Contrary to a prevailing myth, sociopaths are really no smarter than the average individual”¦probably dumber. Sure, a good one can dupe you, but as I’ve written elswhere, this is no great shakes, as most of us can dupe each other if that’s our goal.
That’s because we enter relationships risking trust and faith in each other, which makes the exploitation of our trust and faith really easy. It takes no genius or particularly smart, crafty person to exploit this trust and faith. It’s as easy to do as it’s wrong.
And so, most sociopaths aren’t really that clever, or ingeniously bright. Most make messes not only of others’ lives, but their own too. Many end up in jail, and those who don’t are often finding trouble in other areas, exercising poor judgement all over the map, squandering friendships, family, and all sorts of meaningful opportunities.
By most standards of a successful life, sociopaths live lives of abject failure, accomplishing little more, at the end of the day, than having produced plenty of havoc and pain. None of this indicates that, as a group, sociopaths are smart.
Sometimes the media sensationalizes the sociopath as the dark, brilliantly predatory monster, especially in classic cases of psychopaths like Ted Bundy. But Ted Bundy wasn’t so smart. In the end, he was nothing but a vicious, sadistic murderer who managed to lure young, naïve girls sufficiently into his proximity to then viciously murder them.
How much of an accomplishment was this? To be able to lure naïve girls near enough to his car to then kidnap and kill them? Otherwise, OJ Simpson style, Bundy was ambushing dormitories at night and butchering innocent, sleeping college kids. Not exactly a genius, or courageous guy, at work here. Just a perverse, murderously violent, cowardly man.
Sure, Bundy was reputedly charming and articulate (video of him bears this out). But this didn’t make him “smart.” He was, clearly, adept at “masking” himself. But again, effective maskers aren’t smart; they’re just good maskers. And nonsociopaths routinely are good maskers.
Good masking, good self-disguising is a type of social skill, and not the purview of sociopaths exclusively. Also, many sociopaths are terrible maskers, just as many nonsociopaths are.
My point is that the “mask” is not an indication of “smartness.” It’s merely the case that some sociopaths, and some nonsociopaths, can mask aspects of themselves and their agendas effectively; but bear in mind, just as many do this very poorly.
In the end, sociopaths, as a group, have a poor track record of living effective lives. Rather, they live disruptive, unsatisfying lives”¦fraught with pathological attitudes and empathic deficits that bring misery to others and, correspondingly, much trouble and, at best, empty satisfaction, to themselves.
Sociopaths simply are not successful people. They may (or may not) skate along under the radar for some stretch of time, but this is not a “game” that smart people play, and that smart people get off on.
Only dumb people play this game. Only really dumb people live this way. Only really really dumb people derive satisfaction, for however long they can swing it, from pulling the wool over others’ eyes.
It’s just no great shakes to do this, and it doesn’t make you smart.
Yes Oxy, I know you are afraid of your son because he sees a target painted on you. At least you know this and can take action.
Before I knew about sociopaths, I was like all those other women who were more likely to be harmed by their known killer. Now that I know, it’s very UNLIKELY that I would expose myself to them. The blow would have to come from out of the blue, not from the result of a domestic violence incident. We KNOW how they think, we KNOW the red flags: DRAMA. If we ALWAYS use DRAMA as a red flag, we are one step ahead already.
Come to think of it, even Ted Bundy used DRAMA before his kills: in the form of the pity ploy. They are really too predictable, if you know what to look for.
I can predict Oxy, that before your son targets you again, you will see DRAMA. It will start to swirl around you to create confusion. To paraphrase what someone posted the other day, when you start to see panic in a member of a group, you know that there is a predator around and it usually isn’t the one panicking. Not more than a day or two later, that is exactly what happened. Claudia got nervous and started panicking, she triggered Kim and Shabby and a few others.
That’s the great thing about knowing the predator and his tactics, they really can’t take you by surprise.
This is a subject that I often think about. In my own personal experience with my P/S daughter, I know that like Oxy’s son she has a genius level IQ. She got excellent grades in school and a partial academic scholarship to a prestigious college. In that regard she is NOT DUMB.
HOWEVER, sooner or later all of her lies, manipulations, unlawful activities are discovered. She also uses this certain “cool” username for everything she does online, from her e-mail account to her numerous dating websites to craig’s list ads and newspaper ads – everything. All you have to do is google this name and page after page pops up.
NOW, here is what has always puzzled me – is she just that DUMB (even her criminal activity is easily traced) – or – does she want to get “discovered”. After all what fun is it to be so devious when no one knows about it.
Ever since she was a teenager, if I didn’t happen to discover, on my own, what she had been up to, somehow, when I least expected it, she would PUT IT IN MY FACE.
