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By | March 4, 2011 60 Comments

How to Eat an Entire Cow in Ten Minutes

By Ox Drover

If I told you that you had to eat an entire cow, do you think you could do it? How about if I told you that you had to eat an entire cow in only ten minutes? Do you think you could do it? “Holy cow! I can’t do that!” you might say.

Well, I think we all have our personal “cows” that we try to eat. Big jobs or big projects that we look at and say “Noooooo way, I can’t eat all of that!” So having seen this particular “cow” as too big to swallow in one bite, we never even attempt to eat it. We just let it sit there in the middle of our lives, using up our resources, taking up space, and growing bigger by the day! Every time we look at this “pet cow,” it is bigger and bigger and more impossible to swallow in one bite. Its horns grow longer and it gets a worse and worse attitude toward us and we begin to fear it more. Maybe even when people come over to visit and they see our “cow,” they say something like, “What is a big cow doing in your living room?” We may even reply, “What cow? I don’t have a cow.”

If, however, we look at the reality of this “cow—”or any other big “cow—”things are a bit different. If you stop to think, a McDonald’s hamburger is a “quarter pounder” and four quarter pounders equals one pound of beef. Since an average-sized cow will produce about 300 pounds of boneless hamburger/beef, then one cow is equal to 1,200 McDonald’s Quarter Pounders. So you have more than likely eaten more than one cow in your lifetime already! One bite at a time.

I can remember looking at lots of things that seemed like such big projects, big “cows,” that I just didn’t think I could tackle them at all. If you break these big projects down to bite sized pieces though,  then you can eat them in 10 minutes—10 minutes at a time.

Let’s say the “big cow” is cleaning out your garage, which is stuffed to the rafters and you don’t even know where to start. Spend 10 minutes working on it today. Just 10 minutes! Then the next day, another 10 minutes. Small bites of a big cow will eventually get the job done.

When we start to look at all the work we need to do to finish the “big project” of our own healing after the complete devastation of the relationship with the psychopath, sometimes we feel like we have, I think, a whole herd of “cows” in our lives that we have to contend with. We may feel like we are overwhelmed by such a mountain of “male bovine excrement” as well, that seems to be piling up higher and higher each day. There are always the everyday projects of work, housekeeping, children, pets, community and other things that take our energy, so that we seem to have little or no energy left for dealing with sweeping out the bovine excrement. Even thinking about eating our way out of the problem doesn’t seem possible because we can’ swallow it all at once.

Changing our expectations from eating the cow in one bite, to eating the cow one bite at a time works. So start breaking your expectations down to smaller doses of things you can swallow! Then just keep on chewing!


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petite

excellent post Oxy. makes so much sense to me at this stage. every day for 10 minutes, ruminate and let it go, do not ruminate all the time and hope it will go away faster. It needs time and as each day passes we know that time is in our favour.
thanks
petite

kim frederick

Sometimes I’m just tired. I’m tired of chewing. I can’t stand the thought of one more bite. I want to run away from the cow.
Are you there, Vodka, it’s me, Kim.
I am not hungry.
I AM thirsty.

I’m sad and I want to cry. Just say No to the cow.
This is meant to be sort of funny.

Oxy, it’s a good post and I understand the idea, I’m just tired of the pain of looking at myself and trying to recover. I don’t want to get better right now.

Claudia

Oxy, great post. As you state here, for me a big challenge was how not to ruminate too much. Because for a long time, I went over (and over) each lie, which became transparent after a point of no return. Once you realize you’re dealing with a pathological liar, you see how implausible some of his stories are because your mind flips a switch from trust to skepticism. And there were so many lies! It was a whole herd of cows, not just one, for me to ruminate about and ask myself how could I have possibly believed all those implausible stories, promises and excuses.

MiLo

Oxy ~ from one farm girl to another, one pitchfork full at a time. You need your boots on and it smells, but it must be done.

Good post. Thanks

Ox Drover

Kimmie, I understand the being tired—and I definitely understand your “Hello, Vodka, It’s me, Kim” remark!

