Contrary to a prevailing myth, sociopaths are really no smarter than the average individual”¦probably dumber. Sure, a good one can dupe you, but as I’ve written elswhere, this is no great shakes, as most of us can dupe each other if that’s our goal.
That’s because we enter relationships risking trust and faith in each other, which makes the exploitation of our trust and faith really easy. It takes no genius or particularly smart, crafty person to exploit this trust and faith. It’s as easy to do as it’s wrong.
And so, most sociopaths aren’t really that clever, or ingeniously bright. Most make messes not only of others’ lives, but their own too. Many end up in jail, and those who don’t are often finding trouble in other areas, exercising poor judgement all over the map, squandering friendships, family, and all sorts of meaningful opportunities.
By most standards of a successful life, sociopaths live lives of abject failure, accomplishing little more, at the end of the day, than having produced plenty of havoc and pain. None of this indicates that, as a group, sociopaths are smart.
Sometimes the media sensationalizes the sociopath as the dark, brilliantly predatory monster, especially in classic cases of psychopaths like Ted Bundy. But Ted Bundy wasn’t so smart. In the end, he was nothing but a vicious, sadistic murderer who managed to lure young, naïve girls sufficiently into his proximity to then viciously murder them.
How much of an accomplishment was this? To be able to lure naïve girls near enough to his car to then kidnap and kill them? Otherwise, OJ Simpson style, Bundy was ambushing dormitories at night and butchering innocent, sleeping college kids. Not exactly a genius, or courageous guy, at work here. Just a perverse, murderously violent, cowardly man.
Sure, Bundy was reputedly charming and articulate (video of him bears this out). But this didn’t make him “smart.” He was, clearly, adept at “masking” himself. But again, effective maskers aren’t smart; they’re just good maskers. And nonsociopaths routinely are good maskers.
Good masking, good self-disguising is a type of social skill, and not the purview of sociopaths exclusively. Also, many sociopaths are terrible maskers, just as many nonsociopaths are.
My point is that the “mask” is not an indication of “smartness.” It’s merely the case that some sociopaths, and some nonsociopaths, can mask aspects of themselves and their agendas effectively; but bear in mind, just as many do this very poorly.
In the end, sociopaths, as a group, have a poor track record of living effective lives. Rather, they live disruptive, unsatisfying lives”¦fraught with pathological attitudes and empathic deficits that bring misery to others and, correspondingly, much trouble and, at best, empty satisfaction, to themselves.
Sociopaths simply are not successful people. They may (or may not) skate along under the radar for some stretch of time, but this is not a “game” that smart people play, and that smart people get off on.
Only dumb people play this game. Only really dumb people live this way. Only really really dumb people derive satisfaction, for however long they can swing it, from pulling the wool over others’ eyes.
It’s just no great shakes to do this, and it doesn’t make you smart.
🙂
🙂
To put others needs ahead of our own and even someones desire over your own need. Yeah, I was raised like that. It never mattered if it was a wrong time to do it or not. Teaching how to not say no…. and if your job met someones need or desire, then hired or not it feels like charity to take it. Learning to say no can be tough and respecting ourselves enough to feel worthy of pay for a job well done….
I’m so glad I poked my head in, your discussion has my mind rolling again. Thank you LF family for being here, sometimes it’s my only connection to sanity. Your posts pull me back up.
I fell apart a couple of days ago… begged the pig… I don’t know what it is, but he does something that just snaps me right back into beg, plead, or die mode. (not his death of course, but mine) I do believe it is a hypnotic technice, I get that.
Again why ANY contact is dangerous. : (
Anyway, Thank you each, I don’t know where I would be without LF and each one of you.
Goodnight!!
goodnight It’sme, I’m glad you are here.
SC,
LOL, I love google.
I sure hope you and Eden and I can get together this month.
It would be so nice to finally meet 2 of the nicest people on the planet.
I’m convinced, for so many reasons, that the people on LF are different from most other people. It would be great to meet more of our crowd too. Whenever I get the opportunity to travel, I will make the effort to reach out to LF people.
I would really like to meet peeps from LF too!!!
I’m going to google “super moon”
I guess I’m going to sleep SC,
gnite
and gnite it’sme.
Stargazer –
“Hens, in this day and age, it’s very commonplace to have part of your life be online. That doesn’t make you a pathetic loser or anything like that. It just makes you human. ”
Well said sister! Amen to that 🙂
Just woke up to learn about Japans Tsunami. There are warnings for the entire west coast from Alaska all the way down to California. Am worried for my LF freinds who might be effected. Skylar? Hope you are out of bed and taking precautions. LL, you too. I will be keeping my eye on the news today.
Awesome news on my end!!!! When I was abroad, I met a really amazing guy who was SO nice to me and was the best friend in the world to me when I started to fall apart. He tried to kiss me at one point, and I refused because “Sorry, I’m in love with [spath] and he wants to get married”.
You can bet I regretted that when I flew back a day later.
The thing was, spath knew about this guy and would get angry whenever his name was mentioned or pictures put on Facebook. He gave me the silent treatment once too.
But I, like a good boyfriend, would never have done anything with the other guy. I was in love. In retrospect, one of the things that REALLY gets to me is that he was cheating on me, and yet despite seeing me happy with someone else out there, he thought it’d be funny to fly me home and have nothing, while he got everything.
If it wasn’t working out, he could have just told me like a decent human being and had his new BF, and let me have my own romance abroad. But until the bitter end, he had to label me as the whore until I flew home, projecting his infidelities onto me because he was insecure and miserable.
ANYWAYS… I ramble… I’m going to be seeing him this summer 😀 😀 😀 He’s been planning it for a little while now, and it’s going to be such an adventure!
I feel that after a second relationship, some time, and LF, I am finally ready to see him and feel special again. Without it being any sort of rebound or replacement.
But he is so great!! He’s emotional (in a very sweet way), he listens to me, he saw me crash and burn but still loved me, he cares for me greatly, and he cried when I left Africa (so did I). And a sidenote, he is absolutely beautiful! Like 10000x moreso than the spath. That’s how I know I was brainwashed– to tolerate being insulted by an ugly jerk, while the whole time there was a beautiful person inside and out who wanted me more.
Well, I just wanted to share this news 🙂 And give a big thank you to LF for all of the help so far. You’ve helped seal off so many of my doubts and issues, so that hopefully I am my whole self when he arrives!
PS: My thoughts & prayers to anyone near the earthquakes. I hope you’re all safe