Contrary to a prevailing myth, sociopaths are really no smarter than the average individual”¦probably dumber. Sure, a good one can dupe you, but as I’ve written elswhere, this is no great shakes, as most of us can dupe each other if that’s our goal.
That’s because we enter relationships risking trust and faith in each other, which makes the exploitation of our trust and faith really easy. It takes no genius or particularly smart, crafty person to exploit this trust and faith. It’s as easy to do as it’s wrong.
And so, most sociopaths aren’t really that clever, or ingeniously bright. Most make messes not only of others’ lives, but their own too. Many end up in jail, and those who don’t are often finding trouble in other areas, exercising poor judgement all over the map, squandering friendships, family, and all sorts of meaningful opportunities.
By most standards of a successful life, sociopaths live lives of abject failure, accomplishing little more, at the end of the day, than having produced plenty of havoc and pain. None of this indicates that, as a group, sociopaths are smart.
Sometimes the media sensationalizes the sociopath as the dark, brilliantly predatory monster, especially in classic cases of psychopaths like Ted Bundy. But Ted Bundy wasn’t so smart. In the end, he was nothing but a vicious, sadistic murderer who managed to lure young, naïve girls sufficiently into his proximity to then viciously murder them.
How much of an accomplishment was this? To be able to lure naïve girls near enough to his car to then kidnap and kill them? Otherwise, OJ Simpson style, Bundy was ambushing dormitories at night and butchering innocent, sleeping college kids. Not exactly a genius, or courageous guy, at work here. Just a perverse, murderously violent, cowardly man.
Sure, Bundy was reputedly charming and articulate (video of him bears this out). But this didn’t make him “smart.” He was, clearly, adept at “masking” himself. But again, effective maskers aren’t smart; they’re just good maskers. And nonsociopaths routinely are good maskers.
Good masking, good self-disguising is a type of social skill, and not the purview of sociopaths exclusively. Also, many sociopaths are terrible maskers, just as many nonsociopaths are.
My point is that the “mask” is not an indication of “smartness.” It’s merely the case that some sociopaths, and some nonsociopaths, can mask aspects of themselves and their agendas effectively; but bear in mind, just as many do this very poorly.
In the end, sociopaths, as a group, have a poor track record of living effective lives. Rather, they live disruptive, unsatisfying lives”¦fraught with pathological attitudes and empathic deficits that bring misery to others and, correspondingly, much trouble and, at best, empty satisfaction, to themselves.
Sociopaths simply are not successful people. They may (or may not) skate along under the radar for some stretch of time, but this is not a “game” that smart people play, and that smart people get off on.
Only dumb people play this game. Only really dumb people live this way. Only really really dumb people derive satisfaction, for however long they can swing it, from pulling the wool over others’ eyes.
It’s just no great shakes to do this, and it doesn’t make you smart.
Oxy,
scabies? is that all it is?
I wished it was more serious. dang. 🙂
Ok, I know, it’s that time of night when I get silly. BF is out of town so I’m extra nutty. 🙂
http://www.livescience.com/13083-criminals-brain-neuroscience-ethics.html
The above is a link to a research article that finds criminals who have anti social personalities or are diagnosed as psychopaths produce brain scans much different than the rest of society. They note a marked decrease in size of the area of the brain where emotions originate. The whole article makes a lot of sense from my end of things!
New winter,
It’s usually difficult to diagnose someone over the internet. But from reading your story, I can say with 100% certainty that you are dealing with a sociopath. They all do the same stuff – the “love bombing” early on and then the lying and cheating starts once they get you hooked. I especially loved the part about how he dumped you, then said, “if it’s what you want.” Mine did something very similar. It’s SO sad that you cut your teaching abroad trip short for that pathetic creep. I hope now you can finally see what he is and that none of it is your fault. Just remember, there is nothing you can say or do that will have any effect on him. Just delete him from your life. I would almost guarantee that this will bring him back (they love the control). You can get your satisfaction from ignoring him permanently. Make sure you don’t look at his facebook account or talk to any of his friends. No Contact is absolute, and it is the only way to break free from them.
