Contrary to a prevailing myth, sociopaths are really no smarter than the average individual”¦probably dumber. Sure, a good one can dupe you, but as I’ve written elswhere, this is no great shakes, as most of us can dupe each other if that’s our goal.
That’s because we enter relationships risking trust and faith in each other, which makes the exploitation of our trust and faith really easy. It takes no genius or particularly smart, crafty person to exploit this trust and faith. It’s as easy to do as it’s wrong.
And so, most sociopaths aren’t really that clever, or ingeniously bright. Most make messes not only of others’ lives, but their own too. Many end up in jail, and those who don’t are often finding trouble in other areas, exercising poor judgement all over the map, squandering friendships, family, and all sorts of meaningful opportunities.
By most standards of a successful life, sociopaths live lives of abject failure, accomplishing little more, at the end of the day, than having produced plenty of havoc and pain. None of this indicates that, as a group, sociopaths are smart.
Sometimes the media sensationalizes the sociopath as the dark, brilliantly predatory monster, especially in classic cases of psychopaths like Ted Bundy. But Ted Bundy wasn’t so smart. In the end, he was nothing but a vicious, sadistic murderer who managed to lure young, naïve girls sufficiently into his proximity to then viciously murder them.
How much of an accomplishment was this? To be able to lure naïve girls near enough to his car to then kidnap and kill them? Otherwise, OJ Simpson style, Bundy was ambushing dormitories at night and butchering innocent, sleeping college kids. Not exactly a genius, or courageous guy, at work here. Just a perverse, murderously violent, cowardly man.
Sure, Bundy was reputedly charming and articulate (video of him bears this out). But this didn’t make him “smart.” He was, clearly, adept at “masking” himself. But again, effective maskers aren’t smart; they’re just good maskers. And nonsociopaths routinely are good maskers.
Good masking, good self-disguising is a type of social skill, and not the purview of sociopaths exclusively. Also, many sociopaths are terrible maskers, just as many nonsociopaths are.
My point is that the “mask” is not an indication of “smartness.” It’s merely the case that some sociopaths, and some nonsociopaths, can mask aspects of themselves and their agendas effectively; but bear in mind, just as many do this very poorly.
In the end, sociopaths, as a group, have a poor track record of living effective lives. Rather, they live disruptive, unsatisfying lives”¦fraught with pathological attitudes and empathic deficits that bring misery to others and, correspondingly, much trouble and, at best, empty satisfaction, to themselves.
Sociopaths simply are not successful people. They may (or may not) skate along under the radar for some stretch of time, but this is not a “game” that smart people play, and that smart people get off on.
Only dumb people play this game. Only really dumb people live this way. Only really really dumb people derive satisfaction, for however long they can swing it, from pulling the wool over others’ eyes.
It’s just no great shakes to do this, and it doesn’t make you smart.
Stargazer
Aussiegirl, I hope you back spath him really good and give him what he deserves! No spath would ever target me for my money because I don’t have any.
aussiegirl
LOL Star – neither do I anymore!!!
(unless, of course, I trounce the spath in the Property Settlement, in which case I might even be able to put some heating into my house so that I can MOVE my stupid Fibromyalgic body in cold weather….) (Ho hum…)
Constantine
Hello everyone –
It’s been awhile now since I’ve posted, but I’ve been reading as many old articles as I can when I have access to a computer (which isn’t too often these days). I just want to say that I really appreciate the high tone of these discussions, and the good natured and intelligent people who post here on a regular basis. I feel like I know so many of you as I’ve gradually become familiar with your stories and personalities – and I think it’s a shame I don’t actually know any of you in real life. (I daresay I would prefer a number of you to my day to day acquaintances!)
At any rate, I was moved to write something in regard to New Winter’s story, which seemed to me particularly egregious. Really, what has our society become that we are churning out such people (I use the word lightly!) as that vapid adolescent toad she was involved with? And what a shame that such an intelligent, lively, and sophisticated (especially for her age!) young lady should have seen her “first love” experience so thoroughly sullied! Admittedly, our “first love” almost always ends up being something of a disillusioning affair: the reality invariably falls short of the poetry that we build up in our minds. But the normal “disillusionment” of young love is by and large a healthy thing – it’s more about learning to love an actual human being with imperfections and flaws, at the expense of own naive projections. But you, New Winter, how sad that in your case the “ideal” and the “real” were so abysmally far apart!
As I said, New Winter, I really feel for you, especially as you seem like such a good, mature, and likeable person. I would say it’s outright astonishing that someone of your substance could ever have fallen for someone like that – except that most of us here are guilty of exactly the same thing. However, we are old and jaded and have seen too much of the world! – we can take it because we know how things work. But to my mind, it’s simply not fair that you got hit so hard so early. Now that it’s happend, though, and there’s no going back, I think this blow will give an added depth and fullness to your already agreeable character. In fact, many people go through an entire lifetime without without having gained the kind of wisdom that I think you now possess from having survived this trauma.
