Contrary to a prevailing myth, sociopaths are really no smarter than the average individual”¦probably dumber. Sure, a good one can dupe you, but as I’ve written elswhere, this is no great shakes, as most of us can dupe each other if that’s our goal.
That’s because we enter relationships risking trust and faith in each other, which makes the exploitation of our trust and faith really easy. It takes no genius or particularly smart, crafty person to exploit this trust and faith. It’s as easy to do as it’s wrong.
And so, most sociopaths aren’t really that clever, or ingeniously bright. Most make messes not only of others’ lives, but their own too. Many end up in jail, and those who don’t are often finding trouble in other areas, exercising poor judgement all over the map, squandering friendships, family, and all sorts of meaningful opportunities.
By most standards of a successful life, sociopaths live lives of abject failure, accomplishing little more, at the end of the day, than having produced plenty of havoc and pain. None of this indicates that, as a group, sociopaths are smart.
Sometimes the media sensationalizes the sociopath as the dark, brilliantly predatory monster, especially in classic cases of psychopaths like Ted Bundy. But Ted Bundy wasn’t so smart. In the end, he was nothing but a vicious, sadistic murderer who managed to lure young, naïve girls sufficiently into his proximity to then viciously murder them.
How much of an accomplishment was this? To be able to lure naïve girls near enough to his car to then kidnap and kill them? Otherwise, OJ Simpson style, Bundy was ambushing dormitories at night and butchering innocent, sleeping college kids. Not exactly a genius, or courageous guy, at work here. Just a perverse, murderously violent, cowardly man.
Sure, Bundy was reputedly charming and articulate (video of him bears this out). But this didn’t make him “smart.” He was, clearly, adept at “masking” himself. But again, effective maskers aren’t smart; they’re just good maskers. And nonsociopaths routinely are good maskers.
Good masking, good self-disguising is a type of social skill, and not the purview of sociopaths exclusively. Also, many sociopaths are terrible maskers, just as many nonsociopaths are.
My point is that the “mask” is not an indication of “smartness.” It’s merely the case that some sociopaths, and some nonsociopaths, can mask aspects of themselves and their agendas effectively; but bear in mind, just as many do this very poorly.
In the end, sociopaths, as a group, have a poor track record of living effective lives. Rather, they live disruptive, unsatisfying lives”¦fraught with pathological attitudes and empathic deficits that bring misery to others and, correspondingly, much trouble and, at best, empty satisfaction, to themselves.
Sociopaths simply are not successful people. They may (or may not) skate along under the radar for some stretch of time, but this is not a “game” that smart people play, and that smart people get off on.
Only dumb people play this game. Only really dumb people live this way. Only really really dumb people derive satisfaction, for however long they can swing it, from pulling the wool over others’ eyes.
It’s just no great shakes to do this, and it doesn’t make you smart.
candy, child porn?? that is awful! i’m so glad you’re free from him now. he sounds truly horrible
lesson learned, it’s funny how all of this starts to come together in the end, huh? It’s all part of their sick ploy. They’re not commenting on how you actually never fight, they’re just trapping you in their own delusional reality. They create that world so you’ll fall into it and then they can be mad at you for “ruining” it. A normal couple who doesn’t fight simply… doesn’t fight. They don’t talk about it all the time. And arguing from time to time can be healthy anyways. What the S is doing when they say “we never fight” is shutting down your ability to fight back with communication and regular verbal defenses. They subconsciously make you feel like you’ll be dumped if you dare question that “perfect reality”. They’re not saying “we never fight”, they’re telling you. Absolutely sick.
This “show don’t tell” is one of the biggest signs of a S for me now. They are so good with words and manipulative, like poison. But their actions you can read without their lies. A person with right actions and right mind does not constantly need to make excuses and lies for what they’re doing. They simply live life and make those around them happy. The S is always covering his/her ass, and that’s why they’re ALWAYS telling.
Hi new winter, LL, Candy and everyone
I have just read the latest post. When my SP moved on to the next victim I was bombarded with emails from her, now his ‘current’ wife (as he calls her in court papers) who he claims he is separated/divorcing. Interestingly in her quite mad emails she told me ‘they have never argued and they were soul mates; he had been searching for her all his life’. Clearly SPs are capable of immense manipulation and seem to have the same ammo, how do they learn this???
