Contrary to a prevailing myth, sociopaths are really no smarter than the average individual”¦probably dumber. Sure, a good one can dupe you, but as I’ve written elswhere, this is no great shakes, as most of us can dupe each other if that’s our goal.
That’s because we enter relationships risking trust and faith in each other, which makes the exploitation of our trust and faith really easy. It takes no genius or particularly smart, crafty person to exploit this trust and faith. It’s as easy to do as it’s wrong.
And so, most sociopaths aren’t really that clever, or ingeniously bright. Most make messes not only of others’ lives, but their own too. Many end up in jail, and those who don’t are often finding trouble in other areas, exercising poor judgement all over the map, squandering friendships, family, and all sorts of meaningful opportunities.
By most standards of a successful life, sociopaths live lives of abject failure, accomplishing little more, at the end of the day, than having produced plenty of havoc and pain. None of this indicates that, as a group, sociopaths are smart.
Sometimes the media sensationalizes the sociopath as the dark, brilliantly predatory monster, especially in classic cases of psychopaths like Ted Bundy. But Ted Bundy wasn’t so smart. In the end, he was nothing but a vicious, sadistic murderer who managed to lure young, naïve girls sufficiently into his proximity to then viciously murder them.
How much of an accomplishment was this? To be able to lure naïve girls near enough to his car to then kidnap and kill them? Otherwise, OJ Simpson style, Bundy was ambushing dormitories at night and butchering innocent, sleeping college kids. Not exactly a genius, or courageous guy, at work here. Just a perverse, murderously violent, cowardly man.
Sure, Bundy was reputedly charming and articulate (video of him bears this out). But this didn’t make him “smart.” He was, clearly, adept at “masking” himself. But again, effective maskers aren’t smart; they’re just good maskers. And nonsociopaths routinely are good maskers.
Good masking, good self-disguising is a type of social skill, and not the purview of sociopaths exclusively. Also, many sociopaths are terrible maskers, just as many nonsociopaths are.
My point is that the “mask” is not an indication of “smartness.” It’s merely the case that some sociopaths, and some nonsociopaths, can mask aspects of themselves and their agendas effectively; but bear in mind, just as many do this very poorly.
In the end, sociopaths, as a group, have a poor track record of living effective lives. Rather, they live disruptive, unsatisfying lives”¦fraught with pathological attitudes and empathic deficits that bring misery to others and, correspondingly, much trouble and, at best, empty satisfaction, to themselves.
Sociopaths simply are not successful people. They may (or may not) skate along under the radar for some stretch of time, but this is not a “game” that smart people play, and that smart people get off on.
Only dumb people play this game. Only really dumb people live this way. Only really really dumb people derive satisfaction, for however long they can swing it, from pulling the wool over others’ eyes.
It’s just no great shakes to do this, and it doesn’t make you smart.
Sky, boiling the frog for you is kind of like pushing the envelope for me. My psychopath slowly persuaded me that more and more boundary violations were in “our” best interest as a couple. But they were only in his predatory best interest, never mine. Your psychopath seems to be quite a story teller, with the homeland security agent stuff. I guess they use whatever ploy it takes to be secretive and justify their inconsistencies and odd behavior… Did he take all your money, like Donna’s psychopath did? It’s weird that your parents waited so long to tell you what they overheard… They should have told you right away.
Hens, you also sound so sweet, full of empathy. In fact, I want to clarify for the record that, ironically, that’s why I was triggered by one of your emails. I shouldn’t have been, and have apologized to you sincerely. Last week, I got riled up by the email where you said that you did love the psychopath, still love him, and that he’s better off and could win a popularity contest against you. I got triggered by that statement, not realizing it was from the “Henry” I used to read on lovefraud a few years ago, because that’s what my psychopath would like to think: that his former lovers are still in love with him and that he’s in every way superior to them (more accomplished, more popular, etc). But that can’t be true: no psychopath has any real friends, because he eventually hurts all those who get close to him and machinates against them. Their “friends” are just people they use, who realize it, sooner or later. As for popularity contests at work or elsewhere, their disgusting behavior eventually stinks up every place they’re in. That’s part of why they move around so much. I hope you will accept my apology and that we can put behind us my misunderstanding, since I really didn’t mean to blow up at you. But in response to that note that triggered me, even the way your lovefraud friends came to your defense, with true caring and loyalty, should show you that you’d win the popularity contest, not him, hands down:).
Hens,
It sure does to me right now.
Claudia..
Yea…they ultimately burn up every single bridge…but it does take awhile, I think….
My spath has been in the same place of business for 25 years now. He’s well hated, but still there. He’s not motivated to do anything else.
Amazingly, in some areas of his life, he likes stability. He’s also owned his home for eleven years now.
He does the same routines, day after day in getting out of bed and off to work. It’s almost mechanical how he does it…
LL
Claudia – Dont worry it’s cool. I cant explain why I say I still love him, guess it is the illusion, BUT he was the illusion in flesh and blood. Not all of the relationship was bad, he was very much the kind of guy I always hoped for. At first anyway, beside’s we know they are great actor’s and it was an oscar winning performance. He doesnt know how I feel about him, in fact I went no contact over 3 years ago, he showed up here several times banging on my door crying for me to open it and i just couldnt, things were to toxic and the pain was to much. He prolly thinks I hate him, I dont.
Mike was more outgoing than me, he had lot’s of club friends, but no real friends to speak of, as I have said before all his friends are new friends, his own mother doesnt want much to do with him..she even warned me about him…I dont want him back, it would never work,,but if something bad happened to him I would be devastated.
Hens
Sadly, I understand how you feel. I feel similarly about my ex too.
At least right now. I can hope it goes away, but if it doesn’t, I need to find a way to deal with it effectively so that it doesn’t interfere with the rest of my existence, but is put into a comfortable place in my mind….
I am comfortable with it now..I am not whining about it, it’s just a fact..it may go away at some point – I have just stopped trying to force it to go away..life goes on..
Hens,
If that’s what it has to be, then I hope the same for myself if I still retain those feelings.
At least you’re honest about it. There is something very freeing in that ability.
Are all your wieners neutered/spayed? Our Chee wow wow is not spayed and my wiener is not neutered. She’s in heat and he is just driving us all UP THE WALL. My daughter was reading about what to do with HIM last night, because he’s just whining and wanting to get at her….can you say blue balls? Anyway, so she read on a dachsy site to apply ice to their balls for a few seconds…..WTF? But it worked.
Any other suggestions?
Seriously, I’m ready to benadryl him!
LL
Let the little wiener alone, he is out of his mind right now, Your only option is taking one of the dogs to another house FAR away for a few weeks.. You dont want some Chiwiener puppys? Crickit had two litters and most of them were breech and died, except for Posie and I kept her. I got em fixed cause I cant sell or give away my grandpuppies….
Yep, this is my “granddog” but he’s driving us all NUTS.
I’m trying to find a place for the chee wow wow (belongs to my daughter) until it “passes”.
I’m not interested in having any CHEE WIENIES around!
I’m worried about my monster because of his back. I mean he is literally going nuts!! I mean his nuts are going nuts, which in turn is driving us all NUTS!
LL
seiously if he has a bad back and health problems you need to get the chiwowwa miles away….they go into a trance like state dont put ice on his marbles or I will get my skillet and come boink somebody….