The point is though, Kimmie, we don’t have to OVER EAT—and maybe skipping “eating” one day here or there won’t hurt, it is when we IGNORE THE ENTIRE COW day after day after day after freaking day! that we get into a problem. That nirvana of denial where we ignore that we even have a cow, or ignore the problem with the male bovine excrement piling up past our knees—cow? what cow? I don’t see or smell a cow! When we reach that point, things get really out of hand and get worse by the second.

It’s kind of like my “new nutritional plan” (don’t call it a diet!) I got fat one bite at a time, and I’m gettin’ skinny one UN-bite at a time. It’s a fact of life that it is easier to gain weight than it is to take it off, and a lot more fun to gain weight than to take it off, but I’ve GOT TO DO IT in order to be healthy and not feel bad.

We don’t feel good when we are sick….either physically or emotionally, mentally or spiritually. We feel,…..well…..SICK, BAD, CARPY, YUKY, SUCKY

So we want to be healthy and feel GOOD, WELL, BETTER, SPRY

In order to become well and feel well, we have to do what “the doctor ordered.” Just like that TV show “the doctors” my “doctor’s orders for today” are to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, one BITE AT A TIME by removing big problems out of your life a little bit at a time.

Your drug of choice may be vodka, my drug of choice is nicotine, and I probably like my drug about as much as you do yours, but I, like you, know that my drug of choice is killing me. So I had to quit ti ONE CIGARETTE AT A TIME. The same way you stopped the vodka one drink at a time. BTW for some crazy reason (not sure why) the temptation for the ciggies has been worse here lately than it was when I first quit. But I resist EACH urge because I know I MUST. Sure, I’m tired of having to resist, I wish it (the desire) would just go away and stay away and stay gone and be done with it…but it is a bite-at-a-time problem, not a “one and done” problem.

I’m looking at my house right now—and it’s a mess, a big mess, because I’ve been painting and doing repairs instead of cleaning house daily and keeping up, so there’s a big PILE of STUFF to clean up today and I sure don’t want to do it, but I need to get up from here and at least eat a couple of BIG bites on that cow because it is GROWING RAPIDLY! I probably won’t eat the whole cow today, but I’m going to take a big chunk out of its butt and gnaw on it til I get it “swallered!”

candy

Oh Ox, you do have a way with words. Brilliant.

True-to-Self

Oxy,

Your post today was exactly what I needed. I woke up today feeling overwhelmed in every area of my life.

On the other hand I have accomplished a lot also.

Yesterday it was kind of funny. An old girlfriend came by who “does not do housework”. She is a self proclaimed feminist who has often said, “If I wanted to do homeec I would have gotten married.” Having gone through most of my marrige with me and then my divorce she said the oddest thing. “Can I write my name on your TV screen.” referring to the dust. She used my bathroom and wiped her hands on her jeans since my towel was well needed to be changed. I was actually embarrased after she left which is so odd as she has always well ……hated housework. I turned on my vacuum cleaner and took a couple of bites of that cow.

By the way, a McDonald’s cheeseburger sounds really good right now, but I am having peanut butter and jelly today.

I started rereading the Barbara Bentley book “A Dance with the Devil I believe it is called.” I just wanted to read the first part again to see what it was that attracted her to that man in the first place. I actually laughed out loud when he said “He was working on a degree in Psychology and was going to start a school for Schzophrenics. Sorry, can’t spell that but found it funny.

I will be back later and check this thread. Great advice.

TTS

lesson learned

Ox.

Great post!!

Kimmy……….I get it. I understand the craving for alcohol. But I can tell you, that when you relapse (which I have done) you will feel TEN TIMES WORSE than you do right now. TRUST ME!!!

It’s not WORTH it!! Know what I did to combat the “craving” (ironically, this craving was/is HORRIBLE when thinking of ex because that’s where it all started for me), I started buying Dasani water a few months ago. I keep it stocked in my place. I love that water. Whenever I get a craving, I’ll go grab a water from the fridge and SELF TALK MYSELF TO DEATH, and/or take a walk, or go outside and well….smoke a cig lol! I can live with my cig addiction right now because it keeps the other two BIGGER addictions under some sort of control, as well as coming here.

