For the past several years Donna and I have attended the Battered Mothers Custody Conference and so we have been able to interact with domestic violence experts. Both of us were surprised to discover that although most of the worst spousal assault perpetrators have personality profiles indicative of sociopathy/psychopathy this fact is not recognized by many experts.
I have worked to become well acquainted with the scientific literature regarding intimate partner violence because I teach psychology of gender and because I very much want to understand why people who should know better often fail to diagnose sociopathy in perpetrators. This failure to diagnose has lead to intimate partner violence being erroneously interpreted as a gender issue related to male domination of females. This flies in the face of the real statistics which show that there are equal numbers of female perpetrators. The failure to recognize personality disturbance in female perpetrators has lead to male victims being further traumatized.
I am happy to report that the leading expert on intimate partner violence, Professor Donald Dutton of the University of British Columbia is fighting to correct the above misconceptions and to help people understand that domestic violence is perpetrated by disordered men and women.
In 1979, he cofounded the Assaultive Husbands Project, a court-mandated treatment program for men convicted of spousal assault. He has frequently served as an expert witness in civil trials involving intimate abuse and in criminal trials involving family violence. Dr. Dutton has published over 100 papers and four books, including Domestic Assault of Women, The Batterer: A Psychological Profile, Rethinking Domestic Violence and The Abusive Personality Violence and Control in Intimate Relationships.
I just finished reading The Abusive Personality and recommend it highly. In this book Dr. Dutton details the profile and personality structure of both male and female batterers. He makes a compelling case for his contention that personality disturbance is behind domestic violence in Western society. Next week I will summarize the personality profile of “Abusers” and explain how abuse relates to sociopathy/psychopathy.
Dear Tilly,
You said “I hate myself! When will I get it??? I very well know the feeling of building trust with someone, then discover the P traits and red flags. It is so frustrating!! BUt when I was discussing this with a friend, she pointed out something that helped me , to “have an AHA moment” She said sabrina, one of the things I have always thought was amazing about you is that you are “merciful – Jesus says to be merciful to others and He will be merciful to you.
Such as situations off the cuff where someone needing a kind word, a time where someone needs you to go a bit “beyond” what is expected to help them in life, or accepting others as fallible human beings,with love being our motivation in it. Jesus has Certainly been more than merciful to me my entire life. I am thankful I never got what I deserved from many of my actions in life.
Initially, I was still grumbling about feeling duped. But am learning to have compassion for “myself” and “mercy” that apparantly is an inborn trait (god given) that I seem compelled to extend to others.
Tilly, this is what makes us gloriously different from the P’s. On their sites, they are working, scheming, ploting, in extremes just to lead their void,niave parasitic lifestyle- most (if not all) do not believe in any afterlife or no higher power. “They” are their own higher power. How fragile of a belief system!!! Because they have no concept of humanity so our beautiful traits that “normals” treasure and bond together with are alien and incomprehensible to them.
They see our God given traits as weakness in us. Its ONLY seen that way to those compelled to exploit with no moral compass.
Funny- being caring, whole,growing, progressing beings with ” joy and peace” is considered weak to them- but they have this senseless “superhero” inflated view of themselves- and what reason on earth would they feel superior? What are they basing superiority on? Getting away with scams, and manipulations. How sad. “We” all know there is no real soulful satisfaction in that. They simply have nothing to compare, no measure of what real connections with loving people can do or inner peace. I want to leave people with having being “better” off from having met me- NOT worse off with disdain for me , what I stand for, and the legacy I intend to leave. I enjoy your posts and wish all the best! Hang in there girl!
BloggerT,
Thank you for the respectful delivery of your posts and statistics. I know you werent trying to trigger anyone or cause discord (as Tom the woman hater was) , just merely presenting your information.
I have plainly stated my experience, research, and knowlege I have on the statistics that differ from yours. I stand by my observations and believe the over abundance of information that indicates and proves that women are much more at risk of domestic violence, and murders from intimate partners.
Some references of another poster mentioned Womens shelters as well, in which had not been mentioned afore which is another provable evidence of the predominance of male perps. More than anything, the common sense, real life knowledge of victims stands for more than any statistic for me. Best wishes.
Hi Sabrina, I hope all is well with you. I always find it amazing when I come on here and see a poster who is personally ‘going through tons of it’ having the fight of their life with some slime ball or system and STILL has STRENGTH, LOVE and HOPE to give to another, it happens all the time here. I think you are amazing. I think everyone here is amazing. I guess its all relative, but my recent tussles with mother and daughter have reduced me to a lump of jelly on the floor, and it seems quite small compared to whats been going on with you, and what others are dealing with. Much love.
You are welcome sabrina. I was not trying tio make a case for who is more at risk or who causes more. I was trying to make the case that all people who have been hurt deserve to be treated with compassion and that by turning these kind of things into gender wars or arguments about numbers just hurts all victims even more. I had a lady not that recently that talked about how for over 30 years was unable to get help from being sexually abused by her mother because “mothers don’t do that” and she felt outcast and freakish because there was no services for her and was told how “rare” it is. One of her comments was that hearing and reading how “rare” it is actually made it hurt more.
