For the past several years Donna and I have attended the Battered Mothers Custody Conference and so we have been able to interact with domestic violence experts. Both of us were surprised to discover that although most of the worst spousal assault perpetrators have personality profiles indicative of sociopathy/psychopathy this fact is not recognized by many experts.
I have worked to become well acquainted with the scientific literature regarding intimate partner violence because I teach psychology of gender and because I very much want to understand why people who should know better often fail to diagnose sociopathy in perpetrators. This failure to diagnose has lead to intimate partner violence being erroneously interpreted as a gender issue related to male domination of females. This flies in the face of the real statistics which show that there are equal numbers of female perpetrators. The failure to recognize personality disturbance in female perpetrators has lead to male victims being further traumatized.
I am happy to report that the leading expert on intimate partner violence, Professor Donald Dutton of the University of British Columbia is fighting to correct the above misconceptions and to help people understand that domestic violence is perpetrated by disordered men and women.
In 1979, he cofounded the Assaultive Husbands Project, a court-mandated treatment program for men convicted of spousal assault. He has frequently served as an expert witness in civil trials involving intimate abuse and in criminal trials involving family violence. Dr. Dutton has published over 100 papers and four books, including Domestic Assault of Women, The Batterer: A Psychological Profile, Rethinking Domestic Violence and The Abusive Personality Violence and Control in Intimate Relationships.
I just finished reading The Abusive Personality and recommend it highly. In this book Dr. Dutton details the profile and personality structure of both male and female batterers. He makes a compelling case for his contention that personality disturbance is behind domestic violence in Western society. Next week I will summarize the personality profile of “Abusers” and explain how abuse relates to sociopathy/psychopathy.
Blueskies and Sabrina, I did read this last night but didn’t post at all because I was too tired.
However, I have read many diatribes like this on from Advoc8 in my 7 years of research into personality disorders. My conclusion is that these attitudes (usually from men) stem from their experiences of being the victim of their female spouse’s FALSE accusations Maybe I shouldn’t call them “diatribes” because I perceive they are trying to understand their experiences as we are try with ours.
I think it is much more complex than I am describing but it is true that women’s battle against DV, especially in the courts and in child custody cases, are harmed terribly by the FALSE accusations against the male spouses.
With no intention to counter any other’s contentions, I have had a great deal of trouble through these 7 years sorting out the misinformation from valid research. And see much disagreement (possibly subjective) on the part of “experts.”
Thus, I think (for me) I will stick to real-life stories of LFers and acquaintances. But, to support experts like our Dr. Leedom in her quest for the truth.
Lies are the opposite of truth. Lies distort our perception of reality. Lies cause confusion and chaos. Lies hurt people. One lie can expand as the ripples caused by a stone thrown in water. One of the 10 commandments is not to bear false witness against our neighbors. so, falsehood has been “around” for a long time.
I think our real enemy is falsehood of every kind and in any arena. Misinformation develops from falsehood of perception, belief, subjective analysis.
Sorry, I’m getting in too deep LOL.
All I have is my own subjective experience. I have had only one encounter with one physically abusive narcissiopath with no conscience whose lies were almost invisible because he was so expertly covert. I never once in the nearly 50 years with him struck back after his “out of the blue” and nonsensical attacks on me. My conscience is clear that nothing I did or didn’t do caused the abusive effect. Instead, rather than flighting or fleeing, I froze. Instinctively I knew my very survival depended upon “freezing.”
I can’t but believe there are many other experiences like mine — and none of them ever get anywhere near becoming part of a research study. That fact alone would sway the statistics, I should think.
I, too, disagreed with most of Advoc8’s presentation of “statistics” but I think my perception that he has been “burned” by a female N/S/P might be a correct explanation
He hasn’t returned after his post. A supposition might be made that his intent was to disrupt our site. But, if he was previously “burned” as all of us have been, he probably needs for his own healing to be a member of our group.
Note that I am only thinking and philosophying “outloud.” I hope I have not offended anyone!!
Dr. Leedom, I have no problem with Dr. Dutton’s assessment that personality disorders are the cause of DV. It is the ONLY explanation for my own experience. A “normal” man would never have mistreated me in this way, I don’t believe.
But, I thought (was taught) that a personality disorder was “just” an invasive and persistent disorder of a person’s personality, not counted as “mental illness.” Was I taught wrong?
Anewlily,I have just blogged details of my DV courtdate (one of them anyways) on “when the pain caused by a S dosent stop- If you saw it, I found prejudice type comments” toward the abused”to be from a female atty as well as a male DA. I blogged what happened, what was said. No gender bashing bias. This Tom whatever made zero reference to any “pain” he had personally experienced and presented himself as an advocate for WOMEN, MEN, and chiLDREN. A HORRIFYING thought. If personal bias is this evident by a simple post from him, he definately should remove himself out of ANY advocate group and definately OUT OF THIS GROUP if he CHOOSES to offend, and gender bash as he makes many, many references to that. Another thing, If I blog something MISLEADING or wrong info OR PAINFUL to others – I hope someone will let me know immediately. “BEING BURNED” by male or female perpetrators IS NO REASON to lash out at the whole population with LIES AND DECEIT. I dont believe in reincarnation, but this guy coulda been out of Salem’s witch hunts! I disagree wholeheartedly that INTOLERANCE to this slander is NECESSARY in protecting the integrity of this site!!! My opinion- some of us have been “way too kind” and tolerable of his LIES. Notice- He vanished like alot of dark entities do as they have “tried” to infiltrate into the light.