If you don’t mind sharing, I’m curious what the symptoms of scabies are and what causes it? I have some itchy things going on that I thought was winter eczema, but I’m not sure.
New winter……..Welcome, it’s all sooooooooooo familiar to us here (I’m sorry to say). NO CONTACT is the only way forward. Read all you can on here and eventually you will reach a sense of just what he’s done to you. We are all at different stages so some of the things may not apply at the moment but they will in time. Good luck.
morning LF!
Stargazer, thanks a million for this response. That helped so much with confirming my suspicions. The love-bombing thing is something so unfamiliar to me, I just can’t fathom how someone would do that and then throw me aside like nothing. He did the same thing with sex. In the beginning, it was amazing and I was the hottest person in the world. One month later, he wouldn’t even talk to me about anything sexual. It was like I repulsed him. How can a person change sexual attractions that quickly? The crazy thing is, he’s not even attractive at all! I remember seeing his picture online and thinking to myself, “ugh.” But then he pursued me so strong that I became unbelievably attracted to him, and after that all hope was lost.
Will definitely go with No Contact! And by the way, scabies STINKS and if you have it you’ll notice tiny little bumps (almost not even visible) all over, especially in the webs of your fingers and toes. They’re ridiculously itchy, and at night it’s even worse. It’s caused by a little mite that goes into your skin and nests (Gross, I know!!!). There’s a simple topical medication you can use though, and they’ll be gone 🙂 Scabicide! Talk to your doctor if you’re wondering, because the sooner they’re gone the better!
candy, thanks for the welcome and support! I’m slowly managing to see things with some perspective and no longer feeling quite as forgiving. He’s a really bad person, and I’m starting to wonder if he told me to come back to the country, just so he could watch me fall and burn harder when he dumped me.
Also, do I warn his new boyfriend? At first, I hated the new boyfriend, because I thought he was the reason the s left me. Now I’m starting to realize this poor guy is just the next victim. Just like his other exes were all crazy and mean, now I’M the crazy/mean ex, and this new BF is the best thing he’s ever met.
I’m afraid to contact the new BF though, because I know he’ll tell on me to the s, and I still don’t feel 100% confident to deal with his wrath. Also, the new BF will never believe me. I wouldn’t have believed anyone if they tried to tell me either. I only hope that it can help when he is abandoned, so that he doesn’t blame himself and think of suicide like I did.
Morning New Winter,
He wanted you to come back for many reasons, the primary one is just to prove that he could control you.
My spath, at the end of our relationshit, when I had left him, went through all kinds of convoluted tricks involving the spath neighbors and dozens of cops, just to get me to “perform on command”. He needed to prove to the spath neighbor, that he could control me, one way or another. Since I wouldn’t come when he called, like a good dog, he had her call the cops on me and report me as a missing person, when that didn’t work, he had her tell the cops that he had said he killed me and threw my dismembered body down a well. Then they showed up and pretended to look for me around my property. But in fact the cops were all in on it too because they were his friends and they were calling me, leaving stupid messages like, “Skylar, we are wasting valuable police resources looking for you, we know you are getting these messages so just call us back.” I did not. They finally sent cops to my parents’ home and the parents told them I was elsewhere but fine.
That shows you how powerful NC is. Gray Rock RULES. It makes them go crazy.
Edit:
just saw your question about warning the new BF. I’m assuming you are female and he is bi- or whatever spaths are?
Anyway, don’t go there at this point in time because you aren’t strong enough yet and because he will just see it as a win on his part. To him,it’s proof that you still give a crap what he’s doing – and you don’t.
New winter, you’re getting the idea. They want it, when they have it (or us) they don’t want it. Mad I know. It’s a bit like, you remember the kid at school who wanted the other kid’s toy? played up til they got it then……yep, they suddenly did not want it. Same thing with spath and s*x. Mad for it and then, once they have you hooked, they roll over and go to sleep. Pass the WTF bucket.
Hi Candy,
here you go… it’s kind of full.
***Skylar passes WTF bucket to Candy***
Cheers Sky, Gonna need a bigger bucket!! (((((puke))))))))))