By Ox Drover
I slipped into an unhealthy lifestyle after my husband died six years ago. Slowly I let things deteriorate until I had gained a significant amount of weight, about 10 pounds a year. I started to feel bad and wasn’t really sure just why, but in the back of my mind I knew I had ignored the “red flags” of that needle on my scale creeping up. I had been in “denial” with, “Oh, it’s just a couple of pounds.”
Many times I have realized that my life has been “out of whack” just a little bit at a time, that I have been doing unhealthy things that didn’t immediately impact my life dramatically, but just a “little bit at a time.” Like a bucket filling up one drop at a time, eventually it gets full, if we don’t stop the dripping.
With my weight and my health problems beginning to become apparent, I realized I couldn’t continue to do the unhealthy things I had been doing and continue to enjoy good health. I started to have a little swelling in my feet, and I had always eaten a great deal of salt. It couldn’t be the salt, could it? I was discussing this (really, arguing with) my young physician and I told her, “Well, I’ve always eaten a large amount of salt and it never hurt me before!”
She looked at me and laughed and said, “Well, you’ve never been this old before!” I laughed too, but she was right! I had to quit being in denial that all the little unhealthy things I was doing in my food and exercise lifestyle were not adversely effecting my life and my health. I needed to alter my lifestyle, not just my “diet.”
I realize that I have done other unhealthy things as well. I have allowed others within my circle of family and friends to contribute to this unhealthy way of doing things. It isn’t just a matter of “going on a diet” and shedding a few pounds and then going back to the way things were. It isn’t just a matter of telling a person to stop treating me the way they were, and then go back to the way things were. It is a matter of lifestyle changes that are consistent and long lasting.
Stop and think
With the matter of my nutritional intake and my exercise regimen, I had to actually stop and think every time I went to the kitchen. I had to make plans in advance of how I would fix a meal and had to shop with more forethought, rather than just “grabbing” something out of the pantry and throwing it on the stove.
How many calories, how much sodium, did I have the ingredients I needed? It wasn’t quite as easy any more to put a meal on the table. It required me to actually meal plan days in advance, to shop for those items, to rearrange my budget to take these increased costs for “low sodium” products into account instead of cooking the way I had and following the habits I had for forty years.
I had to do the same thing with my relationships, taking into account the behavior of others in my life—what I would tolerate and what I wouldn’t. What would my boundaries be? Just like I don’t want to take all the taste and enjoyment out of my food in order to “eat healthy,” I don’t want to take all the enjoyment and pleasure out of my relationships either, but at the same time, I can’t tolerate a lot of substances that are toxic to my health, or relationships that are toxic to my soul.
Balance
I have to come to a balance of enjoyment and toleration. There are things I have to eat now that are not my favorites, but I know they are good for me, so I eat them. There are foods that I really enjoy but I know are not good for me at all, so I must entirely avoid them. There are foods that I can enjoy in moderation, or in small amounts. The same applies to the relationships and in people in my life.
My son and I have a friend we dearly love, but who is married to a woman neither of us can stand. While we want to maintain a friendship with him, and visit with him, we know that we must have some association with his wife as well. I sort of look at it like eating my favorite biscuits and gravy. I can have small amounts once in a while, but can’t take very much or very often.
In the past when I had weight problems, I would change my eating habits temporarily, but as soon as I lost a few pounds, I went back to eating in an unhealthy manner. I think I have done the same thing when dealing with people in my life who were unhealthy or toxic. I would get them (or people like them) out of my life for a while, sort of like a “crash diet,” but then when I felt better, go back to the old dysfunctional and unhealthy lifestyle.
Now, in my emotional and relationship life, I have made a commitment to a LIFESTYLE CHANGE, just as I have in my dietary and nutritional status. I’m not just on a “short term diet.” I am making healthy choices for life. I am working on living a balanced life, a healthy life, and not “slipping” off of a short term change, back into the old unhealthy habits.
Wow! I am in awe. Please make sure you warn me if you see one. Slime is nice word for them.
Gotta go to my community meeting! Hold down the fort while I’m gone. Type with you later.
Notcrazee
Ps. Thanks again for your input!
