Contrary to a prevailing myth, sociopaths are really no smarter than the average individual”¦probably dumber. Sure, a good one can dupe you, but as I’ve written elswhere, this is no great shakes, as most of us can dupe each other if that’s our goal.
That’s because we enter relationships risking trust and faith in each other, which makes the exploitation of our trust and faith really easy. It takes no genius or particularly smart, crafty person to exploit this trust and faith. It’s as easy to do as it’s wrong.
And so, most sociopaths aren’t really that clever, or ingeniously bright. Most make messes not only of others’ lives, but their own too. Many end up in jail, and those who don’t are often finding trouble in other areas, exercising poor judgement all over the map, squandering friendships, family, and all sorts of meaningful opportunities.
By most standards of a successful life, sociopaths live lives of abject failure, accomplishing little more, at the end of the day, than having produced plenty of havoc and pain. None of this indicates that, as a group, sociopaths are smart.
Sometimes the media sensationalizes the sociopath as the dark, brilliantly predatory monster, especially in classic cases of psychopaths like Ted Bundy. But Ted Bundy wasn’t so smart. In the end, he was nothing but a vicious, sadistic murderer who managed to lure young, naïve girls sufficiently into his proximity to then viciously murder them.
How much of an accomplishment was this? To be able to lure naïve girls near enough to his car to then kidnap and kill them? Otherwise, OJ Simpson style, Bundy was ambushing dormitories at night and butchering innocent, sleeping college kids. Not exactly a genius, or courageous guy, at work here. Just a perverse, murderously violent, cowardly man.
Sure, Bundy was reputedly charming and articulate (video of him bears this out). But this didn’t make him “smart.” He was, clearly, adept at “masking” himself. But again, effective maskers aren’t smart; they’re just good maskers. And nonsociopaths routinely are good maskers.
Good masking, good self-disguising is a type of social skill, and not the purview of sociopaths exclusively. Also, many sociopaths are terrible maskers, just as many nonsociopaths are.
My point is that the “mask” is not an indication of “smartness.” It’s merely the case that some sociopaths, and some nonsociopaths, can mask aspects of themselves and their agendas effectively; but bear in mind, just as many do this very poorly.
In the end, sociopaths, as a group, have a poor track record of living effective lives. Rather, they live disruptive, unsatisfying lives”¦fraught with pathological attitudes and empathic deficits that bring misery to others and, correspondingly, much trouble and, at best, empty satisfaction, to themselves.
Sociopaths simply are not successful people. They may (or may not) skate along under the radar for some stretch of time, but this is not a “game” that smart people play, and that smart people get off on.
Only dumb people play this game. Only really dumb people live this way. Only really really dumb people derive satisfaction, for however long they can swing it, from pulling the wool over others’ eyes.
It’s just no great shakes to do this, and it doesn’t make you smart.
New winter, what country did you go to? Do you have more travel plans in your future? I’m considering returning to Costa Rica to teach English and maybe make a permanent move there.
New Winter,
when cornered, spaths do what spaths do. They lie.
You cannot win an arguement with a spath, although I used to. When my spath realized he wasn’t winning with words, He changed it to word salad. Then it was like talking to a brick wall. Nothing I said had any effect at all. No matter how profound the logic might be.
Remember how Bill Clinton responded when caught with Lewinski? How did he respond? with a lie. Oh, the lie often has a kernal of truth as did Clinton’s “technically” I didn’t sleep with her because my ____ didn’t go in her _____.
Clinton is your typical sociopath.
If you confront your spath with the knowledge that he is a spath, he will call you crazy.
When cornered, spaths will try all the tricks in their bag: charm, pity and rage. Usually in that order. Their is a movie: Rachel getting Married, which portrays this very well, I thought.
The most important thing to remember, is to NEVER SHOW THEM ANY EMOTION. NONE, NO MATTER WHAT.
Star,
Oh, wow, well I’m glad to see some justice! I hear you about not being motivated by revenge, but he DID deserve it.
Congrats on seeing right through his lies and calling him out for what he was. That’s a pathetic and cowardly thing to lie about, and he deserved to be stopped. I hope he’s off of the reptile site by now? So you can be there in peace and enjoy your interest without him plaguing it.
Arrogance is, I think, the biggest flaw in a lot of these sociopaths. They believe they can get away with it all, because they’re delusional. My ex may have succeeded, but I’ll have my revenge. Bummer for him that he didn’t finish me off when he had the chance, because after I recovered from his abuse, he’s left with a big problem– a rogue project that he no longer has control of. I know his big secret, and that’s all that makes his charade work.
I don’t care if it’s immature or stupid, I will make sure he pays. His college has a public anonymous webpage, and I’m thinking of making a big post of all the horrible things he said about each of his “friends” and crazy exes (and he said a LOT of bad things about them, sometimes even bragging about how he used them). It’d be hilarious to see him scrambling around trying to cover his own ass when his web of bullshit comes to light and everyone’s stories suddenly don’t match up.
