For the past several years Donna and I have attended the Battered Mothers Custody Conference and so we have been able to interact with domestic violence experts. Both of us were surprised to discover that although most of the worst spousal assault perpetrators have personality profiles indicative of sociopathy/psychopathy this fact is not recognized by many experts.
I have worked to become well acquainted with the scientific literature regarding intimate partner violence because I teach psychology of gender and because I very much want to understand why people who should know better often fail to diagnose sociopathy in perpetrators. This failure to diagnose has lead to intimate partner violence being erroneously interpreted as a gender issue related to male domination of females. This flies in the face of the real statistics which show that there are equal numbers of female perpetrators. The failure to recognize personality disturbance in female perpetrators has lead to male victims being further traumatized.
I am happy to report that the leading expert on intimate partner violence, Professor Donald Dutton of the University of British Columbia is fighting to correct the above misconceptions and to help people understand that domestic violence is perpetrated by disordered men and women.
In 1979, he cofounded the Assaultive Husbands Project, a court-mandated treatment program for men convicted of spousal assault. He has frequently served as an expert witness in civil trials involving intimate abuse and in criminal trials involving family violence. Dr. Dutton has published over 100 papers and four books, including Domestic Assault of Women, The Batterer: A Psychological Profile, Rethinking Domestic Violence and The Abusive Personality Violence and Control in Intimate Relationships.
I just finished reading The Abusive Personality and recommend it highly. In this book Dr. Dutton details the profile and personality structure of both male and female batterers. He makes a compelling case for his contention that personality disturbance is behind domestic violence in Western society. Next week I will summarize the personality profile of “Abusers” and explain how abuse relates to sociopathy/psychopathy.
Correction- hopefully NOT as much as I was last nite (about others being triggered!!!
Sabrina YOU ARE NOT the only one!:)xxxxxx Look at what elizabeth said to me:) Shoo the cockroach out! Yes? dont waste time trying to crush it:) LOTS of love.xxx
I hope others WILL Not BELIEVE for one instant the rubbish the so called “advocate” Tom Miller stated as fact last night. There is evidence to refute the entirety of his post, and is ,as I stated before “dangerous” for females to BELIEVE for a minute that they are “SAFER” than men in the statistic of dating and Domestic violence!!!!! They is so much EVIDENCE proving otherwise it is UNBELIEVABLE.
LF guys- sorry I cant let it go this morning with this post, I planned to log on here last nite to add my experience of the DV court date with my X N/p last nite, but was so offended by the blogger TOM MILLERS garbage here, I didnt feel like I was in a safe zone to talk about personal DV.
Blueskies, Thanks for pointing that out. I just want ANY victimized soul here to know IN no UNCERTAIN terms, how BLATANTLY wrong he is!!!
Dear Sabrina and everyone,
QUOTE: “I planned to log on here last nite to add my experience of the DV court date with my X N/p last nite, but was so offended by the blogger TOM MILLERS garbage here, I didnt feel like I was in a safe zone to talk about personal DV. ”
Before I went to bed last night I read “tom’s” post and I too felt it was “skewed statistics” and emotionally offensive.
Go over to ther right side of the posts and there is a RED LINK that says “report abusive comments”—now while this one may not “qualify” as “abusive” in terms of bad words or name calling of another poster, it was offensive to me FOR THIS SITE, as far as him posting this on any other place, that is his right—however, to come to a site like this and post it, to me is AGGRESSIVE and offensive.
I do not go to the socipaths support group and post my opinions of them there, to do so would be aggressive and offensive and poor taste if nothing else.
I have no way of knowing what his motives or any other reason for him coming here and posting this, but I believe it is just as OUT OF PLACE (whether right or wrong) as it would be for a fundamentalist Christian to go into a Catholic mass and stand up and scream “you are all going to hell” even if that was what the man believed.
The quote from Sabrina above demonstrates to me though, that when people who have such opinions come here and “post” it is as upsetting to regular posters here as it would be for some woman who had been persecuted for her religion to observe the man screaming at the mass “you are all going to hell.” However, there is NO way we can keep people who violently disagree with us, or who are taunting us, from posting. Donna’s article about IGNORE them, do not engage, and report the comments to her, I think is the best way to handle this, guys.