I agree with what Dr. Leedom has stated in that there are large numbers of both male and female abusers out there. As for who does it more it does not really matter to me because stats really don’t matter to the individual that has been hurt.
I will post a stat about juvenile domestic violence from the FBI reports:
Females were 67% of the victims of juvenile domestic assault offenders.
Half (51%) of juvenile domestic assault offenders victimized a parent and one-quarter (24%) victimized a sibling.
The weapon most commonly used in domestic assaults by juveniles was a knife.
About two-thirds (69%) of all juvenile domestic assault offenders victimized persons older than 18; however, the great majority (98%) of juvenile domestic sexual assault offenders victimized other juveniles.
One-third (35%) of juvenile domestic assault offenders were female.
Most (84%) juvenile domestic assault offenders acted alone.
Most (88%) juvenile domestic assault offenders committed their crime in a residence.
Juvenile offenders were less likely to be arrested in sexual assaults than in aggravated assaults and simple assaults reported to law enforcement. The same was true for adults.
Blueskies, as I am trying to get ready for work, I almost didnt blog back on this a.m. I felt like I was getting too emotionally tied to this- and as well with the other struggles- but THANK YOU, so much! I can’t tell you what that means to me for such an uplifting, positive post from you! I am so sorry for what you are dealing with- I’ve always loved your posts and know that your are super strong person with much wisdom. I know the “lump of jelly on the floor” feeling. I bounce back and forth with that myself.
On a positive note for me, my gf went with me to my dr. yesterday (she was afraid I’d go back to being that lump of Jelly (lol) If she didnt make sure I got to see the doc. I needed a steroid shot to get over a sore throat/sinus issue. But the dr. said I was also suffering from exhaustion and said for 2 weeks minimum I was to take ambien (rx sleep aid) at night along with a double dose of melatonin -a natural sleep aid thats over the counter-even in chewable form.
Both, together to help alleviate the fatigue. For anxiety, & situational depression , she says you cant get relief from if exhaustion (very common) is a big part of the equation.
She (dr.) says its a vicious cycle- cant get rid of the anxiety, or depress., truly until the exhaustion is addressed and vice versa. Must deal with all three issues. This may be helpful to you or others to put that into perspective.
On the court date from the DViolence case, you may have read my disheartening case- and unbelieveably courts found him not quilty.
Altho I have atty. friends, I did not want to burden them (or get any more compassionate freebies) in coming with me to this “shut and closed ” case that was an obvious conviction- SO I THOUGHT . Wrong choice- I think I probally lost b/c no attorney backed me up and quite frankly the DA was very ignorate, un interested in protection from DV issues in this small country’bumkin town. HOWEVER, had I paid any attorney to go with me, it would have cost MORE than this P’s conviction fines would have been- according to DA $200 or less was the max fine (even with 7 priors or more on the record- all misdemeanors)
So What are these people (self included)to do in the battle of convicting these maniacs without disposable money?
THE Good thing, the first 3 convictions (months ago) never cost me a cent , the courts were way sympathetic to my case, DA on my side, opposing atty. very respectful- ALL the things that this case in another county was OPPOSITE of. THat said, its a crap shoot at best, but it still worth going thru it to make a stand against DV.- one “statistic” at a time huh? lol
Take care and best of everything for you, know that you are cared about! xoxox
BloggerT,
hi there again, it is a sad situation in deed. I guess I have a real distaste, and bias against FEMALES who ABUSE their own children. I know for males to do it, is just as heinous, but anyone who births that child- 10 months of growing as part of your body and can do that is beyond any comprehension. Personally, right or wrong to do so, I hold mothers at an even higher standard in protecting their babies- I probally wouldnt be an “Objective” judge in a case such as this.
Truly no sin is a greater one than another- but human bias and personal disdain exists if we are completely honest.
I do realise the numbers are growing in violent aggression across the board- gender not withstanding. We do need to be aware of the dangers that are out there for sure. take care…
I can’t seem to settle down, i can’t sleep, I keep waking wide awake every few hours. Its very exhausting.
Sabrina:
You are a light in my life, thankyou for being there. Your last post to me was truly beautiful and I have put it on my wall.
I am on the lollipop team forever….no suckers here anymore! xo
Sabrina,
Thank you for your responses. I want to also say how sorry I am that this happened to you. I am also sorry that sometimes the bad guys win and those who have been hurt are hurt even more by it when the system does not work.
BloggerT,
I appreciate you so much. We are all survivors here and will always be victors, no matter what.
I realize that I must get thru some of my PTSD triggers to be of the most help to others. Another reason to keep on keeping on! Nevertheless, its refreshing to think of giving back from ashes to beauty- as everyone here has selflessly done to help me and untold amounts of awesome souls ! Have a great day..