Anyway, N.W., I’m already middle aged, and I have a fair share of life experience which makes me a pretty good judge of people. So I’d just like to echo what some of the others here have said about you’re being a first rate young woman with the whole world in front of her. And trust me, his vile and disgusting behavior says absolutely NOTHING about you whatsoever. I am certain that this guy is without a single redeeming quality, and it makes me nauseous to think of what he put you through. You deserve infinitely better than that, and if there’s any justice in the world you will will eventually find someone worthy of you. At any rate, I will certainly be in your corner hoping everything works out that way!
Peace and blessings.
Denise Guiney
It is really dumb not to educate yourself and then have to fake it. Smarties work out however that if you are going to fake it then go for the max, like fake doing a doctorate or something not just pretend you have a degree. With most universities now you just need to type in a surname and a birthdate into the alumni section and pretty much most of the time you can tell if someone has not done a degree at that institution without having to do too much embarrassing probing. Wish I’d worked that out before now.
sdartistry
Brilliant Article!!!!! So true!!!! I struggled with the idea of psychopaths being smart and intelligent because that’s not what I experienced with the psychopath in my life. The only thing I experienced was and is that he has the ability to torture and manipulate people to the extreme with the ways he thought couldn’t be found out. And the dumbest thing is that he ended up disclosing these way himself. I was only interested in getting away from him and not in figuring out any ways he uses to destroy people.
Sharon C.
Yay!!!!! for this article, I really appreciate it. Saw it in the newsletter that came in my email.
I think this way about my sociopathic stepdaughter, who was never formally diagnosed but who I’ve long felt was a not-so-bright sociopath. Sometimes husband and I have debated about this (more in the past than now), him thinking she couldn’t be one BECAUSE she’s not-so-bright. You always see the smart one in a suit on TV getting over on everyone.
She actually could have grown to be very bright because she was sharp as a younger child (very young) but as she got older had no interest or use for learning anything and that, coupled with staying very immature, gives her an overall not-so-bright feeling. She wasn’t too smart about her lies, either. Half the time I was able to prove her lies to husband just by pointing out her flawed thinking. I think she is able to intuitively manipulate, which, like you say, doesn’t take a lot of genius. The funny thing- I think *she* thinks she’s pretty smart, and she always becomes enraged when someone is able to disect her lies simply because they don’t make sense.
Thanks for the article!
skylar
Sharon,
your description of your step-daughter is very similar to my socio-sister. She WAS very smart as a young child. I taught her how to read and write and do math when she was 3 or 4. She was actually really into scribbling at age 1. But even though she was bright, she was a socio even then: she copied everything I did, she manipulated and lied constantly. Then she had a head injury at age 15. After that, she still got decent grades but she became increasingly stupid. Today, if you suggest a book to her she says, “I HATE TO READ”. If there is one trait you notice about her, it’s her audacious belief that she knows everything and there is nothing left to learn. amazing red flag. Thanks for your post Sharon, it opened my eyes just a bit more.
Quantum Solace
This article confirms what I’ve been saying for a long time: psychos/spaths are the dumbest jocks on the block, they just keep telling themselves and everybody else that they are the smartest. It all comes (appropriately) from Hitler’s quote “Make the lie big, make it simple, keep saying it, and eventually they will believe it.”
The one I was married to was one of the dumbest human beings I’ve ever come across in my life. And the more time goes by, the more I realize it. I could write a comic book (cartoons and all), with some of the dumb crap the idiot pulled. For example, there was the time he drives to the ATM to get some money and comes back enraged. Yelling, coursing and spitting. When I asked him what happened, he replied “the %$#*(@ machine won’t give me a money!” I looked at him and asked again “well, do you have enough money in your account?” A huff, a puff and a hizz later, he admits that no, he doesn’t have any money in there. Ha ha ha!
Yep. However, he did make it a point to remind me, at least, once a day that he “was the smart one” and how he had lowered himself by “marrying someone of an inferior intellect.” Yep again. Indubitably.
And, oh, yeah, I’m glad to report that boy genius is getting divorced…again! I guess it must be kinda hard to be married to someone with such a superior intelligence. ROFL!
skylar
QS,
we really need to write a joke book about spaths.
Your exspath sounds like he could provide some fodder for it.
🙂
Rosie
Ki ora to all!
I haven’t posted in about a year, although I have checked back in lately.
Steve I always find your articles so insightful 🙂
This article I feel compelled to post to as it describes how I felt/feel about my sons dad.
I would often feel that there was not only selfishness but a level of stupidity behind the deception and lack of empathy. An emotional immaturity which could also be called plain dumbness, especially in thinking that I would not see through his lies.
Who tells a bunch of unnecessary lies to make themselves look better, and thinks it will never catch up with them?? DUMB!
He seems satisfied that the deny deny deny approach works for him, and of course when a smart partner finally corners him they’re discarded for the next person, and, (as I found outlately) maligned. (as an asied, I used to think only ‘really bad’ sociopaths told lies about their expartners to malign them, and that mine was somehow above that sort of thing! Boy, did I learn otherwise)
His reckless way of dealing with relationships and money matters has cost him dearly in financial terms.
He is constantly putting out fires he has created financially legally, professionally and personally.
Not a smart way to live AT ALL.