And to answer your last question, I went to South Africa. It was absolutely amazing, and I will always regret leaving it for him. Costa Rica sounds great 😀 Teaching sounds even greater! I didn’t know you were a teacher– I’ve always wanted to be one. Best of luck wherever you end up, the kids would be lucky to learn from you!
Sky,
When cornered, spaths will try all the tricks in their bag: charm, pity and rage. Usually in that order.
That’s what I noticed too!! Exactly! Wow, you are good. This is what I noticed after the breakup was that he just kept trying tons of personalities on me, because I refused to show any emotion in his demand for the DVDs. He started out super chipper/friendly, then turned angry, then insulted me, then told me I hurt his feelings. Completely psycho.
It’s funny to corner the sociopath though, because they start to slip up. They are much worse at pretending to feel remorse than they are at the love-bombing.
And another question:
The most important thing to remember, is to NEVER SHOW THEM ANY EMOTION. NONE, NO MATTER WHAT.
Is this because they’ll feed off of it and find a way to manipulate?
Thanks, as always!
yes, and they’ll never leave you alone as long as you feed them. remember:
PLEASE DON’T FEED THE SPATHS.
He certainly left me alone by blocking me, and blocking his new boyfriend from my page. But you’re right, he did respond with plenty of BS when I gave him emotions. He only blocked me when I denied his grand finale of lies. I think it might have scared him a bit, to see someone who knew exactly what he was doing. Had to get me out of his life, otherwise the BF might catch on to his crazy game.
Lucky I found LF just in time 🙂
New winter ”“ trying to make sense of what spath says? Try this—.spath says ’count the ears of corn in that hundred acre field’, he convinces you there is a good reason for doing it. So off you go diligently counting away. After a few years on your knees you look up, you are nearing the end of the field and you say to spath cheerfully ’I’m nearly done’. And he says ’there’s another field over there, count those ears of corn too’. By this time you are feeling pretty miserable, getting fed up so you ask spath to remind you why you are counting corn and he says ’ha! It was only a joke! Everyone thinks you’re loopy’. And you think WTF. See, makes no sense, we feel like such fools because we really believed that what we were doing we did for a good reason and to please him/her. Trying to understand him/her is like counting the corn ears, no matter how much we try, there will always be another field and spath will move the goalposts any time you get close and you are left wondering ’why?’ Hope this helps in some small way. Emotion/reaction is their buzz. They get off on it. Grey rock and NC is our answer. Game over.
Candy,
PERFECT.
New winter,
I’ll tell you exactly why your ex came to see you by train to break up with you when you asked him to. It’s a classic sociopathic power play. He was trying to exert his power over you to see if he could get you under his spell. You even got the classic sociopathic stare. Lucky you!
After I went no contact with mine, several weeks later he attended a reptile show where he knew I would be. I was prepared, and I’d brought a friend with me for moral support. The Spath was very tall and hard to miss, especially carrying his young daughter on his shoulders (remember this is the guy who is not supposed to be able to walk – ha ha). He never once spoke to me. But he came up RIGHT BESIDE ME at every booth and leaned very close, as if he were trying to smell my hair (he always loved the way I smell). It took everything I had to ignore him. He got so close behind me at one point (unbeknownst to me) that my friend jabbed him in the crotch with a snake hook to get him to back off! LOL He ended up leaving the show after that. My friend told me about it at lunch and I laughed so hard I almost spit out my drink.
Humor of the snakehook story aside, I went home and fell apart, thinking he must still want me to stalk me like that. I took it as a sign that he still had feelings for me. I ended up calling a very well-known psychic in town who is usually pretty accurate. She told me right away that it was a power play. He wanted to hook me in again. Instead, it was he who got “hooked” with the snakehook (this still cracks me up).
Thankfully, I listened to her and believed her, or I may have tried to reach out to him again. It was shortly afterward that I found LF.
His attending that show turned out to be one of his many stupid mistakes. He told the army he couldn’t drive and didn’t go to the reptile shows in Denver (which he would have driven to.) Poor dumb sociopath turned up in the background of one of my pictures from the show because he was stalking me so closely! Of course I sent the picture right away to the army. This is what we call a “back spath”. LOL
Speaking of DUMB—and speaking of sociiopaths giving excuses, look at THIS ARTICLE—remember what I say about political folks, they are ALL CROOKS? Look at this excuse for an affair, and for giving divorce papers to a wife dying with cancer, remind you of anyone you know? (Hint: his last name is Edwards) LOL
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1364857/Newt-Gingrich-Presidential-hopeful-claims-I-affair-I-love-America.html