For the past several years Donna and I have attended the Battered Mothers Custody Conference and so we have been able to interact with domestic violence experts. Both of us were surprised to discover that although most of the worst spousal assault perpetrators have personality profiles indicative of sociopathy/psychopathy this fact is not recognized by many experts.
I have worked to become well acquainted with the scientific literature regarding intimate partner violence because I teach psychology of gender and because I very much want to understand why people who should know better often fail to diagnose sociopathy in perpetrators. This failure to diagnose has lead to intimate partner violence being erroneously interpreted as a gender issue related to male domination of females. This flies in the face of the real statistics which show that there are equal numbers of female perpetrators. The failure to recognize personality disturbance in female perpetrators has lead to male victims being further traumatized.
I am happy to report that the leading expert on intimate partner violence, Professor Donald Dutton of the University of British Columbia is fighting to correct the above misconceptions and to help people understand that domestic violence is perpetrated by disordered men and women.
In 1979, he cofounded the Assaultive Husbands Project, a court-mandated treatment program for men convicted of spousal assault. He has frequently served as an expert witness in civil trials involving intimate abuse and in criminal trials involving family violence. Dr. Dutton has published over 100 papers and four books, including Domestic Assault of Women, The Batterer: A Psychological Profile, Rethinking Domestic Violence and The Abusive Personality Violence and Control in Intimate Relationships.
I just finished reading The Abusive Personality and recommend it highly. In this book Dr. Dutton details the profile and personality structure of both male and female batterers. He makes a compelling case for his contention that personality disturbance is behind domestic violence in Western society. Next week I will summarize the personality profile of “Abusers” and explain how abuse relates to sociopathy/psychopathy.
‘the domestic violence system needs to treat violent couples as violent couples, instead of shoe-horning them into the “man as perp/woman as victim” model. Counseling services for violent couples are rare. ‘
I read the article in the link and I agree with the above statement. Although I thought most of it was bogus small minded journalism.
I also agree with the following.
I know there are couples who both participate in DV- I dont argue that, but disagree that it is the NORM as the site you mentioned implies (”statistically”).
I also agree that Domestic Violence would be taken more seriously if treated as a personality disorder rather than a gender issue and IT NEEDS TO BE SEEN AS SUCH.
I think this because we live in a world that is not gender equal. Sorry but it’s not and that can be used to discredit and discount abuse from either gender.
I think your stance on this Tom is exactly the same as the ‘supremacist anti-male variety of DV feminists’ but from the other side of the fence ( what is that called?) and both sides muddy the waters with their own agenders.
In my life experience the violent abusers were both men and women, the sexual abusers were both men and women.
GLOBALLY, the majority of violent and sexual abusers ARE men and outside of europe and the states especially societies are set up to protect them, and NOT women, this is a fact.If you want to talk statistics, have a shufty at cultural norms in sub saharan africa, get the bigger picture.
I support both male and female, adult, child victims of abuse and condemn the abusers male/female/adult /child.
National Coalition against DV- states a MYTH that the problem with DV is couples assaulting each other.
also states, In ALL cultures Batterers are commonly male
US Dept of Justice- Every 15 min. in U.S. a Woman is beaten
Women who leave their abuser 75% greater risk of being killed.
40-60% men who abuse women, abuse children- American psychl Association
Blueskies,
“the domestic violence system needs to treat violent couples as violent couples, instead of shoe-horning them into the “man as perp/woman as victim” model. Counseling services for violent couples are rare. ”
I can easily see where this impression comes from. In the cases of contention between spouses I’ve seen, both of them acted crazy. It was tempting to believe they were both vicious, irrational fiends. (For many years I believed this to be the case.) It was only after observing what happened to the two people 5 years after the breakup that a new impression emerged. About 5 years later, one of the them would have pulled themselves together and moved on to a healthy way of life, the other would still be living an abusive or exploitive lifestyle.
I don’t think people who make observations about domestic abuse have the patience to follow the couples for 5+ years. Nonetheless, fate has given me this unique window on the dynamics of domestic abuse, and it has radically altered my point of view.
I think we’ve all found that being abused makes us feel hostile, cornered, and less dignified than we would otherwise be. How we behave under those circumstances can give observers the impression that we’re as bad or worse as our abusers. Add a couple of well spun lies from an N/P/S, and our reputations are shot. This is how victims are alienated from people who would otherwise be supportive. The outside observer cannot discern that either “participant” in the dispute is anything but totally nuts.
I truly believe that the only defense against this false impression is for the victim to separate from the abuser as early and completely as possible. S/he should go NC to the greatest extent possible, and refuse to talk to anyone about his/her ordeal except his/her lawyer and one or two very reliable confidants.
It’s the only way we can possibly hope to retain any public respect whatsoever.
actually Tom, I hope you dont mind me saying(we are all here agreeing to disagree when we want to) having re read your post, there is not one part of it that I dont find disturbing and also I think, offensive, not just as a woman but as a human being.
I can see your statistics are wrong even from a short amount of digging around, and your anti woman stance is scary ( I would think the same of a woman coming on here and taking this tack against men… not sure why anyone WOULD or how helpful it is).
It is just plain ridiculous to state ‘The most solid stats and studies show that mothers commit far more child abuse and murder their own children considerably more than fathers do.’ with all due respect- what planet are you living on?
I think if you actually work as an advocate for victims of violence(which you seem to be implying) you may well be doing more damage than good.
Sorry – have to say it how i feel it from now on…:)
Elizabeth, I think you are absolutely right.
I think on another thread(maybe escapee) someone said something about a marked difference between the ‘crazy’ victim and the ‘crazy’ s/p (not those exact words) is that the victims try to learn and heal and grow past their unhealthy behaviour and the abusers(or S/Ps) just continue with it.
I was agreeing that counselling for violent couples is rare, but that it certainly wasnt the norm statistically.:)
Blueskies,
No matter how much time passes, there are still a few N/S/Ps who I will not risk associating with because nothing good comes of it.
One of the worst things about an encounter is that my visceral reaction to them is an overwhelming urge to kick their arses up between their ears. This is similar to the urge to stomp a cockroach, and this instinct is probably impossible to entirely overcome.
I don’t stomp cockroaches, I gently scoop ’em up and throw them outside. Still, they’ve got to go. Roomies we’re not!
When your skin crawls, it’s hard to completely conceal the distaste. Prolonged exposure isn’t going to result in a desirable outcome.
:)x I gotcha. “BOINK”.
Blueskies says “I think your your anti women stance is scary”
and that she is offended not only as a woman but as a human being. AMEN!
From my lengthy above post in the wee hours of the night last night (as you can see, I felt it NECESSARY to state my distaste of this persons comments before others could be triggered- hopefully as much as I from this baloney)
BSkies- Are the the only ones so far that see this for what it is???? I’ve never read ANYTHING so blatantly antagonistic from ANY POSTER HERE?!!!!! (I never say the previous posts from that Pianoman you guys had episodes with- is this him????
sorry- speaking about TOM MILLERS POST