Contrary to a prevailing myth, sociopaths are really no smarter than the average individual”¦probably dumber. Sure, a good one can dupe you, but as I’ve written elswhere, this is no great shakes, as most of us can dupe each other if that’s our goal.
That’s because we enter relationships risking trust and faith in each other, which makes the exploitation of our trust and faith really easy. It takes no genius or particularly smart, crafty person to exploit this trust and faith. It’s as easy to do as it’s wrong.
And so, most sociopaths aren’t really that clever, or ingeniously bright. Most make messes not only of others’ lives, but their own too. Many end up in jail, and those who don’t are often finding trouble in other areas, exercising poor judgement all over the map, squandering friendships, family, and all sorts of meaningful opportunities.
By most standards of a successful life, sociopaths live lives of abject failure, accomplishing little more, at the end of the day, than having produced plenty of havoc and pain. None of this indicates that, as a group, sociopaths are smart.
Sometimes the media sensationalizes the sociopath as the dark, brilliantly predatory monster, especially in classic cases of psychopaths like Ted Bundy. But Ted Bundy wasn’t so smart. In the end, he was nothing but a vicious, sadistic murderer who managed to lure young, naïve girls sufficiently into his proximity to then viciously murder them.
How much of an accomplishment was this? To be able to lure naïve girls near enough to his car to then kidnap and kill them? Otherwise, OJ Simpson style, Bundy was ambushing dormitories at night and butchering innocent, sleeping college kids. Not exactly a genius, or courageous guy, at work here. Just a perverse, murderously violent, cowardly man.
Sure, Bundy was reputedly charming and articulate (video of him bears this out). But this didn’t make him “smart.” He was, clearly, adept at “masking” himself. But again, effective maskers aren’t smart; they’re just good maskers. And nonsociopaths routinely are good maskers.
Good masking, good self-disguising is a type of social skill, and not the purview of sociopaths exclusively. Also, many sociopaths are terrible maskers, just as many nonsociopaths are.
My point is that the “mask” is not an indication of “smartness.” It’s merely the case that some sociopaths, and some nonsociopaths, can mask aspects of themselves and their agendas effectively; but bear in mind, just as many do this very poorly.
In the end, sociopaths, as a group, have a poor track record of living effective lives. Rather, they live disruptive, unsatisfying lives”¦fraught with pathological attitudes and empathic deficits that bring misery to others and, correspondingly, much trouble and, at best, empty satisfaction, to themselves.
Sociopaths simply are not successful people. They may (or may not) skate along under the radar for some stretch of time, but this is not a “game” that smart people play, and that smart people get off on.
Only dumb people play this game. Only really dumb people live this way. Only really really dumb people derive satisfaction, for however long they can swing it, from pulling the wool over others’ eyes.
It’s just no great shakes to do this, and it doesn’t make you smart.
star Can anyone put up a massage therapist sign? I would give a great massage for 33 bucks…
New Winter, reading your posts is helping me as i’ve forgotten how to be positive and you jolted me back to how i really normally like to be when all is right , glad to have you on this site and you remind me of a young very wise young girl in AA. Because of her age, there are a few who question her being an alcoholic(like anyone would sign up if not) she is wise beyond her years and i identify with her even though im slightly older than her mom. Glad you learned the lesson at a young age. The toxics i’ve encountered are anything but age defying lol. I’ve been in such a funk but your posts reminded me that i have alot to be positive about. love kindheart.
Hens dear, from YOU, I’d take one for no charge at all! **escapes quickly before he figures out he’s just been duped**
Yes, I understand the attorney’s fees can be huge!
So next time just mail them the tax forms, let their
accountant figure it out! So it sounds like once the farm
is sold… you can be done with it, hope that can happen soon,
it sounds like you are doing a good job!
Also, yes, I find it hard to pamper myself!!
I’m really concentrating on it right now, as a matter of fact!
Funny you should bring that up. I am trying to take good care
of myself right now, I’m not used to it, I want it to become
a good habit!!! I’m full of bad habits!
kindheart,
While with the spath I was definitely not pampering myself to the same degree as before he barged into my life. Just yesterday I went and got my hair cut & colored for the 1st time since meeting him last summer. WHY? For one, I kept putting him first, and since he was unemployed for a time I just cut back a little on some of my “extras”. Another reason was he was such a cheapskate and was always putting me down for my spending habits, because in his opinion I paid too much money (MY money) for food, clothes, skin care, etc., though no complaints if I bought him anything!
PAMPER YOURSELF – you are worth it! Take a long bubble bath, get a pedicure, buy a new lipstick or scented lotion – it doesn’t have to be anything expensive, just something that will make you feel special.
New Winter, I liked your comments about replacing thoughts of him with happy thoughts. That’s the hardest part for me, not thinking about him, but keeping busy helps.
ya’ll I’m off topic, but I’m so freakin sick of Mardi Gras that I just can’t stand it. There is only two days left-thank God cuz it is the most inconvenient thing on the planet. Everything practically shuts down. Nobody gets any work done. The streets are blocked off. The parking is ten times worse than usual in downtown and you can’t get anywhere any kind of fast. It took me two hours to get to and from the grocery this morning and I left at 8:30am. There are crowds everywhere and people are rude. I had to park way far from home and haul my groceries since a non resident without a parking permit took my spot on the street. I hate mass crowds of intoxicated people. I just got a text too that they called officer needs assistance calls from the 5th district cuz a small second line parade went wild and some of the people were hitting police officers in the head with bricks and bottles and there were reports of several officers injured and their tires were getting slashed on their police cars. These freakin people are out of control. I hate Mardi Gras- RANT OVER!
2bcop I bet it is a mess for locals. I went to southern decadence about ten years ago – i have never seen so many drunk homo’s in my life, it was too much for me – i will never go back….
Hens-I think decadence is way less out of control though. Some of my gay guy friends are regulars there. I haven’t had a chance to go yet cuz I’m always working. Once I become a police officer, I’ll probably sign up to work it as a detail. I think it would be fun and that way I can provide security too. I hear that it’s also a venue that can be targeted by the Rev. Fred Phelps and his hateful followers from the Westboro Baptist Church. I can’t stand those people.
I just cant understand that bunch of religious freaks – they protested a young soldier’s funeral here – whats that got to do with gay anything? talk about a cult – they had 4 and 5 year olds out carrying sign’s that said God hates Fags..i just dont get it..
They were the ones who got famous for carrying those signs at Matthew Shepard’s funeral in Wyoming. It was so disgusting. There should be a special place in hell for them. They trash these hero soldiers when these soldiers died so they would have the freedom to spew their stupidity. This is one 1st amendment case that is very hard for me to swallow. It is morally repugnant that they are allowed to protest when they should be being protested for hate crimes. I know some people don’t agree with being gay, but God doesn’t hate anyone. They are an evil cult. I did see that some veterans on motorcyles are showing up to the funeral protests with flags and music and lining up their bikes and playing music and running their engines to form a barrier between the protestors and the actual funeral itself to shield the families from the Westboro Baptist Church.