Oh, they suffered defeats, but they retreated, regrouped, and fought again. They learned from their mistakes, found allies and kept going.
If you’re doing battle with a sociopath—and make no mistake, any interaction is a battle—here are some strategies that will help you:
1. Know your enemy. Be brutally honest in evaluating the sociopath in your life. Remember: The sociopath never loved you. All you ever were to him or her was a source of supply. Once you get over the shock of their soullessness, you’ll begin to see the patterns of their actions. This will enable you to predict what they will do, and plan accordingly.
2. Never underestimate the sociopath. Do not anticipate that the sociopath will act as you, a person capable of love and empathy, would act. The sociopath has no concern for your emotions, your feelings and your welfare. Without empathy or a conscience, the sociopath is capable of doing anything, even the unthinkable, to get what he or she wants, which is to win.
3. Conserve your own resources. You can’t fight if you are sick or injured, so do your best to take care of yourself. Eat right; avoid drugs and alcohol; get enough rest. If you are suffering from anxiety or depression, a good way to relieve them is through exercise. Be gentle with yourself as you recover from trauma.
4. Plan strategically. Figure out what you really want and need, and figure out a way to get them. Never let the sociopath know your plans. If you are living with the person and need to escape, prepare a getaway bag and leave when he or she is not around. If you are going to court, keep careful records and document everything that happens. Keep in mind that you may need to use subterfuge and diversion to execute your plans.
5. Pick your battles. Determine what is really important to you, and what you can let go of. Your life and health are important; you may need to give up on recovering your money, saving your reputation or seeing justice done—at least for the time being. Only take on the battles that are vitally important at the moment.
6. Use overwhelming force. If you do have an opportunity to serve justice, go after the sociopath with everything you’ve got. Do not play nice; do not hold back. The harder you hit, the more likely your chances of success.
7. Seek peace. Remember, the only life you absolutely, positively can influence is your own. Your ultimate objective should be your peace of mind and peace of heart. Achieving it may mean letting go of material goods, people and past traumas. You may need to redefine yourself and how you relate to the world. If you can get to a place of tranquility, you are victorious.
Duped, I’ve read lots of ur posts…does this recent one mean he is back trying to see u? Or just that he is in the area and ur afraid he may hurt u? From wat u’ve written I’m assuming a TRO is not happening becuz no one believes he has tried to kill u and is indeed a very real threat?
Ur posts are sad, yet very real and I know u will be ok if u can just keep him away from u. I have lived thru a spath, even had 2 kids with him and I am at the point of no-reaction to him really. It IS possible.
I was talking to him last nite about how my car is dying and his response was well get MY car stereo out and store it till I can send u money to ship it to me…I wasnt even dismayed at this overt example of how the universe revolves around HIM…just in awe LOL. He kept talking without me saying a thing and finally said, well shoot, *I* could sell it myself, if i just get someone to take it out for me (like WHO??). And I could get probably $100 for it…no shit, sherlock. You aint getting it nohow What a complete moron.
His children are going to be without transportation, no getting groceries, going to the playground, the drs, etc etc etc and HE Thinks Of ONLY “His” Stereo. Spaths totally put me in awe. They are not human, simply another entity altogether.
This gift of nonresponse, not even feeling hate, is something I cherish, having travelled thru spathville.
Hope you do well & be well today!
On the EFAs info—>cod liver oil is the best way to get EFAs and vit D and vit A. All important in mind/emotion recovery. I use a brand that is not THE best, but close. Quantum Nutritional Labs brand. You can find it at radiantlifecatalog.com. They also sell Green Pastures, but its highway robbery what they want for it.
I have no ties to any of the items I mentioned. Just use the Quantum CLO and I think it helps.
There is a website by a woman whos been coping with depression for years and had success by using nutritional therapy, like soupbone-broths and CLO and lots of greens. I will try to find her site and post it.
NICE…just looked at Radiant Life myself as I hadnt been there in a while and they claim the Quantum CLO is no longer being made. SIGH. I buy it at my local health food store. Oh well. Maybe a store near you would have it? Or use the Green Pastures if you can afford it. I do believe it’s a better product 🙂 GP is on the web themselves too, but its no cheaper to buy from them. Its just a very costly item.
