Contrary to a prevailing myth, sociopaths are really no smarter than the average individual”¦probably dumber. Sure, a good one can dupe you, but as I’ve written elswhere, this is no great shakes, as most of us can dupe each other if that’s our goal.
That’s because we enter relationships risking trust and faith in each other, which makes the exploitation of our trust and faith really easy. It takes no genius or particularly smart, crafty person to exploit this trust and faith. It’s as easy to do as it’s wrong.
And so, most sociopaths aren’t really that clever, or ingeniously bright. Most make messes not only of others’ lives, but their own too. Many end up in jail, and those who don’t are often finding trouble in other areas, exercising poor judgement all over the map, squandering friendships, family, and all sorts of meaningful opportunities.
By most standards of a successful life, sociopaths live lives of abject failure, accomplishing little more, at the end of the day, than having produced plenty of havoc and pain. None of this indicates that, as a group, sociopaths are smart.
Sometimes the media sensationalizes the sociopath as the dark, brilliantly predatory monster, especially in classic cases of psychopaths like Ted Bundy. But Ted Bundy wasn’t so smart. In the end, he was nothing but a vicious, sadistic murderer who managed to lure young, naïve girls sufficiently into his proximity to then viciously murder them.
How much of an accomplishment was this? To be able to lure naïve girls near enough to his car to then kidnap and kill them? Otherwise, OJ Simpson style, Bundy was ambushing dormitories at night and butchering innocent, sleeping college kids. Not exactly a genius, or courageous guy, at work here. Just a perverse, murderously violent, cowardly man.
Sure, Bundy was reputedly charming and articulate (video of him bears this out). But this didn’t make him “smart.” He was, clearly, adept at “masking” himself. But again, effective maskers aren’t smart; they’re just good maskers. And nonsociopaths routinely are good maskers.
Good masking, good self-disguising is a type of social skill, and not the purview of sociopaths exclusively. Also, many sociopaths are terrible maskers, just as many nonsociopaths are.
My point is that the “mask” is not an indication of “smartness.” It’s merely the case that some sociopaths, and some nonsociopaths, can mask aspects of themselves and their agendas effectively; but bear in mind, just as many do this very poorly.
In the end, sociopaths, as a group, have a poor track record of living effective lives. Rather, they live disruptive, unsatisfying lives”¦fraught with pathological attitudes and empathic deficits that bring misery to others and, correspondingly, much trouble and, at best, empty satisfaction, to themselves.
Sociopaths simply are not successful people. They may (or may not) skate along under the radar for some stretch of time, but this is not a “game” that smart people play, and that smart people get off on.
Only dumb people play this game. Only really dumb people live this way. Only really really dumb people derive satisfaction, for however long they can swing it, from pulling the wool over others’ eyes.
It’s just no great shakes to do this, and it doesn’t make you smart.
Ox Drover~ True, or in his case, pretending to have all sorts of attributes and possessions. It’s a sad existence to have to pretend to be someone completely different.
Donna’s work, and this community’s support, is so important and I hope that I can provide some assistance as well.
A friend of mine sent this to me after I discovered the deceit – it was an article from Donna but it’s on another website so it keeps getting marked as spam. Maybe google “10 signs you are dating a sociopath” and you will find it.
Ox Drover~ True, or in my ex’s case, pretending to have all sorts of attributes and possessions. None of those things he claimed to have mattered to me, but he seemed to think it matters to everyone. It’s a sad existence to have to pretend to be someone completely different.
Donna’s work, and this community’s support, is so important and I hope that I can provide some assistance as well. Google “10 signs you’re dating a sociopath” to locate this article
I am trying to post and it’s getting blocked
LL, Ox Drover~ True, or in my ex’s case, pretending to have all sorts of attributes and possessions. None of those things he claimed to possess mattered to me, but he seemed to think they elevated his status with everyone. It’s a sad existence to have to pretend to be someone completely different.
Donna’s work, and this community’s support, is so important and I hope that I can provide some assistance as well. A friend of mine sent me an article that I thought was helpful. Google ” 10 signs you are dating a sociopath” (the site is blocking me from posting the link)
Ox., gotcha. And I totally agree with you on all of that!
I like to remind others that spaths aren’t just those without money, a place to live, drug dealing, using, blah blah..
I come from money and my spath had it. Nice homes, cars, clothes, credit cards to blow. You’d be surprised how successful my spath has been in the “lure” and “love bomb” simply with what he “seems” to offer on the outside. Women are impressed with his “stuff” and his classy style.
My father was exactly the same.
But one would never guess it, until one looks past all of that.
I’ve seen some profiles of women on dating sites that are specifically implying they want a sugar daddy. Lots of spaths to accommodate. I think our society is highly materialistic anyway, so this, of course, would be appealing to a lot of women.
Not to me. I kissed the family dollar tree goodbye and spaths too. It’s all empty unless there is HONESTY and KINDNESS and with that I completely agree!!
Star- WOW! Thanks for sharing your story, in its entirety! Nice back spath by the way! Now I”m curious about what happened to the slithery jerk lol! Do you ever get curious or do you just not care now?
EP- I think they believe that is so. And in some ways it is from a societal perspective. Lots of people liked hanging with my spath daddy because he had money and position all status and no content.
LL
I wish the website would stop flagging my comment as spam. There is a really good article online called “10 signs you are dating a sociopath” – written by Donna. It’s excellent.
LL, Ox Drover, as I mentioned before my note was removed, it was never about possessions or what he claimed to be. Those things only mattered to him – and to how the thought he was perceived by others. But LL, you are completely on the same page. It’s a sad existence for them.
No LL, I never get curious. Out of sight, out of mind. I never even think about him any more unless I’m here. And talking about him doesn’t trigger me any more. It’s been almost 3 years. In fact, I don’t want to know where he is and what he’s up to. It would probably piss me off.
I am very impressed that you walked away from your family’s money. This shows real character. Not many people would have the integrity to do that. You might enjoy the book I’m reading: Die Broke. His philosophy is that it’s bad karma to look forward to the death of loved ones for your inheritance. And all the fighting over estates and whatnot. He says you should spend your money (and give it away) while you’re alive and teach your children to do the same.
For some reason, my posted is being flagged as spam. Donna had a good article online called 10 signs you are dating a sociopath. It was something a friend sent me after I uncovered the lies.
LL, Ox Drover ~ I agree re the materialistic things. That was his insecurity – not something that I sought. I would never pretend to be something I am not – nor that I have things that I don’t possess. Nor were they things I required. It’s his issue:one that he – and all the others he will deceive – have to address. I left him and never looked back.
For some reason, my post is being flagged as spam.
LL, Ox Drover ~ I agree re the materialistic things. That was his insecurity – not something that I sought. I would never pretend to be something I am not – nor that I have things that I don’t possess. Nor were they things I required. It’s his issue:one that he – and all the others he will deceive – have to address. I left him and never looked back.
Donna had a good article online called 10 signs you are dating a sociopath. It was something a friend sent me after I discovered the lies.