I know we have been warned to IGNORE these type people BUT NOT WHEN their lies could mislead someone into false security! I am willing to research ANYthing that this person claims- but just as he seems to have “VANISHED”, his so called statistics seem to have as well. Truth is Truth.
I meant 2 say- I “agree” wholeheartedly that intolerance to this slander is necessary to protecting the integrity to this site!!
Sabrina, I am eager to read about your court case. Will do right after I eat lunch
For right now, I want to reassure you that I am not tolerating Advo’s points at all. Just that I have seen this attitude before and usually these points he brings out (and tries to justify with research) is based on the posters’ bad experience.
I hope I made sense. I’m hungry!!
Anewlily, and ALL-
I understand, and believe me I am trying hard to move past this as I have been triggered.
I dont mean any offense to others here that are trying to help each other and I see that. I must warn, my post re :court date involved a lot of venting from me. I just had to tell you guys my feelings- attitude and all because so many dont understand the frustration in all of this and at LF people get it. I have tried to look at the court situation objectively, but having been there in the thick of it, the demeanor of the court was uncounciable. am ok- I have not lost anything- in fact I am happy to have put myself out there to create HUGE papertrails of the violence this man will continue in his trail of tears.
I feel obligated to stand up for abuse and the intolerance of it.
My anger stems mainly from knowing how the abused who are much, much worse off than myself (in the chains of abuse) must feel so condemned and alone. Im angry that I dont feel I can make much difference in the world of ignorance and negligence regarding the victims rights.
HOWEVER- THis DV court was a WIN for all of us regardless! One person at a time speaking out DOES get awareness out there. We must speak up for those who are silenced by the hand of their abuser.
In that, I am humbled and thankful for my part (sometimes seeming very futile) for awareness and hopefuly justice.
Dear Sabrina,
I think it was Mother theresa who said “we can’t do great things, but we can do small things with GREAT LOVE” It is wonderful when someone like MaryJo buttafuco (how ever you spell it) gets a book out there that highlights the “ordinary” psychopath and hopefully will reach a larger audience than we can (GMA etc) but each of us can reach out to others, here on LF, and in our personal lives when we see someone who is in danger, or in pain from past abuse.
The great religions of the world have been spread one person to one person, great movements in the world have been spread by one person reacihing out. If each of us helps one other person, and they help one other (at least) the chain of love and support continues to spread—and through the generations as well, when we teach our children.
Sabrina, don’t down grade the power that you have. Reaching out to ONE other person who is in pain, relieving that person’s pain and holding their hand, validating them, that is AN AWESOME AWESOME DEED. ((((HUGS)))))
Oxy:
I too was of the generation who used to smother myself in the baby oil and lie on the beach in a bikini (no hat or sunglasses), for the whole day (ESPECIALLY MIDDAY) on the Auzzie beach with a group of girls for the whole summer year in and year out! Our intention was to be as dark as possible. (Our aboriginal girlfriends sat happily in the shade all day laughing their heads off at us).
Then we found out that there was no ozone layer left above/around us. So for the next twenty years we lathered sun protection cream 30+ all over us and our kids.
Now all the young ones are blaming us for the skin cancer CAUSED by the SP30+!They are telling us it is WORSE than the sun and you must buy this REALLY expensive cream in the health food shop or cover yourself with ZINC cream. (Because you CAN”T keep out of the sun if you go outside in OZ in summer.) And I can’t afford an airconditioner anymore.
So I wonder what will happen next, since we have such a high rate of skin cancer over here. My cousin died from it – from skin cancer from sun exposure when he was 30. Its not a nice way to go.
EC: “One of the worst things about an encounter is that my visceral reaction to them is an overwhelming urge to kick their arses up between their ears. This is similar to the urge to stomp a cockroach, and this instinct is probably impossible to entirely overcome.”
I have that same reaction EC and also the whole “skin crawl thing”. It took me all my life to stomp on a cock roach, ( although i could spray them). Now i can’t do it fast enough, in QLD they are everwhere…especially in “good” restaurants!
OXY!!
I LOVED YOUR LAST POST TO ME>>>THANKYOU OXY!!! I have to admit I learned that one about looking at them naked (nekid) when I was about 8! I used to do it then…imagine them naked on the toilet to take the fear of them away. Some of the things that happened to them in my mind when they were naked on the toilet were pretty funny! One of them was Dr Kildare coming in and flushing them down along with their CH#T!! lol!!
But I will add to it you boinking her and I will comment on her lovely new threads and I will NEVER forget my NETWORK and my 12 steps. xoxoxxoxoxoxo
P.S.:
Its only now I get the subconscious slip with Dr Kildare, i.e. DARE TO KILL! lol!
Thankyou ErinB for your heartfelt words…they mean a lot to me. xo