Kimmy….I tend to agree with what EB said…isolation isn’t good for you. I went to visit a friend yesterday that I rarely see anymore and it felt GREAT! I got stuff done in my house and spent some time with the kiddos. Each is a goal, some days I don’t feel up to it, but I’m making plans to do more. Being isolated doesn’t help your cravings either, sweetie.

You can do this. I believe in you.

LL

Ana

Hello folks,
Today I went to my primary care because I’ve been having anxiety attacks. Yesterday I had doozy and I felt like my hearts was flip flopping around. She gave me two medications; Citalopram once a day and Alprazolam for when I get an attack.

I’m calling Tuesday to get some therapy. The woman won’t be in till then, but I’m kinda looking forward to it. Finally, getting some relief. I thought I could just come here and read, but I guess I need more than that lol.

I better get nibblin on that cow!

ErinBrock

And sometimes we get a peiece of grissle, which can’t be digested…….i’ts okay to SPIT THAT OUT!!!!!

Thanks oxy~ Yehaw!!!

Ox Drover

Dear EB, Baby doll you have been gnawing on that cow for a long time now, I think it is PERFECTLY OKAY for you to spit out a piece of gristle! LOL ((((Hugs)))))

ErinBrock

And I don’t recommend freezing any of the meat …….
Because packages of that cow tend to get lost in the bottom of the freezer and just when you think you’ve finished it off……you find MORE.

ErinBrock

Yes Oxy…..i’m an overeater!!!!

SPIT!

geminigirl

Marvellous analogy there Oxy! You really are the Queen of Metaphor! I loved EBs comment too, about feeling free to spit out the gristle!
Bit like the Chinese saying,”Journey of 1000 miles begins with one step!” but yours is funnier,LOL!
I think Im doing better on the whole, no feelings left of missing my daughters, no loving feelings, not even any anger left, just contempt and disgust, and I can even laugh at their pathetic spath antics now,{as long as I stay out of their radar!}I even feel,” GREAT theyr getting there come uppance!” I would never have dreamed Id be crowing and feeling happy and amused at their stupid self defeating antics!Like “YES!!!YES!! God, BRING IT ON! BRING THE BIATCHES DOWN!!The monkey on my shoulder would have been berating me with”What kind of a Mothe r feels this toward her own kids?”
Well I DO, and it feels F–ing GREAT! Vindication,! Karma!
Another one bites the dust! TOWANDA!
As I said before, makes no diff.if they pushed you out of THEIR body{like Oxys egg donor,} or you pushed them out of YOUR body,a SPATH is a SPATH!They re ll F–ers, and they never change, and I F–ing hate them all! So there! And thats the real final truth.Which is FINALLY setting me FREE!!!!WAY TO GO!!!
Mama Gem is finally GETTING IT AND GETTING THERE!!!
Ive worked thru rage, sadness, wall to wall guilt,{misplaced,} disbelief,bargaining with God,pleading, trying to buy my kids love,{didint work}trying to pretend were a “nice normal family.”huge anger,depression, round and round, recycling all of the above.Swallowing down anger. Begging for an apology. trying to make sense of it all. {still cant do that one.}Im finally at a place where its OK for me to feel contempt for the F–ers, and disown them.I almost felt I was guilty for giving birth to them!
Cany change the past, but a future without spaths in it, —Sounds good to me!! Whoopee!
Love,
Mama gemXX

skylar

Oxy,
hmm, maybe this explains why I’ve gained 23 pounds. All that eating! Actually, I have been overeating in an attempt to drown the feelings in my gut. I know that’s what I do. In fact, I snack all day but especially at night. Instead of eating the figurative cow, I eat the literal one. Good metaphor to keep in mind when reach for that snack.

Ox Drover

Yea, EB, it is kind of like meat in the freezer, there seems to be always one more package…but if you dont’ freeze some of it then it may start to stink before you get it all down yer gullet! There’s 100 ways we could change the analogy. But I do know one thing that if you don’t KILL IT it just keeps on GROWING and getting bigger and bigger and getting more and more of an attitude!

