Contrary to a prevailing myth, sociopaths are really no smarter than the average individual”¦probably dumber. Sure, a good one can dupe you, but as I’ve written elswhere, this is no great shakes, as most of us can dupe each other if that’s our goal.
That’s because we enter relationships risking trust and faith in each other, which makes the exploitation of our trust and faith really easy. It takes no genius or particularly smart, crafty person to exploit this trust and faith. It’s as easy to do as it’s wrong.
And so, most sociopaths aren’t really that clever, or ingeniously bright. Most make messes not only of others’ lives, but their own too. Many end up in jail, and those who don’t are often finding trouble in other areas, exercising poor judgement all over the map, squandering friendships, family, and all sorts of meaningful opportunities.
By most standards of a successful life, sociopaths live lives of abject failure, accomplishing little more, at the end of the day, than having produced plenty of havoc and pain. None of this indicates that, as a group, sociopaths are smart.
Sometimes the media sensationalizes the sociopath as the dark, brilliantly predatory monster, especially in classic cases of psychopaths like Ted Bundy. But Ted Bundy wasn’t so smart. In the end, he was nothing but a vicious, sadistic murderer who managed to lure young, naïve girls sufficiently into his proximity to then viciously murder them.
How much of an accomplishment was this? To be able to lure naïve girls near enough to his car to then kidnap and kill them? Otherwise, OJ Simpson style, Bundy was ambushing dormitories at night and butchering innocent, sleeping college kids. Not exactly a genius, or courageous guy, at work here. Just a perverse, murderously violent, cowardly man.
Sure, Bundy was reputedly charming and articulate (video of him bears this out). But this didn’t make him “smart.” He was, clearly, adept at “masking” himself. But again, effective maskers aren’t smart; they’re just good maskers. And nonsociopaths routinely are good maskers.
Good masking, good self-disguising is a type of social skill, and not the purview of sociopaths exclusively. Also, many sociopaths are terrible maskers, just as many nonsociopaths are.
My point is that the “mask” is not an indication of “smartness.” It’s merely the case that some sociopaths, and some nonsociopaths, can mask aspects of themselves and their agendas effectively; but bear in mind, just as many do this very poorly.
In the end, sociopaths, as a group, have a poor track record of living effective lives. Rather, they live disruptive, unsatisfying lives”¦fraught with pathological attitudes and empathic deficits that bring misery to others and, correspondingly, much trouble and, at best, empty satisfaction, to themselves.
Sociopaths simply are not successful people. They may (or may not) skate along under the radar for some stretch of time, but this is not a “game” that smart people play, and that smart people get off on.
Only dumb people play this game. Only really dumb people live this way. Only really really dumb people derive satisfaction, for however long they can swing it, from pulling the wool over others’ eyes.
It’s just no great shakes to do this, and it doesn’t make you smart.
ROSIE!!!! BABY!!!! SO good to see you!!!! Where have you been< GF!!! Catch us up on how you are doing? Same O here, just marching on and trying to put things into practice that I have figured out!
So he lied about you, huh? SURPRISE!!!! NOT!!!! LOL Sorry about that! But you are right, they are pretty DUMB!!!! (((hugs))) and Welcome back, we've missed you!
LL, Ox Drover ~I tried replying yesterday but message was marked as spam because I provided an interesting article written by Donna (posted on another site).
Today is one of those days where I am particularly grateful that I escaped such ridiculous levels of deceit and feel particularly sorry for the sad, empty existence of people like my ex. Imagine: mirroring someone else to try and emulate their interests, pretending to possess attributes that have nothing to do with your true being, and waiting to be exposed and rejected (yet again) for being boring, unintelligent and not having real life experiences. Living in a delusional world.
I hope the people on here that are struggling get to that point of appreciation for the lives we do have – and the lives we escaped. I know I was lucky in that mine didn’t have any material impact on me and was cut short once discovered. And there are very difficult experiences that many on here had in dealing with their sociopath. I’m just hoping to spread a little love and hope to this group – and support.
Oddly enough, this experience made me stronger (and definitely provided me with material for a book!) No one can make up this kind of crazy and deceit. Happy Tuesday all 🙂
Dear Crosby,
Welcome to LF–It sounds like you are really angry at a smear campaign by your X. This is a site about helping you heal from that anger and hurt—we can’t change him, we can’t fix him, we can’t keep him from calling you horrible things to others…but we CAN heal ourselves and offer compassion and comfort to you. Most of us have been through what you are going through (or are STILL going through it) You are NOT alone. He is not the only one.
Welcome to LF, stick around and join us in a journey to healing ourselves. God bless.
Ok guys.
I think I need a little encouragement. I’ve been on heavy duty pain meds and antibiotics for a few days now. Have an ear infection (which is A LOT better now) and an abscess tooth. I swear this pain is worse than childbirth!! I’ve never felt anything so excrutiating in my life! UGH! I’ve slept little and am basically laid up, unable to do a lot, but i push and do anyway. I can’t STAND being down. So a couple of days ago, I started to feel differently about things…getting a better perspective, actually, this whole last week…and making great strides in working towards feeling better and self care….
But yesterday, I started to fall apart a little. I’m really tired from pain. The pain meds take the edge off, but then it comes back again two hours after I take the meds. The antibiotics make me sick. I’m alternating my pain meds. Oxy’s then Ibuprofen, then antibiotic, around the clock. I HATE taking these medications!! I’m grateful their there, but at the same time, I HATE the way they make me feel!! I started to feel down (a result of the pain meds, I always crash pretty hard when on them-another reason I hate them), and feel very depressed. Of course this is when I started thinking about spath. Yes, I looked at his facebook and dating site. I boinked myself for it and decided that that was a no no, so I’ve been doing online reading instead, listening to the link that Sky put up…
So this morning, even though I’d run out of pain meds and was in massive pain again, it was dentist time! YAY! I’m finally going to get this OUT of my mouth. Dentist looks and says, ‘Nope. Too infected, too swollen and I won’t extract until the infection has subsided some more, otherwise the numbing will not work!”.
