Editor’s note: This comment was posted by the Lovefraud reader “Stargazer” a few weeks ago. Readers have asked that it be highlighted as a post.
You can try endlessly to figure out why a sociopath lies, but you can never quite grasp it because the motives are not really human as we know it. Sociopaths themselves ARE the lie. They lie because they lie because they lie. They lie because they can. They lie because it’s fun. They lie because they want something in the moment. They lie because to them a lie has same value as telling the truth. Truth has no inherent virtue to them. And they mistakenly assume that because they lie, everyone lies. It is just a way of life to them.
In OUR world, we use words in an attempt to connect with others. It is called communication. It is how we reach out for connection, and ultimately, for love. When we are being authentic, our words are connected to our own feelings, our own truths.
In a sociopath’s world, however, words are not connected to anything. They have no particular meaning. It is just as easy for a sociopath to lie as it is to tell the truth. So they will often lie to manipulate or exploit you in the moment for their own entertainment. They are temporarily entertained by getting one over on you or getting something they want. It is a substitute for the real connection and love they cannot feel.
When their victims wonder why the sociopath can seem so happy going through life like this while they, the victims, are left writhing in pain for a long time, consider the different definitions of “joy” and happiness. The sociopath cannot experience true joy, though they’ve had their entire lives to learn how to fake it. Instead, they feel a sort of temporary entertainment before returning to their core emptiness and boredom. Now consider a different kind of joy — a spiritual joy. This joy comes from being deeply connected to our own authentic selves, from feeling deeply, whether it be grief or happiness. It comes from our hearts. Sociopaths cannot feel this kind of joy — they are not wired for it. They cannot feel anything too deeply. That is why they play games. They are looking for the temporary fix of winning, the orgasm, the conquest, anything to fill the void left in their empty souls. They can OBSERVE deep feelings in others, but they don’t understand those feelings, which is why they must feed off the feelings of others in order to survive in their hellish state. It is entertaining to them but ultimately not fulfilling so they must continue playing games to stay entertained.
It is so NOT worth trying to figure out what they meant when they said this or that. It could mean anything or nothing. And ultimately it doesn’t matter. It only matters that you realize these sick games are not good for any human being and that you deserve better.