Sky, actually carbs do make us chill, and that is one reason that we do over eat! BEEN THERE AND DUN THAT!!! So that is why I am on this new nutritional plan cause I gained more than 23 pounds. I’m at minus 30 pounds and counting, and still have more to go—and it is SLOW going but I am at least heading in the right direction DOWN not continually up!

Today I started wearing weights on my legs and will wear some heavier ones next week to help me burn more calories and strengthen myself. The thing is that I am trying to choke down every bite of the BEAST, and like EB says just when I think I have choked down the LAST FREAKING BITE I FIND ANOTHER PACKAGE OF MEAT to eat! But I AM getting there and I am going to jump up and down and scream YEA!!!!! FOR ME!!!! Every time I make a little more progress in getting rid of the BEAST! If nothing else I have stopped it from schitzing on my carpet! LOL

BTW I made some AWESOME jalepaneo bread yesterday that is low(er) sodium and high in taste (bread machine bread) and I can at least have a limited amount of it. Even son D says it is great and he loves it so didn’t even beef too much about rice for supper tonight!

Ox Drover

Oh, Gem, if THAT is “I’ve gotten over my anger” damn woman, I’m glad I didn’t see you when you WERE ANGRY! LOL Heck, you almost said the FARK WORD! LOL ROTFLMAO hee hee I know what you mean though! Ditto! Glad to hear you ROAR and not whine! Sounds a lot better! I don’t even need my hearing aids to hear you all the way from OZ.

hens

MOO~!

Ox Drover

Yea, “Moo” my arse! Shoot that sucker! Tranquilize them with a Thirty ought six! Makes them soooooo calm!

skylar

Oxy,
my favorite food is FAT. especially in cheese form, but I’ll take any fat. 🙁

Hi Mama Gem!
Your future sounds wonderful.

ElizabethBennett

hello junk food, it’s me Erin. My cow seems to be getting bigger. I’m sad cuz my situation keeps getting worse. I know that I need to lose 100lbs to help get me out of the situation and into something that I really want, but the box of hot tamales is in front of me-that perfect mix of cinnamon and sugar.

I contacted a real attorney today, but since the whole damn city is shut down due to Mardi Gras, I may not hear from her for days. The job is blocking my unemployment and is refusing to give me a copy of my performance evaluation, that I signed but never received. Turns out I need it to apply to the VA hospitals. I picked up last measly paycheck today and the HR lady told me that I’m eligible for rehire, after the 1st lady told me that I wasn’t. They have blocked me from getting two jobs already. The healthcare community is small here and apparently some people think that it’s ok to bypass HR and call nurses from my dept, ones who are part of the problem, btw, to dig into the details of my termination. That can’t possibly be legal.

I don’t handle unemployment well-especially since I was set up. I was crying to dad because he had to send me money today and then had the ex Marine himself in tears because of what is happening. He’s knows I didn’t ask for this. I feel like such a failure right now when I just should be mad as all hell at the spaths who did this. What’s wrong with this picture?

geminigirl

NOOO, Oxy, I dont think its Anger, LOL!!{Ive done that one!}
Remember when I was so holier than thou about one step using the F word all the time? One has forgiven me, bless her!
Now I TOTALY GET THAT!! No-one has called me a hypocrite yet, and for that I thank you all! I just had a lot of Merde to plough t hrough!
Nobody said Fuck you! like Billy Connolly, {except maybe Lily Allen,}and right now I LOVE,Love,Love! it! Its a real Towanda moment for me,finally being able to give the middle finger to both my spath Ds.
Ive finally got to the place where I dont givea flying F–k about them.You all TOLD me Id get here,I didnt believe you but you were right!
EB, I used to think, that woman has MOXY! and you do! Finding my Adament -EB also. What a gal!!. You are ALL awesome.We’re all getting there!No longer victims, but survivers!! TOWANDA for us all!! Hi 5s everyone!!
Love, your feisty GemXX Yea thats the word, FEISTY!
Mama aint takin no crap from no-one no more! Y’all get that?My Moxy is finally showing up! Hooray for me, and all of us!!
Oxy, that roar is not anger, its TRIUMPH!!!WOOOhOO!!

