Today, July 4th, is Independence Day in the United States of America. On this day 235 years ago, the country’s forefathers declared independence from the tyranny of a distant king. Today, let us all declare independence from the tyranny of sociopaths.
Declaring independence, of course, is only the beginning of the struggle. In 1776, the tyrant did not want to lose a prized possession—the Colonies—and retaliated by sending an army. The Colonists who believed in independence had no choice but to fight, even though most had little experience—they were farmers, tradesmen and laborers. But they learned how to fight. It took five years, many battles and many hardships, but in the end, the United States of America emerged victorious.
What can we learn from those Colonists that we can use in our own battles? The early Americans believed in themselves, believed in their cause, and did not give up. Oh, they suffered defeats, but they retreated, regrouped, and fought again. They learned from their mistakes, found allies and kept going.
If you’re doing battle with a sociopath—and make no mistake, any interaction is a battle—here are some strategies that will help you:
1. Know your enemy. Be brutally honest in evaluating the sociopath in your life. Remember: The sociopath never loved you. All you ever were to him or her was a source of supply. Once you get over the shock of their soullessness, you’ll begin to see the patterns of their actions. This will enable you to predict what they will do, and plan accordingly.
2. Never underestimate the sociopath. Do not anticipate that the sociopath will act as you, a person capable of love and empathy, would act. The sociopath has no concern for your emotions, your feelings and your welfare. Without empathy or a conscience, the sociopath is capable of doing anything, even the unthinkable, to get what he or she wants, which is to win.
3. Conserve your own resources. You can’t fight if you are sick or injured, so do your best to take care of yourself. Eat right; avoid drugs and alcohol; get enough rest. If you are suffering from anxiety or depression, a good way to relieve them is through exercise. Be gentle with yourself as you recover from trauma.
4. Plan strategically. Figure out what you really want and need, and figure out a way to get them. Never let the sociopath know your plans. If you are living with the person and need to escape, prepare a getaway bag and leave when he or she is not around. If you are going to court, keep careful records and document everything that happens. Keep in mind that you may need to use subterfuge and diversion to execute your plans.
5. Pick your battles. Determine what is really important to you, and what you can let go of. Your life and health are important; you may need to give up on recovering your money, saving your reputation or seeing justice done—at least for the time being. Only take on the battles that are vitally important at the moment.
6. Use overwhelming force. If you do have an opportunity to serve justice, go after the sociopath with everything you’ve got. Do not play nice; do not hold back. The harder you hit, the more likely your chances of success.
7. Seek peace. Remember, the only life you absolutely, positively can influence is your own. Your ultimate objective should be your peace of mind and peace of heart. Achieving it may mean letting go of material goods, people and past traumas. You may need to redefine yourself and how you relate to the world. If you can get to a place of tranquility, you are victorious.
TB:
Yes, NC stops me from having to hear really cruel mean things from her …but it doesn’t stop the longing to connect with the one whom I poured my love, devotion, and care. She was my life purpose. But in order to remain my life purpose, she had to have a certain character and she doesn’t. So now, I have no life purpose. ANd I have not found a substitute. Sure there are lots of blood suckers whom you can give until you are dead, but life purpose should fulfill/energize/enrich, not suck off you until you are destroyed.
This is a great article Donna You are so right as the more I deal with these people the more I see one is only wasting there time. They are very resourceful people with no limits because of there lack of empathy. I have learned also that one has to pick and choice there battles and if you do be prepared for a lot of consequences. They will go to unbelievable limits to win there battle. I also agree with the health part you do have to stay strong and healthy to get through this without them breaking you down. They do not just stop at you they will chew at everyone in your family they do not care who they hurt or destroy. They can not see past themselves. They have to have no empathy to be able to hurt people like that and still be able to sleep at night. Unless they are pumped up on drugs or alcohol. I also agree with Oxy you do get to the point where you trust no one because they can get what ever info they want it seems. They are good at playing everyone. I pray for all you people who have to deal with this day after day as I do. Mental abuse in some ways is harder than physical abuse. Once the beating is over. It is over until next time but the mental abuse just seems like it is never going to end. It eats you up it tares you apart it weakens you beyond one imagination unless you have experienced it your self you would never understand.
KatyDid, I so relate to what you are saying. I feel off balance and question who I am too. The only comfort I can say is what I believe. And it’s this, we all have a choice to serve God or Satan and Scripture says this can cut thru bone/marrow. Well, it has. I am on one side and it seems they are on the other, which makes them my enemy. Sure seems that way.
Yes, TB
That is where I am too. I seek to choose using a moral compass that points to GOD. I am still sad without having my daughter but at least I can sleep knowing who I serve.
Casey Anthony…..another Psycopath goes free. Dear Caylee received no justice.
Right now it appears as the evil is being touted as good, while the good is being called evil. We can battle them,but so many times they win through their lies, deception and crocodile tears on que….
