Today, July 4th, is Independence Day in the United States of America. On this day 235 years ago, the country’s forefathers declared independence from the tyranny of a distant king. Today, let us all declare independence from the tyranny of sociopaths.
Declaring independence, of course, is only the beginning of the struggle. In 1776, the tyrant did not want to lose a prized possession—the Colonies—and retaliated by sending an army. The Colonists who believed in independence had no choice but to fight, even though most had little experience—they were farmers, tradesmen and laborers. But they learned how to fight. It took five years, many battles and many hardships, but in the end, the United States of America emerged victorious.
What can we learn from those Colonists that we can use in our own battles? The early Americans believed in themselves, believed in their cause, and did not give up. Oh, they suffered defeats, but they retreated, regrouped, and fought again. They learned from their mistakes, found allies and kept going.
If you’re doing battle with a sociopath—and make no mistake, any interaction is a battle—here are some strategies that will help you:
1. Know your enemy. Be brutally honest in evaluating the sociopath in your life. Remember: The sociopath never loved you. All you ever were to him or her was a source of supply. Once you get over the shock of their soullessness, you’ll begin to see the patterns of their actions. This will enable you to predict what they will do, and plan accordingly.
2. Never underestimate the sociopath. Do not anticipate that the sociopath will act as you, a person capable of love and empathy, would act. The sociopath has no concern for your emotions, your feelings and your welfare. Without empathy or a conscience, the sociopath is capable of doing anything, even the unthinkable, to get what he or she wants, which is to win.
3. Conserve your own resources. You can’t fight if you are sick or injured, so do your best to take care of yourself. Eat right; avoid drugs and alcohol; get enough rest. If you are suffering from anxiety or depression, a good way to relieve them is through exercise. Be gentle with yourself as you recover from trauma.
4. Plan strategically. Figure out what you really want and need, and figure out a way to get them. Never let the sociopath know your plans. If you are living with the person and need to escape, prepare a getaway bag and leave when he or she is not around. If you are going to court, keep careful records and document everything that happens. Keep in mind that you may need to use subterfuge and diversion to execute your plans.
5. Pick your battles. Determine what is really important to you, and what you can let go of. Your life and health are important; you may need to give up on recovering your money, saving your reputation or seeing justice done—at least for the time being. Only take on the battles that are vitally important at the moment.
6. Use overwhelming force. If you do have an opportunity to serve justice, go after the sociopath with everything you’ve got. Do not play nice; do not hold back. The harder you hit, the more likely your chances of success.
7. Seek peace. Remember, the only life you absolutely, positively can influence is your own. Your ultimate objective should be your peace of mind and peace of heart. Achieving it may mean letting go of material goods, people and past traumas. You may need to redefine yourself and how you relate to the world. If you can get to a place of tranquility, you are victorious.
coping
Let me clarify.. Reasonable for ct not common sence as they seem to differ.
MiLo
Dear Coping ~
Your clarification says it all. In my opinion (someone who has been there, done that court/visitation wise) unfortunately what you did may seem reasonable to us but probably will only come back to bite you.
Could you “white out” any personal information and fax EVERYTHING to the case worker? I personally think that will save you a lot of grief down the road. The case worker will only get suspicious if you don’t give the diagnosis.
Just my opinion ~ sorry you are in this position and must deal with all of this. You and Jr. feel better soon.
honestkindgiver
I see in a number of posts:
TOWANDA
Is that an acronym for somethign?
one/joy_step_at_a_time
nopes, it’s from the movie Fried Green Tomatoes. From the scene where kathy Bates takes back the parking spot the skinny little biatches were trying to steal from her – a symbol of standing and regaining ‘our’ ground.
coping
Need some input. Pls. Yesterday was a good day unfortunately it was short lived. I rcvd a voicemail last night from family court services regarding the documentation regarding my son being sick. I need to call back this morning to discuss. All of a sudden the panic and anxiety is back in full force. The spath will never go away!!! I do not want to call but know I must. My ex’s case worker is charmed by him and thinks he’s a good guy. I guess the 4 hours he has spent with my son over the past 10 months makes him the good guy. I’m totally freaked out, pissed off and every emotion in the book. I need to handle this correctly. Wtf!!! My son has been to urgent care 3 times is on antibiotics.. He has been so sick!! Spath is making an issue about not seeing his son.. Guess a drs note and medical reports aren’t enough. What the he’ll am I going to say to this woman. I need to keep my composure!! I cannot go against drs advise.. Wtf!!!
coping
Where the he’ll is this coming from anyway. The info was sent last week and I get a call last night. I swear it’s almost as if the spath knows I was doing good and had to screw with me. Maybe that’s paranoid but it’s the only thing that makes sence.
coping
Now I am just furiouse and don’t know whether to file a complaint or not. I spoke to the case worker who said it looked like my handwriting on the note. Mind you it was on the hospital letterhead signed by the dr. The only thing handwritten was where the dr. Put “2 weeks” and crossed off pe and wrote daycare. I think I handled it correctly i just said ” my son son has been to urgent care 3 times you are more than welcome to call the hospital.” her response was ” I don’t think they would release that information to me”. Come on!! This is ridiculous. I’m not being paranoid they are harassing me!! Furthermore I’m sure they share this info with the spath… Next thing you know he will be trying to call the hospital. I can’t believe a court service would actually call ne saying ” it looked like your handwriting”. How does she even know what my handwriting looked like?
coping
And to respond 1 week after she had the information. What is going on here?
TruthBTold
I am sorry coping! It just might be that the case worker is totally snowed by your ex. My mom got screwed over a lot, because my dad was good looking and even the woman judge at the time had the hots for him. It is so sad and sick, if you ask me!
Hey, I am sorry I post or reply and never come back to the thread. I try to, but I keep losing where I post. I do not know if it is the spath stress I have been under lately (family), my pregnancy brain, my boring and frustrating classes I have been taking, or all of it. I am betting on all of it, but I have major CRS!
coping
“The greatest trick the devil ever did was convincing the world he did not exist”. This saying says it all about spaths!
Jen hormones and spaths are a terrible combo! Take care of yourself. Don’t worry about the threads.. I still do it ALL the time.