Sabrina I hope you WILL tel lyour stroy about the court, don’t let this guy keep you from sharing. We are interested whether he is or not, and this is OUR blog! (((hugs)))) and God bless.
Hey, everyone. Haven’t been here in a while, been traveling and having lots of out-of-town company. Have had some hard stuff to deal with in my personal life, including some very scary health stuff with a beloved sibling, but not of the SP variety. I don’t necessarily have anything pertinent to say about this particular topic, but I did just want to check in and let you sweet people know how I’m doing. I’m still not out of the paranoia stage, but I am starting, it seems, to let go of the shame, anger, and obsession (not completely, but getting there). I haven’t been able to warm up to any new friends for two years now and may not for quite some time, and I admit to being far more suspicious of behavior that might or might not be a red flag. But I think that for me, for now, that’s a safer place to be than the unconditionally trusting person I was.
Just wanted to thank you all for your support and insight and wisdom. I’ve read a stack of books, now, on cluster B behavior, and I honestly think that the best, most authentic info is on this site. Plus, it was such a huge relief to be able to come here and not only have people believe me (that is one of the most devastating aspects of the D&D, not even being believed and having everyone rally around the sociopath, perceiving them as the “winner.”), but also not treat me with impatience and be huffy about my not getting over it already.
I obviously missed a chit storm over the weekend; probably just as well. I remember when I first came here wondering why it was that more posers didn’t show up on this site to wreak havoc or at least try to. I think the cockroach analogy is a very good one. And not taking bait ourselves is important, I think. By continuing to support each other, I think we can stay strong and continue to do what I see as the most important work – letting people know about the prevalence of sociopathy and how sociopaths work, with their charm and glib lies. Ripping the masks off. And we can do that in generalized ways, I think, in this context.
You guys are so awesome. I feel so lucky to have a safe place to come when I’m feeling shaky or alone. Because as many friends as I still do have, no one who hasn’t been targeted understands. They just don’t.
Thank you Oxy. And I did report abuse from his inflamatory UNTRUE, FAKE statistic and mis information. I did find worlds of statistics from all sorts of sources valadating what “WE” already know to be true of male dominated DV. EVERY CRIME STATISTIC, AWARENESS GROUP, Domestic COALITION GRP. in any and all parts of the world sites domestic abuse predominately male. THats the FACTS, TOM deal with it!!!!!
Oxy, thanks for caring about my story. Unfortunately, I need to de compress from this a bit before I can talk about it, but I love the fact that the real guys/gals here really do care, and support IS here! Just gotta sweep the cockroaches out from time to time!!! Beyond that- I will leave it to the God Lord to deal with them and their evil doings!
Dear Skippy,
Glad you popped in for a “cuppa coffee” and a visit! Hope your sibs health improves. We can “deal with” that sort of real life problem much more easily than with the TRUMPED UP PROBLEMS that th epsychopaths make that are totally unnecessary. At least if you get a flat tire, you know your CAR wasn’t “out to get you” LOL
Thank you, OxDrover. Yes, it’s true, the curve balls that life throws ARE easier to deal with than the ones that are trumped up, malicious, and targeted. Love the flat tire analogy 😀
And Sabrina, I very much appreciated all the information you posted to counter the disinformation.
Liane Leedom, I have a question on this thread when you stated there are “equal numbers of female perpetrators” when every statistic I have ever read is to the contrary. Can you explain this statement? If you read any of the stats I posted from several agencies- none of them suggest this at all.
I must admit, I am not finding this thread at all helpful or enlightening but confusing and some of the claims not backed up by any shown evidence by you. I feel that you are definately an advocate for prevention of DV and S awareness, I understand and agree with you that “so called experts” dont get the S traits and disordered individuals connection to abuse. Much more awareness needs to be made, but I feel the message you may be meaning to communicate is misleading as far as true , criminal statistics on male/female DV.