My life was destroyed and everything I ever lived for taken from me- murdered in every sense of the word, while the psyco is believed to be So wonderful,So godly and So charming!! Where is justice?
I go to court Friday. I spoke with his previous wife today who is trying to have him sent to jail on non-payment of support. One hour of confirmation of porn, pedophilia, lies, psycopathic behavior while I spoke to her……. all I could do was validate her experience.
Then, I needed to contact him to tell him that if he showed up on Friday the Judge would be more apt to render a judgement of Divorce for our case. I *67 so he would not get my phone number…….Just hearing his voice makes me feel detached from my body!! The spinning of reality, the “gas-lighting”. When I was away from it for 7 month with no NC….now he plays the “I can’t believe this is what God wants for us” card!!! That “everday for 7 month he has prayed night and day for God to restore our marriage” card, while he has continued to DESTROY me……but now I am the one accused of ending the marriage, not him!!! He has made no atempts at contact me in 7 months, except to lie behind my back.
Psycopaths…….. the closest thing to Hell on earth.
KatyKid: I so relate! I am with you. HUGS!
bellaangel:” Right now it appears as the evil is being touted as good, while the good is being called evil.”
You got that right!
It’s pretty amazing that they can actually find TWELVE people this foolish! However, in some perverse fashion I think that this can actually be seen as a GOOD thing. That is, at least it dispels the pat and sentimental illusion that there IS justice in this life, or that the bad guys actually get what’s coming to them.
I would guess that 98% of us never got OUR justice. So this is just an accurate reflection of how this corrupt world really works!
Supposedly, the Court had found evidence that exonorated her, I think, in part. I am not aware nor privileged to know what that evidence was but no matter whether she was the primary perpetrator or not, her involvement DOES warrant some punishment as she was aware and did nothing to help her child.
Being the Grandmother of a 2-1/2 year old that was murdered many years ago, very brutally, I might add, I am of the firm and sound belief that anything that is done to a child should be punished to the maximum and full extent of the law. Whether it is child abuse, mentally or physically, whatever you do to a child will stay with them the rest of their lives and effect them in all they may do. Depending upon the severity of the deed, it could devastate a child for the remainder of their lives.
The PUKE who murdered my Grandson, is spending life in prison and I had been asked numerous times if I wished he would be susceptible to the death penalty and my answer was no. And I will tell you why: BECAUSE I WANT HIM TO LIVE THROUGH ETERNITY RIGHT WHERE HE IS. DEATH is too easy for him.
That poor little girl…
Such a young and sweet life snuffed all because of someone who couldn’t control themselves in whatever situation/scenario really and truly happened.
I know my Grandson died a horrible, torturous death. I was also asked at that time what I thought about “IT”, who is also a psychopath, and I replied that I just think evil exists in this world and this is one of those instances; another one of those instances.
I would have to agree with you, Constantine, that probably 98% of us have not received our ‘justice’…we are suppose to just shut up and go away, silently. Without protest or defending ourselves and that just isn’t me. 🙂
While I am not, have not, and will not, go out of my way to extract justice in my situation, (want no more drama around me over all this; I have a life too!) I have made provisions and I am not changing my mind because I believe sp’s should be made to stand up for the rotten things they do. IF you are good at ‘catching them’. There should be a set standard as with any other crime. Just because this isn’t ‘violent’ per se, some could deem the deep emotional and psychological damage that has been inflicted as indeed a criminal act and should be justified by any consciable court without looking hypocritical.
That is just my take on it. The Anthony trial is no different.
Little Children everywhere across the United States just took a BIG HIT in the area of protection, finding that sp not guilty. We owe it to the children to defend them and to set standards of acceptability and non acceptability in their treatment and care.
We, ‘as a village’, should take an interest in the children, all of our children, because they are going to become our very future.
Our children become what we set as example to them; not just their parents, but every single one of us. Children learn what they see and what they hear and what they live. If you don’t care about what the children are absorbing, what is the point of trying to raise responsible adults?
Ha: twelve people this foolish….they must all be part of that ‘desensitized’ society we are now a part of.
Ha: ‘good thing’…..you are a true optimist, Constantine. 🙂
The only justice that exists in this lifetime is the justice that we non spitefully make for ourselves, within. THAT is true justice, when we just shut off that valve and don’t care anymore.
THAT is justice.
Our children SEE this and what must they think?
*BLESSINGS*
DUPED
TB and Katy,
“Losing” our children is what happens even if they grow up to be wonderful adults that become our friends—those babies and kids we loved are GONE, but we just didn’t get to replace that wonderful child(ren) with nice adults. All we got was a stranger that doesn’t like us.
I remember those cute little boys, and the fun things we did together and how much I enjoyed being with them, learning from them and teaching them. What great kids they were. What miserable adults they ARE. STRANGERs that I don’t know, or want to know. But I am learning to fill my life with the people who DO love me and learning to love myself.