Dear Notcrazee–
“type with you later” ROTFLMAO CUTE!!!!!
Oh, you will see the “I have to go work in the garden” or “how are your potted plants” from someone, there are several of us here who look out for them. Some of them are sly but most are pretty easily spotted I’ve gotten to the point now that I can usually see what they are pretty quick. They have an aggressive tone.
Told you I would type with you later!! HE-HE!!
Good community meeting. time to catch up with the posts! Hope you had and have a good night!
notthecrazee1
Oxy,
remember, not all of them are aggressive all the time, they go from charm, to pity-ploy, and then finally to rage. They are a 3 trick pony no matter where you find them.
SoImnot,
They are very easy to spot, both here and in real life because they are phony. The sociopath is unable to have an original thought or idea. Everything he says is trite and everything he makes is kitchy. It’s been said (by Dr. Hare, I think) that they know the words (which they hear and then mimic) but they can’t hear the music. Everything they say, sounds tone deaf. They will try to mirror us, to seem like a normal person, but there is nothing new or original in what they type. They don’t have the ability to reach anyone deeply with their words. They don’t have a “truth” to reveal. They can only mimic what they’ve heard others say, things which sounded good to them, and they try it out and the line falls flat like a bad joke.
speaking of jokes…they don’t get sophisticated jokes, they only get slapstick and they laugh at others’ pain. Double-entendre goes right over their heads. This is all part of being emotionally retarded, which they are. They never grew up and consequently they are immature and childish and it shows.
They also try to get drama started everywhere they go. Everything is about DRAMA and getting emotions rolling, that’s because they really don’t have a life either. Their lives are shallow and all they can do to feel really alive, is to create drama in our lives so that they can suck and feed on it. This is another part of their parasitical existance.
Thanks Skylar!
You just described my x to a tee!!!! With him having been a friend of 12yrs he learned what I wanted in mate and he sure did a good job puting on that mask. He had me give up my career and all my secure things and move 700 miles away to live with him out in the boonies! Once he got me there the mask edges started to show and i peeled the mask off and OMGoodness what I found under there was the scariest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.
thanks for sharing
Oxy – I have been following your posts about your lifestyle changes. I went to overeaters anonymous, a 12 step program, for years. Never going back to another 12 step program, but I know the value of ‘best examples’. It means a lot to be around people who are doing the right things for themselves. Your journey to physical health is inspiring to me, and I just wanted to let you know that. I feel it’s beneficial quality working on my still addled brain. I want to encourage you to keep posting about it; there are a lot of us on lf who have gained a lot of weight, stopped caring for ourselves and had our health devastated, and we need encouragement and role models.
Dear One stepper,
Thank you, I’m WORKING at it hard…trying to learn NEW WAYS of cooking and preparing food to keep it INTERESTING not just the old stuff without the salt (YUK!)
I really do like the little http://www.fatsecret.com site and have joined a sub-group there of folks over 60 with 25-50 pounds to lose, and also a diabetics group, and I formed a group for low sodium meals/diets (only have one other member in it right now) but have found other people on there who are trying to limit sodium in their diet, so hope it will get off the ground. In the meantime I am listing low sodium recipes and tips and linking to the American Heart Association and American Diabetic Association.
It really makes keeping up with the calories I take in and the exercise I do (it calculates your calories burned with exerceise by the type of exercise, your weight and the number of minutes you do it–REALLY COOL!)
It is difficult to change my life, my way of cooking, the way I shop, plan meals, etc. but it gives me something to focus on as well—something POSITIVE.
I have a dear friend who is on the low sodium diet and he moans and pithes about it all the time and he does love food, but you know, I got to doing a little research on the net and I have probably been taking in 5-10,000 mg of sodium and heart assoc recommends no more than 2,000 for anyone! LOL
So really, just my good genetics had saved me in the past from side effects, so now I’m having to get real about it.
And frankly, when I STARTED IT I did NOT want to do it, but now that I am starting to FEEL better physically (19 pounds lost so far!) it is giving me some incentive to keep on. Plus, if I make good tasting dishes, I enjoy eating them (even if I DO want more of them!) I admit I DID fall off the wagon for two days and over ate, and guess what, when I did my blood sugar went up and I felt BAD the next day….so eat right=feel good, eat wrong=feel BAD!
