For the past several years Donna and I have attended the Battered Mothers Custody Conference and so we have been able to interact with domestic violence experts. Both of us were surprised to discover that although most of the worst spousal assault perpetrators have personality profiles indicative of sociopathy/psychopathy this fact is not recognized by many experts.
I have worked to become well acquainted with the scientific literature regarding intimate partner violence because I teach psychology of gender and because I very much want to understand why people who should know better often fail to diagnose sociopathy in perpetrators. This failure to diagnose has lead to intimate partner violence being erroneously interpreted as a gender issue related to male domination of females. This flies in the face of the real statistics which show that there are equal numbers of female perpetrators. The failure to recognize personality disturbance in female perpetrators has lead to male victims being further traumatized.
I am happy to report that the leading expert on intimate partner violence, Professor Donald Dutton of the University of British Columbia is fighting to correct the above misconceptions and to help people understand that domestic violence is perpetrated by disordered men and women.
In 1979, he cofounded the Assaultive Husbands Project, a court-mandated treatment program for men convicted of spousal assault. He has frequently served as an expert witness in civil trials involving intimate abuse and in criminal trials involving family violence. Dr. Dutton has published over 100 papers and four books, including Domestic Assault of Women, The Batterer: A Psychological Profile, Rethinking Domestic Violence and The Abusive Personality Violence and Control in Intimate Relationships.
I just finished reading The Abusive Personality and recommend it highly. In this book Dr. Dutton details the profile and personality structure of both male and female batterers. He makes a compelling case for his contention that personality disturbance is behind domestic violence in Western society. Next week I will summarize the personality profile of “Abusers” and explain how abuse relates to sociopathy/psychopathy.
THANK YOU ERINBROCKOVICH!
Oxy:
I did maintained my 12 steps in the class consistently with my P teacher and it was a huge success. It is working brilliantly so far.
However, there was one thing that concerned me. We had a new girl from South Africa start last semester. She is white and very wealthy. She has lived in Oz for 6 years but in a different state.
She “chose” me as her friend when she came to the class and i have helped her enormously. She got a High Distinction along with me, last semester, for every subject. (Thats the highest you can get).
THE THING IS WHEN I DID MY 12 STEPS TODAY SHE WENT ALL WEIRD.
SHE WAS SILENT MOST OF THE FIVE HOUR CLASS. SHE PRETENDED TO GET A PHONE CALL (she was sitting next to me) AND SAID SHE HAD TO LEAVE EARLY. EVERY TIME I WAS TALKING TO THE TEACHER SHE CAME OVER AND SAID TO ME,”IM GOING NOW” , SHE WOULD WAIT FOR ME TO REACT, I SAID “BYE’, BUT THEN SHE DIDN’T LEAVE. SHE ASKED ME QUESTIONS NON-STOP TRYING TO GET INFO OUT OF ME.
I didn’t notice before, because i was too preoccupied. She was extremely uncomfortable with my new strategy.
I hope I am just over reacting to her like i did when trhe P was on here. But I just realized that she has been my “perfect fake friend”. I pray I am just paranoid and i am wrong.
Or if she is another P, I pray I know for sure when I wake up in the morning and i don’t have to “wonder” whether she is or not for too long.
She was like an “empty dress”, with not one original thought of her own.
Please God let me be wrong.
Tilly,st
Just remember it is a classroom environment and you can limit your connection to any and all to JUST THAT! You dont even need to wonder if she is a P or not…you can have casusal conversations, you can share your expertise and wisdom about art as much or as little as YOU choose!
Take a step back and a deep breath and tell yourself it really doesnt matter whats going on with her. You are there for your studies you will be kind and courteous to her and you wont let your mind “wander” about her…
Assume she is innocent enough to get through the class with her as an acquaintance. Be yourself…you know how to protect yourself and let people get caught up in their own CHIT… maybe she had an off day or maybe she was feeling left out with all your attention on the teacher… WHO KNOWS? NOT YOUR PROBLEM, RIGHT!
Bring an ipod or ask if music can be played in the class…get back to the main focus and dont be distracted by al the outside noise around you…
Great news about your progress with your teacher. Now nip this in the bud with your classmate too! You know how to keep it at a minimum if youre uncomfortable!!! Be creative and enjoy the moment of the gift of the art class and all you are learning!!!!
STATISTICS can be twisted either accidently or on purpose and are not always a GOOD INDICATOR of what is “truth”–for example: a man with one foot on a red hot stove and the other on a block of ice, is ON THE AVERAGE COMFORTABLE.
While I agree that there are confilcting sets of “statistics” out there about gender participation in violence in the family, it doesn’t mean that ANY of them are VALID. Accepting statistics at “face value” means that you are accepting that the persons who gathered them did so in a scientific and valid manner from valid sources and with a valid method and that they came to the correct conclusion. NOT ALL STATISTICS ARE VALID BECAUSE NOT ALL WERE GATHERED IN A COMPETENT OR COMPLETE MANNER. (for whatever reason)
If REPORTED rape “statistics” were a valid indicator of how many rapes ACTUALLY occur, then the “number of rapes” would be FAR BELOW what we know to be the TRUTH from examining other sources, and realizing that most rape victims do NOT REPORT.
Domestic violence is I think, like “rape” there is a lot more of it goes on than is ever reported or comes to life.