ElizabethBennett

Gem-that sounds pretty awesome to me!

hens

I luv hot tamales – they stick to my teeth. Erin I am sorry your feeling like a failure. I dont have any advice too offer. You have to take care of yourself, what good is being mad at the spath’s gonna do ya? Spath’s are everywhere, just do the best you can hot tamale..
I kinda feel like a failure today. Was at a client’s house today overseeing a plumbing job, lot’s of well to do folks where there, talking about their kid’s college fund’s, their retirement plans, trip’s to Italy, all coming and going in their 70 thousand dollar car’s, dripping in diamonds etc. It got me to thinking how my parents never cared if I went to school or not. They never expressed how important an education would be. Hell I was on my own at age 16, finished highschool and just worked hard at hourly labor job’s. I am embarressed to talk about my financial situation. If I dont work I dont eat, it will be that way till I die, not till I retire….Would of been nice to put my boys through college. I did buy their first vehicles, paid their insurance on them till they were 21,, I did alot but still today I felt like Dudley DoRight…

ElizabethBennett

Hens-I know I shouldn’t be eating the hot tamales. I am just really mad at what these people did. I can’t help it. To lie and take away someone’s job and livelihood and now prevent me from getting jobs. I shouldn’t have to lose my home and default on my loan.

Don’t feel like Dudley DoRight. We can’t all be like “those” people and if you were, you wouldn’t be the Hens who we all love so much. I understand how you feel though. I will never achieve financially what my parents did but that’s ok. I just do not handle unemployment well and having to rely on daddy. This happened once before right after my spath dumped me and I swore that it would NEVER happen again, and now here I am. I just want a job.

hens

Maybe you could work nites somewhere, restuant, hotel, etc – something that would keep you active and still have days to pursue a better job…my son has finally gone on a lowfat diet with his wife, they have both lost some weight – now HE could eat the whole cow – just give him some hiens57 and step back.. I never say much to him about being overwieght cause he is so sensitive, and I can eat 24/7 and not gain a pound.. well i have gained 3 pounds but i needed too…

Stargazer

Hamburgers come from cows??? Damn! I think I’ll become a vegetarian now. (LOL)

ElizabethBennett

Hens-I got fired from the hospital. Wrongful termination. They set me up and now they’re blacklisting me. I have apps out everywhere and I’m getting an attorney cuz in nursing, it’s almost impossible to get something if you’ve been fired.

hens

snake fries anyone?

ElizabethBennett

snake fries? that sounds gross!

hens

taste like chicken

ElizabethBennett

like frog legs?

ElizabethBennett

or alligator?

hens

yep – i wuz just trying to razzle star guess she is ignoring me…

ElizabethBennett

I thought that’s what you were doing.

Stargazer

nolarn,
None of us will probably achieve financially what our parents did because the economy is very different now. Jobs are not secure. Social Security is not secure. You can’t trust inheritances. And there is no such thing as retirement any more. I am reading a book that might give you some inspiration. It’s called Die Broke. It’s written by a financial consultant who gives a new concept of work for the new millenium. It’s given me a lot of validation for the way I conduct my work life.

I edited my post because I think it’s probably inappropriate to advise you to let go of the anger, when you’re using it to fight (good for you). You know we will all stand behind you.

(((Hugs)))
Star

Stargazer

Hens. LOL! I often threaten to make redtail stew when my snakes are being stubborn (they are redtail boas).

ElizabethBennett

Star-I am only trained in a specialized area of nursing and I need to be able to do that until I can lose weight and get in shape to do what I want. I am getting the attorney though. It is no one’s right to take my career and then blackball me to prevent me from having a livelihood and supporting myself because they are nothing but lying spathy pieces of shit. I’m NOT gonna stand for it. They are not taking any more from me!

Stargazer

nolarn,
Sorry that this is probably redundant for you, but why did they target you in the first place?

ElizabethBennett

The gloves are comin off now-my pink boxing gloves that is!

Stargazer

nolarn,
When you are victorious over a sociopath – or group of them – it’s a victory for all of us!