I think really just writing it down helps me keep “honest” with the diet and the little web site is great for that! Also you can see an over view of how you’ve been doing of food intake vs exercise and along with your weight so you can actually SEE a trend in gains or losses and how you are doing. Sort of like a FREE weight watchers group!
Also you can use any diet you want from following a WW diet to the Adkins diet and the site also records how ALL the people are doing on the different diets and the weekly average weight loss for people on the different diets. I made up my own and called it “Low calorie-lower sodium diet” but you can use any diet you want to our just call it the “one step” diet. It is interesting on some of the “commercial” diets people actually GAIN a few pounds a week on average! LOL
There just is NO “painless” way to diet and eat all your favorite foods and no sweaty exercises to do. LOL Yet, how many billions of dollars a year do folks spend on these “snake oil” diets?! LOL
Just watch what you eat, and put yourself and your health first.
Oxy – it is work, and requires focus and commitment. My experience in the past was with losing 40 pounds gained when i quit smoking. I am quite slender, with a small frame, so 40 pounds was a lot. this time it is at least 50. When I was in program, my focus was not to control food in anyway but to never eat past full, to eat 6 times a day to control my blood sugar, and I had to give up about three foods which i would binge on. It was pretty simple, but I was doing an enormous amount of work with the 12 steps and staying clear in my mind.
I left the program when I was not able to expose the predators in the program in an effective way. familiar fucking story isn’t it? they ARE everywhere. I tried the ways within the structure, but they all failed. I was scapegoated. So was the woman who tried after me. I finally just started warning all newcomers about the predators – you can imagine how popular that made me. Finally, i just had to leave. it was heart wrenching. I no longer felt safe there, but I wanted to stay. I tried here, but I just couldn’t. The groups were very different and not really supportive. I even tried online. I doubt I could ever do it again – i am not a Christian and one can say ‘higher power’ to the cows come home, but it is a theistic christian dynamic and i can’t go there. It was so hard for me to in the first place, but once there was all the crap going on, I just couldn’t keep it up. In my 5 year experience, most of the people i met in OA were incest survivors – so you can imagine the dynamic, with predators gleefully ensconced.
I know a lot about food – and eating healthy, and recipes and cooking. I have done a lot with food to take care of my health. I have been reading a rotation diet that might help with my chemical sensitivities – I tired, but it was too overwhelming for me. When i started working with the rotation diet I was triggered and i started eating even more, and I gained more weight. I
I know I am not ‘there’ yet. I am an emotional eater – I smoked cigarettes in the same way. I have been very active my whole life- but now, it’s hard – too many physical problems that are worsened by exercise. So, it is a bit of a catch 22.
I am starting where I am – which is supplementing to strengthen my system so that I can detox. I went for my first infrared sauna last weekend and it was wonderful – i have them booked for the next few weeks. that’s all I can do for now. But, once these things bear fruit, I will be able to do more, and that more will lead me to more.
Dear One stepper,
Yea, the 12 step programs do have a lot of people who are addicted but ALSO HIGH IN psychopathic traits. The “dry drunks” or “clean and sober psychopaths” in other words.
That’s what I like about the little web site is there’s no one there to compare to except yourself. You can make your journal and diet public or totally private so only you can see it. I made mine public and even put up a photo on there of myself with a pair of my oxen. But I’ve got nothing to hide about my “life style change” and if it helps someone else fine if not fine….
I’m not doing it for anyone except ME–and that’s the point of the whole thing is it is for ME! I don’t have to get along with anyone else in a group or put up with anyone else’s problems or drama, it is all about ME! For me! BY me! MEEEEEEEEE!!!!! LOL
Just the act of writing things down somehow makes me keep it more honest I think rather than trying to “forget” what I ate today….and finding new foods and recipes that are tasty and different and will keep up my interest in food (not get tired and bored and then say FARK IT!) My old recipes SANS SALT are pretty much AWFUL! So got to have new recipes and try out different things so going shopping today after my doc’s appt in town. So got to get rolling! See you guys later!
You YOU YOu!!! 🙂