Plus, what is the “level” of “violence,” the severity of “violence”? A woman is driven to distraction and “initiates the violence” by slapping her husband, and he beats her to death? (that is a question)
While I am in agreement that “violence” is NOT gender specific and that women as well as men kill (my own DIL tried to kill my son) I do hold the opinion that the severity of violence within families tends to be worse where men are concerned, than with women, simply because of teh (generally) varying levels of size and strength. Also, any valid “statistics” (if such there were) would vary greatly among different cultures and sub-cultures.
Right now there are more P diagnoses given for men than women, and I think most of us know that this “statistic” is not valid as far as the occurance of “psychopathic traits” among males and females. We also know that more men than women are arrested and incarcerated for violent crimes (of all kinds) and even crimes of all kinds, but that percentage of male vs female inmates IS CHANGING RAPIDLY as law enforcement becomes more gender blind about incarceration for crimes.
Bottom line, our society is violent (by ANY definition of “violence”)…both males and females commit this violence, and both genders perpetuate the violence. Our “justice system” and our “social system” are quite flawed for many reasons as well and do not address any of the problems in a “reasonable” way as far as my opinion is concerned.
While probably not every person who is “guilty” of a “violent act” is a person who would score 30 on the PCL-R, there are too many people in our society who would score 25 or above, and as long as these people are not dealt with in a manner that is SANE and SENSIBLE and REALISTIC, they will continue to perpetuate violence.
The above only applies to PHYSICAL violence, and we all here, I think, agree that the EMOTIONAL, FINANCIAL, and MENTAL VIOLENCE commited by both genders of personality disordered people far surpasses the physical violence, and is just as damaging many times as physical violence.
Psychopathic behavior (by whatever name, sociopath etc) is the ROOT cause, I think of the majority of the ills and pains of our society. If all of that were somehow magically swept away, the things that were left, cancer, poverty, etc. would lDISAPPEAR over night–well, maybe not cancer, but you get the idea.
Tilly,
About your “friend”—LISTEN TO YOUR GUT—doesn’t mean she is a P necessarily but it might mean only that she is shy and picked you as a “friend” because she was needy, BUT at the same time, I suggest that you DO NOT TALK TO ANYONE ABOUT THE TEACHER or what you are doing, because sure if you do someone will RAT YOU OUT to her and then the game is over. You lose. Keeping your mouth shut is a trial fo ryou I know, and you know it is for ME TOO. BOINK us BOTH!!! LOL But I have come a great way along the lines of LEARNING to keep my big yap closed….it is NOT EASY for me.
Just work your 12 step to get througth the term (that was great by the way!!) and keep your cards close to your chest and do not let ANYONE know what is going on.
Unless we move to a “desert island by ourselves” we are going to have to work with, live next door to, etc. Ps for as long as we draw breath, or at least people high in the traits, so we might as well learn how to keep them at “arm’s length” and function in live with them in our spheres.
I realize how fortunate I am to live on the farm where I can be pretty far away from these creeps, but those of you who have to work, go to school, co-parent with, etc. have to “deal with” them in a way that doesn’t let them “get to” you. Hang in Tilly, you’re on your way!!! YOU CAN DO IT!!!! ((((HUGS)))) Oxy
Thankyou Oxy:
My “12 STEPS” is just an abbreviation of what Kathy said to me in a post. And yes it worked! Brilliantly!
I told my “fake friend” ( The reason it is important to me to know if she is is because I am trying to get the sign off my forehead that says “psychopaths apply here”. If she is one then I have found out in 6 months later, which is better I guess. But you would not believe the anger i have at myself when i fall for a Ps tricks now. Its like the end of the world to me. Its the same old story, I have helped her for 6 months only to find out she is another vampire..I HATE MYSELF! WHEN WILL I GET IT???????!!!!!!)Yes, at least it was only six months and it wasn’t an intimate relationship with a man who took my home, my dog all my assets and my dignity. It is just a stupid woman using me to get good grades and get in good with the teachers and everyone . Well that nothing. BUT WHY DIDN’T I SEE IT STRAIGHT AWAY????
Now i am going to have to slither away from her like a snake. I told her my “strategy” was to draw pictures up the back like a nerd and talk about psychopaths”. Which is what they all think I do anyway.
By the end of the class my fake friend was going home to look up criminal OZ psychopaths on the net to try to copy me! NOW THATS FUNNY! Lets see what she comes up with!!!lol!~
Oxy!
You should hear my p teachers definition of a psychopath! She says, “we are ALL INSANE PSYCHOPATHS UNDERNEATH! She assumed I wanted her to help me to express THAT in my work!! ROTFLTIWM!!!!!(roll on the floor laughing till i wet myself!) lol! xo
I am definitely going to change my degree Oxy, as I need some “fresh air”. However i won’t be able to do that financially until the end of this semester.
Changing my degree means moving home and going to a different uni a few hours away from here. Let Go Let GOD. I wish God would just tell me stuff so i didn’t always have to go the long way round.
ltl:
Yes I will PRUNE THE WHOLE DARN THORNY BUSH!!! and nip this creepy little bud right in her “no social skills a#se”.
All I have to do is paint something (anything) good, let my P teacher take all the credit and I’m home and hosed.
Then slither silently away from my fake friend and she will soon latch onto a new victim.