Contrary to a prevailing myth, sociopaths are really no smarter than the average individual”¦probably dumber. Sure, a good one can dupe you, but as I’ve written elswhere, this is no great shakes, as most of us can dupe each other if that’s our goal.
That’s because we enter relationships risking trust and faith in each other, which makes the exploitation of our trust and faith really easy. It takes no genius or particularly smart, crafty person to exploit this trust and faith. It’s as easy to do as it’s wrong.
And so, most sociopaths aren’t really that clever, or ingeniously bright. Most make messes not only of others’ lives, but their own too. Many end up in jail, and those who don’t are often finding trouble in other areas, exercising poor judgement all over the map, squandering friendships, family, and all sorts of meaningful opportunities.
By most standards of a successful life, sociopaths live lives of abject failure, accomplishing little more, at the end of the day, than having produced plenty of havoc and pain. None of this indicates that, as a group, sociopaths are smart.
Sometimes the media sensationalizes the sociopath as the dark, brilliantly predatory monster, especially in classic cases of psychopaths like Ted Bundy. But Ted Bundy wasn’t so smart. In the end, he was nothing but a vicious, sadistic murderer who managed to lure young, naïve girls sufficiently into his proximity to then viciously murder them.
How much of an accomplishment was this? To be able to lure naïve girls near enough to his car to then kidnap and kill them? Otherwise, OJ Simpson style, Bundy was ambushing dormitories at night and butchering innocent, sleeping college kids. Not exactly a genius, or courageous guy, at work here. Just a perverse, murderously violent, cowardly man.
Sure, Bundy was reputedly charming and articulate (video of him bears this out). But this didn’t make him “smart.” He was, clearly, adept at “masking” himself. But again, effective maskers aren’t smart; they’re just good maskers. And nonsociopaths routinely are good maskers.
Good masking, good self-disguising is a type of social skill, and not the purview of sociopaths exclusively. Also, many sociopaths are terrible maskers, just as many nonsociopaths are.
My point is that the “mask” is not an indication of “smartness.” It’s merely the case that some sociopaths, and some nonsociopaths, can mask aspects of themselves and their agendas effectively; but bear in mind, just as many do this very poorly.
In the end, sociopaths, as a group, have a poor track record of living effective lives. Rather, they live disruptive, unsatisfying lives”¦fraught with pathological attitudes and empathic deficits that bring misery to others and, correspondingly, much trouble and, at best, empty satisfaction, to themselves.
Sociopaths simply are not successful people. They may (or may not) skate along under the radar for some stretch of time, but this is not a “game” that smart people play, and that smart people get off on.
Only dumb people play this game. Only really dumb people live this way. Only really really dumb people derive satisfaction, for however long they can swing it, from pulling the wool over others’ eyes.
It’s just no great shakes to do this, and it doesn’t make you smart.
OMG – my friend just made the PERFECT connection. My ex’s name is Charlton and he said to look up Charlatan. It’s perfect description. The irony – he was meant to be a sociopath with his namesake! 🙂
Winter,
I back spathed mine. Three different times.
What I have had the time to think about since then, is at THAT moment it felt good….but as time went on in NC, it didn’t do two things: 1. It didn’t remove the pain he caused me, in fact, in some ways, while back spath was validating, in others it hurt more and 2. It wasn’t going to change the reality that while I got lucky and there was ONE more human being on this earth that actually believed me and was spared further pain by him, there will be and is, many more that will not be….he will do this wherever he goes, for as long as he lives…..
I think it’s different for everyone. I think if you have already “let go” of your spath and you’re in indifference mode or repulsion mode, the back spath can be a real liberating thing..the last punch after his many….
I dunno…..it just wasn’t what I had hoped it would be for me, although I hang onto all of my emails with the last love bomb before his current gf. Those are life savers. He lied to her too. As he’s lying to this one now, even though I don’t know her…
And you can bet, yours is too.
LL
Claudia, where can I find your book? Is it an ebook? Or could I get a copy from the library? **has no money for purchase of books**.
AND I WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW… someone posted an article on my reptile site about a 19 year-old girl who got 2 years behind bars for strangling and killing the family hamster while having a fight with her parents. She strangled it and threw the body out the window. The people on the site were thinking that the punishment was too cruel, and what about people who run over squirrels, etc. I USED THIS PERFECT OPPORTUNITY to educate the people on the site about sociopaths. This time they are listening and asking questions. TOWANDA!
Yay Star! What an awful thing to do. Running animals over is usually accidental – very different from what THAT girl did!
Glad you have the opportunity to spread the bad news….(LOL)
New winter, writing a book that could be successful and even bring you some income is a fabulous form of vengeance. It reminds me of the Alanis Morissette song “You Oughtta Know”. Remember that song? It was a very angry song directed at a guy who dumped her for someone else. The song is dripping with venom. The album won a grammy, and she became rich and famous from it, particularly from that song. What better vengeance?
Aussiegirl, I was reminded that a lot of people on my reptile site “don’t believe” in sociopaths. They still think they are just “troubled” people. Yeah, troubled. Trouble for everyone whose paths they cross. I happily gave them statistics on how many are successfully rehabilitated (0%) and how many of them benefit from any kind of therapy (0%), not to mention the percentage of the prison population believed to be sociopathic (25%).
thinking out loud here – so maybe I am arrogant and cocky, and just dont know it..like Charlie Sheen said [ if I am insane, I am ok with it ].. I see myself or think of myself as low self-esteem – somewhat with drawn – hard to read as some have said…maybe I am just a disgusting old troll and nobody would have me, I am getting real tired of thinking about it. I know I have a hand full of friends here, but why havent I moved on from here, this only keeps me mired in the past. I had to learn how to heal here, I didnt know where to start. But it’s only the tip if the iceberg and I am still stuck on top… I cant go any further here, I am stuck again….Is this my pity party or is this my pity ploy.?
Henry-you’re making my nerves bad, go hug your weiners cuz you sound like you’re not having a good day. You sound sad and I don’t like sad on you! (((Hens)))
Henry, we’re stuck here because they didn’t yet write the 7th step of healing from a sociopath, which is breaking your addiction to Lovefraud!!!
I’m curious what started this train of thought this evening? As far as I can see you are here because people here love you. Can you not look in the mirror and see a beautiful person staring back at you?
Not a ploy Hens. xx. You are too circumspect for that. It’s okay to be sure of yourself sometimes – that does not of itself make you arrogant. As for “cocky” – well, I HATE to point out the obvious to you, but you ARE a BOY, right? (LOL)
These things take time. How much it takes us each individually depends on so many things about us: our personality, our daily exposure to others, our social circle, our upbringing, any negative messages about ourselves that we still haven’t dealt with yet, our financial situation (and hence, our ability to be mobile and go to places where different people might be).
IMO, staying here (at LF) long after it has become a place for us to seek comfort and advice and after is has instead become mostly a place for us to GIVE comfort and advice, need not be construed as a failure to move on.
If it is sometimes making you feel “stuck”, then maybe something else in your life needs to be addressed? Did you ever have any counseling post-spath? xx