ElizabethBennett

A lot of these gals are extremely narcissistic. This is what my preceptor told me-when the manager hired me, she told everyone how she had this new nurse coming who had all this great ICU experience with tons of trauma and great recommendations. A couple of these gals who were highly experienced were enjoying their “queen of the cath lab status” and didn’t want someone new coming in to their turf. They also never liked my preceptor also, because she came from out of state with a lot of experience and they were threatened by her as well. I never wanted to try to show them up or take their titles away. I just wanted to learn a new specialty and make some good money to pay off bills so I could quit nursing. These gals were overheard talking about how they didn’t like me from the beginning and wanted me gone. I didn’t get involved in their drama. I kept to myself and did my job. They tried to harrass me like the mean girls from high school and I think it bugged the shit out of them that I didn’t let their behavior bother me. I just did my thing. They eventually began to make false allegations against me to try and get rid of me and this just started at the beginning of February. Everything fell apart in a month’s time. They did exactly what they wanted to get my out and it doesn’t matter what kinda lies that had to tell to do it. I have documentation though and any attorney should be all over this wantin to make some money off them. HR has handled the whole thing wrong from the word go. I have had two high ranking police officers tell me that I have a serious case against them for slander and defamation of character.

lesson learned

2 cop,

I’m sooooooo proud of you. You’re so much stronger than you even know or believe you are. Your determination is amazing and I respect it so much. When I read your posts, it’s like a strong woman with a bullhorn lol! Calling all the shots..it’s great! Do what you think is right for you. Go get em chica!

LL

ElizabethBennett

thanks LL-I started to get so angry when I’m thinking of having to move out of state to somewhere I don’t wanna be because of these freaks. I’m fightin before I just lay down and let that happen. I sent off for my Missouri license today but DAMMIT, I don’t wanna freakin move back there if I don’t have to. When I moved back to NOLA from there, I kissed the ground when I got here. Why should I let some fucking spaths run me out of town?

lesson learned

Mama Gem

YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stargazer

So they were threatened by you. Sounds like you knew from the beginning what was going down there. I’ve been in places like that. I didn’t stay long.

ElizabethBennett

I admit I stayed too long at the party because I had goals for the long term that involved getting out of the field. I wanted that to be my last nursing job. I didn’t go in there though, acting like ms know it all. That’s not how I operate. When I did start looking for jobs, I considered travel nursing. When the recruiters found out that I did a year of cath lab, they were all over wanting to get me a cath lab job. I said no- I didn’t feel like I had sufficient training in the year that I was there to do that. I don’t feel comfortable in it and I don’t like it. It’s good that I’m not there, but they knew that I was actively looking for jobs and they wanted me out. They should have had the patience to wait it out. Three days after they terminated me, the ICU manager called me and told me that she had a position for me. I had been trying to get up there for weeks. It was too late at that point. It is illegal though for them to blackball me and they are also contesting my unemployment. I had a job offer that was supposed to start today. All I needed was my drug screen. I had a name badge and everything. I found out that two of these girls also worked PRN with the agency and the lady at the agency made a point of telling me how they did business. They agreed to look past the termination since my references and work history was impeccable prior to this. Suddenly when I called to schedule my drug screen, I was told that they were no longer interested in me and that they were stopping the hiring process. How much you wanna bet they called these girls and bypassed HR to get the dirt on me> I’m sure that’s why the offer was rescinded.

Stargazer

Nolarn, there are always consequences for doing business with sociopaths, even when it seems like there might be some good things. The bad ALWAYS outweighs the good. I’m so sorry you had to learn this the hard way. But next time you will avoid any job environments like this, no matter how great the opportunity *seems*. It’s just not worth it. 🙁

ElizabethBennett

I know. I just need something that I could stay in long enough to get in shape and lose that weight. Then I will celebrate in the army recruiters office. I just want to nail all their balls to the wall before that happens. I haven’t told the whole story but based on what they’ve done, they could potentially pay money to get me to go away if I get a decent attorney who wants to work for me. The HR department there has opened themselves up for some serious shit and I have a police report for workplace hostility to back up my documentation. They also manipulated me and prevented me from filing a grievance for what they did.

lesson learned

2 cop

I AGREE with you! And I support your efforts!

LL

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