Traditional-Foods.com is the website for depressed women. Great info! Lots of videos and recipes and such too.
aintgonnatakeitnomore: TRO’s are moot with it. It’s transient. Too small a time frame to serve notice. It’s alright. I am covered. A couple times ago when it just ‘stopped by’ out of the blue, (it’s normal routine) it got met with a lot more than it bargained for. A lot more than what I ever believed possible. The local authorities are VERY AWARE of it. He is already looking at 13 years for the things he has done to me, aintgonnatakeitnomore….he was “POLITELY” requested to leave town and to never return. And all he did was take me to dinner. Imagine that. Came home from dinner and trying to talk his way into staying a week with me and I told him “NO”. I turned to come in the door and he was surrounded by TEN patrol cars, two officers per car. They had suspected he harmed me but he did not. I had to explain to the police that I was alright before they would let him go. I have NO FEAR whatsoever for my safety. Absolutely none. 😉
That’s a good thing to remember and I have brought it up several times: while we are going through this horrid period in our lives, we seem to remember all the ‘sweet and reminiscent, golden moments’ ~ that’s what keeps us trapped where we are. You have to realize that all those moments were a complete LIE. They were manufactured by spath who was mirroring back to you what you wanted to hear because they know NO DIFFERENT.
While we are in this ‘dreamy like’ state of ill being, and you have knowingly or unknowingly pissed them off in any way ~ even something small and trite that you might not even recall….
BE AWARE OF YOUR PERSONAL SAFETY.
MEN AND WOMEN ALIKE.
Take it from someone who has ‘been there’.
I was live, up close and personal with the devil, folks…
It’s chilling to think I almost allowed myself to become a sacrifice all in the name of “LOVE”….
Thanks again aintgonntakeitnomore…don’t be sad by the things I say…I have been reprocessing not just this but a whole lot in my life. Now that I have almost no life LEFT.
I refuse to allow “IT” to take what’s left. 😉
He keeps interrupting my peaceful NC because he is obsessed with me and HAS been for the past 9 years. AND: he wants a chance to ‘lovebomb’ me into not pursuing further legal action.
It needs to go away from me. Far, far, far, away. He has been NOTHING but a torturing TYRANT the whole time I have known him. I never met anyone with LESS self respect.
Thanks for the info on the website! 🙂 I will check it out.
I am sorry we are here under these conditions but there is a time and a purpose and reason for everything under the heavens. This journey to ourselves is very enlightening; is it not? I wish you nothing but peace, love, joy and happiness!
Dupey
aintgonnatakeitnomore: it’s a pattern with my “IT”…just part of the pattern. I have tried to get away five times before this and it keeps coming back. I want nothing more to do with it. It keeps trying to find cracks to crawl into, to get in, and I keep sealing up the cracks and it just keeps coming like the COCKROACH it is. 🙂
Dupey
I feel gross and violated whenever I think about how my dad views me. He looks at me the same way my bf looks at me. The other day, his gf was upset because she wanted to help around the house but he was like that’s daughters job. I get the vibe she’s competing positions with me in his life. I back away and stay away from my dad. He says a lot of inappropriate things to me. For example, he said the other day he needed companionship from me. I’m his daughter not his wife. I feel so gross around him and I don’t like him near me. I guess my question is what’s wrong with this man?! He claims I’m suppose to take on wife role until he marries. I have a bf who needs my companionship and affection. Culture or not, no dad says that to his daughter right? Cause I’m disgusted with him.
Dear Hurtnomore,
Yu mentioned the other day in a post that he had “sexually abused” you and your sister. Is your sister still living there? Can you speak with her?
I honestly think that you need to get out of that house, and if indeed he did “sexually” abuse you and/or your sister, my guess is that you can have him prosecuted for that, possibly put in jail. If that is what you want.
You are NOT his wife, and NOT his slave, and NOT obligated to take care of him.
Talk to someone at the local domestic violence shelter, and talk to them about what he did to you and your sister, this problem is a bit more than can be “handled” over Love Fraud. You need some help in real life face to face. If you cant’ find the telephone number for a domestic violence shelter, call the police and ask them the number, you don’t even have to give you name. YOu can get some advice and talk to someone who can give you better advice than I can give you. GET HELP NOW!
hurtnomore – well, we have already figured out what is ‘wrong’ with him. And to recap – all this stuff he says, does and asks of you is WRONG (culture or no) The important question is: what are you going to do to help yourself at this time?
I think Oxy’s suggestions above are really good ones. STOP wondering, know in your heart and soul that he is not good for you and take steps to break the ties with him IN YOUR HEAD AND IN YOUR LIFE. WHEN YOU CAN, READ THE BETRAYAL BOND. YOU NEED SUPPORT TO GET TO A PLACE IN YOUR MIND THAT YOU DON’T DOUBT YOUR OWN HEART.
Take care, one joy
hurtnomore,
You only have to put up with him during the summer, right?
Next summer, start planning early. Volunteer at summer camps for kids or go to a yoga retreat where you can exchange work for room and board plus classes. There are many opportunities for students to go work in xchange for room and board, start looking for the best ones. In addition, these opportunities look really good on the resume when you graduate. get creative.