Nevertheless, I imagine they had ‘words’ when the bailiffs and police turned up ..and threatened to clear the house of its contents ..that was my fault of course. I don’t imagine it was champagne and flowers that evening, especially as it was a few days before their first wedding anniversary. I hasten to add the courts and bailiffs timing not mine.
This site is brilliant for really putting into perspective how they operate in the same way and once the blinkers are off you can predict their every move, just amazing.
well guys day 2 and im still shaking over this last ordeal. Pale, almost still paranoid. going to make appt with my shrink, i stopped going a while back thinking the no contact with the s was all i needed just to find more of them. Do you guys ever think remember the days when i didn’t know i was being sucked dry, guess ignorance was bliss. I still can’t get ove r this last encounter, all iwas doing was giving my brother and the other bully papers to file from the accountant for estate taxes. I know my accountant won’t get it but i feel like saying you have no idea what the hell i’m up against. At times i feel like i’m the cause of this , it’s gotten so crazy and i know im second guessing myself. Truth is i thought i was doing great with accountant and saving money for all of the estat to find they accuse me of taking money and it’s no use they are convinced . I’d love to walk away from this but i’ve come so far and my cousin aft talking and reeming out my brother said she’s afraid for me. Just want it over with. kh.
Kindheart,
Don’t be afraid. It’s what he wants.
Please start keeping a journal. Write down everything that happens. It will help you to make sense of it, see the discrepancies and the BS, and not react emotionally to it all.
Furthermore, since these are legal issues, it may require that evidence about his behavior be presented at some point in time. Not sure I would trust you cousin completely either. Telling you that she is afraid for you isn’t helpful, why would she do that?
Dear KH,
I agree with Sky, don’t trust your cousin that much either….just do what your lawyer says to do. Make sure that you also have a will drawn up that appoints someone if something happens to you and that gives your share of the estate to someone besides your brother. Let your brother know that as well. (((hugs))) stay strong, you can do it!
One more thing I learned that I want to share– empathy. It’s not just about the sociopath’s lack of empathy. A lot of times, it’s about our surplus of empathy. I’m not saying surplus like it’s a bad thing– that’s a GREAT thing 😀 but with a sociopath, it is so dangerous, because you project your own ideas of remorse and sympathy on him. You think “I would never do this to a person, so he wouldn’t”. You think “I would feel so much remorse for this, so he must too”. You think “Maybe he really does miss me, because I miss him.”
No!
NO, NO, NO!
He feels nothing. Your ability to empathize will take you so far in life, but not with a sociopath. Don’t try to fill his void of soul with your own. It will drain you.
He feels nothing.
New Winter, you are SOOOOO RIGHT!!! GREAT POINT!!! Thanx
Ive never had scabies, but I DID catch “crabs”,{pubic lice,} from my ex husband. We were on leave from our Army posting in Singapore, and the army sent us back to U.K by P and O. liner.,in 1965.
When I got back to Scotland, I found out that I was pregnant,{with Spath D 2,} but the awful itch in my groin was Pubic Lice!
When I told my ex,he said I must have caught it on board the ship from the filthy Arabs selling cheap trinkets on the boat. my doc said,”No way, you can only get this thru sexual contact.” SO my ex MUST have had sex on the boat with someone who had it! Dirty lying bastard!
It itched like crazy, we both had to paint ourselves with this lotion on our privates that stung so bad!
Theyr called crabs cause thats what they look like, miniature crabs, and they hook on under the skin. They can even spread to your armpits,{if you have hair there!}GROSS!
Love,
Mama gemXX
New Winter,
you do catch on fast! You’re exactly right and it needs to be said repeatedly.
Hi MamaGem,
Isn’t it great to be crab-free AND spath-free?
Winter
Your ability to empathize will take you so far in life, but not with a sociopath. Don’t try to fill his void of soul with your own. It will drain you.
He feels nothing.
I”M SO IMPRESSED WITH YOU! YOU are one SMART COOKIE!!!!
And already you’re offering such GREAT insights!
LL