Contrary to a prevailing myth, sociopaths are really no smarter than the average individual”¦probably dumber. Sure, a good one can dupe you, but as I’ve written elswhere, this is no great shakes, as most of us can dupe each other if that’s our goal.
That’s because we enter relationships risking trust and faith in each other, which makes the exploitation of our trust and faith really easy. It takes no genius or particularly smart, crafty person to exploit this trust and faith. It’s as easy to do as it’s wrong.
And so, most sociopaths aren’t really that clever, or ingeniously bright. Most make messes not only of others’ lives, but their own too. Many end up in jail, and those who don’t are often finding trouble in other areas, exercising poor judgement all over the map, squandering friendships, family, and all sorts of meaningful opportunities.
By most standards of a successful life, sociopaths live lives of abject failure, accomplishing little more, at the end of the day, than having produced plenty of havoc and pain. None of this indicates that, as a group, sociopaths are smart.
Sometimes the media sensationalizes the sociopath as the dark, brilliantly predatory monster, especially in classic cases of psychopaths like Ted Bundy. But Ted Bundy wasn’t so smart. In the end, he was nothing but a vicious, sadistic murderer who managed to lure young, naïve girls sufficiently into his proximity to then viciously murder them.
How much of an accomplishment was this? To be able to lure naïve girls near enough to his car to then kidnap and kill them? Otherwise, OJ Simpson style, Bundy was ambushing dormitories at night and butchering innocent, sleeping college kids. Not exactly a genius, or courageous guy, at work here. Just a perverse, murderously violent, cowardly man.
Sure, Bundy was reputedly charming and articulate (video of him bears this out). But this didn’t make him “smart.” He was, clearly, adept at “masking” himself. But again, effective maskers aren’t smart; they’re just good maskers. And nonsociopaths routinely are good maskers.
Good masking, good self-disguising is a type of social skill, and not the purview of sociopaths exclusively. Also, many sociopaths are terrible maskers, just as many nonsociopaths are.
My point is that the “mask” is not an indication of “smartness.” It’s merely the case that some sociopaths, and some nonsociopaths, can mask aspects of themselves and their agendas effectively; but bear in mind, just as many do this very poorly.
In the end, sociopaths, as a group, have a poor track record of living effective lives. Rather, they live disruptive, unsatisfying lives”¦fraught with pathological attitudes and empathic deficits that bring misery to others and, correspondingly, much trouble and, at best, empty satisfaction, to themselves.
Sociopaths simply are not successful people. They may (or may not) skate along under the radar for some stretch of time, but this is not a “game” that smart people play, and that smart people get off on.
Only dumb people play this game. Only really dumb people live this way. Only really really dumb people derive satisfaction, for however long they can swing it, from pulling the wool over others’ eyes.
It’s just no great shakes to do this, and it doesn’t make you smart.
wanted to introduce myself. recovering after 4 years with a psychopath. married after 5 months. divorced a year ago. he took everything from me, and still trying to see the good in life again. time will heal, i’m sure.
winter, i’m new here, but if you need a moderator, let me know rjslo78@hotmail.com
great idea, a forum like that would take off in a second. i would like to help if possible. raising awareness is important, and forums/social networking help spread the word, and the communities. i would imagine a forum on psychopaths becoming popular very quickly.
claudia, teaching kids about psychopaths is a good idea. there are so many of them, and you only figure it out (if you’re lucky) after it’s way too late. my sister and mother are both in teaching. ill talk to them and see if they have any ideas. are you also in education? if so, what ages are you thinking?
-sr
New Winter,
your idea is interesting.
I think that the more websites and blogs out there talking about psychopaths, the better. Whatever you want to contribute to this war against P’s is always appreciated.
Personally I do love what Donna has created here. It feels like the right mix. Stick around a while and see what I mean. The flow of emotions and support just works right. We will occasionally have sticking points, but they work themselves out.
You have so much talent and potential as well as compassion. No matter what you decide to do, I think you’ll do it well.
Dear Recovering,
Welcome to LF, glad you are here. Sorry you had a need to be here but this is a great place to be for learning about the psychopaths and for understanding you are not alone and come validation for your healing. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER so learn all you can about the psychopaths. Again, welcome. God bless.
Guys, I suggest that you contact Donna and ask her what you can do to assist her, I bet she has some ideas.
Claudia,
What you say makes sense to me! I’m thinking more along the lines from the younger generation perspective *ALWAYS A DANGEROUS PERSPECTIVE!! lol*, since technology (for better or for worse :P) has made tons of progress and offers a lot in the way of social networking and community building.
I absolutely love the feeling of community here, but I do wish I could do a lot more, like quote users (instead of writing out their names), send private messages, share links in an “Articles/Resources” section, provide an Introductions section to give each user a proper welcome, read individual stores in a more organized way (to really get to know each user and where they come from), pictures/avatars for easier recognition, post count to show how experienced a user is with the community (easier to trust), etc.
Slowly Recovering,
Welcome! I’m pretty new too, you’re going to find so much help here 🙂 I’ve sent an email your way! Let me know when you’ve got it.
Ox Drover,
I agree that what LF has right now is nearly perfect. And the friends/community feel makes it so great. But now that I know even people my age can run into a sociopath, I want to make sure resources/communities are available to my generation as well as others. We tend to gravitate toward dynamic, user-generated content sites.
I guess in the end, my goal is just to get victims involved and writing as soon as possible, no matter their age or background!
The only thing I wish were different about this site is that I wish we could get notifications in our email inbox when people post on threads we’ve subscribed to. But I can understand why we don’t have that here. Some people’s exes have access to their emails, so it’s not safe. But if would be nice to have that option. I often cannot find posts I’ve made so I don’t know if there were any responses.
New winter, my reptile site is run the way you mentioned, but hte software that supports it is expensive. If Donna changed the format, we may need to donate to the site to fund the changes.
ox drover, thank you, and god bless you too. i very much look forward to meeting you all and sharing stories. i do feel better at this point, but there are bad mood swings that i never used to have.
winter, hey even some of us older folks would love those features you mentioned. if you use a simple forum program like smf or phpbb, i think all of us would have no problem figuring it out, and it would have all the features you mention plus ones like what stargazer said.
emailed you back as well
-sr
Stargazer, I was thinking about your reptile site when I started this idea! It sounds like it uses the same exact software that I would be looking into. You are correct, it’s about $250, but I will pay for that, because it is worth it for a good cause 🙂
I agree with Claudia that Donna should keep the format here as it is, because it’s moderated and led by a professional. If I start up a forum, it would hope it would be in cooperation/alongside LF, not any sort of replacement. And I definitely wouldn’t accept any donations, I’d like to find a way to give back to you all 🙂
Slowly Recovering, I didn’t mean that!! 😛 I meant that it would be a site for all ages, but that it would appeal much easier to younger audiences as well because of the layout/features. Sorry for that confusion!
New Winter, you are adorable and your enthusiasm is contagious:). Like Sky said, since you have so much youthful energy, potential, accomplishments, skills and compassion, whatever you’ll do will help spread the word about psychopathy. If you want to make a user-generated website, pourquoi pas?