Today, July 4th, is Independence Day in the United States of America. On this day 235 years ago, the country’s forefathers declared independence from the tyranny of a distant king. Today, let us all declare independence from the tyranny of sociopaths.
Declaring independence, of course, is only the beginning of the struggle. In 1776, the tyrant did not want to lose a prized possession—the Colonies—and retaliated by sending an army. The Colonists who believed in independence had no choice but to fight, even though most had little experience—they were farmers, tradesmen and laborers. But they learned how to fight. It took five years, many battles and many hardships, but in the end, the United States of America emerged victorious.
What can we learn from those Colonists that we can use in our own battles? The early Americans believed in themselves, believed in their cause, and did not give up. Oh, they suffered defeats, but they retreated, regrouped, and fought again. They learned from their mistakes, found allies and kept going.
If you’re doing battle with a sociopath—and make no mistake, any interaction is a battle—here are some strategies that will help you:
1. Know your enemy. Be brutally honest in evaluating the sociopath in your life. Remember: The sociopath never loved you. All you ever were to him or her was a source of supply. Once you get over the shock of their soullessness, you’ll begin to see the patterns of their actions. This will enable you to predict what they will do, and plan accordingly.
2. Never underestimate the sociopath. Do not anticipate that the sociopath will act as you, a person capable of love and empathy, would act. The sociopath has no concern for your emotions, your feelings and your welfare. Without empathy or a conscience, the sociopath is capable of doing anything, even the unthinkable, to get what he or she wants, which is to win.
3. Conserve your own resources. You can’t fight if you are sick or injured, so do your best to take care of yourself. Eat right; avoid drugs and alcohol; get enough rest. If you are suffering from anxiety or depression, a good way to relieve them is through exercise. Be gentle with yourself as you recover from trauma.
4. Plan strategically. Figure out what you really want and need, and figure out a way to get them. Never let the sociopath know your plans. If you are living with the person and need to escape, prepare a getaway bag and leave when he or she is not around. If you are going to court, keep careful records and document everything that happens. Keep in mind that you may need to use subterfuge and diversion to execute your plans.
5. Pick your battles. Determine what is really important to you, and what you can let go of. Your life and health are important; you may need to give up on recovering your money, saving your reputation or seeing justice done—at least for the time being. Only take on the battles that are vitally important at the moment.
6. Use overwhelming force. If you do have an opportunity to serve justice, go after the sociopath with everything you’ve got. Do not play nice; do not hold back. The harder you hit, the more likely your chances of success.
7. Seek peace. Remember, the only life you absolutely, positively can influence is your own. Your ultimate objective should be your peace of mind and peace of heart. Achieving it may mean letting go of material goods, people and past traumas. You may need to redefine yourself and how you relate to the world. If you can get to a place of tranquility, you are victorious.
Milo,
High Five!!
Well done. excellent suggestion.
Ok. Need help as this does not end. I just rcvd a voicemail from the case worker stating she spoke to her supervisor and they will need another letter from the hospital without handwriting. Ok. This is harassment. I will get this for them but this needs to stop!! Advice pls. I am not doing anything today but will address this tomorrow as I have had it.
This woman has actually gone out of her way to do this. Why on gods green earth would she do this? Charmed!!!
Go straight to the superviser, Coping.
Ask her why does she think the case worker is focusing on a piece of paper from the doctor instead of the failure to comply with court orders on the part of the spath?
Tell her that you are doing all you can without the court mandated child support and you don’t have the time, energy or patience to deal with a case worker that has been “charmed” by a spath. Explain that you know how he does it because he did it to you.
I would do it in person if you can. Take the required paperwork with you.
Ok. Time out for coping. This is a classic example of how spaths and disorganized and unprofessional govt agencies act that can make us so crazy. Splendid no problem. I will provide that letter. It’s not a big deal.. Think positive thoughts!!! No problem. Let them run around getting worked up. Not me anymore today!! No problem.
Skylar- I will provide that document via certified mail along with a well thought out professional letter of my own questioning their priorities. Her supervisor will be in copy. I feel that at this point she has been duped by the spath. A letter is the way to handle it. Not words that can be misconstrued. Done deal. How ridiculous! Thanks. 🙂 it really is enough to make me cry. Ohh well. So be it.
Yes, Coping. Good attitude.
And go straight to that supervisor or superior, I agree.
This is absolutely ridiculous. Yes, I think it’s classic. Not just disorganized govt etc, but anyone who doesn’t know the first thing about these sly tricksters.
Just draw strength from knowing that WE in here know you are not crazy, because we understand what you are having to deal with. Remember that these people have no idea what an spath is, he’s blind-sided whomever he had to in order to try to torture you through the grapevine.
And what is he really gaining by doing this? Ufff, all he really got from you is time wasted. It could be worse. I know it sucks as it is, but just keep telling yourself that this moron went through all the trouble to charm whomever and create a fuss just so he could take a few minutes of time out of your day. He ended up wasting more of his own time, I am sure, for very little gain on his end.
(((thanks))) With regards to thinking like a spath something very basic just occurred to me. The spath relies on our sence of responsibility and integrity to screw with us. So what if I don’t provide the paperwork.? They will close the case and in a few months this will go back to court with me being non-compliant. Big deal!! Both him and family court will look like idiots and it will only be redirected back to them. It really is our sence of doing the right thing that gets us.
As long as he doesn’t think even more like an spath at that point and then try to convince the police that you are refusing to provide that paperwork because it was forged in the first place and therefore you are attempting to kidnap his child from him.
That would take some major glamouring, but I tend to think of the worst case scenario before trying to play the spath “game” with them. I always anticipate that they have no problem taking it up a notch and then I’ll wish I had never gone there.
Panther- nope I’ll do the right thing as I have always tried to do. However it’s the right thing that sometimes gets us. I have spent hours being upset- why- because of some spath and a screwed up system. Yes it has it’s merrit. However if I were to die tomorrow would this garbage really matter? No- I know I must detach and think positive WITHOUT being taken advantage of.
We can only let them affect us IF WE LET THEM. Lol easier said than done…no one would be here if that were the case.