So they sent me home with more pain meds and to stay on my antibiotic. I felt so disheartened. I cried all the way home. I found out there were three teeth all next to each other that are abscessed. it’s possible that one can be saved. Maybe, the others have to go.
I”m so tired of being in pain. And I’m tired of feeling like my life is on hold. I know it sounds drama and all, but the pain is just putting me over the edge, creating stress and lack of sleep. Now I have two huge knots on the side of my face. Kinda looks like the elephant man lol….that’s an exaggeration. My daughter is calling me marble face. lol!
I so much just want to feel better. I want to MOVE FORWARD. The pain forces me to cry. It’s weird because when I cry, I think of him more and so I cry harder. I miss him when I’m sick. I’m trying to nail this one down. I feel very vulnerable to contact right now.
I won’t do it, because I know it’s not good for me (understatement), but I don’t do sick very well.
Other than that, I’m feeling good about my life and what is to come, providing I can get past this and feel better. I have a hard time because of my fibro too. it’s very frustrating.
Thanks for letting me share.
LL
(((LL))) I’m so sorry to hear that you’re in such pain. But, of course, don’t contact the ex psychopath, since that will only set you back, and cause you a lot more emotional pain, on top of the toothache. The antibiotics will, in a few days, reduce the infection and that will, in turn, decrease the pain. For ear infections, which I used to get a lot, I also use a little topical antibiotic ointment as soon as my ears start to hurt. This isn’t recommended by a doctor, but a friend told me this little secret and it works for me.
If you can take a day or two from work, that would help as well. During that time, or at least in the evening, you might want to give yourself a treat, like listening to your favorite music, or watching a nice show, or, if you can, reading a book on your list of “reading for pleasure”. Getting some much-needed relaxation might be the only bonus for when you feel sick. I hope so much the antibiotics will work very soon. I know infections can be sheer torture. ((((Hugs again))))
Dear Lesson,
I am not making light of your abscessed teeth, but back in the middle of my divorce I had 11 abscessed teeth one after another! The STRESS FARKS WITH YOUR IMMUNE SYSTEM.
This time after my husband’s death, my step father’s death and the P-BF, I had 4-different-life-threatening infections over a 2 year period. Then got Rocky Mountain Spotted fever from a tick bite….STRESS DESTROYS YOUR IMMUNE SYSTEM AMONG OTHER THINGS.
So, keep on your meds, put some cold packs on your jaw—I use 1 pound packages of frozen green peas and put a thin towel around them, when they thaw, put them back into the freezer, then slap them on the counter to rebreak them up and reuse, I keep 3-4 in the freezer at all times for this purpose. It will help with the pain. Possibly he can root canal these teeth. That isn’t all that bad or painful (I’ve had a bunch of root canals) he numbs you up, drills a hole down through the tooth to the infected part, gets the infection out and closes up the hole.
It actually is like lancing a boil and getting the infection out. He is right, as long as it is still infected the numbing won’t work AT ALL. I had a stupid dentist pull an abscessed tooth once and the infection spread to my whole body! NO WAY! So, we know your immune system is carp—so the best way to FIX THIS is to decrease your stress level.
NO ONE BUT YOU can do this…and it takes time for the effects of the CONTINUAL stress hormones (for like what ? Your entire life???) to wear off. So, when you find yourself getting upset, stressed out, angry, irritated, out of sorts, you need to CALM DOWN. Fiind a Mental CALM SPOT somewhere back behind your eye balls and GO THERE. Imagine a peaceful calm spot somewhere that is your HAVEN and GO THERE until you calm yourself down. Doesn’t mean don’t feel your feelings, but just that you take care of yourself and calm yourself down and reassure yourself that YOU are going to take care of YOUR INNER LL–that little girl in there that has been abused and used, and you are going to reassure her that she is safe. Like you would if you had a child that was afraid or upset or feeling abandoned. Take her in your arms and go to the SAFE PLACE and sit there with her until she calms down.
((((hugs)))) and my prayers for your peace.
Murderer Russel Williams doesn’t pay his fines: http://www.ctv.ca/CTVNews/TopStories/20110308/williams-fine-victims-110308/
LL you need to focus on getting the infection down and get those teeth out asap. Real physical pain will drain you of energy, there is nothing worse than sleep deprivation. Stay on the antibiotics and put all other concern’s on the back burner for now. All your other issue’s will wait for you…Eat well and get better soon….
In answer to your comments about sociopaths being just dumb. I had to laugh as that is what I used to think all the time. They are!!!! They are stupid! However they also make us feel that we are stupid. And we are!! I guess the most difficult thing for me was not facing up to the stupidy and now having to deal with that.
We can learn a lot from time. I have found out so much that confirms how stupid this guy was. e.g he never finished any courses he set out to do. His stories would be so grandiose that I was left flawed. I knew that they werent true… but what if they were?? They werent!!! Hey guys if you arent sure then have your sociopaths face read. ( Chinese face reader ) You send a picture away and when it comes back it will tell you exactly what that person is. The nose gave my mate away. It showed he was crafty, dangerous and capable of committing crime!
Yes they are dumb. But so was I to ever think that he would eventually come right. I still struggle with that. They do not change. Listen carefully and when in doubt go with your feelings. They were never that clever…..till they found you!
chinese face reader?…I think I will send my face photo to one so I will know exactly what I am!
Not all sociopaths are dumb, most are smart like a fox…and yes very clever, great actor’s.