Contrary to a prevailing myth, sociopaths are really no smarter than the average individual”¦probably dumber. Sure, a good one can dupe you, but as I’ve written elswhere, this is no great shakes, as most of us can dupe each other if that’s our goal.
That’s because we enter relationships risking trust and faith in each other, which makes the exploitation of our trust and faith really easy. It takes no genius or particularly smart, crafty person to exploit this trust and faith. It’s as easy to do as it’s wrong.
And so, most sociopaths aren’t really that clever, or ingeniously bright. Most make messes not only of others’ lives, but their own too. Many end up in jail, and those who don’t are often finding trouble in other areas, exercising poor judgement all over the map, squandering friendships, family, and all sorts of meaningful opportunities.
By most standards of a successful life, sociopaths live lives of abject failure, accomplishing little more, at the end of the day, than having produced plenty of havoc and pain. None of this indicates that, as a group, sociopaths are smart.
Sometimes the media sensationalizes the sociopath as the dark, brilliantly predatory monster, especially in classic cases of psychopaths like Ted Bundy. But Ted Bundy wasn’t so smart. In the end, he was nothing but a vicious, sadistic murderer who managed to lure young, naïve girls sufficiently into his proximity to then viciously murder them.
How much of an accomplishment was this? To be able to lure naïve girls near enough to his car to then kidnap and kill them? Otherwise, OJ Simpson style, Bundy was ambushing dormitories at night and butchering innocent, sleeping college kids. Not exactly a genius, or courageous guy, at work here. Just a perverse, murderously violent, cowardly man.
Sure, Bundy was reputedly charming and articulate (video of him bears this out). But this didn’t make him “smart.” He was, clearly, adept at “masking” himself. But again, effective maskers aren’t smart; they’re just good maskers. And nonsociopaths routinely are good maskers.
Good masking, good self-disguising is a type of social skill, and not the purview of sociopaths exclusively. Also, many sociopaths are terrible maskers, just as many nonsociopaths are.
My point is that the “mask” is not an indication of “smartness.” It’s merely the case that some sociopaths, and some nonsociopaths, can mask aspects of themselves and their agendas effectively; but bear in mind, just as many do this very poorly.
In the end, sociopaths, as a group, have a poor track record of living effective lives. Rather, they live disruptive, unsatisfying lives”¦fraught with pathological attitudes and empathic deficits that bring misery to others and, correspondingly, much trouble and, at best, empty satisfaction, to themselves.
Sociopaths simply are not successful people. They may (or may not) skate along under the radar for some stretch of time, but this is not a “game” that smart people play, and that smart people get off on.
Only dumb people play this game. Only really dumb people live this way. Only really really dumb people derive satisfaction, for however long they can swing it, from pulling the wool over others’ eyes.
It’s just no great shakes to do this, and it doesn’t make you smart.
Wonder how many know that Leonard Berstein is also known as having a bisexual side, that he supposedly suffered with it all his life. I pity his poor wife/wives, if so. It looks like my ex’s next wife (who was married to another guy, when he seduced her..broke up her marriage .. I noticed on line they had bought a marriage license..good luck with that..he cheated on his other wives, two of them, before me) after me, and I sense that she’ll have to put up with the same crap/problems that Bernstein’s wife probably had, given his proclivities. Can’t say I and others didn’t try to warn the (apparently an idiot, like an ostrich with head in sand) woman. And my ex wasn’t brilliant musically, like Bernstein, but more like an idiot savante, IMOP.
Hens, I’ll never get over how I made the most ridiculous and ungraceful–or rather, disgraceful?–entrance ever by coming on this forum and mistaking you for my ex-cyberpath. That was so absurd it seems funny now. Fortunately, you have a great sense of humor:). No need to check you out anymore! You’ve been thoroughly debriefed.
thank you claudia – I am nice person, as much as i doubt myself I know I am a decent person.- a few cracks here and there, lot’s of mileage.. but I still run well and am dependable..need reference’s? I can give you many….
Claudia,
of course you are!
But consider that P’s like to seed ENVY more than anything else, so they will take what seems to be an innocent thing like friendship and use it to make someone else feel bad. That is what being “cliquey” is all about. So I want to avoid that.
As far as I’m concerned everyone here is genuine until proven otherwise and if I have the opportunity to meet you or anyone else, I would be happy to do so. I don’t get a chance to travel too much but I’m going to be near LA next two weeks, so I thought I would meet with 2 ladies there. Are you in that area?
Sky, thanks so much. You’re on my “trustworthy” list too:). I’m in Michigan. Whenever you wish to freeze your behind off, you’re welcome in our neck of the woods! What state are you from?
Hens, I will NEVER again dare question your integrity or ask for any references about you. I still have some bruises left from the internet clobbering I received a week ago when I did that:)
lesson learned,
You wrote, “There was a narc/MSN site I went to that hadn’t a CLUE about sociopaths, even though they offered similar advice with NC”but this was so clique-ish” for me, and the moderators were VERY abusive”
That wouldn’t have been the heartlessbitches site, would it? I got abuse from one of the moderators on it, several years ago. I felt like you described feeling.
Hey Sky,
WHere are you? Are you close to LA? I know there is a poster who occupies the same state here, but I can’t recall which one.
Claudia, the dear friend of mine that sent me the pencil portrait of my granddaughter and grandson lives in Michigan too. she’s a photographer and has posted the most AMAZING pictures of their winter there this year. My stepmother’s fam is from Green Bay and Marinette, Wisconsin. I’ve been there a few times. Was MISERY in summer, but absolutely freezing but beautiful with all the snow in winter! Makes for a scary plane ride though!
Well, got a roast on, some shopping done, now to get motivated for the major steam clean and scrubbing….
LL
zim
No. It was the Narcissist site run by MSN (but it’s not run by MSN anymore, it’s something else now), and owned by Sam Vaknin.
LL
Sky, I just wanted to make sure she had enough gas to get FAR away! I didn’t give her any other money….and it was worth it to make SURE she had gas money! LOL
Well, ON LINE she was totally cool and her posts were wonderful, so it is NOT so easy to always tell what a person is on line, and I don’t “judge” a person here on what they post necessarily. I’m like everyone else here I do have people I respond to more than others but I’m not ignoring the others either…sometimes believe it or not I just don’t have anything to add to some one’s post.
As far as checking someone out, I don’t need to I just take them at FACE VALUE here on the web…as long as someone is being polite and nice to others here on LF and not giving what I think is “bad advice” or being mean to someone, I’m okay with whatever someone’s opinion is or what they post. It’s amazing how laid back (believe that or not!) I am getting in my old age!
Well, I got to get my butt up and get my dishes done or the health department is going to close my house down! Today is P-son’s 40th birthday and I’ve kind of had a hard time today, shed a few tears, but took a nice walk out around the place in the warm sunshine of a beautiful spring day—and realized just what a lovely place I have to walk and it AIN’T NO CELL BLOCK IN TEXAS—he’s the one who has deprived himself of this place to enjoy and people who loved him to share it with him. HIS PROBLEM, NOT MINE.
Maybe.., we can all meet for an LF sponsored “Club Med” trip, with “charter” fares (to lessen the burden for each of us)..somewhere exotic. Wouldn’t that be fun? I’ve been itching to travel for about a year, now, & haven’t been out of the country for more than two decades. Heck, maybe we can all stay near or with aussiegirl, & give her $ from each of us, to put us up on her floor (I’ve always wanted to visit Australia) .. just dreamin’ .. we’re each worth that little bit of relief, aren’t we?