Contrary to a prevailing myth, sociopaths are really no smarter than the average individual”¦probably dumber. Sure, a good one can dupe you, but as I’ve written elswhere, this is no great shakes, as most of us can dupe each other if that’s our goal.
That’s because we enter relationships risking trust and faith in each other, which makes the exploitation of our trust and faith really easy. It takes no genius or particularly smart, crafty person to exploit this trust and faith. It’s as easy to do as it’s wrong.
And so, most sociopaths aren’t really that clever, or ingeniously bright. Most make messes not only of others’ lives, but their own too. Many end up in jail, and those who don’t are often finding trouble in other areas, exercising poor judgement all over the map, squandering friendships, family, and all sorts of meaningful opportunities.
By most standards of a successful life, sociopaths live lives of abject failure, accomplishing little more, at the end of the day, than having produced plenty of havoc and pain. None of this indicates that, as a group, sociopaths are smart.
Sometimes the media sensationalizes the sociopath as the dark, brilliantly predatory monster, especially in classic cases of psychopaths like Ted Bundy. But Ted Bundy wasn’t so smart. In the end, he was nothing but a vicious, sadistic murderer who managed to lure young, naïve girls sufficiently into his proximity to then viciously murder them.
How much of an accomplishment was this? To be able to lure naïve girls near enough to his car to then kidnap and kill them? Otherwise, OJ Simpson style, Bundy was ambushing dormitories at night and butchering innocent, sleeping college kids. Not exactly a genius, or courageous guy, at work here. Just a perverse, murderously violent, cowardly man.
Sure, Bundy was reputedly charming and articulate (video of him bears this out). But this didn’t make him “smart.” He was, clearly, adept at “masking” himself. But again, effective maskers aren’t smart; they’re just good maskers. And nonsociopaths routinely are good maskers.
Good masking, good self-disguising is a type of social skill, and not the purview of sociopaths exclusively. Also, many sociopaths are terrible maskers, just as many nonsociopaths are.
My point is that the “mask” is not an indication of “smartness.” It’s merely the case that some sociopaths, and some nonsociopaths, can mask aspects of themselves and their agendas effectively; but bear in mind, just as many do this very poorly.
In the end, sociopaths, as a group, have a poor track record of living effective lives. Rather, they live disruptive, unsatisfying lives”¦fraught with pathological attitudes and empathic deficits that bring misery to others and, correspondingly, much trouble and, at best, empty satisfaction, to themselves.
Sociopaths simply are not successful people. They may (or may not) skate along under the radar for some stretch of time, but this is not a “game” that smart people play, and that smart people get off on.
Only dumb people play this game. Only really dumb people live this way. Only really really dumb people derive satisfaction, for however long they can swing it, from pulling the wool over others’ eyes.
It’s just no great shakes to do this, and it doesn’t make you smart.
zim – I thinks it’s like those crazy folk’s that say they were abducted by alien’s, ya know – we kinda look at em like they are really weird..same thing – unless you have been abducted by an alien yourself you have no idea what they are talkin about .
Hens, that’s how my family looked at me when I tried to explain the “magnetism” that drew me to the psychopath. They had no idea what magnetism I was attracted to, since they saw this guy more objectively, as a liar, sex addict and loser. But then again, when I watch the History Channel with episodes about Hitler and see him waving his arms and screaming loudly, I don’t understand his magnetism either… But the German people must have been very drawn to his “charisma” at the time, aside from all the economic reasons, etc.
Claudia, you have a very very good point there. Not everyone is “charmed” by the same thing….your analogy of Hitler is interesting. Good point!
Thanks Oxy. I feel like the contributors on this website speak the same language as me, having been through similar “alien” experiences with psychopaths.
yep, it’s just like hens said. No one believes us until they have woken up. I was in the middle of it for 25 years but still asleep, so even if a spath survivor had told me their experience I would not have believed it. Not until I was awakened (and not with a a kiss) that I believed it true.
Sky, that’s true: it’s so hard to wake up from the spell because it’s so difficult to believe that this person who claims to love you so deeply is in reality machinating against you and wants to destroy you. Even normal people who say they hate you wouldn’t go as far to harm you as a psychopath who claims to love you. Such malice is so unbelievable, yet–unfortunately–real.
Claudia,
my spath was ugly as sin, so what attracted me?
Each spath targets his victims according to their needs. My need to save him, I guess, and to be saved by him as well was what he targetted.
Hitler targetted the German peoples’ feeling of disgrace when they got their asses handed to them in WWI. They had a trauma bond, a need to re-live the agony and win. They also had a convenient scapegoat that would help them relieve their guilt. Hitler was a spath and could feel the time was ripe to con them.
Sky, yes, I guess nations can have a trauma bonds too… It may not be the same as individual trauma attachments, but there must be some similarities. The fact your vulnerable spot was empathy, says a lot about how sweet a person you are:). Was there anything in particular that opened your eyes, after 25 years of believing (in) him?
Claudia,
that is a nice thing to say. My empathy has been a problem for me. In theory I believe I’m a tough bitch, but all you have to do is flash puppy dog eyes and I melt. sickening.
He had me on eggshells for years.
Spaths also do a thing called boiling a frog. You may be familiar with it. How do you boil a frog? slowly. if you turn up the heat slowly the frog will boil to death and never even realize that the temperature changed, so he never hops out. I was getting boiled but he got impatient and turned up the heat too fast. They do that when they get excited at the thought of blood. Big mistake for him.
he decided to pull a con to get our business out of my name and into his name. He told me homeland security was after him and showed me “proof”: a tracking device, a “warrant”, a voice recording of the agent talking with him, a business card of the agent – whom I google and found really is an agent that lives and works nearby.
I was getting convinced that my BIL, who was applying to become a homeland security agent for 2 years before that (was a seattle cop at the time), was behind the BS. Little red flags waved everywhere. I never suspected the spath. BUT, when he insisted I transfer the business (and therefore control of the money) into his name – I quite literally heard a bell ringing. It’s true. It’s the funniest experience to be standing there talking and hear an imaginary ding dong ding dong! I knew spath was behind it all but couldn’t imagine the extent of his evil.
So I went to tell my parents and they said, “oh we knew he was only with you for your money, we overheard him say so back in 1984”. I went into a cognitive dissonance and a petrifying fear. WTF? I finally understood what he was when I met a stranger in a sushi bar and began to tell him the strange things my spath was doing. The man, Greg, said, “oh that’s a malignant narcissist, there’s a book you should read”. I said, “I know the book, People of the Lie, I read that in 1984 when I met spath and didnt’ know what to think about how much he blatently lied.”
That’s how my eyes were opened.
Yes, my eye’s have been opened, it’s still hard to comprehend he was capable of doing that to me, to anyone, to everyone..
Like Sky I was trying to save him and be saved by him. I knew he had issue’s and so did I, but together we could become one and rise above it all and be complete. It was a sick spiral to nowhere. I guess I learned alot about myself, so as they say, no accident’s.
I doubt i ever see him again, but I feel as if I will always be trauma bonded to him, does that make sense?