Am I DUMB, or am I on to something?????
MiLo,
that’s called a “tell”. All sociopaths do it.
You know how some serial murderers will write letters to the police or newspaper and give them “clues”. The green river murderer would help the green river task force with the searches. And he took his wife to the river bank to have sex.
It’s so much fun for them to know that they are getting away with something and they need to show you how smart they are, but they can’t reveal it completely, so they do a “tell”. It’s more of their infantile behavior.
My own ExP would say, “it would be so EASY for someone to poison you, because you take so many vitamins”. WHO SAYS THAT? A sociopath does.
Sky, Unfortunately, I wish your prediction were true, but I don’t think it is. The only “drama” I will see if I see any will be someone sneaking up to my house in the middle of the night with a match or a gun….the group dynamics in this case are going to be hidden, and the drama will be hidden from me. Unless he is getting out, in which case I WILL KNOW ahead of time….but I have formulated a plan more clearly, even with all the “if this-es and the what-ifs, and the then-that’s involved.”
Coming to a place that is CALM enough to even formulate an advance plan in life is difficult when there is on-going drama in one’s life. Finally getting to a calm enough place has been a long journey for me, but I think I am getting there where I can operate more logically-driven and less emotionally-driven in order to make better decisions. There will probably always be some emotional components to some decisions, but if I can come to a happy medium where I am not RE-acting to everything that happens in an emotional forum, but am RESPONDING to circumstances in a logical and rational way, then life should be pretty smooth.
The Ted Bundys of this world are not a big concern for me, but I do lock my doors at night now…LOL and I do have my “friend” under my Bible on my bed at night. The confusion that is created in a GROUP that causes panic and the perp is NOT the one panicking is more applicable I think to people working or living together, rather than just a sneak attack from a predator sneaking up in the dark I think.
It is sort of like my ancestors who moved on to lands hunted and owned by the Native Americans, I know I live in “Indian” territory, and I know that the “Indians” may surround my house any night because they don’t want me there…so I just keep barking dogs to warn me of an impending attack, keep the door barred, and keep my powder dry….and if I get a chance to attack first or shoot’em in the back, I will. I know I won’t get any quarter, but I won’t give any either. (Score one for me and my anti-parole attorney!)
Yes, a “tell”
That’s what I’m talkin’ about!!
I think you’re on to something. Ever hear of Duper’s delight?
It’s a small almost imperceptable, and fleeting smile on the face of a liar who is caught in the lie.
Putting something in your face is also a power play. It screams, “You have no control over me.”
My X did it a lot and enjoyed it.
My exP did the “tell” all the time,
But now I also realize that he would create drama BEFORE he began a ploy. He wanted to make sure I was off balance and unable to react logically. So he would start with a story…”I was at the 7-11…” or “I got a phone call…”
God how I hated phone calls and 7-11’s. I began to notice the pattern, but I thought it was because 7-11’s were a bad place to shop! It never occurred to me it was HIM, because WHO WOULD DO THAT?! a sociopath would.
Did I mention, I love this site, I keep getting names for all the “weird” things I have been seeing all these years. Imagine, I thought I was just “seeing” things. What a relief. A “tell”, OK, sounds good. BTW – I have been using “grey rock” all over the place.
Now, seeing Steve brought up DUMB – here is another question to put out there. The daughter has been seeing the same psychologist OFF AND ON, (when she needs his testimony, etc. it is ON) for over 7 years now. He has diagnosed Borderline Personality, so he even got that far. Let’s assume that he understands one of the symptoms – LIES. Recently, just two weeks after she was arrested (again) for domestic violence, he made an official statement to my Grandson’s therapist that my daughter “was working very hard on her problems and had come so far he felt she was VERY capable of parenting her children effectively” Ofcourse he knows this to be true because this is what she tells him.
My inclination is to send this man a copy of The Sociopath Next Door along with the Police Report/Court Records from the DV case. I guess my questions are – would this be unethical of me and/or a just plain DUMB idea – is this professional that DUMB ?
Ay skylar you make me laugh with your lately chorus “Who would do that? a sociopath would”
I’m like this lately and really i’m boring people deathly.
I want to get rid of this obsession. There are psychopaths and malignant narcissistics? Now i can’t deny it but I would like just to waste a couple of minutes vomiting metaphorically and then change chips. Really, there’s just one life and those garbages don’t deserve such a waste of attention and energy.
Eva,
it may be boring but it is NECESSARY. They are everywhere in our society. It is more than just learning about them or us.
It’s learning about the way the world is RUN by THEM.
Milo,
That professional is just DUMB. Maybe he’s a sociopath. You would have to watch and observe much more before you can make any moves.